Chapter 38 In My Veins
Mornings were one of Rick's favorite times of day to spend with Kate. He especially liked sharing the early hours of the day with her here in the Hamptons because they invariably passed the time doing one thing: sexy cuddling. He relished waking up every day entangled between the crisp linen sheets with the love of his life right beside him.
They could spend hours together nestled in each other's arms, nuzzling, nipping, and nurturing each other with little love bites here and there. It was their exclusive time of uninterrupted intimacy that they spent lost in each other's eyes, all the while whispering sweet things in each other's ears. There was nothing better than just being in her presence at the center of her attention, loving her and being loved in return.
Kate gently awoke from her slumber according to her internal alarm clock. She blinked her weary eyes a few times and looked over her right shoulder to find her lover still fast asleep. Kate shifted herself nearer to Rick to snuggle up to his warm body, wanting to be close to him. She rested her head atop his shoulder lightly and lay still, breathing him in.
Kate nuzzled her face in the crook of Rick's neck and pressed kisses ever so lightly against his throat. She could feel the rhythmic undulation of the rising and falling of his chest with Rick's every breath. He sighed softly in response to her affectionate kisses, waking up to the feeling of her tender ministrations against his bare skin.
Kate sensed Rick finally starting to awaken and trailed deeper kisses along his neck and collar bone. She maneuvered herself on top of him, laying her bare body snugly against his, her uncovered breasts pressed against his broad, firm chest. Rick reflexively wrapped his arms around her, folding Kate up into a hug.
"Hmm…" Rick mumbled sleepily, a sigh of contentment rumbling from deep within his belly. Kate relished the sensation of being wrapped up in Rick's arms, being the one he held in the closest embrace. She listened to his beating heart, feeling every precious thump reverberate against her own chest, and absorbed his body heat. She inhaled his familiar scent readily, her nose pressed against his bare skin.
A few minutes passed as they lay together in stillness and silence, Rick's light snores the only sound filling the room.
Rick let out a few unintelligible noises and stretched his limbs, indicating that he was nearly awake. In response, Kate picked up her head from its resting spot and trailed more kisses upward, focusing on his neck and jawline. She nudged her nose blindly along his face, drawing random patterns haptically on his skin. An eskimo kiss to Rick's nose brought a smile to his mouth as his eyes finally fluttered open to meet hers.
"Hey," he breathed with a scratchy voice.
"Hey. Good morning," Kate greeted ever so sweetly as she watched him in mild awe. God he was gorgeous, especially having just woken up with his rough voice, tousled hair, and a subconscious smile lingering on his lips.
His sleepy eyes sparkled with joy, radiantly brimming with love and adoration for her. She could see how much he loved her just by the way he looked at her. Kate had no idea how she could have possibly missed it before. She hoped that he could see that her eyes said the same.
Kate slowly dug her face back into the crook of his neck, kissing the sensitive flesh and enjoying the taste of his slightly salty skin.
"Mmm," Rick moaned. He brought his hands upward, lightly tracing the soft flesh of Kate's bare back up to her neck. Rick wove his fingers through her hair then guided her face up to meet his.
They kissed in the morning sunlight, lazily nipping and sucking at each other's lips. When they broke apart they both sighed with content. Kate lingered just inches above Rick's face, cradling it with one hand as she looked deeply into his eyes. Rick was utterly entranced by her gaze, captured by her affections.
"You know, one of the things I enjoy most about sleeping together is actually sleeping. Together," he mused.
"I know right?" Kate hummed in agreement.
"I could definitely get used to waking up like this every morning…" Rick said wishfully. Kate chuckled at his idyllic fantasy, picturing what it would be like to wake up beside him each morning the way they did in the Hamptons.
"Hmm… well it's not every day we have no responsibilities or agenda," Kate pointed out. "But yeah, I'd love to spend every morning like this," she smiled in agreement.
