A/N: Hey again! Sorry for the cliffhanger last chapter; I just didn't want a long chapter. Except I happened to make this chapter long so I'm contradicting myself right now...Anyways, this is definitely my favourite chapter so far, and I had lots of fun writing it! A little present for the end of midterms!
I also want to say thank you to ShiftWithTheWind for her amazing words. For the past couple months I had a bit of a writer's block, which contributed to my slow updates. But thanks to her kind words I feel reinspired now! The words are flowing rapidly on the screen, and it's a wonderful and satisfying feeling (and no, Levi, I'm not constipated). So thanks again, and to everyone who have read, reviewed, followed or favourited over the course of this fic. Without you guys I probably would have stopped writing...so thank you again, and hope you enjoy this chapter!
Chapter 19: Hanji Screws Up Big Time
"Hey guys, I'm here!" Eren called out, and the talking abruptly ceased. Strange, he thought as he turned the doorknob. Why would they...
He swung the door open, but before he had the chance to take in his surroundings, someone attacked him and his vision went completely black.
"What the hell!" Eren yelped as he almost fell backwards due to the momentum.
"Sorry, Eren," the person who attacked him said apologetically. Eren immediately recognized the voice as Mikasa's, and he relaxed.
"Oh, it's you, Mikasa. I thought I was getting mugged or something." He could feel Mikasa's hands around the back of his head, tugging on a piece of cloth.
"Uh...why are you blindfolding me?"
"You'll see," she said cryptically.
"Hey, Eren!" Connie's raspy voice called out from somewhere far back in the room. "You liking what you see so far?"
"Haha," Eren said sarcastically. "Yeah, it's absolutely stunning. I could cry looking at it. Someone mind telling me what's going on now?"
"It's a secret," someone to his far left drawled in a monotone.
Eren turned his head towards the voice in surprise. "Corporal Levi? You're in on this too?"
He could almost see Levi puffing in exasperation. "Of course I am, brat. What do you think?"
I don't know because no one's telling me anything!, Eren wanted to snap back, but he willed himself to calm down. For at least a few moments, anyway.
"Could you guys hurry with this shit? I'm getting old here." Eren's ears pricked up at the sound of that goddamn annoying voice.
"Hate to agree with Horseface here, but I want to take this blindfold off," the brunette muttered. Jean spluttered and uttered a few choice words before he was shushed by everyone.
"Don't worry, it's finally done now," a higher-pitched voice called out. Eren smiled when he heard the all-too-familiar voice.
"Armin! You really are safe!"
"Of course, Eren. No way I'm getting eaten by a Titan right now," Armin replied cheerfully. His voice grew louder, and Eren could feel Armin's presence close to him.
"Sorry for disappearing all of a sudden. Commander Smith asked me to help him plan out the government takeover."
If Eren hadn't been blindfolded, everyone would've seen his eyes bug out. "Wait, what? What do you mean, government takeover?"
"It means they're taking over the government, hotshot," Jean said impatiently.
"No shit, Horseface!"
"And I thought you two could get along for just one day," Armin groaned. "But anyway, I was actually working on two plans. One for overthrowing the imperial family, and the other..."
"The other for what?" Eren asked curiously.
He could feel the blindfold loosen as Mikasa untied it. The brown cloth fell from his face, and Eren's eyes widened at the scene before him.
In front of him was a decrepit wooden table that easily took up half the office space. Which was odd, considering that Levi would never let a dirty thing like that in his pristine room. More surprising were the people sitting around the table. Jean, Marco, Sasha, Connie, Christa, Ymir, Reiner and Bertholdt were facing Eren. Levi, Erwin, Hanji and Moblit were on the sides, leaning casually against the wall. But even more surprising was the cake sitting in the middle of the table. Sixteen candles were distributed evenly around the cake.
"Black forest?" was all Eren could say.
Mikasa put her hand on Eren's shoulder and smiled. "Your favourite."
"So...what do you think?" Armin asked.
Eren was now at a loss for words. "It's amazing. Guys...you didn't have to."
Erwin now spoke up. "It's not everyday that you live past another birthday, especially here in the Survey Corps. Birthdays are important in this division. And especially that of the hope for humanity. You've sacrificed so much for us. This is the least we can do for you."
