Broken Fragments
Chapter 38: Letting Go
Yuuhi slowly opened her eyes to hear a familiar beeping noise in a white room. She rolled her eyes around to look at her surrounding, only finding white everywhere. However, when she looked down on her hand, she found Hiroto's hand holding hers as he soundly slept on the chair by her hospital bed. Without trying to wake him up, Yuuhi carefully sat up and leaned her back on the metal headboard. She tilted her head up and closed her eyes once again as she sighed a deep sigh.
"I only have four days left," Yuuhi thought about her upcoming concert, which was on the 15th of August, her supposed birthday.
Before she could get anymore stressed about her first major concert, Yuuhi's doctor came in quietly. She gently closed the door to prevent waking up Hiroto.
"How are you feeling?" the doctor asked, keeping the volume of her voice down.
"I'm alright," Yuuhi replied as she looked at the woman clad in white.
The doctor looked around and checked the heart monitor, also writing down all of Yuuhi's vitals.
"Are you out?" the doctor asked, looking at the list of medicine that Yuuhi needed.
"I'm still good."
The room was quiet once again with only the beeps of the heart monitor echoing. Yuuhi was looking at her foot, not being able to see it because it was under the blanket. The doctor closed the folder and prepared to leave.
"What happened?" Yuuhi interrupted before the doctor could open the door.
"Fatigue. You passed out, according to Kazama-san."
"Is that it?"
"Well…" worriedly, the doctor began.
Before the doctor could continue, Hiroto began to move and open his eyes. The still-half-asleep Hiroto sat up and rubbed his eyes.
"I'll talk to you about it later," the doctor said as she left before Hiroto could realize that she came in to check on Yuuhi.
After the doctor, whose last name was Saitou, closed the door behind her, she fixed her eyeglasses with her index finger. Sighing, she tilted her head up.
"I can't believe I'm dealing with another one."
She walked back to her room without uttering another word.
Back in the room, Hiroto stretched and turned his head to check on Yuuhi. When his eyes were fully open and realized that Yuuhi was awake, Hiroto jumped out of his seat and threw his arms at Yuuhi. He lifted her back from the bed's headboard and hugged her as tight as he could. Yuuhi was left with no expression, just a blank face.
"You're awake! I'm glad you're finally awake!" Hiroto exclaimed.
"How much longer do I have to stay here?" Yuuhi asked as Hiroto let go of her and sat back down.
"You just woke up from a two-day sleep. Why are you so eager to leave the hos—"
"Answer my question," Yuuhi interrupted with a fierce look in her eyes aimed towards Hiroto's.
"I'm not letting you leave until you're well and I've already told the doctor," Hiroto shot the same look back to her.
Yuuhi lied back down and turned away from Hiroto. She tucked herself in, irritated of Hiroto's answer. Knowing that she wasn't going to talk to him anymore, Hiroto got up and left the room.
"She's so childish sometimes," Hiroto thought as he closed the door, feeling a little guilty of making Yuuhi mad.
"But I'm glad she's alright," he smiled.
Hiroto turned to the right of the hallway to make his way to the cafeteria. Since he missed breakfast, his stomach was growling like a hungry lion. With a smile of relief on his face, Hiroto walked to the elevator to reach the first floor.
"Hiroto!"
Upon hearing his name, Hiroto turned around to find Subaru. With him was a plastic bag of food he had bought from the fast food restaurant by the hospital. Subaru ran to Hiroto with a friendly smile on his face. Together, they made their way to the cafeteria to eat.
"I guess we're late," Hiroto commented when they arrived to an almost-empty lunch room.
It was 2:48 in the afternoon and the doctors, nurses, patients, and visitors have all finished eating their lunches. The only ones left were the cafeteria workers, who were cleaning the tables and the kitchen. Hiroto and Subaru had the whole room all to themselves. The lunchroom, however, was quite dull because everything was white, except for the plants that were set up as decorations by the doors and windows.
"It's good that there's not a lot of people here, I guess," Subaru added as they sat down with the food that he brought by the cafeteria's entrance.
"I have to talk to you, anyways," the golden-haired man added.
"About?"
"Yuuhi and Kirari," Subaru straightforwardly answered.
Hiroto paused his helping Subaru take out the food from the plastic bag. His facial reaction changed right away, which was easily noticed by Subaru. Hiroto's face turned a little pale, but he was trying his best to keep his composure.