Given the chance, Kate would spend every precious morning showing him affection and tenderness. She just wanted to love Rick the way he deserved to be loved. She just wanted to love him because that's exactly what she did—she loved him. It was so much better, so much easier to not have to hide or suppress her feelings for him anymore. Here she was free to lavish him with love and indulge in all the physical contact they both craved.
Kate caressed Rick's face gently, tracing every plane and edge of his face. Her fingertips tactilely memorized the topography of his handsome features, reading the stories every crinkle told. Rick watched from below as Kate cradled him with care, the wisps of her hair framing her face and brushing against his skin. His nerves tingled under her touch. They lay together quietly, not needing words to fill the air between them.
This tender, delicate side of Kate was still somewhat novel to Rick. He still wasn't completely used to this kind of deep intimacy with her. Even before they broke up, their interactions were never quite this loving.
At work Kate was tough and stubborn but here she was soft, sweet, and incredibly sexy. Rick liked to think that she was this way only for him. Coming close to ending all relations had put several things into perspective for the both of them. It made them see how much they meant to each other and how valuable their relationship was.
"What do you see in me?" Kate asked out of the blue, inquiring Rick with her eyes. She still couldn't rationalize why Rick was so taken by her and why they were amazing together, despite their numerous differences and contrasting personalities.
Rick pondered her question, taking a moment to formulate an adequate response in his mind. There were so many words he could use to describe Kate. He could fill a hundred novels about her and still not capture the innumerable facets of the extraordinary Katherine Beckett.
"You are… stubborn, bossy, headstrong, and very closed-off. You always have to be the best at everything, the smartest, and always get your way," Rick detailed her less-than-shining attributes.
While Kate Beckett had a plethora of good qualities, she too had her faults which Rick knew all too well. Her stubbornness drove him crazy sometimes, but she was a challenge that he would never tire of contending.
Kate grimaced at Rick's verbal portrait of her obstinate and overly-demanding personality. Rick saw Kate frown and immediately sensed her disappointment.
Kate started to roll herself off his body, but he caught her before she could completely pull away. He brought his hand to Kate's face and pushed her hair behind her ear, tracing her jawline and locking their gazes as they lay side by side.
"But you're also the strongest, most challenging, most beautiful, most extraordinary person I've ever met," Rick continued, contrasting Kate's bad qualities with her good ones. And I love you, he thought to himself silently.
"Your dedication and strength inspire me all the time. Helping you bring justice to those who have been wronged gives me a larger sense of purpose that I've never had before. You challenge me to be a better person every day," Rick concluded with a reassuring grin.
Kate blushed at his reverent description of her. No one had ever made her feel as special as Richard Castle did. He had witnessed firsthand her faults, weaknesses, and demons and yet somehow he still saw her as extraordinary. She loved him for that.
"Thank you," Kate murmured quietly.
"Of course. My turn," he requested. "What do you see in me?" Rick asked earnestly. He too wondered why Kate put up with his juvenile antics day in and day out. Surely the novelty of his presence had run its course, yet Kate still kept him around for some reason unbeknownst to him.
Kate hummed, thinking of how to describe Rick. He was such a complex character whom she was still learning about to this day. Never in a million years did she expect to meet her favorite author Richard Castle, much less fall in love with him. On the surface Rick was an immature, fun-loving playboy, but beneath his childlike exterior he was a loyal partner and incredible father with the biggest heart. He brought hope, happiness, and a little bit of magic into her life.
Ever since she met Rick, her days had been so much brighter and filled with plenty of laughter. He taught her to believe in the impossible, to take risks with her heart, and to open herself up to others. He too challenged her to be a better person every day.
"You are… annoying, immature, and incorrigible," Kate stated smartly, following suit in Rick's clever reply by listing his undesirable qualities first. Rick chuckled, not disagreeing with her superficial overview of him.
"But you're also incredibly kind, caring, loyal, trustworthy, and admittedly quite ruggedly handsome," Kate punctuated every adjective with light kisses on his face.
