Disclaimer: I do not own Transformers. Just the plot and OCs.
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Chapter 31
Recharge was the hardest part of these orns. For recharge was when it really closed back in. When he walked into those dark quarters to a cold and empty berth. When he was forced to remember—not that he could ever forget—that there was never again going to be that majestic femme smirking at him, that wonderful little sparkling cooing quietly, or that booming laugh of that rowdy live-wire of a brother of his. To know that even the other one was gone. Not dead, but so utterly repulsed by the very idea of being anywhere around this retched failure of a mech that he wanted nothing to do with him.
Somehow, that was almost worse.
It was those long joors of night that hit Ironhide the hardest deep inside this empty hole inside him where a spark had once burned brightly. He'd say that the damn thing was gone, but it hurt to fraggin' much to be gone. Even if everything he loved dearly had been torn away from him so brutally, so suddenly, his spark was still there.
He was still here.
Even those nights he spent with his helm in his hands, massive frame shaking, crying quietly to himself when there was no bot around to hear him. To tell him that it would get better. That he would be alright. That things would go on.
He didn't believe it.
He didn't want to.
He didn't want to think that he could go on living without everything he was living for, fighting for, dying for.
For it was supposed to have been him.
Not them.
If somebot was going to die in this damn war it was supposed to have been him. He was supposed to have died protecting them. He was the sire, he was the big brother, he was the mate.
It was supposed to have been him!
Why, why wasn't it him!?
His beautiful mate, his innocent sparkling, his foolish brother . . . they . . . they had so much potential. So much they could be. And now they were gone.
Like a poof of smoke.
Gone.
Those cunning optics, that tiny smile, that adventurous spark.
They should have lived.
Not him.
Not this poor excuse for a Tribal dog.
He could still feel it. Those bonds tearing away from him. Leaving him empty.
Leaving him forever alone.
This hollowness insides was eating him alive, but it wasn't enough to kill him.
It was agonizing.
With another choked sob Hide tucked his helm lower and cried.
A startled vent and a slight jerk was all the movement that went along with that jolt out of recharge. It was only because there was a warm frame tucked into his side, a tiny ball of yellow curled up in the little space between him and that frame, and two ever growing balls of black plating lounged across his and his mates legs.
If it weren't for them he was damn sure he would have bucked off the berth.
For a terrifyingly long moment Ironhide lay there, processor caught between the past and the present. Until the warmth around him actually registered in his spark and with a heavy sigh the massive mech let his head thud back against the berth behind him. Staring through hazy optics up at the ceiling above him he fought back the emotions that had bubbled through the well constructed barriers. It seemed not quick enough though.
A shift beside him and Hide's optics cut to the side to see Chromia's pretty optics blinking tired up at him.
"Hide?" She mumbled. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing." It wasn't a lie, in a manner of speaking. There was something wrong, but it was an old pain, one that some of should no longer trouble him with what was resting in his arms now. It was still there though. Deep inside his spark, those dark and broken pathways still twisting tighter in on themselves the longer there was no reply.
Not that there ever would be one now, it was merely hard to convince a spark to let go. No matter how logical or illogical that was.
Those intelligent optics narrowed accusingly at him though. Just as he knew they would.
Mia was no fool, and with a very alive sparkbond burning between them again there really was no lying between merged sparks.
"Don't you try that slag with me you big hunk of cannons." She didn't growl, her voice was hardly above a whisper, but that was only because there was a tiny ball of yellow curled between them recharging quietly, wings twitching every now and again behind his back. "What's wrong?" The hand that traveled across his barrel chest spoke a different tone than the one in her voice however. The gentle touch of the fingers resting over the invisible seam in the center of his chest.
A sigh shook through his vents as he tilted his head to the side, lightly pressing his lips against the crest of her elegantly sculpted head before nuzzling her, the hand that was wrapped around her back and tucked over her so that his fingers dangled softly against the malleable yellow protoform between them tightening to bring her closer.
"Some pains linger, Mia." He admitted quietly, seeing the moment her optics flashed with understanding before dimming with pain. A part of his spark hated himself for bringing it up, but he couldn't help the memories that came to him in the depth of recharge.
A shaky breath ran through the femme's frame as well while she burrowed herself harder into Hide's form as well as hugging Bumblebee just the slightest bit harder to her chest. Even going so far as that when Echo wiggled in her spot curled around the femme's feet Mia stroked the pup's long audios with a toe through the mesh blankets.
This was a misery that would always live inside them both. Though there were aspects of it that had eased. New and old connections very alive and very warm against the cold and dead links. There was joy now.
Joy that outweighed the pain most moments.
That was more than Ironhide had ever thought he could ask for after he lost everything so long ago. With a strong pulse of what he felt for this passionate femme that lay in his grasp with the little mechling that now owned the two of them body and soul, the little mechling that if hadn't come into his life Ironhide had no idea where he would be now. Or if he even would still be.
