A/N: Thanks to dragonjun, surugasasa, aryaaa, SereniteRose, Grovek26, roni2010, princesspglouie and other unnamed guests for their reviews on last chapter. Thanks for the follows and favourites.
*** I have been waiting for quite a long while to explore Hermione and Narcissa's relationship. It was untouched. Finally, the opportunity came up in this chapter. Those who will think that Hermione was a bit harsh here, please take note that she has no obligations to be kind to the mother and son after what Draco did to her. Put yourself in her place, think yourself as her and then decide if she was wrong or right.
*** But at the same time, I try to write Draco with as much care as I write Hermione and others. He is not a fantasy Draco in TPA. Like everyone he has his flaws and he has his strengths. I work to bring out both of his qualities. There is nothing as complete black or complete white in this world or as it was in most HP characters. In reality, it's many (if not fifty) shades of grey. It is up to my readers to tell if I was successful in portraying them all.
***Please read the dream in the end carefully (I know you do). It explains a lot because TPA is after all a psychological story.
For adult theme and some crude words, this chapter is rated M.
The link to TPA Pinterest page is on my profile.
Disclaimer: The copyright to Harry Potter characters belong to J. K. Rowling. Any other characters are purely work of fiction and any resemblances are co-incidental.
Chapter 77: The Knife of Truths and Lies.
Hermione was told as a child that nothing traveled faster than the speed of light with the possible exception of bad news, misfortune and bad occurrence, the Three Sisters, who regrettably traveled faster. She was just a few hours away from discovering the truth behind that statement.
Following her harrowing beating by a man she had been waiting for reasons unknown to her, she spent the rest of the night sleepless and lost in thoughts. When the first rays of sun illuminated the eastern horizon, Hermione was sitting on her bed, knees drawn and chin rested on it, looking down at a slender piece of wood that lay before her.
In the heat and commotion of the moment following Draco's attempted suicide, no one, including Hermione herself had paid attention to the wand that was responsible for it. She was too shocked to even blink. Audré was busy attending Draco's wound. Narcissa was wailing. Julian ran to call Healer Cloutier. Lillian was the only person sensible enough to retrieve her wand from the scene, wipe it and hand it back to its owner.
Hermione's Vinewood wand was now smeared with the dried remnants of a man's blood who spent nearly half of his life ridiculing her for blood status. The pureblood bigot has shed his own precious blood to save a Mudblood from the demon that allegedly resided within him.
She sighed deeply.
Audré's words kept resonating inside her head as she reflected on what had happened the previous night – the wait, fight, plight and the appalling truth about the attacker's internal battle. She had ignored it previously, taking it as one of his many lies. But now she was proven wrong and presented with a few cruel facts.
Firstly and forebodingly, her assaulter turned husband was seriously interested in her. It was a very troubling thought. Here she was trying to avoid him at all costs and there he was trying to reach her by all means.
Secondly and embarrassingly, she felt like a stranger to herself. Draco Malfoy was her rapist and she was supposed to feel nothing but hatred for him. But somehow she felt anxious when he didn't return home for dinner; she felt sad when Adrian said that he didn't like his appearance that were of his biological father and last but not the least, she felt uncomfortable when she looked at the wand that was smeared with Draco's dried blood.
Hermione wondered what she would have felt if Draco had succeeded in his act. Needless to say she would become a widow. Would she be sad about it or happy that she could finally reunite with her love, Alexis?
The truth, like many others that she sought now, was hiding behind the curtain of uncertain future. She no longer knew herself or Draco Malfoy.
"Jean?" a whisper brought her back to the reality and focusing her eyes, she found Lillian sitting before her with a mug held between her hands.
"Take it." she offered the mug to her.
"What's this?" Hermione accepted and looked down at its contents.
"The Purified Infusion of Wormwood, one of my grandma Josée's genius inventions" Lillian declared, "It is an amazing painkiller. Maman always keeps a bottle in her Potions cupboard. Pity that it can only heal physical pain and not the emotional one you are going through now." She sighed.
Preferring not to comment on her mental state, Hermione took a carefully measured sip from the drink. It felt amazingly good, like a mint flavoured coffee. The warmth of caffeine freshened her up and the soothing minty cold diminished most of the pain on her right wrist joint and neck muscles.
"Better?" Lillian enquired, smiling.
Hermione nodded. "Loads. Merci."
Lillian glanced at the sleeping Adrian, his little arms and legs around a side pillow and his eyes half open as he slept peacefully.
"He sleeps just like Draco." she commented thoughtfully.
"How do you know?" Hermione was suddenly annoyed.
"Saw it just before I came here." Lillian replied plainly, "Julian needed some coffee to stay awake. He could've asked the elves but they need some rest too. It has been a hectic night for all, mostly on the elves. So he asked me instead."
"Oh!" Hermione kicked herself mentally for her foolishness. Why should she be annoyed that Lillian knew how Draco Malfoy slept? She was his cousin after all.
"So…how is he?" she enquired as casually as she could, looking around her bedroom and trying to appear unaffected.
"Still sleeping." Lillian informed her, "Aunt Narcissa is sleeping too. She is very distressed and kept calling for her son in her sleep."
Hermione took another sip from her drink. Silent, Lillian took up her wand and examined it for the first time in daylight.
"There is still some blood. It has stained the wood." She noted with a frown, "Don't worry, Jean. I'll clean it for you. I am a professional." She assured her.
