"Am I better off dead? Am I better off a quitter? They say I'm better off now, than I ever was with her." - The Script

SO,

I talked to you. I did it. I seriously thought that my heart would leap out of my ribcage, pierce a hole through my chest, and commit suicide by jumping off.

At first I added you as a friend on Facebook but thought against it. So I basically taped a video of myself – took me hundreds of retries, and heck knows how much of a struggle it was to change the video format to make it work for Facebook. I did all of this Arnold, and for what? For you to not even look at it.

Instead, you messaged me about half an hour after I sent my message, which is a lot quicker than I expected to be fair, only to tell me that if I wanted to talk to you, I didn't need to make a video of myself for that.

Well, we spoke for six hours and, to my chagrin, we only spoke casually and superficially. I did get to know how you were doing though, and that made me very happy. Glad that things with your parents are going swimmingly. You seem to miss your grandparents though, which is understandable. But the question still begs to be asked and answered: what about me, Arnold? Do you still miss me?

You seemed so normal, so...indifferent, almost as if nothing had ever happened between us. Well, at first anyway. Then when it felt like we were finally warming up to one another, you suddenly striked me as becoming rather...cold? It was so strange.

You did mention wanting to visit me, though. I dare not hope, and yet the thought has been trotting in my head ever since. You, visiting Hillwood once more, specifically to see me? It's almost too beautiful to fanthom!

But will the person visiting me be the wonderful Football-headed goody two shoes that I fell in love with so long ago, or will it be this seemingly strange, new indifferent Arnold that seems to treat me as a if I was mere more but a vague acquaintance?

I told you I had a boyfriend at the end, just in the hopes of bringing some kind of reaction out of you. You said that it "was nice" and that you had to go, but that I'd tell you more about him some other time.

I think that might have hurt you. Part of me hopes it did, and the other part, the one that selflessly wishes for your happiness before all, hopes that on the contrary, you didn't care, that you've moved on and that you're truly happy.

In the end, I don't know what I was expecting when I wrote to you again. What was I thinking? I guess I got my answer.

Heh, and to think I was enough of a sap to think that this would be the last time that I'd write in this document. Stupid me.

Well, this is it. I'm sick of writing useless words to none other than myself. I doubt you'd even care if you read all this anyway.

I'm going to bed.

Goodnight Arnold.

Sincerely,

Helga G. Pataki

I'm sorry if this chapter was a bit disappointing. It was intended, but no worries :) Helga's conversations with Arnold will continue, for better or worse. As for me, the same goes in my case as far as my Arnold's concerned. Thanks for all the reviews, favs and follows, guys! - CB~