Holding each other closer the mates pushed their shared pain away to the place where it was more manageable and less likely to be noticed by the brilliance that burned in a shared bond between them now. The brilliance that twitched slightly in his recharge, rolling over, delicate wings flapping with whatever dream it was he was in, before snuggling deeper into the warmth and solid safety that was Hide's armor.
A low purr built up in the large mech, rumbling steadily to coax the little mechling back into the deepest, safest, recharge. Going back to nuzzling Mia when the twitching stopped. With a quiet mumble he held her tighter.
"Recharge, Mia. Everything will be okay."
There was something wrong with him.
Oh that much Bumblebee was certain. From the way that he looked away when he thought the little mech wasn't paying attention, to the way his spark was fogged up again. Between the lines something wasn't right.
And since there was no bot in this faction that read between the lines better than Jazz that was where Bee and his pups were headed. Not that they were supposed to be.
Oh no.
They were supposed to be curled up on a couch in the rec room with a lap full of datapads full of his math lessons for this decacycle. The only problem with that was, Bee sorta hated math.
Really.
He hated it.
With a fiery passion.
It was awful.
Mainly because he didn't get it, and no matter how brilliant Prowl was he was not very good at breaking things down to youngling levels of comprehension. Which meant most of the time in his lessons Bee was left sitting there blinking rather blankly up at the two tone mech over the glow of a datapad trying to figure out what he was saying. Because most of the time it really didn't sound like Cybertronian to him.
Not the slightest bit.
So, Bee really had no issues with this orns vanishing act. Not that the twins were going to feel the same way when they looked up from their C-Ball game and found that him and his pups were gone. That was a consequence to be worked out later though. For now Bee had more pressing concerns.
Like what the pit was wrong with his Sire.
And his Mia. And his Hammer. And even Prowl for that matter. Because the doorwinged mech hadn't even offered to teach him some more about the weird panels he now possessed after he was done with his lessons. The 'doorwing language' activates that Prowl had taken up doing lately were really fun. Bee enjoyed them. Only now they just seemed to have stopped.
Something was up again, and once again no bot was bothering to tell him. Considering he was now keeping constant tabs on the strengthening link between Roddy and Optimus he knew it wasn't because of that whole new thing that this weirdness had started up again.
That meant it had to be something else. Something else he was going to get to the bottom of.
And that meant a trip to see Jazzy. Which was always fun.
Considering Scout like his math lessons just about as much as he liked baths the pups had no problem at all with slipping off again. So that was where the tiny trio of troublemakers found themselves. Padding on along the halls in the middle of mid-orn shift which meant they were relatively safe from being spotted even without being sneaky. Though, they all still enjoyed the whole endeavor of slinking around the shadows and not getting caught. That was probably why they were doing it anyway.
That and bouncing up the stairs four at a time because the pups could and Bee found it incredibly fun.
Once they ended up in front of Jazz's door however, the goofing off came to an end while Echo bounced herself up on her back legs nosing the key lock on the door until it pinged a request to enter to the silver mech on the other side. Because Jazz's office door was not like the public doors of the ships. They couldn't just hop up and down in front of the motion sensors to get it to open. It had to have a pass code to get in from the outside.
Bee did not have that pass code. Nor were he or the pups tall enough to key in the code in the first place.
It worked out better in the long run if they simply pinged to get in.
So pinged they did.
Than Echo fell back down onto all four paws, tail sweeping behind her, audios twitching as she listened. Scout was observing the area around them, on his toes to bounce away from sight if he had too, but Bee was content to simply be perched there between the big pup's shoulders, looking between his tall audios to the door in front of them waiting for Jazz to open the door.
It took a few nanos but eventually an annoyed huff rang out.
"Well it's open for slag sakes, come in."
Both pups glanced at Bee who was snickering under his breath until he pulsed a feeling to Scout. The pup answered it with a huff but let out a loud bark all the same. Another few nanos of quiet until footsteps sounded and the door slid open.
Bee beamed brightly up to that bright blue visor and the easy grin that slid across the mech's face.
"Lil' Bee," He purred softly, stepping from the room and scooping the little mechling up from his pup's back. Turning around he allowed the two black pups to trail after him. Keying the door closed behind them he carried the snuggling ball of protoform against his chest back to his cluttered desk. Falling down into his swivel chair, twirling around few times with the action earning himself a melody of giggles. Jazz chuckled along with the bubbly laughter leaning back until he had the chair propped back on it back legs as he swung his clawed feet up onto the desk.
"Hi Jazzy," Bee purred back, burrowing himself into the strong armor of Jazz's chest to feel the powerful life-force that echoed in its chamber on the other side.
"Aren't you supposed to be with the twins?" Jazz asked him, lifting an optic ridge over the rim of his visor.
Peaking up over the curves of armor Bee smirked. "Aren't you suppose be doin' file stuff?"
To that Jazz tipped his audio horn topped helm back in a deep laugh. The sound rumbling through both him and the tiny mechling as the pair of pups took to curling up at side of his desk content with their Bee's current caretaker.
Jazz's laughter was contagious though and soon the pups were purring on the floor along with them. Almost melting into his chair with the ease the youngling brought to his spark, Jazz rolled his head back at a lazy angle to gaze down at the mechling with a fond smile.