"You're the most remarkable person I've ever met. You give me hope and strength when I'm not enough," she continued in a more serious tone. "You brought light into my life even in my darkest days. You've always been there for me," Kate whispered quietly with vulnerability in her eyes and voice. "Even when I tried to push you away…"
"And I always will be," Rick promised her resolutely. He traced her jawline with his fingers, gazing into her inquisitive eyes. "Always." Rick sealed the promise with a tender kiss to her lips. He was willing to promise her forever if only she would have him.
Rick hugged Kate close, folding her into his arms against his wide chest. She melted right into his warm, loving embrace. Rick was glad Kate was opening up to him, letting him see the vulnerable side of her persona. He wanted to know all of her, both good and bad, and to love her for better or worse. With Kate, it had always been different; this was genuine and heartfelt. This was real.
He knew all too well that he was falling for her again. Kate had torn down his walls and made her way right back into the stronghold of his heart, making him care deeply for her. Rick knew that he loved her—that he was in love with her—and he had been for the longest time. Nothing had changed. If anything, he was even more in love with her now.
"You know, I'm not really good at this…" Rick mused aloud.
"What do you mean?" Kate drew back to face him with an imploring look on her features.
"All of this… talking about our feelings, being intimate… I haven't done much of this before. I'm not used to being all open and vulnerable."
"Oh really?" Kate thought that Rick must have been better with all this intimate stuff since he had significantly more experience with serious relationships, namely being married twice.
"I actually have a rather bad track record with women. I've dated a lot of girls but none of those relationships were ever quite real. The only one I might have had something real with was Kyra…" he trailed off. Kyra Blaine was his college sweetheart, a love lost long ago.
"She's the one who got away right?" Kate couldn't help but feel the involuntary twinge of jealousy pierce her heart. There was a very real possibility that Rick could have ended up with Kyra instead and Kate would never have had the chance to meet or fall in love with him.
"Yeah."
"What happened with her?"
"After we graduated from college, we went our separate ways and drifted apart. We chose our careers and lives over each other…" Rick explained wistfully.
A pained look crossed Kate's face. "I know exactly how it feels to be on the receiving end of that choice…" she empathized, referring to Will Sorenson. He was Kate's 'one that got away' who chose his law enforcement career over her.
Rick remembered Kate's FBI ex-flame whom he had met during the kidnapping case two years ago. He saw the anguish visible on her features revealing her past heartbreak. Rick pushed a few locks of hair behind Kate's ear to see her better with softness in his eyes. He had no idea how anyone could scorn this amazing woman.
"For the record, I think Sorenson must have been crazy to choose his job over you. But I can't say that I'm not glad he did," Rick posited. Though Sorenson had caused Kate much heartache, that fateful choice had eventually led her to where she was now, in Rick's arms, and he was immensely grateful for that.
Kate gave Rick a weak, half-hearted smile and paused to think more about his tumultuous relationship history.
"What about Meredith or Gina?" Kate questioned hesitantly, purposely treading carefully at this touchy subject. She only knew bits and pieces about his past relationships but not the details of his failed marriages. Surely he had experienced real love before.
Rick thought over his two failed marriages, both afflictive memories full of hurt and betrayal. He let out a sad sigh and began recounting the past to his present and future.
"Meredith and I got married very young, primarily because she got pregnant with Alexis. We tried to make things work after Alexis was born, but you know Meredith… She's the free-spirited type who didn't want to settle down. Alexis and I just weren't enough for her. It was never the real thing," he said sadly.
"Even though things weren't ever that substantial, I felt like I had failed as a husband. I didn't want to be stuck in a loveless marriage. And then Gina happened, which ended up with infidelity. After that I kind of gave up looking for a real relationship."
Kate's heart broke for Rick. He had never truly known what it was like to be loved. He had given out his heart so generously only to have it callously broken in return. She thumbed his temple and cheekbones gently.
"Is that why you became such a Casanova?" Kate referenced his playboy bachelor days, alluding to the infamous Italian womanizer.
