Hello everybody! So first off, thank you SO MUCH or all the feedback and support on this story, it means a lot to me!

Second, I don't know if I ever mentioned this, and you guys have probably figured this out by now, but just in case, this story is set after Winter Soldier. I have another post CATWS story, but the two don't really relate.

Third, the song lyrics. The first ones you see are from Mumford and Sons song Holland Road, hence the title of the chapter. Lyrics at the bottom are, once again, from Ghosts That We Knew.

I don't own the lyrics or Captain America.

Enjoy!

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Ch. 3: Holland Road

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But I'll still believe though there's cracks you'll see,

When I'm on my knees I'll still believe,

And when I've hit the ground, neither lost nor found,

If you'll believe in me I'll still believe

-:-

Sleeping in the same bed became a habit for them. Natasha didn't mind, and Steve didn't seem to either. It was hard to tell who slept in whose bed more. Natasha found herself in Steve's room just as much as he found himself in hers. It started out with them only going to the other when they were woken up by a particularly bad nightmare. If Natasha screamed herself awake in the middle of the night, she would pull on a pair of sweats and make her way to Steve's floor.

She remembered one night where Sam had gotten to the door before Steve had and the Falcon had simply given her a big smirk. She'd rolled her eyes at him, shoving past him playfully and teased him about Maria. That shut him up pretty quickly and he'd slunk off to his room just as Steve had come out.

Sometime after that, they started sleeping together for the whole night. They would come down, hang out, drink a few beers, and then head off into the bedroom, often with Sam or Maria staring after them. Natasha knew their friends had started talking, assuming things, but Natasha didn't care.

Not even tonight—four months since they'd started their little ritual—when Tony brought it up while they were all eating dinner together on the communal floor. Steve had nearly choked on his pasta, but Natasha shrugged and brushed it off. Later that night Steve didn't show up at her floor. She thought about going down to his, wondering if he was waiting for her to. But then she decided to give him some space.

Which turned out to be a mistake when she woke up screaming. She'd thrashed around, trying to shake the images out of her head. There had been blood, so much blood. That part wasn't unusual for her nightmares. It was when she found the source of the blood that she freaked. Bodies of her friends lay around her, each and every one of them. Maria and Clint and Fury and Sam, Tony and Bruce and Thor. And there in front of them all, had been Steve. Blood coated his lips and his body and his hands, so much like when she'd found him on the shore of the Potomac after the fall of the Helicarriers and his fight with the Winter Soldier. Natasha heard him speak, but his lips weren't moving. You did this, Natasha. You killed us all. She'd backpedaled, trying to get away from his corpse, from his voice. But he kept talking, and no matter how far away she got, she could still hear his voice, still see his body. The rest of their voices joined in. Killer, murderer. Liar. You're a killer, Natasha. Liar, killer. Natalia Alianovna Romanova. Killer, killer, KILLER!

That was when she woke up. Cool hands closed around her shoulders now and her eyes snapped open. Her room was bathed in soft yellow light from her table lamp. She sat up to see Maria looking at her. The brunette's forehead was creased in concern. Once Natasha had settled, Maria sat back. The brunette had bags under her eyes, like she'd just woken up. Well, Natasha figured her screaming had woken her roommate up.

"I called Steve," Maria said. "He's on his way up now."

Natasha nodded. Part of her was relieved. She knew he would hold her in his arms, trace patterns on her skin, and hum tunes from the 40s till she fell asleep. Part of her was terrified to see him. All she could see right then was Steve, bleeding and broken, his body twisted in ways that weren't humanly possible. She could hear his voice in her head, calling her murderer and killer and liar.

"Look," Maria started, licking her lips. "I know we've all been teasing you guys, but…I know that there's nothing going on between you two. Well, not really."

Maria grinned at her and Natasha laughed. "There isn't anything going on between us. Steve is just a friend."

"Mm-hmm," Maria hummed disbelievingly.

