Chapter 7: Horseface is a Failure (and a Surrender Monkey)
jeanchevaljean: hey connie
jeanchevaljean: wanna have some fun while we're on this expedition?
fuzzypeaches: can't we just focus on staying alive?
fuzzypeaches: it's hard enough doing that in the first place
jeanchevaljean: fine fine
jeanchevaljean: we'll do it when we're resting for the night then?
fuzzypeaches: sigh okay
fuzzypeaches: so what should we do?
jeanchevaljean: i have a plan
jeanchevaljean: come meet me by the tents
fuzzypeaches: okay...
A few minutes, lots of loud thuds and several high-pitched screams later...
fuzzypeaches: FUCK YOU JEAN
jeanchevaljean: okay i guess it wasn't a very good idea
jeanchevaljean: not my fault all the girls' tents look the same;;
jeanchevaljean: but sorry for setting ymir loose on ya
fuzzypeaches: you better be sorry fucking asshole ._.
fuzzypeaches: i have bruises ON MY BRUISES
fuzzypeaches: she thought i was going after her "precious christa"
fuzzypeaches: like i'd go near her with that crazy bitch around
jeanchevaljean: sorry again connie...
fuzzypeaches: you're doing the next one
fuzzypeaches: and you have to do exactly as i say
jeanchevaljean: fine, whatever floats your boat
jeanchevaljean: like there's anything worthwhile floating through your empty head
fuzzypeaches: oh really?
fuzzypeaches: is that a challenge? :)
Several minutes, lots of growling and even higher-pitched screams later...
jeanchevaljean: I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU MADE ME DO THAT
jeanchevaljean: you must be a sadistic freak to make me do something like that
fuzzypeaches: just payback for sending ymir after me :)
jeanchevaljean: I'D RATHER HAVE YMIR AFTER ME THAN A RABID HUNGRY SASHA
fuzzypeaches: i'm surprised you even lasted that long
fuzzypeaches: after stealing from her secret food stash
jeanchevaljean: i know...2 minutes must be a new record
jeanchevaljean: ...but how did you know about her food stash?
fuzzypeaches: well why not? animals hoard food whenever it's scarce
fuzzypeaches: how's sasha any different?
jeanchevaljean: i mean
jeanchevaljean: how did you know WHERE it was?
fuzzypeaches: oh...
fuzzypeaches: i stole something from there once cause thomas dared me
fuzzypeaches: needless to say, it didn't end well for me
fuzzypeaches: that scar on my leg that i said was from a titan?
fuzzypeaches: that was actually sasha;;
jeanchevaljean: fuck...i can't believe you'd make me go through that
jeanchevaljean: even after YOU went through it
fuzzypeaches: hey, friendship is all about sharing pain, right?
jeanchevaljean: ...
jeanchevaljean: fuck you baldface
fuzzypeaches: back at ya horseface
jeanchevaljean: wait a second...
fuzzypeaches: hmm?
jeanchevaljean: aren't we supposed to get revenge on SASHA
jeanchevaljean: not on each other?
fuzzypeaches: oh yeah...
jeanchevaljean: don't worry, i'll come up with something
fuzzypeaches: pfft why should i trust you
fuzzypeaches: after what happened last time
jeanchevaljean: just do it
jeanchevaljean: it'll be ready by nightfall :)
Several grueling hours of cleaning the campground to Levi's standards later...
jeanchevaljean: yo man you asleep yet
fuzzypeaches: nope i'm on lookout duty
fuzzypeaches: but i'm about to fall asleep
jeanchevaljean: how bout i wake you up ;)
fuzzypeaches: how?
jeanchevaljean: getting back at sasha
fuzzypeaches: oh yeah...i almost forgot
fuzzypeaches: you know, i'm kinda starting to like fuzzypeaches
fuzzypeaches: can't we just accept the fact that sasha pwned us
jeanchevaljean: NO DON'T FALL INTO THE TRAP OF SURRENDERING LIKE THE FRENCH
jeanchevaljean: WE MUST GET OUR REVENGE ON POTATO GIRL
fuzzypeaches: alright alright calm down horseface
fuzzypeaches: what are we gonna do?
jeanchevaljean: you'll like this :)
jeanchevaljean: i figured out a way to make new accounts on the survey corps network
fuzzypeaches: ...no way
fuzzypeaches: i never pegged you as a techie
jeanchevaljean: well read it and weep
jeanchevaljean: i made two new accounts for both of us to use
jeanchevaljean: and i named them colossaltitan and armoredtitan
jeanchevaljean: guess who they're gonna be talking to ;)
fuzzypeaches: ...but isn't sasha gonna know something's up
fuzzypeaches: it's not like titans can even text with their giant ass fingers and shit
jeanchevaljean: yeah but this is sasha we're talking about
jeanchevaljean: miss sometimes i don't even know what's going on in my mind
fuzzypeaches: doesn't mean she's dumb shit though
fuzzypeaches: but whatever
fuzzypeaches: let's do this
fuzzypeaches: i call dibs on the colossal
jeanchevaljean: is that cause you wanna be TALL XD
fuzzypeaches: shut up jean
fuzzypeaches: not everyone's vertically blessed like you
jeanchevaljean: hey don't blame me for thinking that
jeanchevaljean: i mean, even corporal levi's taller than you
fuzzypeaches: ONLY BY A LITTLE BIT
fuzzypeaches: SHUT UP HORSEFACE
jeanchevaljean: fine fine i was just teasing
jeanchevaljean: but stop calling me horseface
fuzzypeaches: never.
