A/N: So no feels here! Just good old humour and dickin' around ;) These past three chapters have been Levi-centric though...not that that's a bad thing. But I guess that's how luck goes... Just a note, I have no control on the character for each chapter because I use a random number generator because I want the characters to be spread evenly out through each round.
Also, you guys are AMAZING. Every review you guys leave gives me a smile (at least I would if I could smile, cause my face is still pretty swollen). And thanks to everyone who read Behind the Scenes! I'm writing the next chapter already :)
Warning: SPOILER FROM THE MANGA. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED. If you haven't read it...read it. Trust me, it's worth your time. And also the Birth of Levi. I think I'm going to end up skipping around the manga, so nothing here's really in chronological order. So sometimes everyone's alive, and sometimes everyone...isn't.
Chapter 17: How to Piss Levi Off - By Erwin Smith
erwinsmith started a conversation with humanitystrongest.
erwinsmith: Levi.
humanitystrongest: Yeah, Erwin.
erwinsmith: Can you do a favour for me?
humanitystrongest: Depends on what it is...
erwinsmith: I have to go to Trost to meet Pixis.
humanitystrongest: That's great to know.
erwinsmith: I'm going to tell him that we're planning to overthrow the king.
humanitystrongest: Fantastic
erwinsmith: And the government.
humanitystrongest: Peachy
erwinsmith: Levi, I'm serious.
erwinsmith: I'm not commenting on the weather.
erwinsmith: As such, I'll be gone for a few days, so I need you in temporary charge of the Survey Corps.
humanitystrongest: No.
erwinsmith: You won't be the only one.
erwinsmith: I've also asked Hanji to help.
humanitystrongest: Even more of a no.
humanitystrongest: Isn't she busy with her squad and babysitting that crazy Wallist?
erwinsmith: Pastor Nick was assassinated by the Central Military Police.
erwinsmith: Even more of a reason why I need to talk with Pixis.
humanitystrongest: And overthrow the government..
erwinsmith: Yes.
humanitystrongest: Yeah?
erwinsmith: ...yes.
humanitystrongest: Ugh...
humanitystrongest: I don't want to deal with an entire legion of brats.
humanitystrongest: Can't you get someone else to do it?
erwinsmith: Really? Who?
erwinsmith: Name one person.
humanitystrongest: ...
humanitystrongest: ...
erwinsmith: You see?
erwinsmith: Please, Levi.
erwinsmith: I really need you to help out.
humanitystrongest: I've done enough helping to last a lifetime
humanitystrongest: And I have enough on my plate dealing with my squad
humanitystrongest: And I hate to say it...
humanitystrongest: Actually no I'm not
humanitystrongest: But fuck off Erwin
erwinsmith: Sigh...
erwinsmith started a conversation with titanscientist.
erwinsmith: He said no.
titanscientist: I told you so~
erwinsmith: It was worth a try...
titanscientist: Well, what are you going to do now?
erwinsmith: I'm just going to have to persuade him...
titanscientist: ...
titanscientist: Oh no, Erwin, you're not going to...?
erwinsmith: Yes I am.
erwinsmith: It's the only way.
titanscientist: You know
titanscientist: Every time you ask him for a big favour, he things of Isabel and Farlan
titanscientist: Maybe that's why he's so hostile?
erwinsmith: Well it doesn't matter right now
erwinsmith: I really need him to take charge right now
erwinsmith: So I'm going to be gone for a few days...
titanscientist: Ohkayyyy
titanscientist: But don't say I didn't warn you~
erwinsmith: Hanji, you don't need to state the obvious.
titanscientist: Yes Captain America!
erwinsmith: Who's Captain America?
erwinsmith started a conversation with hrgoddess, jeanchevaljean, mikasassasin, potatopotahto, strategicpoint, and titandestroyer.
erwinsmith: Hello, Special Ops Squad.
strategicpoint: Er, hello Commander Smith.
mikasassasin: Do you need something?
erwinsmith: Yes, in fact, I do.
erwinsmith: I need everyone here to persuade Lance Corporal Levi to take temporary charge of the Survey Corps for a few days while I'm gone.
titandestroyer: you're leaving?
erwinsmith: A business trip.
hrgoddess: Don't worry, we'll handle it Commander Smith :)
erwinsmith: Great. I trust that the Special Ops Squad will do their very best.
erwinsmith: Best of luck.
erwinsmith left the conversation.
jeanchevaljean: so...what was up with that
jeanchevaljean: the great commander couldn't convince levi to budge?
potatopotahto: i guess so
potatopotahto: but this sounds like a lot of fun!
jeanchevaljean: ...
jeanchevaljean: you do realize that trying to convince him
jeanchevaljean: is like trying to move a boulder?
strategicpoint: Well, Eren did...