"Oh, god," Natasha groaned. "Not you too. Seriously, Tony didn't shut up all throughout dinner. Well, at least until Pepper threatened to stab him with her fork. Even then all he did was stare. I do not need the teasing from you too."

"I'm not teasing!" Hill protested, but Natasha gave her a pointed look. "Okay, well, maybe a little, but that's because even if nothing is going on right now, it doesn't mean that there isn't something more between you two."

"There isn't," Natasha repeated.

"Do you want there to be?"

Natasha opened her mouth to answer before stopping short. Did she want there to be more between her and Steve? She wouldn't deny that they were a lot closer than they had been years ago, even months ago. She was pretty close with Maria and Pepper, and she had a good relationship with the rest of the Avengers. They were her teammates. Clint, of course, was her best friend, and Fury was like a father to her, but Steve…Steve was different. He'd always seemed to see right through her, see past the masks and the disguises and the fake identities and see her. He didn't see the fire or the blood of her past—he saw all that she was and all that she could be. He saw the good in her, even when most of the world thought of her only as bad.

"I don't know," she replied finally. "Maybe. I just…I don't want to ruin what we have now. He's really important to me."

"I know. He's a good friend." Maria said earnestly. "And he's been helping with the nightmares, hasn't he?"

Natasha nodded.

"You're not going to lose him, Natasha." Maria reasoned. "You're just as important to him. Believe me. I've seen the way he looks at you."

"Looks at me?" Natasha echoed in disbelief.

"Yeah, when you're not watching. He looks at you like…like you're the only person in the world, as cheesy as that sounds. He looks at you like you're the person who matters."

Natasha ducked her head, not wanting to meet Hill's eyes. "Not me," she mumbled. "I don't matter that much."

"To him you do," Maria argued. "Natasha, I know that you're…that you would like to get rid of your past, wipe it out. But just remember that your past is a part of you. Steve accepts that, trust me. I would bet you money that Steve cares about you just as much as you care about him."

Natasha paused, eyeing Hill. "What's the wager?"

Maria grinned. "How about dinner?"

"You're on," Natasha smiled.

Before she could say anything else, Steve knocked on the open door, his body half in the doorway. "Am I interrupting something?"

Maria shook her head and smiled kindly at Steve. "No, I was just leaving."

The brunette turned back Natasha and squeezed her hand, as if to say, remember what I said. Natasha nodded and smiled at her friend. Maria got up and left without another word, shutting the door behind her.

"I'm sorry, Natasha. I should've been here—" the soldier started to say.

"It's okay, Steve." She interrupted. "It's not your fault."

He sighed and came over to sit down next to her on the bed, his shoulder bumping against hers. His hair was damp like he'd just gotten out of the shower. He was barefoot and only wearing a pair of sweats and a t-shirt that he'd put on backwards. Clearly he'd come up in a hurry. Natasha warmed at the thought.

"You know," he started softly, placing a hand over hers, circling his thumb across the back of her hand. "These past four months that we've been doing…this….it's been helping me. With my nightmares."

"It's been helping me, too," she admitted.

"Just…tonight," he said, wringing his hands together. "What Tony was saying about us, I just…I don't know. I guess I started doubting…"

Natasha had to agree. The past several months she'd had her doubts too. They had too close a relationship to be considered just friends, though that's what they kept saying they were, even though they both knew it wasn't true. They weren't friends with benefits because despite sleeping together, they weren't actually sleeping together. And she couldn't call Steve her boyfriend because they weren't together. She thought about what Maria had said, and wondered if that maybe I want it to be something more was actually a yes, I want it to be something more.

Natasha sighed, watching as he continued to rub her hand with the pad of his thumb. His hands were quite a bit bigger than hers, the skin calloused against her own scarred and worn hands. His touch was gentle, though. It was always gentle.

"I know you have your doubts, but…you don't regret it, do you?" she asked quietly.

Steve turned and met her eyes with his own. The blue was a darker hue in the dim light of her room. "No, of course not," he replied, his forehead creasing a teeny bit. "Do you?"