Levi took out a match and lit it in one smooth swipe. "Are you ready or not? I don't want the disgusting wax getting all over the cake."
Eren grinned widely and led Armin and Mikasa to the table to celebrate his sixteenth birthday.
A few hours later...
titanscientist started a conversation with moblitberner.
titanscientist: Moblit! Come over here right now!
titanscientist: We have a major problem!
moblitberner: Your glasses are probably up on your head.
titanscientist: No, it's not that!
moblitberner: What did you do...
titanscientist: I swear it wasn't my fault!
titanscientist: I accidentally spilled cake all over the texting system circuits!
moblitberner: ...cake?
titanscientist: Yes, the scrumptious German black forest cake from Eren's birthday party!
moblitberner: I know...I was there.
titanscientist: Of course you were!
titanscientist: I think some of the cream got on the circuits between the wires.
titanscientist: Damn it...sugar really isn't good for circuits
titanscientist: This is going to take a while to clean...
titanscientist: Moblit!
moblitberner: Yes Hanji...?
titanscientist: No one is to know of this incident!
moblitberner: Sure thing...
titanscientist: Also, come here and help me clean up!
moblitberner: Sigh...on my way.
titanscientist started a conversation with erwinsmith, freckledjesus, fuzzypeaches, hooverdam, hrgoddess, humanitystrongest, jeanchevaljean, mikasassasin, potatopotahto, titandestroyer, wreckingball and ymirror.
titanscientist: Hello there, dearies~
titanscientist: Just wanted to let you know, the system was down for a few hours due to complications, but Moblit and I have fixed it. Sorry for the inconvenience!
erwinsmith: What kind of complications?
titanscientist: Uh...interference in the wiring, but Moblit and I have cleaned it
titanscientist: I mean, fixed it :D
erwinsmith: Very well then, thanks for letting us know.
ymirror started a conversation with strategicpoint.
ymirror: hey armin
ymirror: i just want to thank you for the birthday party again
ymirror: you don't know how much it means to me
strategicpoint: Uh thanks
strategicpoint: Glad you liked it but
ymirror: and thanks for the book as well
ymirror: the scenery is really beautiful :D
strategicpoint: Err that's cool
strategicpoint: Btw Eren, why are you on Ymir's phone?
ymirror: huh
ymirror: what do you mean?
strategicpoint: Your username on my screen comes up as Ymir's
ymirror: WHAT
ymirror: SERIOUSLY?
strategicpoint: Yeah, I think it has something to do with the system failure a few hours ago
ymirror: ahhh
ymirror: i wonder how long it'll take before everything's back to normal
strategicpoint: Yeah...
ymirror: hey armin?
strategicpoint: I'm not Armin...
ymirror: ?
strategicpoint: This is Bertholdt...
ymirror: O.o
ymirror: oh shit
ymirror: did everyone else's usernames get screwed up?
strategicpoint: I think so
ymirror: then who was i talking to when i was making fun of jean?
jeanchevaljean: you piece of shit
jeanchevaljean: give me my username back
ymirror: i don't know how!
jeanchevaljean: i want it back by tomorrow
jeanchevaljean: or else your face'll be tasting dirt
ymirror: O.O
jeanchevaljean started a conversation with hrgoddess.
jeanchevaljean: Historia!
jeanchevaljean: are you okay?
hrgoddess: Yeah
hrgoddess: But Jean why are you asking if I'm okay?
hrgoddess: And who the hell is Historia?
jeanchevaljean: ...shit
hrgoddess started a conversation with hooverdam.
hrgoddess: So who am I talking to right now?
hooverdam: Huh? It's Bertholdt
hooverdam: Sorry, but Christa, how come you're talking to me?
hrgoddess: Oh right
hrgoddess: Hanji messed up the system, and most of the usernames got jumbled
hrgoddess: It's Reiner
hooverdam: Oh okay
hooverdam: I got confused there for a second
hooverdam: Funny you got stuck with Christa's username
hrgoddess: I know right?
hrgoddess: But see here's the thing
hrgoddess: Apparently Christa's actual name is Historia!
hooverdam: What? How do you know?
hrgoddess: Ymir got me confused with her
hooverdam: Hmm...that's very interesting
hooverdam: I'll ask around and see if anyone knows more about Christa/Historia
hrgoddess: Isn't it better if we keep it secret?