The two began to eat as Subaru started the conversation. Hiroto ate slowly and listened carefully, though his thoughts still messily ran around his head. Subaru also took bites of his food before he got started, sipping some water to clear his mouth.
"Superfetation."
Hiroto looked up to Subaru, confused. While Hiroto placed more food in his mouth, Subaru wiped his lips.
"That's the case with Kirari and Yuuhi," Subaru revealed after he wiped the water off of his lips.
"What's that?" Hiroto asked.
"I talked to the doctor that's taking care of Yuuhi now. It turns out she's the daughter of the doctor that delivered my sisters," Subaru continued.
"Saitou-sensei was 14 years old when her mother delivered my sisters. She said that her mother was fascinated with my sisters' birth because they were actually conceived apart."
"Won't that make them not twins?"
"No. They were 'born' at the same time, but they weren't 'conceived' at the same time."
Subaru took another sip of his water before he continued. Hiroto was too intrigued to put another portion of food in his mouth. Instead, he rolled his napkin around in his hand after he wiped his lips.
"Superfetation is when a woman gets pregnant when she's already pregnant. It means one of my sisters was already formed when the other began to form," Subaru continued.
"The only risk is that the first one to come out is born premature and its odds of experiencing lung problems after birth and later on in life increases. That's because the second one to come out takes more needed nutrients for itself."
As soon as Hiroto heard the words 'lung problems,' his thoughts began to align, though they weren't straight. Hiroto placed his form down, his eyes widened in shock of something he thought of.
"So…you're saying that…Kirari got tuberculosis…because of…this?" Hiroto asked Subaru, still a little remorsed.
"That's right. I killed her."
Subaru and Hiroto turned to the entrance to find Yuuhi standing by the door in her hospital gown.
"Yuuhi!" Hiroto and Subaru got up at the same time in worry and shock.
"I was selfish in our mother's womb, just like how I am now. No need for the euphemisms. I'm the cause of her getting tuberculosis. I killed my twin sister. I killed Kirari," Yuuhi kept blaming herself with no hesitations, her voice not even trembling to call her own self a killer.
"Don't you just hate me?"
"Yuuhi, don't—" Subaru exclaimed.
"I'm leaving this hospital whether you like it or not."
Without saying another word, Yuuhi turned around and left Hiroto and Subaru, speechless. They both wanted to stop her, but they know that once Yuuhi said something, it was definite.
"We don't deserve her at all," Subaru muttered as he clenched his fist and looked down on the ground.
"We can't even go after her."
Hiroto arrived at his home, his mind still full of thoughts. His head was so crowded that it felt blank. Hiroto went straight to bed, not even changing, after he dropped his bags in his room. He plopped his body down on the soft bed, wrinkling the blankets.
"I'm the worst," he told himself, looking at the ceiling.
Turning to his side after a few moments of staring at the blank ceiling, Hiroto noticed the picture of Kirari. He gradually closed his eyes and fell asleep before he knew it.
The next day, Hiroto prepared to go to work, though in his mind, he knew that Yuuhi wasn't going to be there. However, he still wished that his assumption was wrong. After taking a cold shower to wake him up and try to clear his mind, Hiroto skipped breakfast and went straight to work.
He did the usual: parked his car, signed in on the front desk, entered the elevator, and walked to his office. When he arrived there, he didn't find Yuuhi waiting by the door, nor did he find her inside. Hiroto began his day by sending emails to the people about how Yuuhi had to go to the hospital. He also released to the press that she was now alright.
"Well, we don't know about that, yet," Hiroto answered the live interviewers on the phone about Yuuhi's concert.
"As soon as I confirm with the Chairman, the staff, and of course Yuuhi, I will let everyone know as soon as possible," with that, Hiroto ended his interview.
The paparazzi got ahold of the information of Yuuhi's health quickly. Spreading like wildfire, many of her fans and supporters got worried if she was going to be able to do her first major concert. Hiroto answered the interviewers honestly, but he hoped that they'd convey his statement accurately.
To check if his words were delivered correctly, Hiroto turned on the TV and checked the entertainment news shows that were currently on. He was relieved that the broadcasting shows didn't change any of his words, which was something they tended to do most of the time.