Plenty of women had tried to "land" the Richard Castle, but he had a reputation of being an elusive white whale. That's the main reason why Kate had been afraid to give Rick her heart—because she didn't think he would treasure it or commit to her. Their relationship however, both personal and professional, told a much different tale than how he was portrayed in the media.
"Yeah I guess. I figured if I didn't invest in relationships, if I didn't put my heart into them, then I wouldn't get hurt." It was a self-serving safe-guarding tactic, but one that was extremely empty and lonely at the same time.
"It was fun for a while, but eventually I realized that it's not enough."
"What do you want now?"
"I just want… you." Rick echoed Kate's words from that fateful night just a few days ago, this time with more weight behind them.
"Hmmm…" Kate pondered his statement. "Why do you want me to be your girlfriend so badly?" she asked half-jokingly.
They had danced around relationship terms for a while and now Kate was warming up to the idea of them actually moving forward together. She was never one for cutesy nicknames or couple-y titles, but Rick was definitely more than just a friend to her. He was a lot of things to her.
"Because…" Rick reflected on all the real reasons, but settled for a frivolous one to answer her question. Rick still didn't think Kate was ready to hear him say how he really felt about her.
"I think you're pretty and I really like you," he replied with a twinkle in his eyes and a charming smile on his mouth. Although his proffered reasons were superficial, they were not untrue.
Kate rolled her eyes and laughed, shaking her head at Rick's puerility.
"You know, it wasn't all rainbows and sunshine while we were together," Kate informed him in a mock-serious tone.
"Oh really?" he cocked his head.
"Yeah… being together with you made a number of things in my life much more difficult," Kate explained.
"Oh." Rick was displeased to hear that. "Like what?" he asked with concern. If there were things about their relationship that were causing issues in her life, Rick wanted to know sooner than later so that they could work on remediating them together.
"Like getting up in the morning… having to tear myself away from you and your warm body is pretty much the worst thing in the world," she described.
Rick snickered at her hardship. "I'm sorry to hear that. I'm not sure how I can fix that."
"We're just going to have to maximize the amount of cuddling we do in the limited time we have together," Kate plotted logically.
"Hmm… It'll be tough, but it's a sacrifice I'm willing to make," Rick announced nobly.
"And how you make it hard to focus when we're at work," she continued. "Sometimes I get distracted thinking of you when you're not even there!" she exclaimed.
Rick chuckled. "Oh my bad. I'll try to tone down my attractiveness," he offered sarcastically.
"But in all seriousness, it was awful when we were broken up," Kate admitted. "I missed you so much while you were gone."
"Oh I know," Rick commiserated knowingly. He knew all too well.
"I was absolutely miserable without you. And just as miserable when we were fighting or ignoring each other at work. It was impossible to write about Nikki and Rook being in love while we were broken up. I couldn't stop thinking about you. I missed you so much."
"I'm pretty sure I missed you more. I would wear your t-shirts while you were away and pretend like it was you giving me a hug. I actually kept one when I moved out..." Kate confessed.
"The green lantern one?" Rick guessed. He had wondered where that t-shirt had gone.
Kate nodded sheepishly.
"That's one of my favorites."
"I know," she divulged. "And I stole it anyway. Because it reminded me of you."
Rick was touched by her sentimental act of larceny. "If it means that much to you, you can keep it," he offered.
"Hmm... well the scent has faded so you need to wear it so it smells like you again," Kate instructed.
"I could do that. You also have the real source of hugs and smells right here," Rick reminded her, referring to himself. "I've got an unlimited supply."
"Yeah…" she murmured with content. She buried her nose into his neck to breathe him in and inhaled deeply. "Mmmm… that's the stuff."
They laid together for a few moments in stillness and silence, taking in the feeling, scents, and sounds of each other.
"Now that you're in my life, I have something valuable to lose. And that scares me," Kate continued quietly.
"Well that's why we have to continue to be each other's partners," Rick declared. "For my health and safety."
She smirked at his inflated self-concern.