jeanchevaljean: ...you fucker
fuzzypeaches: you think you'd get used to it by now...
potatopotahto started a conversation with fuzzypeaches.
potatopotahto: CONNIE!
potatopotahto: i'm bored...let's have some fun
fuzzypeaches: why does everyone keep asking me these things ;;
fuzzypeaches: and we can't...we're on guard duty, sasha
potatopotahto: please?
potatopotahto: pretty please?
fuzzypeaches: and get my head ripped off by a titan?
fuzzypeaches: or even worse, levi?
fuzzypeaches: no thanks
potatopotahto: :(
potatopotahto: you're no fun
fuzzypeaches: i know :)
armoredtitan started a conversation with colossal titan and potatopotahto.
armoredtitan: ...
colossaltitan: ...
potatopotahto: huh?
potatopotahto: who is this?
armoredtitan: ...
armoredtitan: hey how you doin' lil mama lemme whisper in yo ear
colossaltitan: tell ya somethin' that ya might like to hear
armoredtitan: got a sexy ass body and ya ass look soft
potatopotahto: JUST WAIT TIL YOU SEE MY DICK
potatopotahto: WHOOOO
colossaltitan: O.o
potatopotahto: i don't know who you guys are
potatopotahto: but you two are pretty funny XD
fuzzypeaches: WHAT DO WE DO JEAN?
fuzzypeaches: she foiled plan a
fuzzypeaches: typical sasha style!
jeanchevaljean: okay calm down
jeanchevaljean: i've got plan b down
jeanchevaljean: cool, calm and collected, kay?
potatopotahto: hey where'd you guys go?
potatopotahto: you guys got some weird names
potatopotahto: but you guys seem pretty cool :)
armoredtitan: um thanks?
armoredtitan: but why aren't you scared of us?
potatopotahto: what do you mean?
colossaltitan: i mean, i am the colossal titan
colossaltitan: i'm taller than the walls
armoredtitan: and i broke through wall maria
potatopotahto: psssh no you didn't
armoredtitan: are you trying to mock us
potatopotahto: ummm
potatopotahto: what are you trying to say?
colossaltitan: why don't you explain puny human
potatopotahto: okay
potatopotahto: first of all
potatopotahto: there's no way titans could get access to the survey corps network
potatopotahto: secondly
potatopotahto: titans can't even text with their giant ass fingers
armoredtitan: well maybe we're titan shifters
armoredtitan: never thought about that huh?
potatopotahto: hmm i suppose so
potatopotahto: but i'm not worried cause you guys are harmless :)
potatopotahto: i know it's you two
potatopotahto: jean and connie :)
potatopotahto: NICE TRY BRAS
jeanchevaljean: FUCK
fuzzypeaches: HOW DID SHE KNOW
jeanchevaljean: I DON'T KNOW
jeanchevaljean: i thought no one could figure it out;;
fuzzypeaches: is she psychic or something?
potatopotahto: nope
potatopotahto: you guys are just dumbasses
potatopotahto: messaging each other on one of our old convos :)
fuzzypeaches: jean...
fuzzypeaches: YOU'RE AN IDIOT
fuzzypeaches: A COMPLETE FAILURE
jeanchevaljean: okay i have to admit i deserve that T^T
jeanchevaljean: goddamn it sasha
jeanchevaljean: why can't you just let us have our fun
potatopotahto: cause i'm a girl ;)
potatopotahto: btw i left a present outside your tent
potatopotahto: hope you enjoy :)
jeanchevaljean: eh? okay then...
jeanchevaljean: ...
jeanchevaljean: ...
jeanchevaljean: fuck you potato girl
jeanchevaljean: why did you have to draw googly eyes on it
jeanchevaljean: now i can't eat it
fuzzypeaches: huh? what did you give him sasha?
potatopotahto: a potato with a face :)
potatopotahto: you should be honoured
potatopotahto: it comes from my sacred secret stash
potatopotahto: the one you tried to steal from, mind you
jeanchevaljean: whatever...
jeanchevaljean: but thanks, sasha
potatopotahto: no problem jean :)
fuzzypeaches: do i get one too?