She shook her head, giving his hand a squeeze. "No. I don't regret it."

He gave the smallest nod of his head, keeping her gaze. Looking at him, Natasha felt warm from head to toe, her stomach a mass of nervous butterflies. She'd never gotten butterflies around someone before, but that was because no one had made her feel the way Steve did.

Clint had saved her. He had picked her up off the ground and wiped the blood from her face. He brought her to SHIELD, to the place she considered home for a very long time. He gave her a new life, a better life. But Steve…Steve was healing her. Steve stitched her up. The new life she'd been given, Steve had given her a reason to start living it again. He looked at her scars and her past and accepted them for what they were—a part of her. He took all of the good and all of the bad together.

His touch ignited her and his words soothed her and she never wanted it to stop. He made her feel absolutely and beautifully alive. In the dark, when they were alone and the rest of the world was asleep, the words he whispered gave her hope. Hope that when she woke up, everything would be better than the day before. Hope that one day, when she looked at her ledger, the only red that would be there would be the red, white, and blue that he left in his wake.

She wanted to be better and with him, she knew she could. He brought out the very best in her, brought out her true self. He brought out Natasha, when so many people saw Natalia. Steve believed in her, and thus, she believed in herself. She felt so safe with him, so secure. She didn't have to look over her shoulder to know that he had her back. He was just always there. It was completely and utterly effortless being around him. She didn't have to pretend or fake a smile, she could be herself without a second thought.

As she looked at him now, Natasha knew she wanted to be with him in every way possible, wholly, completely. She wanted to kiss him, touch every inch of his bare skin, until they were one person trapped in two bodies. She wanted him to be so gentle with her that she felt like she would shake apart at the seams. She wanted him to claim her as his own, to be his and only his. She wanted him to whisper her name like a lullaby, sing it to her as they went up and over their peaks.

But she didn't tell him any of that. Instead, with a voice that sounded far more broken than it should have, she said only two words,

"Hold me?"

Steve stared at her for a moment, before letting go of a breath he'd been holding. He gave her a tiny smile and nodded. He hooked his arm around her waist and laid down with her. He flicked off her light and the room darkened. Natasha didn't even have to shift to get comfortable. Having slept curled up against each other for four months, it was the most natural thing in the world. She immediately felt better, calmer. She felt Steve's chin rest gently on top of her head as he pulled her closer to him.

"Steve?" she murmured, remembering something.

"Yeah?"

Natasha smiled, even though he couldn't see it. "You know your shirt's on backwards, right?"

There was a pause and then Steve laughed, his body shaking gently against hers. "Yeah, yeah I guess it is. Maria called while I was finishing up my shower so I came up as fast as I could."

"I noticed," she chuckled. "Why?"

''Why' what?"

"Why hurry to get up here?" she asked, curious. It's not like she didn't have Maria with her. She hadn't been in danger, and she'd had nightmares before. She'd also had plenty of nightmares before he'd come along. It wasn't anything new, so she wondered why he'd rushed to get to her.

"I was worried about you," he replied quietly. He was silent for a few minutes before continuing. "I care about you a lot, Natasha. I know that you weren't in trouble or anything, but I hate to see you hurting, even if it's not physical."

Natasha twisted around in his arms so her chest was against his. She put her hand over his heart and she could feel it beating, steady and strong, beneath her palm. She looked into his eyes, seeing, even in the dark, with her eyes having adjusted, she could see the open honestly in his.

"I just want you to know," Steve went on. "that no matter what, I'm always going to have your back. I won't let you get hurt."

Natasha smiled. "I can take care of myself, you know."

"Oh, I know," he chuckled. "Believe me. But, I'll be there for you anyway. I'm not going anywhere."

Natasha, not sure how to respond, just nodded. She was about to roll back over, put Steve gently placed a hand on her arm, stopping her. She looked up at him, waiting for an explanation.

"There's something else I want to try tonight," he murmured, his face just a couple inches from hers, so close that she could smell he mint from his toothpaste.