"And… so that you don't accidentally fall in love with someone else," Rick added meekly. There was a substantial amount of truth behind that statement, much more than he was letting onto.
Kate pulled back and gave him a look of incredulity. "How does that even happen?"
Rick shrugged. "I don't know; it can happen," he posited. Rick thought about the Demming thing, but decided not to bring him up since Kate had explained it already.
Kate hummed thoughtfully, pondering the preposterous scenario. "Well you don't have to worry," she assured him gently. She guided Rick's hand to her chest, letting it rest atop her heart. "My heart already belongs to someone." Kate gazed at Rick with loving eyes, conveying everything she felt for him with a look that pierced straight to his soul.
They had spoken everything short of those three words. They didn't need to say them because they could see it in each other's eyes. It was one of the two things that a person couldn't hide—that they were drunk, or in this case that they were in love. For now, this was enough. Their honest words, their tender actions, their loving affections… this was significant progress in their relationship since coming to the brink of estrangement just days ago.
Rick could have sworn he felt his heart skip a beat inside his chest when he realized the implication of her words. Warmth like wildfire spread through his body upon hearing Kate's revelation. Rick grinned and pulled her in for a kiss, one that said "I love you too." She kissed him back deeply, their mouths fused in wonder and exhilaration. They continued to tease and taste each other as they made love without words together in the soft morning sunlight.
Kate broke their sloppy snogging and scooted down to make her way along Rick's torso. Her hands and mouth traced a haphazard path of kisses down his chest and abs, sending hot, tingling sensations through Rick's body, and eventually reached his pelvis where she met his morning wood.
She took him in one hand and ran her tongue up and down his shaft, feeling him grow harder to her touch. Kate stroked it a few times then took his cock in her mouth, eliciting a moan from Rick. She took him deep, devouring him greedily, as her mouth enveloped his hefty member. She expertly sucked his shaft, thoroughly pleasuring him with her oral abilities, until he was fully erect. Kate let him slide out of her mouth with a satisfying pop then replaced her lips with her hand and pumped his length, desperately wanting to feel him inside of her.
Rick groaned and flipped them over in order to get leverage over Kate. He stole a few kisses from her lips before moving south to take residence in between her legs, eager to lap up her hot juices. He stimulated her clit with expert skill, bringing her bliss with every flick of the tongue. Kate writhed under his pleasurable ministrations, throaty moans escaping her lips as Rick performed his magic. Her core burned even hotter for him when he resurfaced to make love to her.
Rick maneuvered his body on top of Kate, hovering over her as they eagerly anticipated the thrilling sensation of being united in the most intimate way once more. He positioned himself strategically and slid into her, moaning in unison as they resumed kissing. He rocked into her slowly, developing a pleasurable and sustainable pace.
Their kisses deepened with passion as they proceeded to consummate their love. Long kisses became staccatoed, occasionally interrupting the rhythm of their lovemaking. Every time he opened his eyes she could see it, everything he felt for her, in a brief but divulging gaze. She knew her eyes reflected precisely the same.
Their breathing became ragged as they made their way to nirvana together, sweating, heaving, and devouring each other's bodies with sinful carnality. Rick picked up the pace and increased their tempo, thrusting into her forcefully with rapidly deteriorating self-control. Kate clung to Rick in desperation as he pushed her over the edge into oblivion, her body climaxing in abandoned reverie. Rick quickly followed suit, coming into her with mind-shattering ecstasy. Waves of pleasure reverberated across every sensitive nerve as they came down from their highs together.
Shallow breaths soon slowed to satisfied sighs with kisses being lavishly peppered from one's lips to the other's. Their bodies hummed with immense satisfaction and satiation while unabated, unabashed joy painted both of their faces. They gazed silently into each other's eyes, sharing a look that told of what was truly on their hearts.
They said it with their eyes because they expressed infinitely more than what could be spoken. They said it with their eyes because they already knew the words.
We have spoken everything
Everything short of I love you
A/N: Mmm… words. I like words. I hope you liked these words. More words to come. ;)