potatopotahto: i'll be there in a couple min :)
breakingthefourthwall started a conversation with overthefourthwall, climbingthefourthwall and potatopotahto.
breakingthefourthwall: Sasha
breakingthefourthwall: are you on patrol duty?
potatopotahto: yes...but who is this?
breakingthefourthwall: to you, your worst nightmare
potatopotahto: sigh...you guys are really trying to continue this?
potatopotahto: it's not funny when i obviously know it's you two
overthefourthwall: Wait...you know who we are?
potatopotahto: isn't it obvious?
breakingthefourthwall: It's obvious...?
overthefourthwall: ...we've been found out
overthefourthwall: CODE RED CODE RED
overthefourthwall: we need to let her know that we've been identified
breakingthefourthwall: Right.
climbingthefourthwall: Eh? What's happening?
breakingthefourthwall: She knows who we are. It's time to take action.
climbingthefourthwall: Sigh...fine
potatopotahto: you guys are getting better at this
potatopotahto: you might even be fooling me
climbingthefourthwall: What the fuck is she talking about
breakingthefourthwall: Well, we always knew she was nuts anyway.
potatopotahto: HEY
potatopotahto: I RESENT THAT
potatopotahto: really you guys
potatopotahto: can you stop the act already
potatopotahto: i already gave you guys potatoes for god's sake
jeanchevaljean: eh?
fuzzypeaches: umm what are you talking about?
potatopotahto: there are three random people texting me in a convo
potatopotahto: and they are making absolutely no sense
fuzzypeaches: but we stopped texting you after you gave us the potatoes
jeanchevaljean: what are their names?
potatopotahto: overthefourthwall, breakingthefourthwall and climbingthefourthwall
jeanchevaljean: ...what the fuck is up with their names
fuzzypeaches: and what's the fourth wall?
potatopotahto: if i KNEW i would TELL you
fuzzypeaches: geez sasha
fuzzypeaches: quit being so sassy
potatopotahto: I'LL BE SASSY ALL I WANT WHEN I'M SLEEP DEPRIVED KAY
potatopotahto: ...
potatopotahto: oh my god
potatopotahto: am i really that sleep deprived?
potatopotahto: i must be hallucinating
jeanchevaljean: what is it?
fuzzypeaches: what's that giant explosion?
fuzzypeaches: did eren accidentally titan shift in his sleep or something
potatopotahto: ...
potatopotahto: colossal titan
potatopotahto: in front of me
potatopotahto: COLOSSAL TITAN
potatopotahto: AND THE ARMORED TITAN
potatopotahto: AND THE FEMALE TITAN
jeanchevaljean: what the fuck-
Author's Notes
Whoooo nice way to end the chapter. Don't worry, nobody (important) will die in this fanfic, so calm your horses.
On a happier note, I'm finally done my finals! I gave my physics final the almighty finger as I left the gym in pure bliss. In fact, I was so happy that I totally forgot to update yesterday! Oops! Which is why I'll add a little short with Jean and Connie at the end of my author's note to make up for you wonderful people!
On an even happier note: 72 FOLLOWERS, 56 FAVOURITES, 60 REVIEWS, AND A BUNCH OF FAVOURITING MYSELF? I don't know how, but I must have done something right for you guys to really like TFSC 3 Lots of love and thanks to Gemini Wonderland, tsukuneXmoka, titan scientist (awesome name btw), 26, TheWriterWhoDreams, gaberr, Peque Saltamontes, Lady Mari-chan, Gleam Tamers Hikari27, Diclonious57, Cyanical, and all the anons for the reviews :)
友よありがとう!
^Correct me if the Japanese is wrong - I tried to minimize the translation errors by going from Korean to Japanese but you never know with Google Translate. I tried translating it from English first, but it ended up saying something like "Thank you for giving me friends" XD.
And on to the comedic duo!
Connie's asking for a death wish. Or maybe he's just a dimwit. Perhaps it's both.
fuzzypeaches: hey jean
jeanchevaljean: eh?
jeanchevaljean: what is it?
fuzzypeaches: you remember that text about surrendering like the french?
jeanchevaljean: oh yeah
jeanchevaljean: i'm surprised you didn't know that
jeanchevaljean: the french are notorious for being surrender monkeys
jeanchevaljean: that and being angry and protesting and striking everything in general
jeanchevaljean: what about it?
fuzzypeaches: then you're a surrender monkey too!
fuzzypeaches: cause you're french
jeanchevaljean: ...
jeanchevaljean: BALDFACE I AM HALF FRENCH
jeanchevaljean: DO YOU NOT SEE MY GERMAN LAST NAME
jeanchevaljean: KIRSCHSTEIN
jeanchevaljean: DOES THAT SOUND FUCKING FRENCH TO YOU
fuzzypeaches: wow you really are french
jeanchevaljean: HALF FRENCH
fuzzypeaches: so you're half a surrender monkey then?
I promise to update soon :)