Chapter 2 Nightmares

"Goodbye Nikki. Goodbye Nikki."

She heard the artificial monotone voice repeat the message followed by the deafening boom of the blast, which reverberated raucously in her head. The scorching heat from the fire licked at her skin and burned her flesh and she was rendered helpless. She called out for Castle, but no one was there to save her. As the flames consumed her, she disappeared into the darkness.

Kate tossed and turned in a fitful sleep, fighting the nocturnal demons. Events from the preceding days haunted her while she slept as she relived the explosion in her nightmares.

Her agitation woke Rick up and he tried to calm her down, wrapping an arm around her body so she wouldn't thrash around.

"Kate, Kate…" he said soothingly. "It's just a bad dream. You're safe now. I'm here for you," he whispered as he gently rubbed her arm to assuage her fears.

He had hands-on experience in providing this type of comfort, having calmed Alexis down from various nightmares when she was younger. Kate soon returned into a peaceful slumber and Rick subconsciously held her tighter to protect her from the night terrors. They fell asleep like that for the rest of the night.

Light had yet to peek through the windows despite the arrival of a new day. As a creature of habit, Kate's natural alarm clock awoke her at an early hour and she opened her eyes, blinking a few times to assess her surroundings.

It took her sleep-fogged brain a moment to process the foreign environment until she remembered that she was in Rick's bedroom. That would explain the unfamiliar walls and eclectic decor. That would also explain the warm body next to her, holding her securely against his own.

Normally, Kate would push him away and castigate him for crossing the invisible boundary she had laid on the bed, but she felt way too comfortable in his arms. He made her feel safe with his arms wrapped around her, holding her steadily, softly, caring, reminding her that he was there for her, always. She couldn't tear herself away from the warmth his body provided, so she relaxed further into his arms.

This was her favorite time of day. The moment early in the morning between waking up and actually getting up from bed. Kate sometimes liked to just lie in bed and think about the random things that drifted through her mind.

She wondered how long this situation with Castle would last. He would probably be more than happy to let her stay until she found a new place of her own, but that whole process might take a while. She didn't want to impose on his family and Kate feared she would overstay her welcome or worse, become too settled in his home as she was now, snuggled in his protective arms. She could see how this physical contact with him could be downright addicting.

Her mind drifted to the case, Agent Shaw in particular. Kate was thoroughly surprised when she found out that Agent Shaw was a mother. She never would have pegged her as a family person. Jordan Shaw was a driven, workaholic like herself. How she could juggle her demanding job and still maintain a family life was a mystery to Kate. She almost envied her.

Kate was constantly too busy with work to manage a healthy social life. Hell, the last time she went on a date was with Brad Dekker, and she ended up leaving with Castle to follow up on a lead for a case. After that she went out for burgers and shakes at Remy's with him. How is it that they went on separate dates with other people but still ended up together that night?

Not that her date was any good. Brad, the "pin-up boy" as Castle had deemed him, was completely self-absorbed and had blatantly asked her for sex. Kate might have had a good time with him, but as usual she was too preoccupied with the case she was working on.

Kate reflected on the priorities that she put first on a daily basis: work before everything else. What about her life wasn't centered on her job? This case was a wakeup call for her—she needed to set her priorities straight or else she would end up alone.

Although her crusade for justice was the main driving force in her work life, it was the relationships she restored and the bonds she forged with her peers on the force that made it all worthwhile. Despite her fiercely independent nature, deep down she yearned for that type of real, intimate connection with someone. Someone who would just be there for her and she could be there for him, and they could just dive into it together.

Kate's thoughts wandered to the dream she had. The explosion was still close on her mind and she shuddered at the fresh memory. Although she tried to brush it off, she couldn't help but think of the tangible ramifications.

Sifting through the remains of her belongings had been disheartening. All her pictures, notes, handwritten letters, sentimental tchotchkes that were valuable memories of the past, were now burned to a impact of the loss was finally weighing down on her. At least she had her mother's ring and father's watch, thanks to Castle.

But she had lost so much more than just her clothes, furniture, and other trivial items in the blast. She lost things that were irreplaceable, things that insurance couldn't replace or reimburse. Family photos of her mother were forever gone. Memories of happier times before her mother's death ate her away were nothing but a faint remembrance.

Every year on the anniversary of her mother's death, Kate would take out those old photos and reminisce upon the cherished moments she shared with her mother. Her heart sank at the thought of never being able to perform this sacred ritual again. Those were the only pictures she had of her mother. All she had left was her wedding ring residing safely on the bedside table. She had nothing else tangible to remember her mother by.

Among the treasured items that she lost was also her entire collection of Castle's novels. They were well worn with fraying edges and soft spines from being read so many times, but she cherished those books. They were the books that got her through her mother's death and the dark days afterward. On days when all she could think about was the void in her heart, she immersed herself in the fictional world of Castle's novels to help ease her pain.

But now, she was homeless and had nothing to her name. Kate knew she should be grateful that she still had her life, but these objects were instrumental pieces of what held her together.

A few tears trickled down her cheek at thinking over the state of things. Kate rarely cried. She was a tough woman, but the sudden loss of her home and everything she owned was overbearing, especially because she lost the things that helped her feel close to her mother.

Rick heard her sniffles as he woke up.

"Kate? Are you okay?" he inquired groggily. "Why are you crying?" he asked as he heard her sigh.

"I just..." Kate wiped a tear as she turned to face him. "I was just thinking about everything I lost..." she said.

"In the fire?"

Kate looked up to meet his eyes. "Yeah. I lost pictures of my mother and... my entire collection of your books."

"My books? I could get you new copies if you want," he offered.

"Thanks, but those were really special to me. I read them all throughout college. They actually helped me get through my mother's death," she admitted quietly.

That tiny revelation gave him pause. Rick didn't know his books meant that much to her. He was genuinely touched by this fact, that his words had provided her comfort in a time of need, before they had even met.

"I'm so sorry, about the books and your pictures," he said, tenderly cupping her cheek and pressing her forehead to his. "I'm sure they meant a lot to you."

"They just all remind me of my mother..." she said softly. They lay together in silence for a few minutes.

"And here I thought you would wake up yelling at me for sleeping so close to you" he chuckled softly, trying to lighten the mood.

"Well, you were supposed to stay on your own side of the bed," Kate said matter-of-factly.

"I am on my side," Rick stated. "You, however, are taking up the majority of the space by sleeping in the middle," he observed conspicuously.

Kate propped herself up on her elbows slightly and craned her head to look both ways. Discovering that he was right, she laid back down, slightly embarrassed.

"I guess I'm just used to sleeping in the center of the bed by myself," she admitted while scooting towards the left side.

"It's not a problem," Rick assured, smiling as he moved over to embrace her again. It felt really good to hold her and he wanted to keep doing that, hoping it would help her feel better. He wanted to give her even just a little bit of comfort if he could with the innocent embrace.

"Now you're not on your side" Kate pointed out.

"Do you want me to move back?" he asked.

"I guess not" she decided, snuggling further into his strong arms.

Kate took a deep breath to take in his scent. She let his warmth overtake her as her body molded to fit his. His familiar presence and faithful support were a reassuring reminder that she had a great partner to rely on and that she would get through this. The morning twilight slowly passed as they lay in bed together in a lover's embrace.

Well you are the one, the one that lies close to me
Whispers, "Hello, I miss you quite terribly"