hooverdam: I suppose so...that's definitely something Bertholdt would do
hrgoddess: ...
hooverdam: Maybe I should stop pretending to be Bert, eh?
hrgoddess: Who the hell are you?
hooverdam: take a guess, blondie ;)
hooverdam started a conversation with wreckingball.
hooverdam: so how's the pranking coming along?
wreckingball: fantastic
wreckingball: i already scared the crap out of jean
wreckingball: who coincidentally has eren's username
hooverdam: LOL that's priceless
wreckingball: wbu?
hooverdam: i convinced reiner that i was bertholdt for several minutes
hooverdam: and i learned some pretty interesting things...
wreckingball: ooh like what?
wreckingball: does reiner really wear a bra?
hooverdam: damn should've asked him that .
hooverdam: but no
hooverdam: apparently christa's real name is historia
wreckingball: really?
wreckingball: where'd he hear that from?
hooverdam: ymir
wreckingball: oh damn...that's actually kinda legit
hooverdam: IKR
wreckingball: btw we should text our own usernames and find out who's using them
wreckingball: don't want anyone screwing around with them
hooverdam: great idea
hooverdam: on it!
hooverdam started a conversation with potatopotahto.
hooverdam: hey sasha!
potatopotahto: Huh?
potatopotahto: This is Marco
hooverdam: OHHH
hooverdam: thank goodness
potatopotahto: ?
hooverdam: it's sasha
hooverdam: all the usernames got jumbled around
potatopotahto: Ahh I see
potatopotahto: That must be why Jean sounded so pissed when I was chatting with him
hooverdam: yeah, that was actually ymir XD
potatopotahto: That does make more sense
potatopotahto: I was wondering why he was swearing at me about "Historia"
hooverdam: ha i wonder why...
wreckingball started a conversation with fuzzypeaches.
wreckingball: hey, who is this?
fuzzypeaches: It's Christa :)
fuzzypeaches: Is this Reiner?
wreckingball: no it's connie
fuzzypeaches: Oh!
fuzzypeaches: Sorry about having your username...
wreckingball: don't worry, it's not your fault!
fuzzypeaches: You're right...
wreckingball: btw i have a quick question to ask you
fuzzypeaches: What is it, Connie?
wreckingball: is your real name historia?
wreckingball: ...
wreckingball: hello?
fuzzypeaches: Where'd you hear something like that?
wreckingball: ymir
wreckingball: your name's actually historia then?
fuzzypeaches: :O
wreckingball: don't worry! there's nothing wrong with historia
wreckingball: i think it's a pretty cool name
wreckingball: although i'm not sure why you'd use a different one
fuzzypeaches: Err sorry, but I have to go now
fuzzypeaches: Bye!
wreckingball: BUT CHRISTA
wreckingball: HISTORIA
wreckingball: WHATEVER YOUR NAME IS
shortleviathan started a conversation with mikasassasin and titandestroyer.
shortleviathan: Hey Eren!
shortleviathan: Hope you had a great birthday :)
shortleviathan: I just want to say sorry again for ignoring you, but it was necessary
shortleviathan: Forgive and forget?
titandestroyer: fucking hell are you messing with me too?
shortleviathan: Huh?
shortleviathan: What do you mean?
titandestroyer: who's pranking me now?
titandestroyer: sasha? connie?
titandestroyer: can't believe you guys even brought the corporal's old username back
shortleviathan: ...
shortleviathan: Who is this?
titandestroyer: can't you guess?
titandestroyer: it's jean
shortleviathan: Sorry, it's just you and Eren act so similar
shortleviathan: So it's hard to tell on here
titandestroyer: WE ARE NOT SIMILAR
shortleviathan: Right, keep telling yourself that
shortleviathan: You two would be great friends if you guys didn't hate each other irrationally so much
titandestroyer: meh
titandestroyer: who is this btw?
shortleviathan: Oh, it's Armin.
shortleviathan: Who am I showing up as?
titandestroyer: "shortleviathan"
shortleviathan: Wow...Hanji must have messed up big time
titandestroyer: obviously :P
shortleviathan: Wait then...I invited mikasassasin to the chat...
shortleviathan: Who did I invite?
titandestroyer: hopefully not levi...what are the odds?
mikasassasin: Too great, apparently.
