Chapter Seven: Shielded Questions
Izzy's POV
My raw throat ached with the burning thirst. My mind screamed for warm scarlet liquid, my dark onyx eyes definitely showed that as well. I tore my gaze away from the mirror hanging above the bed in Cullen's guest room.
I sighed, time for a good long hunt. I smiled flashing my razor sharp teeth; just the thought of the warm sensation of blood oozing down my throat intensified the great desire. This was the perfect opportunity to get a break away from the Cullens. Though I had only been in the Cullen residence for a few hours, I was ready to escape. The hazy human memories I had kept locked away just wanted to pry their way back into my photographic mind.
I peered out the window where the sun was rising. It was dawn. Perfect time for a hunt I thought.
"I'm going hunting. I will be back soon." My voice merely a loud whisper, but everyone in the household could hear me.
I was downstairs at the front entrance in a flash. A small pixie appeared beside me.
"Can I come?" Alice asked enthusiastically, practically bouncing up and down, incapable of holding in her excitement any longer. Much like a young child on Christmas. I remember all the times she acted like this during a session of "Barbie Bella" many years ago.
I was always unable to say no to Alice as a human especially with all her persuasive ways. But, her effect on me was lessened now.
"Actually Alice, I prefer hunting alone. I need some time to get used to the company."
Alice slipped her lower lip into pout. Carlisle came downstairs and backed me up, "Yes Alice, Izzy just needs some time to herself, she isn't used to this quite yet." Carlisle smiled at me.
I muttered a quiet thanks and slipped out the door. I went full speed into the dark green thicket, dodging trees and bushes in search for the tasty blood running through the animal's veins. I ran for ten minutes, but abruptly came to a halt when the sweet tangy smell of a deer's blood rushed into my nostrils. I could hear the beating of the heart as it pumped blood through the deer's body, the pounding of hooves against the cold ground and the snapping of twigs that were broken in the deer's path. I breathed in deeply, letting the delicious appealing scent captivate me, releasing the monster within myself. I raced in the direction of the alluring smell and lunged at the dear. I wrestled it to the ground with ease, snapping its neck in the gruesome process. I bit the animals neck, my sharp teeth cutting through the fur covered flesh effortlessly. As soon as the hot liquid hit my tongue, frenzy erupted inside of me. Unaware of my surroundings, I sucked the deer dry, relishing the feel of the warm liquid trickling down my burning throat. I didn't stop until the last drop was sucked away; I then dropped the drained carcass to the earth floor.
Jasper's POV
I heard Alice practically begging Izzy to go hunting together. That's when Carlisle stepped in, telling Alice that she should let Izzy go alone. I could feel Alice's sadness crash over me and Carlisle's authority but with Izzy I felt nothing. She is so mysterious. There was no way she felt absolutely nothing all the time. Now, I not only had Alice's sadness but also my own puzzlement. I needed to talk to Carlisle after Izzy was out of hearing range.
Minutes later, I stood outside Carlisle's study, debating whether or not to bring this to his attention. Was I just overreacting? Before I had a chance to knock, Carlisle opened the door and welcomed me inside.
"What can I do for you Jasper?" Carlisle asked, as he took a seat behind his desk looking up at me.
"Are you busy? I would like to address a few things." I replied. Curiosity washed over me from his direction.
"I'm not busy, what's wrong? Is it serious?" I felt Carlisle's escalating concern.
I took a seat in front of me on the wooden chair. "I don't know, it's about Izzy." I paused as Carlisle motioned for me to continue. "Since the first time I met her in her dressing room, I haven't been able to feel any of her emotions, almost as if she is void of emotion altogether. At first I didn't think much of it, but it has been hours. It is impossible even for anyone to stay emotionless for that long. Even a vampire."
Carlisle's brow furrowed as he hesitated, deep in thought. "Hmm. Well, that's strange."