"Ya far too young to be as snarky as me you little mech." He chided playfully. Bee simply went on giggling and burrowing through until they were purring together in the quiet room. They stayed there like that for several klicks until Jazz bent his chin down staring down at the big bright optics. A click followed by a hiss and the visor over his optics slid up making those big orbs of his brighten even more as the smile grew a little more. Wiggling his way up to press noseplate to much larger noseplate he stared into those dark blue optics that shown with a brightness that not even that curve of glass could truly hide. Not from him.
He understood the purpose of the saboteur's visor.
He understood that Jazz was a spy. Even if he didn't truly get the real definition of that he knew it meant that Jazz had to be sneaky. That he had to be very good at secrets. He had a problem with that though. Those optics of his were very expressive. Almost as much as his spark in Bumblebee's terms of comprehending thing.
The visor hid that.
It allowed Jazz to lie like the master saboteur he was.
At least to everybot but Bee.
"What ya need that ya willin' to sneak off from the twins for, Lil' Bee?" Jazz questioned quietly after the nuzzling came to an end when the mechling pulled back.
Antennas stilling in their happy twitching and sensory panels lowering against his back ever so slightly, Bee dipped his tiny head a bit. "Me has a question."
Jazz's head tilted. "Alright, what is this question you have?"
"What the matter with 'em now?"
To that Jazz leaned back slightly, confused, unsure of what the mechling had picked up on this time. The saboteur had been buried behind Mirage's field reports for almost three orns now—he really needed to go have a talk with that mech—and hadn't been outside his office for a while now.
Not something he would normally do willingly.
Reports were Prowl's comfortable domain. Not his. However, there were a few downsides to speak of when one was the head of Special Obs. The main one being the ridiculous amount of paperwork that went into missions and war. Even if the Decepticons seemed to have forgotten they were at war at the moment.
Jazz wasn't complaining by any means, the less casualty reports he had to write the better his recharge was, but it was becoming a bit odd. Megatron wasn't one to stay idle for long. It made the silver mech uneasy, but not near as much as those big blue optics blinking up at him with worry once again did.
Who had gone and upset this family's precious treasure now?
"Who, mechling?"
"Hide," Bee responded quietly. "And Mia, and Hammer, and me think Prowl too. Because him more tense than normal. Not happy again. Me thought everybot would be happy again. After party. Was happy for a while. Why no more?"
Jazz's processor ran hard for a moment trying to catch up with what in all of Primus the little mech was talking about before the star-date field away in his chronometer actually registered with the mech. A flare of guilt cut through the core of his spark, a feeling he had to quickly blur before the little creature resting above the life force picked up on it.
It was the last orn of the wet season. Summer was starting the very next orn.
This was the orn all those vorns ago that this family's trio of young mechs had gone off on that scouting trip they promised they wouldn't . . . and then never truly came back from.
Smokescreen might have been the only one that died that night so long ago, but a piece of Hammerdown and Outrider had never really come back from it either. None of them ever had.
And it seemed the changing of seasons was hitting hard this vorn.
Jazz felt like a fool for not thinking that it would.
The femmes had returned. Filling a place that this glitched up family never thought would ever be whole again. That didn't mean that all the pains died with their return though. There were still cold, broken bonds chilling sparks here. Broken bonds that Bumblebee knew nothing about because no bot had ever told him.
About Smokey, or Rider . . . or Whiteout . . . .
"Oh Lil' Bee," Jazz sighed, cupping his claws under the youngling and cradling him close. "That spark of yours is gonna get ya in a lot of trouble one orn."
That adorably tiny head tilted to the side. "Huh?"
Shaking his own head his visor fell back down in some attempt to hide the truth. Even if he knew there was no way he could possibly do that.
"They're not . . . unhappy per say mechling," Jazz told him. "They're just . . . sad."
Bee blinked.
Because . . . umm . . . what?
That didn't make sense . . . did it? Because Bee didn't think it really made all that much sense.
Sad was not good. In any frame of mind. Sad meant unhappy. Right?
"Me not understand." It came out as a small whine that made the relaxing pups on the floor perk their audios, optics suddenly very focused on Jazz. Or more accurately they were focused on Bee, but Scout was still glaring death threats at the silver mech. They didn't mean much to the mech who the pups still hardly reached the lower knee of, but one orn he knew well those pups would be much, much bigger. Than those glares would mean far more.
It was the mechling's confusion that was the most pressing concern of the moment though. A confusion with an explanation he wasn't all that sure was his to give. There were reasons Bee did not know of Rider or Smokey, and especially Whiteout. Not reasons Jazz was all that sure were right, but they were reason all the same.
Faceplate sobering Jazz sighed. "Bee . . . these are questions for you to ask Hide. Not me."
"But what if Hide not wanna answer?"
"Well than maybe its best you just don't know yet. There are things that you are still too young to understand, Lil' Bee."
A pout flared to life on his lips. "Me not stupid. Me know what me feel."