titandestroyer: O.O
titandestroyer: shit
mikasassasin: ...are you fucking kidding me
mikasassasin: I need to give Hanji a piece of my mind
mikasassasin left the conversation.
shortleviathan: Maybe I should figure out who's using my username right now...
titandestroyer: yeah...
shortleviathan started a conversation with strategicpoint.
shortleviathan: Hey, who is this?
strategicpoint: It's Bertholdt...
shortleviathan: Oh okay
shortleviathan: I'm Armin
strategicpoint: How do I know it's you?
shortleviathan: Uh...I guess you just have to
shortleviathan: Did someone already trick you?
strategicpoint: Yeah...someone under Reiner's username
shortleviathan: Sorry to hear that
shortleviathan: Just try not to do any funny stuff on mine
strategicpoint: Okay
strategicpoint: I'm going to try to find the actual Reiner
freckledjesus started a conversation with ymirror.
freckledjesus: Eren, is that you?
ymirror: yeah it is
ymirror: mikasa?
freckledjesus: Yeah
freckledjesus: How'd you guess so quickly?
ymirror: i was talking to armin and he figured out who everyone was
freckledjesus: Figures...I'm not surprised
freckledjesus: Oh just a second, someone's spamming me with texts
ymirror: i wonder who it is *rolls eyes*
titandestroyer started a conversation with freckledjesus.
titandestroyer: marco
titandestroyer: please let this be you
titandestroyer: i can't find you anywhere else
freckledjesus: Uh...
titandestroyer: oh thank goodness it's you
titandestroyer: this whole username scrambling is screwing me over
titandestroyer: i thought i was talking to levi and mikasa
titandestroyer: but it was actually armin and levi!
freckledjesus: So Armin was actually Mikasa?
titandestroyer: no
titandestroyer: armin was levi, and levi was mikasa!
freckledjesus: That bastard...
titandestroyer: yeah i
titandestroyer: wait...who is this?
freckledjesus: None of your business
titandestroyer: O.o
freckledjesus started a conversation with mikasassasin.
freckledjesus: You'd better not be screwing around with my username.
mikasassasin: I wouldn't dream of it, Ackerman.
freckledjesus: Or else.
mikasassasin: I'm so scared.
freckledjesus: ...
mikasassasin: Meanwhile, go do something useful and bug Hanji about the system malfunction.
mikasassasin: Maybe she'll fix it sooner if everyone's protesting.
freckledjesus: I don't take orders from a shortleviathan.
freckledjesus left the conversation.
mikasassasin started a conversation with titanscientist.
mikasassasin: Hanji
mikasassasin: Enlighten me on what the fuck you're doing to the system right now?
titanscientist: Oh heyy Levi :)
titanscientist: Fitting name you have there
mikasassasin: Tais-toi.
titanscientist: Oh take a chill pill!
titanscientist: I swear it wasn't my fault this time
titanscientist: It's cause of the dirty circuits the other day
mikasassasin: And why were they dirty in the first place?
titanscientist: ...I might have dropped cake on it
titanscientist: And the cream might have gotten all over the wiring
mikasassasin: ...
mikasassasin: Take me to the circuits
titanscientist: Why?
mikasassasin: What do you think?
mikasassasin: I'm going to clean it up
titanscientist: Uhh Levi that isn't something you can just wipe with bleach
mikasassasin: Take. Me. There.
titanscientist: Alright alright don't put your panties in a twist
mikasassasin: ...
titanscientist: Sorry ._.
After Levi gave a sound thrashing to Hanji for her messiness, he set to removing every crumb and smear of cream off the wires, and fixed the system. And no, he didn't use bleach (at Hanji's pleading insistence). Everything was back to normal...almost.
erwinsmith started a conversation with hrgoddess.
erwinsmith: Hello there
hrgoddess: Hello Commander!
erwinsmith: So I heard your name is Historia...
So how confused did you guys get with those mixed up usernames? I got confused myself too as I was writing this...Just as a recap, I'll put them below:
Eren: ymirror
Armin: shortleviathan
Mikasa: freckledjesus
Jean: titandestroyer
Marco: potatopotahto
Connie: wreckingball
Sasha: hooverdam
Ymir: jeanchevaljean
Christa/Historia: fuzzypeaches
Reiner: hrgoddess
Bertholdt: strategicpoint
Levi: mikasassasin