I remained silent while Carlisle sat pondering. "This is just a theory, and not a very well thought out one but a theory all the less. Izzy said she was once left my someone she loved very much. What if instead of letting her despair get to her, she chose to keep out all emotions, both good and bad?" Carlisle said, unsure of himself.
"But for that long? I would have felt something-" I was cut off by Edward who appeared at the door.
"No." He choked out. "I can't read her thoughts."
Shivers prickled up my spine, extending down my arms and legs. If I had been human, all the hairs on my arms would be standing up right now. There was only one other person that Edward couldn't read the thoughts of.
"Just like her." We had learned over the years, not to say her name as it usually ended in a heart wrenching breakdown of some sort.
But even now, with my choice of words, Edward visibly flinched and I could feel his depression radiating over me. I also knew, never to send out calm waves or any other emotion for the matter. The scene flashed in front of me.
Just across the room, I could feel Edward's depression scooping me into a painful despair. His heartbreak was unbearable; I sank to the floor in misery, the hole in my chest growing. Even in my fetal position on the floor, I managed to scrape up enough strength to send out some happiness and calm waves toward Edward. But Edward's reaction surprised everyone. The sadness he held turned to rage as he roared out to me.
"JASPER! HOW DARE YOU! TRYING TO TAKE AWAY THE PAIN OF MY BELLA! I WILL NEVER LET YOU TAKE HER AWAY FROM ME! SHE IS MINE; NEVER AGAIN WILL YOU TRY TO ERASE MY PAIN. DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND IT IS ALL I HAVE LEFT! YOU SON OF BITCH!"
His words sliced through my silent heart, breaking it to pieces.
I was brought back to reality and pulled away from the horrid memory from a low growl coming from Edward.
Sorry. I apologize mentally to him.
Carlisle cleared his throat. "I think we should discuss this with Izzy when she returns from her hunt."
Izzy's POV
After one deer, and two elks, I decided it was time to head back to the Cullens. I retreated back in the direction of their home.
I stepped into the front entrance, and then made my way down the hallway where I found Carlisle and Jasper sitting on the couch patiently. Carlisle acknowledged my presence and got up from his sitting position as did Jasper.
"Izzy, we would like to discuss a few things with you, would that be alright?" Carlisle asked politely, his tone sounded business.
"Of course." I smiled weakly.
What was this about? Did they suspect something suspicious about me? A million questions and possibilities ran through my head frantically. If I had been human, my heart would be beating dangerously outside my chest.
"Okay then, I suppose we should take this conversation up to my study. Please follow me."
I took an unnecessary calming breath and followed Carlisle and Jasper upstairs to Carlisle's study.
Upstairs in the study, I was surprised to see Edward sitting up there staring blankly at the wall. His face was a stoic mask, but his empty lifeless eyes showed terrible pain. I felt some guilt, which quickly changed to satisfaction. A small devious smile played at the corners of my lips, I quickly replaced the smile with an expressionless facade.
Carlisle gestured for me to take a seat in one of the wooden chairs in front of his tidy desk. Jasper sat on my left, Carlisle facing me, and Edward in the corner glumly.
"So, what is this 'discussion' about?" I asked, hiding my panic deep within me, not quite ready to blow my cover yet.
"Well today, Jasper brought something to my attention." Carlisle paused before motioning for Jasper to continue.
"You already know about my special ability as an empath, well it seems as I am unable to read any emotions coming from yourself. I have always been able to read anyone's emotion. Except yours." Jasper sighed.
I almost breathed a sigh of relief out loud.
"I know." I laughed slightly.
Carlisle and Jasper both looked shocked, even Edward looked up at me with a bit of curiosity.
"And you cannot read my mind, correct?" I directed that last one at Edward. He nodded mutely, before returning his gaze at the empty wall.
"H-how?" That was probably the first time I had ever heard a vampire stutter.
"Simple. I am a shield. I know I didn't tell you last night because I had not trusted you, but I knew this would come up eventually." I answered. "I assume Alice is almost incapable of seeing my future?"
"Most likely." Jasper replied, deep in thought.
