Chapter 9: Erwin's Great at Planning Parties, Eh?
erwinsmith started a conversation with humanitystrongest and titanscientist.
erwinsmith: Levi
humanitystrongest: Yeah Erwin?
erwinsmith: Can you let your squad know that we're having a small Christmas party?
erwinsmith: I think everyone needs a little break from the titans
humanitystrongest: Whatever, sure.
erwinsmith: Thanks Levi.
humanitystrongest: Doesn't mean I'm going though.
erwinsmith: Levi...
humanitystrongest: I know what you and Hanji are up to
humanitystrongest: And the answer is no.
titanscientist: Levi! You party pooper :(
humanitystrongest: :( yourself
humanitystrongest: Me surviving another year is nothing to celebrate about.
titanscientist: Yes it is!
humanitystrongest: No.
titanscientist: Yes!
humanitystrongest: No.
erwinsmith: Sigh...Hanji let him be.
erwinsmith: We won't make it your birthday party then.
titanscientist: We'll make it Isaac Newton's birthday party then!
titanscientist: That man was a genius 3
erwinsmith: Hanji...
erwinsmith: Just come to the Christmas party and have a good time.
humanitystrongest: Tempting...
humanitystrongest: But I bet it'll end up being my birthday party anyway
humanitystrongest: I'm not going
humanitystrongest: And that's that.
humanitystrongest left the conversation.
titanscientist: ...
titanscientist: Well fuck
titanscientist: He doesn't even want to celebrate gravity
titanscientist: What are we supposed to do now, Erwin?
erwinsmith: ...I'll think of something.
erwinsmith: Levi's not getting away with it this time after all these years...
hrgoddess started a conversation with ymirror, potatopotahto, fuzzypeaches, jeanchevaljean, freckledjesus, titandestroyer, mikasassasin, strategicpoint, wreckingball, hooverdam and lionheart.
hrgoddess: Hey guys! Ready for the Christmas party this year?!
potatopotahto: OMG YES :D
potatopotahto: CAN WE DO SECRET SANTA
potatopotahto: PLEASE?
lionheart: Let's not
lionheart: None of us have enough money to buy someone something
lionheart: Not that there's anything to buy
hrgoddess: Anniee
hrgoddess: It's not about buying gifts
hrgoddess: It's about giving something meaningful to the other
hrgoddess: As long as it's something from the heart, it doesn't matter whether it cost money or not :)
fuzzypeaches: amen to that!
titandestroyer: so are we doing secret santa or not?
titandestroyer: i'm game if we do :)
mikasassasin: Me too
strategicpoint: Me three :)
jeanchevaljean: me four
wreckingball: me five
fuzzypeaches: me six
freckledjesus: Seven!
hooverdam: Eight
ymirror: nine
potatopotahto: and ten!
hrgoddess: It's settled then :)
hrgoddess: Annie, if you don't want to do Secret Santa, do you want to draw the people then?
lionheart: ...sure.
hrgoddess: Thanks :D
hrgoddess: Okay next thing!
hrgoddess: According to Hanji, it's going to be Isaac Newton's birthday party!
hrgoddess: And also Corporal Levi's birthday party!
jeanchevaljean: what?
ymirror: it means his birthday's on christmas
wreckingball: You're kidding me...
titandestroyer: the corporal's birthday is dec 25?
ymirror: that's what i just said you morons...
hrgoddess: But anyways, he won't come to his own party
fuzzypeaches: i wonder why...
strategicpoint: Probably cause Hanji's in charge of it
strategicpoint: With her he'd probably end up growing a third arm or something
hrgoddess: Haha but nope! Even Commander Erwin can't get him to come
jeanchevaljean: O.O
jeanchevaljean: and what makes you think that a bunch of rookies
jeanchevaljean: would be able to convince mr clean to come to his own birthday party
jeanchevaljean: when even his superior can't?
titandestroyer: with skill, jean
titandestroyer: something you don't have :)
jeanchevaljean: you are really fucking messed up eren
mikasassasin: Jean...
jeanchevaljean: i'm sorry mikasa
jeanchevaljean: but he set me, connie and sasha loose on each other
jeanchevaljean: just cause he was bored in his prison cell
jeanchevaljean: I'M SORRY I MEAN THE FUCKING HOLDING CELL
titandestroyer: actually
titandestroyer: i only did it cause YOU CALLED ME A MORON FOR WANTING TO KILL THE TITANS
jeanchevaljean: yeah i did
jeanchevaljean: for wanting to kill the titans in a suicidal way
ymirror: are you boys done
ymirror: or do i have to smash your heads together
ymirror: to get you two to shut the fuck up
titandestroyer: ...
jeanchevaljean: ...
ymirror: christa hurry up before they start yacking again
hrgoddess: Um okay?
hrgoddess: So the commander says he has a plan
hrgoddess: But he needs our help
hrgoddess: Agree to this?