Hiroto was more stressed than before. To not let it get to him, he leaned back on his chair and rubbed the top of the bridge of his nose with his fingers. His deep sigh roamed around the room, gloomily. Out of nowhere, Hiroto got a call from the Chairman, asking Hiroto to go to his office. After Hiroto hung up, he sighed once again and got up to go to Chairman Muranishi's office.
"Yes?" Hiroto asked after he walked in.
"I heard from Subaru-kun about what happened," Chairman Muranishi stated out right away, looking at Hiroto after finishing his typing a file.
Hiroto couldn't say anything because he didn't know what to say. Hiroto just hoped that the Chairman wouldn't lecture him any longer because he's already aware of all his mistakes. Hiroto sat down on the couch, waiting for the Chairman to continue talking.
"But I don't understand," the Chairman said as he began to type once again.
"Why you told the interviewers that you don't know if the concert's still going to happen when Yuuhi-chan's practicing with the dancers and back-up singers for her concert?" the Chairman continued.
Hiroto's expression changed once again, his eyes widening and his face beginning to glow with hope.
"She's…rehearsing?" Hiroto asked, still skeptical.
"Yeah. She asked permission from me if she could go without you, and I told her it was alright. The staff are also already preparing the arena for her concert, which is in two days," the Chairman didn't take his eyes off of his monitor.
"Really?"
"Yes, really. So if I were you, I'd contact the shows and continue advertising her concert before her supporters begin to lose interest," suggested Chairman Muranishi.
Hiroto rushed back to his office with a faint smile on his radiant face. When he arrived there, he quickly typed up emails for the broadcasting studios and other staff members that took care of the concert advertisements to alert them that the concert was definitely happening. After finishing them, Hiroto got up and grabbed his blazer to run to the rehearsal room in the MEC building to see Yuuhi.
Mitsumenaide tsukamaenaide
mayoikonda BATAFURAI
jiyuu utau dare ni mo mienai hane
kakushiteru no anata no mune no oku
Hiroto arrived to Yuuhi's rehearsing the dance to her debut song, Meikyuu Butterfly. Not wanting to interrupt, Hiroto stayed behind the doors and watched from the distance. Hiroto was amazed at how different Yuuhi looked. Her face, though sweaty, was full of passion and determination. Her movement was graceful and her eyes were captivating. Yuuhi practiced and got ready for her concert without a care about the world.
"I'm relieved," Hiroto thought, smiling.
The night of the concert came quickly and the whole staff and employees were excited for Yuuhi's first major concert. They were all feeling the same excitement they felt for Yuuhi's debut concert. Everyone was busy, including Yuuhi, who was putting on her makeup.
"There's 5 minutes left before we bring you to the backstage, Tsubasa-san," the stage manager knocked on Yuuhi's dressing room door.
"Alright," Yuuhi replied.
She finished applying her lip gloss on and she was finally ready, but before she left the room, Yuuhi stared at herself in the mirror.
After a few moments of staring blankly at herself, Yuuhi grabbed her bottle of water and placed two pills in her mouth. She gulped it down with the cold water. She sighed after looking at herself one more time and exited after hiding her medicine container in her purse.
"Good luck, Tsubasa-san."
"You can do it!"
"You look gorgeous as always, Yuuhi-san."
The staff and other people backstage gave her compliments to support her. Yuuhi just gave them a gentle smile as gratitude. Yuuhi didn't feel nervous, so their supposed-to-be-comforting words didn't make her feel anything.
"Yuuhi!"
Before she got ready to appear, Yuuhi turned to hear the familiar voice that called her name. Subaru appeared with a bouquet of flowers from the dark area behind the stage.
"Good luck," Subaru smiled as he extended his arm to give her the flowers.
"Thank you," Yuuhi accepted the flowers and handed them to one of the stage crews.
"But I don't need it."
Walking away from Subaru, Yuuhi was assisted to the part of the stage where she was to come from by one of the staff members. The golden-haired man was left astonished, struck by Yuuhi's beauty but rejected by her wit.
The music began to play and Yuuhi was ready as she stood on the platform with the final piece of her costume. The violin continued to play for a few more moments, the audience still in awe from seeing and feeling the strong and captivating aura of the show.
As the violin's sound faded, the sound of the guitar, bass, and drums rocked the whole stage and the atmosphere of the arena. People's cheers grew louder as more dancers came out and the spotlights for the band players came on. Finally, Yuuhi emerged from the misty smoke and began singing her song, her fans' cheers ringing everywhere along with her sultry voice.