Carlisle recovered his shock, "How does it work?"
"I must concentrate to lift the shield. It first started just in my mind but I practiced to carry the power to the rest of my body. Though, it shields me, but only mentally and emotionally. It will not protect me from another vampire physically hurting me. It is an intricate concept."
"Interesting, very interesting."
I turned to take a small peek at Edward. He looked deep in thought as well. I genius idea popped into my head, I smiled evilly.
"What are thinking? I find you very hard to read." I recited Edward's line he said to me back when I first met him, all those years ago.
He looked up shock, pain flickered through his features. His eyes held a tortured look, full of agony. I almost regretted it until I remembered my worst pain I had to go through. Alone.
He got up abruptly and raced out of the room, slamming the door behind him furiously
"What was that about? I didn't mean to upset him? Was it something I said?" I asked innocently.
"No, it's not you. Sometime things set him off. He hasn't been himself since the..." Carlisle trailed off.
"The what?"
"Never mind." Carlisle smiled weakly, though it didn't reach his eyes.
Jasper quickly changed the subject, "So, I guess we are done here?"
"Yeah, I guess so." I looked away and silently escaped back to the guest bedroom.
Days passed, Edward didn't return. He was off in the forest somewhere; it had been five days since the incident in Carlisle's study. I was going to be leaving soon to start my journey back to New York but something was keeping me here. Almost like a magnet pull. I chose to ignore that though, creating pathetic excuses in my mind to stay a little longer.
But the longer I stayed, the more I remembered the great times I had with the Cullens. The hazy parts of my human memories slowly coming back to me. I would miss them so much. I couldn't bring myself to leave just yet.
Alice took me shopping yesterday; we spend eight hours at the mall. My shopping habits had definitely changed since my human days. By the time Alice and I finished, we each had over twenty five bags. I loved spending time with her though; we acted like a true best friends. Even Rosalie was warming up to me, but she also didn't know who I was thankfully.
My thoughts were interrupted by a knock at my door.
"Come in."
Esme and Carlisle appeared hand and hand. I internally cringed, couples affection even just holding hands still sickened me.
I plastered on a fake cheery smile.
"The entire family is going on a hunting trip. We should be back by tomorrow morning. If you wish you can accompany us. But Carlisle told me you prefer hunting alone."
"Yeah, um I think I will stay here, I just went a few days ago, so I'm fine anyways." I replied, not wanting to hurt Esme's feelings.
"That's fine dear." Esme reassured me in her loving motherly tone.
"See you tomorrow then." I said.
The door closed quietly behind them. Then, I heard the six pairs of feet leave the house and zip into the nearby forest that surrounded the white mansion.
Well, I have just less than twenty four hours to have some time for myself. I really need to clear my head. My mind was buzzing with all the things that have happened since I had my reunion with Cullens last weekend. Usually in times like this, I would sit by my piano and write a song full of my thoughts and feelings troubling me.
I wasn't allowed to use Edward's piano, according to him. I smiled, it's not like he is here to stop me. I got up from the bed, and slipped out the door and into the long hallway filled with paintings and various decorations. On the left, was the piano room, I sneakily stepped inside, making my way over the sleek baby grand. I slipped onto the bench and ran my fingers over the smooth porcelain keys. I felt at home, my mind was elsewhere, I only felt the music as my fingers pressed down on the keys. A lovely tune filled the air, that wass when I started pouring my feelings into the lyrics.
"I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself
Cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way you did,
You fell so hard
I've learned the hard way
To never let it get that far
Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid
I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because I know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake
A smile, a laugh every day of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with
Because of you
I try my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you
I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you
I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty
Because of you
I am afraid
Because of you
Because of you."
My eyes prickled with venom tears. I groaned in frustration. Why did he always have this affect on me?
Suddenly I heard soft clapping behind me. I whipped around only to be staring into those same pained lifeless eyes that I saw in Carlisle's study five days ago. The eyes belonging to the one that hurt me so terribly. Edward.