She stayed still, waiting, watching him. His hand moved down her arm, his fingers swirling patterns against her skin like he usually did. The touch of his fingers against her skin created sparks, filling her with fire. He had touched her a lot in the last four months. He always limited himself to her legs, arms, and stomach, never straying beyond those parts. She felt something different in him tonight, though. Something more charged, ready to set ablaze any minute.

Steve kept his eyes on her face, probably watching for her reaction. Reaction to what? She wondered until his started inching his face closer to hers. And Natasha knew, with no doubt in her mind, what was coming, but it still stole her breath away when his lips touched hers. Natasha instantly melted into him, her body molding against his as the hand that had been tracing on her arm pulled her flush against him. His mouth moved against hers almost expertly, lips soft and gentle, but demanding and firm at the same time. Her pulse quickened, her heart pounding in her chest. She ran her fingers through his hair, tugging on the short strands. He groaned against her mouth, and damn if she hadn't been turned on before, she sure as hell was now.

"Where'd you learn to kiss like that?" she asked breathlessly as Steve moved the focus of his mouth to her neck, where he dotted kisses up and down her skin.

She swore she saw him blush, but his answer was confident. "I went on a few dates with Sharon."

Natasha nearly pushed him away, but her nerves were on fire and the last thing she wanted was for him to stop touching her. She tried not to feel jealous, but the thought of Steve with anyone else made her feel the opposite of okay. "When was this?"

"Mm," he hummed against her skin. "A while ago. Not too long after the graveyard. I was looking for Bucky in D.C. and decided to ask her out, like you suggested."

Natasha laughed a little. "And?"

"And I realized she wasn't my type."

"Really?" Natasha breathed as Steve gently rolled her onto her back, his body hovering above her as he rucked up her tank-top and kissed her stomach. "So, uh, what is your type?"

"Red-headed Russian assassins," he answered and stopped long enough to give her that good ol' heroic, Captain America style smile.

"Come here," she whispered, pulling him back towards her so she could kiss him. "Guess I'll have to thank Sharon for making you such a great kisser. By the way, how many dates are we talking?"

Steve chuckled, pulling away from her lips, though his hand continued to trail up and down her arm. "Jealous, Tasha?"

"Maybe," she grumbled a little grudgingly.

"Don't worry," he said. "Not enough to get this far."

He leaned in to kiss her again, and after that, the only words spoken were each other's names. And just like she'd hoped for, Steve took his time. He was slow and methodical, making sure no inch of her flesh was untouched, un-kissed. He danced his fingers over every one of her scars, including the two given to her by the Winter Soldier. She touched him too, from tangling her hands in his hair, to running her hands over every stretch of taut muscle she could find. As she hit her climax, Steve ran his fingers across her back, drawing patterns like usual.

Later, as she lay spooned next to him, his bare skin against hers, did she remember her bet with Maria.

"Dammit," she murmured, already half asleep in his arms with his heartbeat lulling her to sleep.

"What?" Steve asked.

"Nothing," she smiled. "I just owe Maria dinner."

The last thing she heard before she fell asleep was Steve laugh.

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But the ghosts that we knew made us black and all blue

But we'll live a long life

And the ghosts that we knew will flicker from view

And we'll live a long life

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And that is a wrap! I know it was a short story, but I hope you guys liked it :)

I will probably write more Romanogers stories in the future, because I have so many ideas and I just adore these two :) Just so you know though, it might be a little bit before I write another story. I have another one I'm trying to finish up, and I also leave for my first year of college in a week or so here, so I need to focus on starting school. Once I have something new up, though, I will definitely post an author's note to this story and let you guys know :)

Please review! All the support is wonderful so far and I would love to hear your final thoughts!

One last thank you for all the reviews and follows and favorites so far on this story; it really means the world to me and you guys are truly the best!

Thanks for reading!

-DaughterOfPoseidon333

P.S. Any typos, I apologize for.