Ichiban no negai goto oshiete
Anata no hoshii mono
BORYUUMU furikireru hodo tsuyoku
Ooki na koe de sakende mite
"As I thought," Hiroto muttered to himself from the other side of the backstage, the area that Yuuhi didn't go to.
"She's amazing."
The chorus of the song came on and Yuuhi's appearance could be clearly seen when the spotlight hit her body.
Saa nani ga hoshii no? Nani wo motomeru no?
Atsumeta kagayaki sono te no hira ni
Her shoulder-length auburn hair were mixed with soft curls and straight hair. Her dress was tight-fitted and embraced her beautiful curves, just like her debut dress. This time, though, it was a shiny, strapless, latex dress. She wore a laced choker and laced ankle boots with five-inch heels. On her back weren't feathered angel wings, but were gigantic, shiny, dark purple, magenta, and dark blue-colored butterfly wings.
Subete sukui toru yogoreta yozora ni
Kuroi DAIYAMONDO BURAKKU DAIYAMONDO
After one more minute, the song ended and the lights turned off. The whole crowd of audience screamed their lungs out, all of them amazed by Yuuhi's incredible performance. In five seconds, another song came on, which was Yuuhi's debut song, Meikyuu Butterfly.
Like the previous number, Yuuhi received cheers from her fans. Her cold heart couldn't be melted by their support, but Yuuhi felt happy to hear their joy in hearing and watching Yuuhi's performance.
"Thank you so much, everyone! Thank you for coming out to my concert and supporting me!" she greeted before she went backstage and quickly changed while the band played for the people.
Hiroto, who didn't know that Yuuhi was going to change, became worried when he saw her run backstage. One of the staff members reassured him, though, that Yuuhi was just changing into her second outfit. From the other side of the stage Hiroto waited and continued to think about Yuuhi's performances with amazement in his eyes. Though he always worked with her, Hiroto felt as if he was looking at a different side of Yuuhi.
She was full passion and grace while performing, and that was going to be always etched and embedded in Hiroto's head. Even if he was enjoying the concert, Hiroto didn't forget to keep a careful alert in case Yuuhi was to become exhausted. He knew that she had already recovered, but Hiroto was also aware that anything was possible.
Before he knew it, Hiroto's attention was quickly taken away when Yuuhi came down from above the stage on a swing. Her appearance this time, it was the complete opposite of how she looked like on the first half of her concert.
Yuuhi wore a soft white, strapless, A-line dress that fluttered with the wind and extended to the bottom of her feet. Her butterfly wings were replaced by white angel wings, another contrary to her debut look as the 'fallen angel.' Her hair was still the same, but a crown of white flowers sat atop her head, and a white ribbon vined around her left arm.
Hiroto and the audience was charmed when Yuuhi came down from the top of the stage on the swing, singing an English song. Hiroto's jaw dropped when he finally saw the connection with the song and her new appearance.
In the land of gods and monsters, I was an angel,
Living in the garden of evil,
Screwed up, scared, doing anything that I needed,
Shining like a fiery beacon.
Yuuhi's fans and audience were shocked to hear her sing in English. They, including the staff and people Yuuhi had worked with, have never heard her speak in English, but her seductive voice and pronunciation entranced them. They fell in love with her voice once again.
"I can't believe she didn't write this song," Cloudy smirked, watching Yuuhi's concert on TV in his condo while he dried his wet hair after coming out of the shower.
"It's completely describing her."
No one's gonna take my soul away,
I'm living like Jim Morrison.
Headed towards a messed up holiday.
Motel sprees, sprees, and I'm singing,
"Oh yeah, give it to me, this is Heaven, what I truly want."
It's innocence lost.
Innocence lost.
The crowd, still spellbound by her voice, clapped and applauded for the wonderful number Yuuhi just finished. She sang two more songs before the end of the show came to a near. Out of nowhere, Yuuhi ran backstage and talked to one of the stage managers.
"What? But—"
"Please. It's the last song anyways," Yuuhi begged, still panting and out of breath.
Losing, the stage manager ordered the staff and lights directors to turn them off. He also alerted all the staff that Yuuhi was going to perform the last song of the night. When the lights turned after Yuuhi gave the stage manager the signal, the audience found Yuuhi sitting by the grand piano.
