Without a soul
My spirit's sleeping somewhere cold
Until you find it there
And lead it back home
~Wake Me Up Inside-Evanescence~
Khadgar was rather surprised when Jaaral met him at the portal on his return. He wanted to get back to Cordana but the Draenei herded him towards the War Room.
"Jaaral, I would rather go to my wife's side. I am not in a right mind for any talk of planning at this time."
"We must talk, my friend. "
Khadgar had not ever seen Jaaral so insistent on anything. Once they reached the War Room he closed the massive doors.
"First I will tell you that Cordana has awakened," he said.
Khadgar's eyes widened and took on a brightness that had not been seen in him for quite a long time.
"Then why are we here? You did not need to tell me this behind closed doors! Let us go to her!"
As he moved past Jaaral, the Commander caught his arm and stopped him.
"You must hear me out," he said and his voice was not filled with the joy it should have been. "Please sit down, Khadgar."
The Archmage grew annoyed. "I will not sit down, I wish to see my wife! What is this nonsense Jaaral?"
"She does not wish to see you," the Draenei Commander said sadly.
Their eyes locked and no words were spoken for several seconds.
"Cordana...my wife...my love...does not want to see me...I don't understand. She has been freed from the corruption!"
Jaaral wilted as he sat down. "She did not want to see me or Toriona either, she attacked Jaina and would only speak with Garona. It was Garona who told us this."
Khadgar's eyes narrowed. Garona had proven herself to be a good and loyal friend thus far. Could it all have been a ruse? Was she still under Gul'Dan's influence somehow? Why would Cordana refuse to see her friends, yet wish to see Garona whom she did not even know?
His eyes hardened. "We shall see about all of this."
Jaaral could not stop him as Khadgar turned and vanished in the blink of an eye.
When he arrived at Cordana's room, he found Toriona comforting an upset Garona. The half orc looked up at Khadgar and saw the suspicion in his eyes.
"Khadgar, my friend," she said. "This is not of my doing, something is dreadfully wrong with Cordana. Please do not doubt me. Not now, not when you need me the most!"
Khadgar's jaw was set and his lips were tight. "Make no mistake, Garona. I do not need you."
"Khadgar!" cried Toriona, shocked at his unkindness. "You cannot and must not lay the blame for this at Garona's feet. She has done nothing wrong. Something is still amiss with Cordana! She hurt Jaina! Jaaral must have told you!"
Khadgar did not see Jaina. "Where is she?"
"At the infirmary, having her broken bone seen to! Cordana is not a weak little elfling when she is angered, and she became enraged at the mere mention of you! She would only see Garona because her mind believes that she and Maiev are Gul'Dan's allies."
Khadgar half sat half fell into a chair. "What is going on?" he asked softly. "I thought this was behind us. The ritual was a success. She was cleared of the Fel, Khaidric was no longer affected by her."
Toriona shook her head and shrugged sadly.
Garona slowly placed her hand over Khadgar's. "It was not the Fel that corrupted her. Gul'Dan could not take her mind completely. It was Maiev."
He pulled his hand away. "Maiev? If Gul'Dan could not take her mind, how could Maiev with mere words?"
"Because she fed into Cordana's doubts and fears, as only a sister could," came a voice behind them.
Khadgar turned to see Jaaral and Jarrod.
"Gul'Dan had entered her mind and weakened it, and Maiev was able to twist it further," continued the leader of the Enclave. "She fed Cordana's weakness, nurtured it, and your mate did what she has always done. Turned her feelings inside out to protect herself."
"Protect herself? From me? From the one who loves her? But why?" Khadgar could barely believe what he was hearing. "Has she asked for Khaidric at all? Has she asked for our son?"
Garona shook her head. "I would not bring your child to her. It is not safe."
Toriona lay her hand over Khadgar's, and he did not pull away from her touch. "We all have darkness inside us Khadgar," she said gently. "Our logical minds know what to make of it, what to embrace and what to ignore. When the Fel gets involved, you know that it works in opposition to our natural selves, bringing forward the darkness and repressing the good and light parts of us. Cordana is twisted, believing that everything she loves and cherishes is a lie. Gul'Dan is not telling her this any longer. She is telling it to herself."
Garona reached out and turned Khadgar's face towards her. "My friend," she said kindly. "I have spoken with a shaman I believe to be very powerful. He consulted the bones and told me that the answer to freeing Cordana lies within you. There is no magic that he, or anyone can do, not even yourself, that will help her. Only you can do this."
Khadgar gazed into her eyes and saw no malice, no deception. He regretted his unkindness towards her, and felt guilt at instantly believing that she had been at fault.