"I know you're not stupid Bee—" Jazz hurried, but the mechling cut him off.
"Me understand more than all you think me do! Know what feel wrong. Know what war is. Know what war does! Don't understand why, but do know that!"
Jazz deflated. "We don't want you to have to understand why, Bumblebee. You're just a youngling. You shouldn't have to understand this war. You shouldn't have to be a part of it, or all the hurt it causes."
Simmering down a bit from the boil of anger that had built in his little chassis Bee watched the larger mech for a long while before he huffed in a quiet, almost sad note of a chirp. "Me already part of war, Jazzy, all you just not want to see that."
The saboteur gulped hard and audible. The words stabbing him right through the spark leaving him to sink down further into his chair unable to even coax up a response worth thinking let alone saying.
There was no way that tiny bit of protoform laying on his chest could have any idea just how badly those fourteen words hurt.
The door of the bridge swishing open wasn't all that odd. After all bots came and went from the Eternity's bridge just about all breems of the orn. The soft steps the powerful red and blue Prime would know anywhere were also not all that odd. Jazz rarely had the patience for reports for very long—the saboteur actually stuck with them longer than normal this time—so it was not the least bit out of the ordinary that he would stroll out for a break and some company for a little while.
It was the pitter-patter of two sets of paws that followed him in that was odd. It was that that had the Prime turning from the map console in the middle of the back deck of the bridge that Ultra Magnus, Roddy, Elita, and Prowl stood around with him looking over the layout maps for the immediate area of tunnels they were in and the landscape above. Prowl was formulating the likely point of entrance and attack that the coming threats they all knew would be here eventually might take on their quest for Bumblebee.
They were attempting to figure out some methods of better readying themselves so that debacle of the hounds and the hunters in the storage tunnels not too long ago would never happen again. This for all intensive purposes was a war counsel readying for the next attack. It was no place for a curious little mechling and his adventurous spirit that wanted to do things he was far too small and delicate to do.
So why was the tiny creature perched in the crook of Jazz's arms with his hounds trialing after them as Jazz carefully picked his way through the busy bridge to climb the short stairs that lead to the back deck?
As always Bee's focus was everywhere at once. Taking in who was on shift, what weird things they were doing, where Jazz was going, the fact that lots of his favorite bots were in the direction they were going, his hounds were still trailing along faithfully, the cool map thingy was on again, flickering with images of places he'd never got to go, and then there was the fact that Elita was smiling down at him making his doorwings flare and flap excitedly before he was giggling and wiggling in Jazz hold, reaching and grasping at air until the saboteur reached the console handing him off to the femme. Elita quickly scooped him up and cradled him to her chest. A light purr rumbling through her when he laughed and burrowed himself in while his doorwings and winglets fluttered happily. She was aware of the pups circling around her feet. Watching carefully as she held what they viewed as theirs until they settled down to sit beside her. Only once the purring and the petting had trailed off into quiet snuggling and soft giggles did Elita look up again to find Jazz leaning against the console staring, but obviously not truly seeing.
Her optics brightened in worry at the sight, but Prowl was already speaking.
"Jazz?" The Praxian rumbled in that deep—almost but not really to anybot that really knew him—monotone of his. Jazz hardly flicked an audio horn at him though. A heavy sigh rattled through the silver mech's vents, his form slouching, and his chin coming to rest on an upturned palm. He looked like a kicked turbo-pup. It was disheartening.
Prowl tried again as all attention landed squarely on those slumped shoulders.
"Jazz, what is wrong?"
His head tilted up, visor sliding to the black and white mech before it slid the other way to the little mechling that was too busy purring at being rubbed gently between the doorwings to care much for anything else at the moment.
The subtleties that could make a youngling happy, make him forget, how they all longed for those again.
"He noticed." Was all Jazz muttered making the purring come to an end as Bee focused back in on him, but only because 'Lita's hand stopped rubbing when her processor stalled to all but Jazz. Only to then kick back into overdrive trying to figure out what it was that the mechling could have learned that he should not have this time.
"Noticed what?" Magnus switched to comms as the mechling was distracted by the shimmering pictures of the ruble of Tyger Pax for a moment. Hopefully long enough for him to be distracted from the conversation he wouldn't be able to hear but would know very well was going on. He always did.
That visor slid back to Prowl. "Yours, Hide's, Mia's, Hammer's, all of ours depression over who is missing from this happy reunion."
Prowl went very still apart from his doorwings that hiked up high behind him in tension before they sagged just as quickly.
"Seems the party didn't really do the trick. Not that it really should have, but he still noticed."
"I . . . ." Had absolutely no idea what to say. Odd for Prowl.
Roddy however, had a bit of confusion brightening his optics. "Umm, wait a nano; I thought the mechling knew about Rider and Smokey?"
Optimus cast the youngest commander a head shake. "He does not."
"He doesn't know about Whiteout either," Elita asked softly. "Does he?"
"No." Jazz answered.
Again with the weirdness. MORE of the weirdness!
What was up with this weirdness!?