A few days later on Christmas Eve...
strategicpoint started a conversation with humanitystrongest.
strategicpoint: Corporal Levi!
humanitystrongest: What is it, Arlert?
strategicpoint: A couple soldiers spotted an Aberrant coming right towards our headquarters!
humanitystrongest: You're kidding me...on Christmas Eve...
strategicpoint: What do we do?
humanitystrongest: I don't see or hear any titan...
strategicpoint: Didn't you just hear that roar?
humanitystrongest: ...
humanitystrongest: Yes I did
humanitystrongest: It sounds a bit familiar though for some reason...
strategicpoint: There's no time to reminisce! What do we do, Corporal?
humanitystrongest: Sigh...
humanitystrongest: I'll give the order for everyone to get ready.
humanitystrongest: Thank you for alerting me Arlert.
strategicpoint: Yes sir!
humanitystrongest started a conversation with erwinsmith and titanscientist.
humanitystrongest: Do you two know about the Aberrant that's heading our way?
erwinsmith: Yes, one of the messengers told me a minute ago.
titanscientist: Same here.
titanscientist: It's like they're doing it on purpose...
titanscientist: Can't they leave just one day to ourselves?
humanitystrongest: The titans wait for no one Hanji
erwinsmith: Agreed. Let's hurry before another one decides to come.
titanscientist started a conversation with erwinsmith.
titanscientist: Do you think he bought it?
erwinsmith: He'd better. I didn't spend an afternoon planning with the damn hyperactive rookies for nothing.
titanscientist: Damn...I didn't think I'd ever hear a nasty word out of you :O
erwinsmith: When those hyperactive teens are either yelling and threatening to strangle each other or trying to make out in the corner, it's easy to lose your temper...
titanscientist: Point taken
marcopolo started a conversation with humanitystrongest.
marcopolo: Corporal, sir! The Aberrant is headed toward the castle!
humanitystrongest: I hear it...but why don't I see it?
humanitystrongest: Aberrants usually run pretty fast, don't they...
marcopolo: Um I think it'll be here soon
erwinsmith: Everyone, emergency meeting in the main hall of the castle NOW.
erwinsmith: Hurry before the Aberrant comes.
erwinsmith: I think there will be more coming.
titanscientist: Roger
humanitystrongest: Okay
Several hours later...
erwinsmith: So Levi, how's your headache coming along?
humanitystrongest: Fuck you
humanitystrongest: I can't believe you made the brat titan shift and pretend to be an Aberrant
humanitystrongest: No wonder I couldn't see one anywhere
erwinsmith: I figured that was the only way I could get you to come
titanscientist: See, this would have been so much easier
titanscientist: If you would come quietly to your birthday party
titanscientist: That Braus girl even baked you a cake :)
humanitystrongest: I don't like cake
humanitystrongest: It's too sweet
titanscientist: But you ate it anyway :)
humanitystrongest: By shoving it into my face
humanitystrongest: Filthy and disgusting
titanscientist: :)
humanitystrongest: Sigh...you two are terrible
humanitystrongest: ...but thank you for the gifts
humanitystrongest: I appreciate it
erwinsmith: We figured you would.
erwinsmith: I had to buy the bleach from an industrial facility, and I had to endure the weird looks everyone gave me.
humanitystrongest: How touching...
erwinsmith: I can almost taste the sarcasm, Levi.
humanitystrongest: Good.
humanitystrongest: Meanwhile I'm going to try and rest off whatever the fuck was in that drink
humanitystrongest: What kind of shit was that
titanscientist: Your shit
titanscientist: JKJK :D
titanscientist: Umm a mix of Jagermeister, beer and vodka
titanscientist: I believe it's called a Turbo Jagerbomb.
humanitystrongest: ...what the fucking hell
humanitystrongest: Where the fuck did you get the vodka from
erwinsmith: Long story.
humanitystrongest: Okay, definitely not sketchy as fuck.
humanitystrongest: At least I didn't have enough to be flat ass drunk
titanscientist: Erwin I think we should let him rest
titanscientist: He's getting more mouthy
erwinsmith: Good idea, Hanji. Have a good rest Levi.
humanitystrongest: Wait a minute
titanscientist and erwinsmith left the conversation.
humanitystrongest: ...fuck.
humanitystrongest: What happened...
titanscientist started a conversation with erwinsmith.
titanscientist: Do we tell him
titanscientist: Or should he find out on his own?
erwinsmith: Don't tell him.
erwinsmith: Hopefully Levi will never find out...
strategicpoint started a conversation with titandestroyer and mikasassasin.