"A'dal said much the same to me. He said that this is a journey I must undertake on my own. But I admit I am unsure how to go about it. Without my magic..." he could not finish the thought.
Garona took his hand and lay her cheek against it. "Khadgar, you have love. Sometimes the most complicated problem has the simplest answer."
Khadgar looked at the solemn faces around him and stood up. "The Fel will not be taking my wife from me, nor my family. If Cordana wishes me to leave her life then she must end me. Until she does I am going to continue to try and save her. I promised her that and I will see it through."
He turned and walked to the door, his friends' silent eyes upon him.
Cordana was curled up on her side. The room was a shambles. A few well chosen words removed everything from the room except the bed she lay on.
"Cordana, my love," said Khadgar softly.
She lifted her head and slowly turned to look at him. The glow of her eyes vanished.
"You. Betrayer," she snarled, sitting up.
"I am no betrayer, Cordana. Maiev's words to you were false and self serving."
"I saw the truth! The Orb spoke to me and showed me!"
Khadgar nodded. "Yes the Orb spoke to you and showed you one potential timeline out of thousands, perhaps more. The Orb showed you Gul'Dan's plans and schemes, none of which will come true, for he will be ended very soon."
"No!" she screeched. "You lie! You have lied to me from the day we met, and you lie to me still! You turned my child against me!"
"I did no such thing," he said quietly. "The Fel turned your son against you. He is part Kaldorei and he knew you were tainted."
Cordana crawled off the bed onto the floor and stood facing him, hatred burning in her eyes.
"Lies, lies!"
She ran at him and leapt, fully intending to attack and hurt him but Khadgar was warded and she could do nothing. This enraged Cordana further and she stealthed, but without her encounter suit or her umbral crescent she was a tiger without tooth or claw despite her natural strength.
"Coward!" she screamed. "Fight me!"
"No," he said softly. "I will not fight the woman I love, the woman who is my wife, the mother of my son."
"You hide behind your magic like a frightened child!"
He dropped his wards. "Very well then. Now I am no longer warded. Do what you wish to me, Cordana, but I will not raise a hand against you in anger. Not now, not ever."
Even without a weapon, he noticed how strong she was. She hit him several times, trying to force a reaction but she got none. She unstealthed and stood before him. His face stung from her violent slaps but he gazed into her eyes as though nothing had happened.
"Khaidric is nearly 6 months old. He is such a beautiful child, Cordana. He is eating some solid foods now."
She screeched and shoved him against the wall. "Do not speak of my son! You have deprived us of one another!"
"Wrong, my dear. Maiev and the Fel deprived you of him, not I. I have been ever faithful and loving."
Cordana raised a hand to strike him but he caught it, likewise the other one. Her eyes narrowed and she kicked him. To protect himself from injury he had no choice to ward himself which enraged her and she released a string of terrible cruel words that affected him deeply. It was now not the words of the Fel that tainted her, but her own beliefs. Tears filled his eyes.
"I love you, Cordana," he whispered shakily. "I have never stopped, and I never will. I will love you until I draw my last breath, and will love you in the hereafter."
She blinked rapidly, then frowned, her eyes glowing for a moment, then dulling, then glowing in rapid succession.
She wrenched her arms free of him with a grunt and turned away, going to the bed and sitting on it, her knees drawn up to her chin, staring at him like a feral animal, much the same way as Garona had once stared at him. Khadgar gazed at her, unmoving. He slowly moved towards her.
"My beautiful Cordana," he said softly. "From the first day we met, I knew you would be special to me in some way. I will never regret our paths crossing. You are my first love, my only love, my one greatest love."
She said nothing but growled at him, eyes narrowed.
"Our wonderful son is proof of miracles. He needs you, Cordana. He needs us both."
Khadgar crept ever closer to her, then sat on the floor, his eyes never leaving hers. "I will never leave you my love. I promised you that, and I aim to keep that promise, even if this is the way I have to do it. I'll never let you go. Gul'Dan cannot have you. Maiev cannot have you. The Fel cannot have you."
Khadgar closed his eyes, wishing that he could simply draw power and eradicate the darkness from her. He wanted to unleash every deadly spell he could muster and utterly destroy the evil that had it's hold on her. But there was no evil. There was nothing but Cordana's own doubts and fears that had been magnified.
"Do you remember that day, when you shared with me your sacred grove? The day you trusted me enough to take me to your happiest memories? Do you remember, Cordana, how we made love for the first time by the river, how our bodies, our minds and our spirits joined together so perfectly?"