Ironhide came back to the room tonight carrying a pair of gel bones for the hounds. The hounds that were now purring so loudly in Bumblebee's berth he could hear them from his bubble bath in the sink when Mia was washing him. It wasn't the treat for the pups that was all that out of the ordinary though. Ironhide really did like his pups, Bumblebee knew that. The big mech could posture and snort and huff all he wanted but Bee could see into that spark. He knew the warm place that the pups had come to occupy. His sire might think he was in recharge those times late at night when the pups would curl around Hide's and Mia's ankles, but he wasn't. He saw those times Hide pet at Echo's audios.
Hide liked the pups. Bee knew.
But it was still weird to peak out from around Mia and the mound of bubbles to see Hide dropping the energon gel bones and then falling onto the big berth instead of coming in to help Mia finish scrubbing him.
That was weird.
He was wrapped in one of his fuzzy red towels now, cradled in Mia's arms as the femme shut off all of the washrack lights before joining Hide in the main room. The mech had the small vid screen Preceptor made them on more as background noise than anything else. It was just a music channel, one of the ones Jazz kept going for the ship, and by the faraway look in Hide's optics Bee knew the big mech wasn't listening. He wasn't even paying attention to him or the femme when Mia crawled into the large berth. The femme kept him close to her chest as she snuggled into Hide's bulk.
The mech seemed to snap out of his processor than. A Thick arm sliding around to scoop both Mia and Bee closer, almost pulling them into his lap as his attention shifted down to those confident blue orbs and the big baby blue ones that were peaking over the rim of an overly fluffy towel smiling like a solar flare up at him.
A part of him crumbled, the resolve he'd worked all orn after a comm call to conjure up leaving in a flash. Because there was no easy way to explain this, let alone any way to know how Bee wasn't going to take it.
"Hi Hide," That sweet voice pulled at his spark strings and without a second thought the massive warrior gently slid him from his towel and brought him to rest on the thick planes of his chest keeping a large hand draped over his back. Those flicking antennas danced with the curious and happy look that shown in his optics while he rested his chin against the thick armor.
"Hello my Bee," He rumbled a soft note. "I heard you went off to find Jazz this afternoon."
Nodding the mechling's antennas bobbed up and down. "Me had a question."
"We heard that as well." Chromia tried to keep the defeated sigh from her voice. She wasn't all that sure how well she did.
"Never got answered though." He pouted a bit, optics dancing between the mates. "Jazzy just went to see Optimus and 'Lita was there. Me got distracted. Then Sides and Sunny came and found me. They weren't happy."
Mia couldn't help but laugh lightly at the comment while Hide pet at those flickering antennas until he spoke again.
"Do you want an answer to that question, Bee?" He asked quietly.
That little frame straightened up like a shot, head tilting to the side, and optics confused. "Wanna talk about what wrong? Really?"
Hide very rarely ever wanted to tell him the truth of most things that were going on. Him or any of the rest of his family. They always thought he was too little. Too young. That he couldn't understand the reality of what they were talking about.
They were wrong.
He understood far more than they gave him credit for.
He felt things that none of them seemed to be able too.
He could feel inside Megatron. He knew very well none of them could do that.
Mia sighed. "Bee, you know if you have a question you can ask us about it don't you? You don't have to go ask somebot else."
He crouched a little. "Me . . . didn't wanna make mad or sad. Thought would get better with party but didn't."
"The party was wonderful, Bumblebee." Mia praised him quickly. "You never cease to amaze me with your creativity."
He beamed. "Sides, Sunny, and Jazzy helped." A loud snort from his berth over in the corner. "Scout and Echo too."
Mia smiled. It was hard not too when it came to this little youngling. "Yes, we know."
"Was fun though wasn't it?"
"Yes," She purred.
Then his head tilted. "What is that is unhappy about then? Me can feel it." Reaching out he poked Hide above the spark chamber. "Here. Something cold."
The purr and the smiles fell away as Hide rested back against the wall behind him those deep blue optics of his darkening.
Where the pit was he supposed to start with this?
He snorted.
There really was no good place. Might as well just dive in.
"Bumblebee," He rumbled. "Do you remember back when Hammerdown first came over to this ship?"
A doorwing flicked while he nodded. Yeah, he remembered. Hammer hadn't been happy either, but that had gotten fixed. He also remembered Cyber. A flash of pain came with those types of thoughts though. He might not have known the white mech well, but he remembered what he did for them. Just as he remembered what Risk had done for him.
He suddenly shoved the thoughts away. That was the path that lead to tears. He really didn't want to cry right now.
"Do you remember how angry he was at me? How we didn't get along?"
Another nod. "Yep. You fixed it though. Him not mad no more. Sad now for some reason, but not mad."
"Yes, we worked it out." Ironhide agreed. "But the thing is mechling, the thing that he was mad about is part of the reason of what is wrong now."
Confusion bubbled to life in those bright orbs. "Huh?"
"Bee," Hide sighed. "You understand broken bonds don't you?"
Well duh. He had them. Of course he understood them. It was what he could feel was wrong with them now. He just hadn't been sure how to tell Ironhide that he knew that. But hey, if Hide was going to bring it up than he guessed that meant he could talk about it.
