A/N As always, huge thanks to everyone for reading so far, and for favouriting, following and reviewing (Lxtta and Foreverholby you're so kind!)
So I've skipped ahead a month here, and it's the day before the trial begins- however that isn't the only thing on Zosia and Ollie's mind- are they in for shock?
The next few weeks passed in a combination of elation of their engagement, and nerves and apprehension about the trial. Zosia's emotions were all over the place, she was truly dreading the trial in case the worst happened, but Ollie was always there to reassure her and try and keep her thinking positively, even when the morning before the trial, he found her side of his bed empty and heard wretching coming from the bathroom across the hallway.'Oh no, what's brought this on? Zosh this is the third time this week' Ollie said sympathetically, kneeling down next to her as she wretched.
'Your face' she retorted. Ollie smirked, it wasn't the best insult she'd ever come up with but seeing as she was ill, he'd go with it.
'I would have thought you'd be used to waking up to my mug every day' he laughed as she continued vomiting, but quickly realised it wasn't time for jokes as she vomited. 'Oh sweetheart' he winced, rubbing her back. 'Is it nerves?'
'I think so' she stuttered as she leant back onto her knees.
'Finished?' He asked, lifting her hair away and she nodded slowly, sighing as she took a swig of water she had gotten herself beforehand and rinsed her mouth. Ollie looked at her concerned. She looked drained, pale and tired. 'You're not coming into work, that's for sure'
'What?! But we have an atrial septal defect coming in!' She moaned, but Ollie shook his head adamantly.'No, nerves or not, you're vomiting, so it could quite easily be an infection of some kind. You're staying put. Okay, are we agreed?' He pushed, looking at her intently and she eventually nodded. 'Good'
'Ugh I think-' she blurted before she turned back to the toilet and began throwing up again. He grimaced.
'Right, that's decided then. You, take it easy, rest up, and I'll see you later' he kissed her on the cheek and she waved goodbye.
'No Zosia today?' Elliot frowned in confusion, looking around.
'No, I didn't think it was wise for her to come in' Ollie frowned. 'I caught her vomiting this morning, I think it's nerves about tomorrow, but either way she was in no fit state to come in, it's the third time this week, and that's just the times I've noticed'
'Is she on the stand tomorrow?' Elliot asked, looking concerned, and Ollie nodded. 'She'll be fine, and we'll all be there to support her' Elliot smiled. 'I don't think we'll be allowed in, but we'll be there.
'Thanks Prof, we really appreciate it.' Ollie smiled.
'Hello you, how are you doing?' He smiled kindly entering the bedroom as he saw Zosia curled up on the bed. She smiled weakly and he lay down behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist. She took a deep breath and then started to speak as she wrapped her own arms around Ollie's. 'You're looking a lot better than this morning, you have some colour in your cheeks' he smiled, but noticed that she seemed distracted. 'Are you ok?'
'Ollie...I've been thinking things through...I've realised...I'm late. Really, really late.' Her voice trailed off.
Ollie didn't say anything. Was she saying what he thought she was saying?! Was she trying to tell him something? It wasn't ideal, but...
'I know it's a shock...' She began, sitting up to face her partner, but he just shook his head calmly. He couldn't believe what he was hearing but he wasn't upset, or angry.
'Not a shock...a surprise, but not a shock' he smiled slightly. He could tell she felt uncomfortable but he wanted to reassure her that things were going to be ok.
'What if...what if I actually am pregnant?'
'How late is really, really late?' Ollie asked, and Zosia bit her lip.
'Three months, thereabouts' she replied nervously. Had they all been blind?! Yes, a lot had happened the last few months but surely at least she would have noticed something was up?!
'It might be stress, you know? You haven't had the easiest time of it lately'
'Yes, but we haven't exactly been careful the whole time, have we?' she sighed, her head in her hands.