Her gaze was intense and unwavering but she said nothing. He swallowed hard. It was time to own up to what he had done.
"You are right that I have withheld something from you. You asked me once how I was able to slow the portals to save your life after Khaidric was born. It was because I used the Fel, Cordana. You were dying in my arms, and I did not have enough power so I channelled into the Fel. The action that saved your life also weakened you. And when you raged at me for hurting Garona, and I linked you together, it gave Gul'Dan a pathway to your mind, where he saw, like an open book, your doubts and fears and weaknesses laid before him. He used that against us, Cordana. Your sister Maiev twisted you further for her own ends. It is not I who has betrayed you. It is Gul'Dan and Maiev. All of this pain, is caused by them, not I. Can you understand this? I am sorry, my love. I am sorry I was not a strong enough man to admit what I had done. I am sorry that my own fears took precedence over your trust."
Tears flowed freely from his eyes but he let her see them and made no move to clear his vision.
Cordana curled up, still staring at him, her eyes alternately glowing and dulling as though a battle were being fought inside her. Khadgar stared back until her eyes dropped closed and she fell asleep. He was not long in doing the same.
When he awoke, his wife was hanging over the bed, watching him.
"You are a liar," she said. "You lied to me."
"Yes I did, Cordana. I lied to you to spare you the anxiety and the pain of reconciling what I had done. I love you so much, that there was nothing I would not have done to save your life. You were dying as I held you in my arms and stood in front of a useless portal that would send all three of us to our deaths. I was desperate and alone, and the Fel was the only thing left I could use, so I did. I do not regret it, and I would do it again to save you and Khaidric. If you wish to hate me for my love for you, then so be it. But there must be no more secrets between us."
"I want my son," she said.
"I will not bring him to you like this, I am sorry my love."
He channelled into her, seeking any trace of the Fel. To his surprise, Cordana began twitching as though something were tormenting her. She sat up and clawed at the air, then clutched her head and cried out.
She was still held by Gul'Dan.
Khadgar warded himself and stood up, repeating the words of the ritual. Cordana writhed on the bed, screaming. As it had before, a dark shape was slowly pulled from her, but it was small and weak.
"Strike it down, Cordana!" he called out to her. "Strike it down and end this!"
She fell off the bed and crawled to the wall, using it to stand. She lunged at the shape unsteadily and slashed at it with her hands. As it took material form, she kicked and punched it until it sank to the ground and disappeared.
Cordana turned, trying to run away from Khadgar but he caught her from behind and held onto her, his arms across her chest. She screeched and struggled against him but he was stronger than she. Weakened by her ordeal, Cordana did not have much strength left. He did not use any magic against her, just his own physical body.
Khadgar placed his lips beside Cordana's ear and began repeating the words the Observer demon had said to her at Starfall Outpost.
"Cordana Felsong, who loves a human whom she will betray unto his death! Kaldorei Warden who will fall into madness just like her predecessors!"
"Do you see, Cordana? The Observer was Gul'Dan's eye, wanting you to bring his vision to fruition. Do not let it's words become deed! You know the truth Cordana, and it is not what was shown you in the Orb! Your heart knows! Listen to it, remember what Gul'Dan truly is...a demon who wishes to see us all destroyed, to bring Felfire and destruction to everything we love and hold dear. He wants to kill all of us, even our precious Khaidric! Do not help him, Cordana! Help me save us!"
She struggled weakly against him but Khadgar was strong and held her fast. "You will not fall into madness Cordana Felsong," he whispered to her. "You are my wife, you are a mother to Khaidric. You are not a betrayer! Maiev and Gul'Dan lied!"
She stopped struggling and stood still, breathing heavily, whimpering softly.
Khadgar began to repeat the words he had said to her on their wedding day, the declarations he had made before their friends and the World Tree. He brought the memory alive for Cordana, and once more repeated his vows to her.
To his joy, he heard her softly speaking, matching his words as he said them. Then she turned her head and looked up towards him. Softly she began to recite her declarations to him. He relaxed his hold on her slightly and she twisted her body, her face upturned and her eyes glowing as bright as twin suns.
Khadgar was trembling all over, but he set his jaw and held Cordana tightly to him.
"Khad...gar..?" she gave him a shaky smile. "Where am I? Where is our son?"
He let her go and took her face in his hands. "Cordana, my love," he whispered.
Slowly she put her arms around his neck. He tentatively brushed his lips against hers, but it was she who deepened the kiss.
There was a bond and a passion between them that was born of the certainty of loss and love, of past, present and future all bound together.
They held onto one another for a long, long time.