"That is what wrong in here." He jabbed a finger into Hide's armor again. Only to have Ironhide and Chromia suddenly look down at him like he turned purple or something.
"You . . . ." Mia whispered. "You know that?"
Shrinking down a little bit more under the look Bee shrugged. "Umm . . . yeah. Can feel it." Yeah, feel it, that sounded a bit better than telling them he could see it. For now he'd just stick with feel it.
"You can feel it." Mia looked away muttering as she shook her head sadly. He shouldn't half to feel it. It wasn't his pain to carry. Damn it! She felt like hitting something.
"Yeah," He nodded slightly.
"Why didn't you ask then?" Ironhide questioned. It wasn't really like his mechling to wonder and not question. At least he didn't think it was.
"Didn't know how." Bee admitted. "Didn't want to make sad when was happy, then didn't want to make worse when was sad. So me thought maybe could ask Jazz and him just tell me what was wrong. Him must have just told you though."
"Bumblebee if you want to know something you ask me." Ironhide told him plainly. "You never have to be worried about asking me anything. You can tell me or ask me anything. No matter what. Even if you think it will upset me. You can ask."
"Both of us." Mia put in. "Do you understand?"
Yes. He did.
He didn't think that was all that much of a good idea, nor did he think he was really gonna do it with some of the things he knew, but sure he guessed the principle of the idea was a good one.
"Okay." He mumbled. "But . . . why bonds broken than? Who gone?"
Ironhide swallowed hard.
It suddenly got a pit of a lot harder when he bluntly asked. Not that he would know that it hurt. He was just a mechling.
"Outrider." Hide whispered softly, gathering his courage. Funny how the warrior that was willing to go toe to toe with Megatron if he had to found telling his mechling something more terrifying. "Rider . . . my little brother, Bee."
Bee straitened up. "Brother? You has brother? Like real brother?"
Ironhide nodded somberly. "Yes."
All Bee could do was blink. Because . . . really? Hide had a brother? A brother. A brother that was now . . . dead . . . .
This might be a very mean question, but he had to know and Hide did just say he could ask questions. "What happen to him?"
The big ebony mech opened his mouth, but no sound came out. His jaw clamped back closed and a heavy breath left him. He tried again. He couldn't force the words out of his vocal processor though. It was up to Mia who lifted a hand to pet lovingly at his head.
"He died mechling." She told Bee softly. And even if it had happened after the world thought she was gone from it, that didn't mean she hadn't known deep in her spark when that volatile young mech was snuffed from this world. She'd known. Just as she'd know through it all Ironhide was still alive. No matter that he couldn't feel her and the bond really was broken by stress and fear. She'd known. Somehow, she'd known. "A long time ago."
Bee glanced between them, unsure of how to take this news. He felt sad. Very sad. For a bot he didn't know, which was odd to his young mind, but he guessed he understood why. This hurt Hide and Mia very much. It made sense that since he loved them so much it would be painful for him as well. Doorwings and winglets sagging as well as his antennas folding down he shrank again.
"Oh," He whispered, unsure of what to do or say. He'd wanted an answer, but now that he had one he wasn't sure what to do with it. "Me sorry."
Hide swallowed hard. "There is nothing for you to sorry over, Bee."
Somehow he knew that, but still. "Still . . . not know what else to say."
"There really is nothing to say." Hide told him softly. "It happened a long time ago, but I loved that big fool a lot. We all did. And it is hard because these few orns remind us of him. It is near when he and another died."
Those baby blue optics refocused. "Another? That other part that me feel wrong?"
"It is what is so wrong with Prowl." Mia explained. "Though we miss him just as much as we miss Rider."
"Who?"
"Smokescreen." Ironhide explained. "Prowl's younger brother."
Those optics got even wider. "Brother? Prowl? Had a brother?"
Mia nodded sadly. "Yes, Bumblebee. He did."
"And," The little youngling said. "Him . . . died too. Didn't he?"
A short nod came from both the mates.
Bee looked away.
That was awful.
"They . . . they was killed, by mean bots?"
Hide nodded again.
"Oh."
The three of them were silent for a long time after that, the mechling laying back down to snuggle into his sire's chest to try and maybe make him feel better. Just a little better. Him and Mia both. Maybe. If he could.
He was already planning a way to try and do something for Prowl. To try and make him feel better too, but he knew what broken bonds felt like. He knew the place where his real carrier was. He knew the darkness and the cold that never really went away. He knew the place where Risk had been.
He knew.
He understood.
He also knew there was really nothing that would make it feel better. Not really. It was just one of those things bots lived with. Broken bonds never went away. Even a tiny youngling knew that.
There was one thing though. One thing he was still not sure about at his little family curled up together—Hide holding Mia and him, Mia holding Hide and him, him holding both Mia and Hide—that Bee still didn't get. One bond that he could still see when he turned his attention into the bonds of these bots and saw that shriveled up link that at once he figured kind of looked a lot like the one he had with these two. That was the one that confused him.