jeanchevaljean: HE WAS A GIANT ASS TITAN
mikasassasin: It's okay
mikasassasin: I think we'll manage to convince the Corporal to change his mind
hrgoddess: How?
mikasassasin: Think about it.
hrgoddess: ...
jeanchevaljean: oh! i see...
titandestroyer: i don't...
jeanchevaljean: figures
jeanchevaljean: we're gonna annoy the shit out of him until he breaks :)
strategicpoint: We'll get Hanji to join in as well
strategicpoint: Along with some of the members in her squad
jeanchevaljean: i'm sure connie wants to join in on the action
jeanchevaljean: especially after mr shitface forced him to wash all the linens with the ice queen
titandestroyer: cool um
titandestroyer: so i think i'll stay out of this one
potatopotahto: awww eren
potatopotahto: don't be so prude!
titandestroyer: i'm not!
titandestroyer: it's just whenever he gets mad
titandestroyer: you know who he takes it out on
titandestroyer: ME
jeanchevaljean: fine fine be a pansy then
jeanchevaljean: are we doing this or not
mikasassasin: Of course we are, the Commander gave us an order
mikasassasin: This is also a perfect way to get my revenge...
hrgoddess: Um right...
hrgoddess: I'll contact Connie
strategicpoint: And I'll ask Hanji
strategicpoint: I'm sure she'd be more than willing to help
potatopotahto: Probably too willing...
titandestroyer: maybe we should ask him nicely first?
jeanchevaljean: try it and see how that turns out LOL
titandestroyer: you know what horseface
titandestroyer: I WILL
titandestroyer started a conversation with humanitystrongest.
titandestroyer: hi corporal levi
titandestroyer: just wondering
titandestroyer: about dealing with the survey corps for just a few days
humanitystrongest: No.
titandestroyer: but
humanitystrongest: No.
humanitystrongest: Did Erwin put you up to this?
titandestroyer: ...you're right
jeanchevaljean: i told you so
titandestroyer: no one asked for your opinion, horseface
jeanchevaljean started a conversation with humanitystrongest.
jeanchevaljean: hey corporal
humanitystrongest: What is it, Kirschstein?
jeanchevaljean: neigh
humanitystrongest: Excuse me?
jeanchevaljean: moooooo
jeanchevaljean: cluck cluck
humanitystrongest: Kirschstein
jeanchevaljean: oink?
humanitystrongest: What the fuck is wrong with you
humanitystrongest: Do you want stable duty?
jeanchevaljean: BAWWWWWK
humanitystrongest: Shut up Kirschstein or I will permanently shut it for you.
jeanchevaljean: NEIGHHHHHHH
Jean walked into the mess hall scratching his head in confusion. He craned his neck to check the corners of the large room, but there was nothing.
Where the hell did I leave my phone? I swear I had it in my pocket...
A loud burst of laughter on Jean's left. He swung around quickly, and saw Sasha and Connie hunched over at a table. Sasha was unsuccessfully trying to contain her laughter while Connie was slapping the table.
Jean was instantly suspicious. He walked over silently to them and peered over their shoulders. His eyes widened in shock.
humanitystrongest: Shut up Kirschstein or I will permanently shut it for you.
jeanchevaljean: NEIGHHHHHHH
"SASHA! CONNIE!" Jean erupted as he grabbed their heads and smashed them against each other. As the duo winced and moaned in pain (giggling all the while like maniacs), Jean snatched his phone and stomped out of the mess hall, angrily slamming the door behind him.
jeanchevaljean started a conversation with fuzzypeaches and potatopotahto.
jeanchevaljean: WHAT THE FUCK YOU GUYS
jeanchevaljean: WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT
potatopotahto: the whole point is to annoy levi
fuzzypeaches: mission success!
jeanchevaljean: ON MY PHONE?
fuzzypeaches: hey it's pretty appropriate
fuzzypeaches: you are the horseface after all
jeanchevaljean: GODDAMN IT
potatopotahto: please, we did you a favour
potatopotahto: what else would you have written to the corporal?
jeanchevaljean: ...STUFF
potatopotahto: now now
potatopotahto: let's get off caps lock and text like civilized people
jeanchevaljean: LIKE YOU GUYS ARE CIVILIZED
fuzzypeaches: of course we are :)
jeanchevaljean: NO YOU'RE NOT
potatopotahto: aww jean don't be so angry
potatopotahto: if it makes you feel better
potatopotahto: you can spam the corporal on my phone as payback
jeanchevaljean: ...it's alright
potatopotahto: no really! do it!
potatopotahto: i wanna see what you can come up with :D
jeanchevaljean: ...okay
potatopotahto started a conversation with humanitystrongest.
potatopotahto: corporal levi?
humanitystrongest: Yeah Braus?
potatopotahto: potato potato potato
potatopotahto: potato potato potato
potatopotahto: potato potato
potatopotahto: potato POTATO
humanitystrongest: GOD
humanitystrongest: FUCKING
humanitystrongest: NOT YOU TOO
potatopotahto: potato?
humanitystrongest: NO POTATO
humanitystrongest: Shit
potatopotahto: ...you really could've been more creative
jeanchevaljean: shut up potato girl...
mikasassasin started a conversation with humanitystrongest.
mikasassasin: Hello Corporal Levi.
humanitystrongest: Stop texting me.
mikasassasin: Hello Corporal Levi.
mikasassasin: Hello Corporal Levi.
humanitystrongest: I'm just going to ignore you.