"Everyone, thank you once again for coming out to support me. You all are the best, and I'm glad to have wonderful fans like you," Yuuhi greeted, still breathing heavily from exhaustion.
"Since I'm sitting by the piano, I think you all already know that I'm going to play it. This song, I don't think I'll ever release it, but if the day comes, I hope you always listen to it. This is the last song I'm performing, not just of the night, but also of my career," Yuuhi smiled kindly as if it was her last.
Her fingers began to run across the piano, pressing the right keys, while everyone's thoughts were in chaos from her sudden announcement. Hiroto, however, was the one in most shock to hear that Yuuhi, his idol, was singing her last song.
Ichibyou ichibyou hikaru sunatsubu da ne
Hitotsubu mo kobosenai wasurenai
Kiete shimai so na hosoku togaru tsuki ga
Muboubi na senaka ni tsume wo tate
Hiroto began to recall the memories he made with Yuuhi. Though most of them were painful, he still treasured them because he was with Yuuhi. The joyful memories he had with her were always in his mind, but they were being clouded by the thought that Yuuhi was never going to sing again. They were being overshadowed by the fact that Hiroto wasn't going to work with Yuuhi anymore.
Amaku nokoru kizuato fukaku
Kizamu akashi daiteite
While Yuuhi continued to sing, Hiroto began to realize who the song was about. Hiroto thought that the song was for Subaru whenever he heard of what happened to them, but Hiroto's mind was slowly enlightened.
Hakanai Blue Moon doushite kimi o
Suki ni natte shimatta no
Onaji bamen de togireta mama no
Kanashi sugiru monogatari
Yuuhi continued to play the piano, though she began to feel weak and tired. The end of the night was coming to a near and so was her career. Yuuhi didn't want the song to end, but she couldn't keep going anymore. She was slowly fading away, not just in Subaru'smemory, but also in his grasp.
Miageru Blue Moon kimi o omou toki
Watashi no jikan wa tomaru
Yuuhi felt as if time had stopped, but that was only because true tears were falling from her eyes front of everybody. She was confused as to why because in her heart, Yuuhi was ready to let go. She was ready to let go of her dream as an idol and her broken heart from Subaru.
"Why am I crying?" Yuuhi thought as she kept singing with tears streaming down her eyes.
"I'm letting go of my broken heart…so why?"
Nageki no Blue Moon hatenai yami no
Fukasa ni nomikomareteku
Kanawanakute mo aishite imasu
Itsuka sora ga sakete mo
Before Yuuhi could sing her final line, she noticed Hiroto running out to the stage. She didn't expect him to do so, but maybe that was the reason why it looked like he was running in slow motion.
"Oh, that's why," she thought, having an illumination as to why she was really crying, despite her preparation.
Eien ni omotte imasu
"I'm letting go of you, too."
Author's note:
Mitsumenaide tsukamaenaide...-Utau Hoshina/Nana Mizuki's song, 'Meikyuu Butterfly'
Ichiban no negai goto oshiete...-Utau Hoshina/Nana Mizuki's song, 'Black Diamond'
In the land of gods and monsters, I was an angel...-Lana Del Rey's song, 'Gods and Monsters'
Ichibyou ichibyou hikaru sunatsubu da ne...-Utau Hoshina/Nana Mizuki's song, 'Blue Moon'
Here's the rest of my translation of 'Blue Moon'
Every moment I spent with you was a glowing golden-colored sand
I won't let any grain spill out from my hands
The moon wasn't satisfied and it was slowly disappearing
So I had no other choice but to take it from your back
A deep scar will remain from what I have done to you
But I'll embrace my broken heart and stay away from you
You're the fleeting Blue Moon, I just realized it now
Why did I have to fall in love with you?
All the moments spent with you will never fade away
Our love story's too sad to be a tale
I look up to the Blue Moon as I kept thinking of you
My time is gone and now it'll finally stop
Now I'm the wailing Blue Moon, my tears won't stop coming out
The darkness of my broken heart is taking me
I know nothing will ever change, but I will always love you
Even though the sky will eventually fall through
For eternity, I'll always think of you
Disclaimer: I do not own any of Nana Mizuki's songs or Utau Hoshina from Shugo Chara. I DO own the translation of 'Blue Moon.' I also do not own 'Gods and Monsters' by Lana Del Rey.