That was the one he knew they hadn't mentioned.
And . . . well, they said he should ask.
"Hide," He whispered after almost a breem of silence. The massive ebony mech hummed a soft response. "What about the other one?" He poked at his spark again before motioning to Mia. "What about link that broken? The one that kinda like mine."
Both adopted creators stiffened before they could hide it and Bee ducked a little further into the thick black armor.
He'd screwed up.
Fan-fraggin'-tastic.
But then Mia opened her mouth. "Bumblebee, you understand that the bond the three of us have is a creation-creator bond don't you?"
Bee nodded. "'Cuz said wanted to be my sire and carrier, even if not really made me."
"It doesn't matter if we created you are not." Ironhide rumbled. "You are ours. Forever."
Grinning, Bee burrowed into Hide's chest. "Me know."
"And you know that nothing will ever change that don't you?"
He peaked over the thick planes of armor. "Yeah."
"That link you can feel, Bee." Mia admitted quietly. "It's a creation bond like the one we have with you. You're right."
Bee wiggled around to stare over at her. "Had other creation bond? How?"
"Well," Hide whispered. "Because a long time ago we had a sparkling."
Bumblebee went very still. Sensory panels stiffening under the hands that held him before they plastered down to his back while his antennas fell down into their grooves. Those big optics of his filled with confusion, before they lit up with understanding, only to look away when that brilliant processor of his went to figuring.
He didn't speak.
No more questions, no more wondering. He just settled himself into that place he always lay on Hide's chest lost in his own thoughts. Neither the mech nor the femme really knew what that might mean though. They always knew—Hide especially—that Bee would have to know about Whiteout one orn. And it wasn't like they had hidden the fact from him. It was just that it was painful.
And complicated.
Bumblebee didn't know anything other than being the only mechling in Hide's life. Than Mia came back and he readily accepted the femme into that tightly held family of his. He accepted the adopted sire and carrier with little to no thought at all. And there really was no negative outcome to the truth that they'd had a son a long time ago. A son that had been killed in the war before he ever even reached younglinghood. A son that had been killed long before Bee even existed.
But this was a youngling's world of understand they were trying to explain death, loss, and pain to. It wasn't the same as if he had been grown. He wasn't going to take it like he would had he not known about Whiteout for another many vorns.
Then again, it was possible he could take it worse.
It was never a for sure thing when explaining things like this to anybot.
It was hard.
It hurt.
For all parties involved, and honestly both the mates thought the mechling was far too young for it. He was too little to be forced to understand death. To understand lost. To have to process it and come to terms with it. To handle it like an adult.
Because he wasn't an adult.
And he shouldn't be expected to have to.
War was not a place that allowed innocence for very long though, and Bumblebee was already well aware of what war, death, and pain were. He knew. He understood. They knew he did.
"Bumblebee," Hide pressed, trying to get the mechling to respond someway. So that they would know where his little head was at. What he was trying to make sense of. What they could help with.
"Sparkling," He finally mumbled. "Sparkling die too? That why bond is broken. Why link is empty. Why sad. Had sparkling, but sparkling died?"
Biting back the pain both Mia and Hide nodded slowly.
"Yes Bee," Chromia said. "Yes, Whiteout died the night Hide thought I died as well. He died a long time ago."
He glanced between them. "War and mean bots. They kill him?"
She nodded.
Bee deflated against the strong chest he was laid out on. His spark heavy and dark. Tears burned behind his optics, but he tried to keep them away. He shouldn't cry. That would only upset Mia and Hide.
"That sad." It hardly came out as a sound, but a few tears did spill with it making both the creators cringe inside as they quickly pulled the little mechling up burrowing him into the side of both their necks as they curled together trying to block out the world and the truth. Not that it would work.
It was worth a shot it nothing else.
"Me sorry," He sniffled, though he wasn't sure if he was apologizing for asking, for crying, or for being.
Mia shushed him all the same, nuzzling him and petting him while Hide did the same the two of them trying to keep the pain out of their own sparks so that it wouldn't make its way to him.
"It's not your fault, Bee." The femme whispered into his tiny audios as he wiggled further into the softness of her neck cables. She could feel the fat drops of coolant splashing against the sensitive protoform making her spark twist all the more. "Shush, it's not your fault."
"You're too young for this." Hide whispered. "But you're smart enough to understand. And you had a right to know, Bee. We just . . . we didn't want to upset you."
"Just sad." He muttered.
Sad because it was true. Sad because this wasn't a hurt he could fix with a party. Sad because it would never go away. Sad because he wondered if he made this pain worse simply by being here. Sad because it was caused by that darkness that Bee felt. Sad that he knew his family blamed that Mega-something. But that Bee somehow knew it wasn't his fault. Yet angry and sad all the same even as he thought it, because it was. He and his mean bots did it. Even if it was the darkness's fault.
It . . . it was hard to make sense of.
And he knew better than to try to say anything.
"We know," Mia said. "It hurts, Bee, it does. But it becomes manageable. It is manageable. Just stings a little more every now and again."