He sighed, and placed his hand on hers, and she pulled her head away. 'I know...' he agreed, calmly. 'But there's no point in worrying until we know'
'Why aren't you freaking out?' She asked, confused. She was convinced he would be angry, they hadn't even been together a year and despite being engaged, things were going really quickly. She, most definitely, was freaking out.
'Because if you want to keep it, we'll make it work, I'm sure'. Zosia couldn't believe at first glance that he was so relaxed about the whole idea, but deep down Ollie was terrified, he just couldn't let Zosia see it. She had been through so much already, and getting engaged was a good thing to come out of it, something they were ready for. Maybe having a baby would cement further what they both wanted? Even so, they were still young, what would happen about their careers? Maybe this was one big life changing moment too many…
'So...what are we going to do?' She asked, and Ollie stood up to put his shoes on.
'First of all we're going to go to and get you a test' he decided. 'And then we'll go out. Whatever you want to do, a walk, some food, cinema- a date night' he smiled, and she smiled back. She was terrified that he was going to hit the roof when she told him about her suspicions, but she was so relieved that he was taking control. She agreed it wasn't the best time, but she also felt assured it would be ok, if she was. That said, however, they were still incredibly nervous. A baby changes everything.
As they grabbed a test from the local supermarket, Ollie suggested they take a small picnic up the top of Holby Downs so they could get good views and just relax together. Zosia could tell that Ollie was nervous about the outcome of the test, despite his best efforts to make it seem like he was really laid back about it. When they got in the car to drive to the Downs, he kept looking at the bag with the test in, and then at Zosia, and Zosia sighed, exasperated.
'Do you want me to take it now? Because you're being really jittery' she complained, and he looked taken aback.
'Sorry...it's just, yes I suppose I'm nervous about the result. Terrified, actually. And if I'm being honest I think we're both going to find it hard to concentrate on our date if we don't know...' He replied, honestly.
'What if it's positive?' She replied, nervous.
'Then we'll talk about it, if you want to.' He offered.
'Do you want a baby?' She asked, and he went quiet. 'That's what it comes down to, do you want a baby' she huffed.
'I think we can make it work. But I'm not forcing you to keep it or have a ter-'
'This is ridiculous, we could be talking about and worrying about a hypothetical baby' and leaned her head back against the head rest. 'Right..can we go back to yours or mine and do it there? You're right, it's just going to play on our minds otherwise, then whatever happens can we still go out?' she sighed, calmly.
'Of course- lets go' he smiled weakly as he turned on the ignition and drove them to his flat. Zosia's was closer, but they didn't want to be interrupted.
Back at the flat, Zosia froze before entering the bathroom and Ollie placed two calming hands on her shoulders. 'No matter what, we'll deal with it' he reminded her and she took a deep breath before proceeding in to await the moment of truth.
Ollie waited outside out of courtesy, and gathered his thoughts. This wasn't going away, and if Zosia wanted to keep the baby, they would be a family. It happened so quickly, but everything happens for a reason, not that that philosophy had helped him in his life thus far, maybe his fortunes were changing. He imagined playing football with a little boy, dolls with a girl, and enjoying family life with Zosia. Maybe he was even excited about the prospect, but he worried about how Zosia seemed to be reacting. Part of it could have been about testifying in court, granted, but she seemed terrified of the fact that they could be having a baby...he'd always noticed how snappy she became when she was nervous...
Meanwhile, Zosia paced around the room, holding the white stick in one hand and her phone counting down a timer with the other. She still couldn't believe how she hadn't noticed that something was up for so long, but when she thought about it, she didn't think she was disappointed...she was nervous, definitely, but somehow she felt that although it was very quick, that things really would be ok (even if Ollie's nervous disposition that evening and maybe shown her otherwise- she trusted him when he said it would be ok). She tried not to look at the test while her phone counted down, and when the alarm went off, she took a deep breath and closed her eyes, bringing the test up for her to read it's result...
Ollie, still pacing outside, was brought out of his daydream by the door clicking open and Zosia stepping outside. Her eyes said everything that needed to be said.