Half an hour later...
mikasassasin: Hello Corporal Levi.
mikasassasin: Hello Corporal Levi.
humanitystrongest: SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU SHITFACE.
mikasassasin: ...
mikasassasin: Yes sir.
mikasassasin left the conversation.
humanitystrongest: Fucking hell...
mikasassasin: Guys I think it's working.
potatopotahto: it most certainly is :D
titanscientist started a conversation with humanitystrongest.
titanscientist: So...how's it going ;)
humanitystrongest: You're in on this aren't you
titanscientist: No...
titanscientist: I've just heard rumours :)
humanitystrongest: Fuck you
titanscientist: Oh dear
titanscientist: That's not very nice
humanitystrongest: I'm not in the mood
titanscientist: Then does that mean...
humanitystrongest: Mean what?
titanscientist: Hmmm
humanitystrongest: Come on Hanji
titanscientist: Nah
titanscientist: Not gonna tell you why ;)
humanitystrongest: Tell me why...
titanscientist: AIN'T NOTHIN' BUT A HEARTACHE
titanscientist: TELL ME WHY
titanscientist: AIN'T NOTHIN' BUT A MISTAKE
humanitystrongest: ...screw you Hanji.
titanscientist: I WANT IT THAT WAY
humanitystrongest: Me too
humanitystrongest: I hope Sawney and Bean return from the dead and eat you alive
titanscientist: Ouch
titanscientist: That's harsh
humanitystrongest: Says the one who keeps retrieving my phone every time I chuck it out the window
titanscientist: It's an expensive tool of communication!
humanitystrongest: It's just a useless piece of bullshit right now as far as I can tell.
strategicpoint started a conversation with humanitystrongest.
strategicpoint: Corporal Levi!
humanitystrongest: WHAT THE FUCK IS IT
strategicpoint: Um just wanted to let you know that I've cleaned the hallway outside your office
humanitystrongest: ...okay, thank you Arlert.
strategicpoint: But I have another piece of news sir!
humanitystrongest: ...what?
strategicpoint: Canada and Sweden are battling for the Olympics men's hockey gold tomorrow!
humanitystrongest: ...excuse me?
strategicpoint: What the hell is a Canada
strategicpoint: There are also bloody protests going on in Venezuela and the Ukraine!
strategicpoint: Thailand too!
humanitystrongest: Not you too...
humanitystrongest: Fuck everything.
humanitystrongest left the conversation.
strategicpoint: Did you know we're just characters in an anime and that none of this is actually real?
humanitystrongest: Erwin
humanitystrongest: What the fuck have you done
erwinsmith: I don't know what you're talking about...
humanitystrongest: CUT THE CRAP.
humanitystrongest: I've got Kirschstein making barnyard noises
humanitystrongest: Braus yelling potatoes at me
humanitystrongest: Hanji screaming random song lyrics at me
humanitystrongest: Ackerman creeping the fuck out of me
humanitystrongest: Arlert spamming me with random facts
humanitystrongest: Reiss retelling me stories about Ymir over and over
humanitystrongest: And Springer telling me to shave my hair
humanitystrongest: THE ONLY ONE WHO HASN'T PISSED THE FUCK OFF OF ME IS JAEGER
humanitystrongest: AND THAT'S ONLY CAUSE I'VE ALREADY SCARED HIM SHITLESS
erwinsmith: Wow...what a tale.
erwinsmith: Your squad loves you very much.
humanitystrongest: Shut up Erwin.
humanitystrongest: Did you set them up to do this
erwinsmith: Now why would I do that?
humanitystrongest: Oh I don't know
humanitystrongest: Maybe cause you want to OVERTHROW THE GOVERNMENT.
erwinsmith: Now now, no need for caps lock, Levi.
humanitystrongest: Fine, I'll do it.
erwinsmith: Do what?
humanitystrongest: Take care of the Survey Corps while you're gone, Erwin.
erwinsmith: Thanks Levi. Glad you want to help.
humanitystrongest: But when you come back from your trip
humanitystrongest: You
humanitystrongest: are
humanitystrongest: dead.
erwinsmith: I'd like to see you try..
whispers
I did it, I broke the fourth wall