He wiggled around until those big optics shown up into the two pair of dark, bright blue optics that surrounded his little self. He was afraid to ask, but he would all the same.
"Does me . . . does me make it . . . hurt worse?"
They both reeled back as if he struck them, and he sorta plopped down on the berth because of it with a thud that sounded more painful than it was only to be snatched back up and clutched between two equally flaring sparks and frames that were desperately trying to express how very wrong that notion was.
"No," Hide growled deep in his chest. "No. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, NO! No don't you ever say that. Don't you ever even think that. No. No Bumblebee!"
"There is no way you could ever possibly make it worse." Chromia stressed. "Never, Bee. You're . . . you are so much more than we never thought we would ever know you wonderful, beautiful little mechling. We love you. So, so much."
The worry melted out than replaced by the glowing between the connection of sparks. The love and the warmth. The things Bumblebee lived for. He burrowed back in full force. Floating in the bubbly sea of emotions as he pulsed out to the love that he adored feeling so much.
"Me loves you too." He purred getting snuggled even tighter. He did. So very much.
There were a few perks to having been in this line of work for so long. If one didn't count the scars, and the tattoos, and the guilt that some carried a little harder than others it really was a fine profession. In the middle of a war there was always work to be had and credits to be made. They got to go and do as they pleased—to an extent—and it didn't matter to anybot who the frag they really were.
Mostly because they didn't tell anyone.
Because that would probably get them killed.
Or looked for.
Whichever one of those would be the worse they didn't know.
That was why they didn't test it.
This job was easier when there was no real hard thought about consciences or past went into it. Not that that often helped, but still it was something.
One of the perks they'd picked up over the vorns though was the ability to be very good at what they did and what it would take to finish the mission they'd chosen. Like now, as the two mechs hidden away in an shadow cave outcropping of ruble overlooking the 'secret' entrance to the Autobot's underground tunnels they knew just what would be needed to be done to get this finished. To collect their target and get their credits.
Only there was a problem.
A very large problem.
Their past was down there.
Cobalt blue optics were dimmed and narrowed in the darkness, but that did little to hide the emotions warring around in the big mech's spark as he gazed down at the job before them.
"Funny how the notion of this got harder the closer we got isn't it?" His brother chuckled, though there was little humor in his voice as the tri colored mech struggled to keep his wings from showing just what was in his head at the moment.
"Yeah," The red mech sighed. "I guess we should have saw that coming, huh?"
"Probably." The other nodded, the bright 'v' atop his forehead shimmering in the dim darkness.
Silence reined for a long time after that, the two of them calculating and figuring—okay the smaller one was calculating and figuring, the larger one was questioning his sanity and if he had enough bullets—while they stared until the smaller mech whispered.
"What the frag are we doing, brother?"
"What we were told." The other replied.
A snort. "And when did we start doing that?"
A devilish smirk. "I'm not really sure we ever did."
Bright sky blue optics met those cobalt ones before they grinned together.
"You thinking what I'm thinking?" The smaller asked.
"Yeah most likely, and I'm thinking that is a very bad idea."
"Oh come on, everything we do is a bad idea. We're bounty hunters."
"Yeah, but we're also supposed to be dead. Walking back down in there is not a good idea."
"We came this far." A shrug of a wing. "What were either of us really thinking we were gonna do once we got here?"
The larger mech looked down away from the others gaze. "I don't really know. I was just . . . doing what we always do. Tracking down the target. I wasn't really letting myself think about what was going to happen when we got here to take said target."
"Yeah," Another sigh. "I don't think I was either. We're here now though, and if we don't go down there some other bot is, and some other bot is gonna do it with blaster fire and a lot of energon. Bots are gonna die."
Cobalt optics narrowed. "I know."
A few clicks of silence reined again before they both let out a shared sigh.
"This is such a bad idea." The red one snorted.
"Most likely."
"So we're doing it right?"
"Oh yeah. We're doing it."
"Well, I guess better late than never."
A laugh rumbled up in the smaller mech as he smirked. "Yeah, sure I guess. It's gonna be interesting to see their faces to say the least. Hey! Three hundred credits says Prowler glitches in less than two klicks."
The larger brother chuckled looking down at him. "Oh come on. After all these vorns of war Ratchet had to have fixed that glitch by now."
"Oh no. There is no fixing that. He still glitches. I bet my life he does."
"You might be betting your life anyway. There is no guaranty that they're not going to shot us."
"True." He nodded with a smile. "But do you take it?"
That smirk widened. "Alright, I'll take that bet. There is no way the SIC of the Autobots still has that younglinghood glitch."
"Well I guess we're about to find out."
Indeed we are, mechs.
Hee-hee. Finally.
Hope you guys liked it.
And sorry it's late. I'm trying. Classes are hard, you know? But I'm still working so have no fear. Hopefully the next chapter will be up on time. Thanks for hanging in there you amazing readers and I can't wait to see what you thought of this chapter.
By the way, that ask blog is up. The link is in my profile if you want to check it out and play with the cast. See you all next chapter! :)
-Jaycee