strategicpoint: Merry Christmas guys!
mikasassasin: Merry Christmas to you too :)
titandestroyer: you too guys :)
strategicpoint: Wow Eren
strategicpoint: Were you my Secret Santa?
titandestroyer: yup!
titandestroyer: do you like it?
strategicpoint: Yes! It's a beautiful book :')
strategicpoint: Where'd you get it from?
strategicpoint: Books are hard to come by these days
titandestroyer: um...a shop
strategicpoint: What shop? I should go by there sometime :D
titandestroyer: err...long story
strategicpoint: It's called Long Story? That's a pretty cool name
titandestroyer: sure...let's go with that
titandestroyer: what about you mikasa?
mikasassasin: I don't know who I got it from
mikasassasin: But it's a homemade pin with the Survey Corps logo on it
strategicpoint: That's really cool! I can't believe someone actually made one
strategicpoint: What about you, Eren?
titandestroyer: i don't know
titandestroyer: i haven't opened it yet
strategicpoint: Well hurry up!
titandestroyer: kay kay
titandestroyer: ...
titandestroyer: wtf
mikasassasin: ?
mikasassasin: What is it Eren?
titandestroyer: it's...a pair of pink mittens
titandestroyer: with a note that says "she'll be coming after you soon"
strategicpoint: Who's "she"?
titandestroyer: does it look like i know...
titandestroyer: OH SHIT
titandestroyer: i know who it is
titandestroyer: talk to you guys later
mikasassasin: What's happening?
titandestroyer: i gotta run before i get mauled!
mikasassasin: Eren!
jeanchevaljean started a conversation with fuzzypeaches.
jeanchevaljean: i can't believe you were the ones who took sasha's mittens from me
jeanchevaljean: you had me freaked out for over a week;;
fuzzypeaches: sorry dude
fuzzypeaches: but at least it's being put to good use now eh?
jeanchevaljean: haha yes...
Author's Note
Merry Christmas everyone! I hope you guys are eating lots of delicious food and spending time with family :)
Lots and lots of thanks to hellraven-ovo, Peque Saltamontes, HarmonyBenderFreak, Tennu, Gemini Wonderland, AmIObsessed, Yoruko-Chan, Diclonious57, Gou Tachibana, Gleam Tamers Hikari27, Buntaichou, yourreluctanthero, Confused reader, Cutiepiepo2, and Seseorang for the reviews :3 And thank you HarmonyBenderFreak for mentioning that Dec 25 is also Isaac Newton's birthday :D
And a message to Confused reader: AHAHAHAHAHAHA CONGRATS FOR BEING THE FIRST PERSON TO NOTICE. I was wondering how long it would take people to notice that Eren can't read, yet can read the texts XD For the sake of this fanfic, let's pretend that this plot hole doesn't exist and keep going on with our lives :)
I'll also send you a little video for Christmas: watch the New IKEA advert 2013 - Time for Change Music Video. There was a comment that compared SNK to this video (and you'll see why XD).
As another side note, if you were confused in Chapter 6 about Sasha's "WAIT TILL YOU SEE MY DICK", search up Wait Eren on Youtube. And then Wait Rei for the Free version.
Finally, my little Christmas gift to you guys: I'll add in another short. Enjoy and have a great holiday!
Levi finds out what happened last night after the Jagerbombs.
humanitystrongest started a conversation with titandestroyer.
humanitystrongest: Jaeger
titandestroyer: yes corporal?
humanitystrongest: Promise to tell the truth, okay?
humanitystrongest: Whatever I ask you
titandestroyer: err why sir?
humanitystrongest: Just do it before I chuck you into the holding cell again
titandestroyer: um okay...
titandestroyer: so what is it?
humanitystrongest: What exactly did I do yesterday night?
titandestroyer: O.o
titandestroyer: i can't say
humanitystrongest: You promised brat.
titandestroyer: i've been ordered not to tell anyone
humanitystrongest: Jaeger
humanitystrongest: If you don't tell me this instant
humanitystrongest: I will make you clean the entire castle
humanitystrongest: BY YOURSELF
humanitystrongest: WITHOUT the industrial grade bleach
humanitystrongest: Do you really want to deal with that torture?
titandestroyer: OKAY OKAY I'LL TELL YOU
titandestroyer: you got pretty drunk
humanitystrongest: I know that you little shit
titandestroyer: then you stood up on the table
titandestroyer: and declared yourself the cleaning god
titandestroyer: and that everyone should bow down before you
humanitystrongest: ...well fuck
titandestroyer: that's not all
titandestroyer: you also
humanitystrongest: That's good Jaeger.
humanitystrongest: I don't need to know anymore
titandestroyer: but corporal
humanitystrongest left the conversation.
titandestroyer: you also took out a whip...