"I'll be grateful to you for that." Hermione said sincerely. The sooner the blood was cleaned, the better. Even the sight of her blood encrusted wand was unnerving to her.
"So…what are you planning next?" she heard Lillian enquiring in a cautious tone, "Do you…want to…you know…divorce him?"
Hermione considered the question. She had been wanting to divorce Draco Malfoy from the moment she took wedding vows with him. In fact, it was one of her dreams to divorce and get rid of him once and for all. But under the new circumstances, that possibility sounded like a cruel idea.
"I can divorce him pleading that he is very a violent man and therefore unfit to take care of his wife and son." she told her, "I can appear before the Family Council, show them my bruises and ask them for the Dissolution of this marriage as well as Adrian's Claim."
"But he is ill, Jean." Lillian cried softly, "You heard it all. You even saw it."
"Be that as it may, Lillian." Hermione shrugged, "Why should I destroy my life, my son's life behind an insane man? He needs proper treatment, not me."
"But what if his treatment is you, Jean?" Lillian asked evenly.
"What made you think so?" Hermione demanded irritably.
"Draco's words." Lillian replied quietly and ran a hand over Adrian's petit form. "He loves Adrian, Jean and he loves you too. Truly."
Hermione suppressed an internal shudder. She had half a mind to tell Lillian the truth about her esteemed cousin but somehow her lips didn't cooperate.
"When we were in Italy, Draco told me a lot of things about his past, his sons, his first wife - Astoria." Lillian said, "He said that all the important decisions of his life were taken by his parents. His school. His marriage with Astoria. He didn't even like her at first; but slowly, she made him understand the true meaning of friendship and love. He said, it was like his body was burning under the sun when he got some comforting shade in Astoria."
Hermione listened, the mug held loosely in her hands. For some inexplicable reason she didn't interrupt Lillian's speech.
"Draco said, after the war he had forgotten how to smile. Astoria brought it back to him." Lillian continued, "Needless to say, I asked him about your role in his life. He said, you and Adrian drive him. You make him want to fight till the end."
"Really?" Hermione was curious to find out what delusional thoughts that Slytherin has planted in his cousins' minds. "What else did he say? I am sure we have more to that story."
"We do." Lillian admitted evenly. "Remember the night you slapped him silly?" she asked and Hermione nodded, "I asked him why you always seem so frightened of him. He said, he had hit you because you…"
"Because I?" Hermione prompted. The blood in her vein was boiling now. What was this bastard thinking when he spread those impossible love stories between them?
"Because he thought you insulted his mother." Lillian finished her sentence, looking embarrassed. "Listen, Jean, don't think that I am always this nosy. I was just…you know curious…"
Hermione held up her hand to silence her. "Lillian, can you please be kind and tell me what did he tell you about us?"
"Draco…" Lillian gulped, noting Hermione's cold fury, "…he said… he and you had a very turbulent relationship from the beginning. You still do. When I asked him how you two…you know…" she gestured at Adrian, "…ended up having it… he said it was war…and…both of you were young and… it was your first time."
"I can assure you, Lillian, that war had nothing to do with it." Hermione flared up at once, unable to take the lie anymore. "He was always the beast, always the monster."
"Okay, okay, I understand." Lillian held up her hand and cast an alarmed glance at Adrian who stirred in sleep. "Jean, can we please go downstairs and talk about it?"
Hermione pursed her lips and nodded. She needed to break all the misconceptions that the cunning Slytherin has planted in the minds of his unsuspecting cousins.
"Malfoy…" she started once they settled down by the fireplace in the sitting room, "…and I were never lovers. We were not even friends. He was in Slytherin and I was Gryffindor and he…hated me for my Muggleborn heritage." She paused wondering if she should continue telling the truth.
Lillian waited expectantly.
"Malfoy lied to you when he said we had a relationship because we had nothing of that kind." Hermione resumed, "He also lied when he said I insulted his mother. I never met Mrs. Malfoy personally."
"He never said that you met her in person." Lillian supplied evenly, "He just said that you called her names and in his anger, he hit you and you left Britain without informing him that you were pregnant."
"So it's all my fault?" Hermione let out a maniacal laugh, "I got banged. I got pregnant. I insulted his mother. I left Britain without informing him about Adrian. And now I must pay. I must get beaten up. Mrs. Malfoy, the same woman whom I allegedly insulted, should ask me to help her abusive son and I should leave the thought of a better life to devote the rest of my miserable life for him. Right?"
"No, Jean." Lillian shook her head in distress, "No one is asking you help him. No one will blame you if you divorce Draco. No one. Not even aunt Narcissa. We all will understand and support you, your situation. But I think you'll not be able to forgive yourself if Draco did something foolish after you divorced him. It's not about us, dear, it's all about you; what you feel for him."
"I feel nothing for him." Hermione stated out plain. She needed to believe that statement too.
"But you said you felt sad for him when Adrian said he doesn't like his looks." Lillian reminded her.
"That was just a…" Hermione tried to choose her words carefully, "…he is a parent…I am a parent…so that's just a…"
"A?" Lillian arched an eyebrow.
"I don't know. A mistake, perhaps." Hermione shrugged, looking away. It was certainly a mistake. She couldn't possibly feel anything for her rapist.
"Like the mistake that produced Adrian?" Lillian demanded softly.
"Adrian is not my mistake, Lillian." Hermione clenched her fist and gave her a very serious look, "He is my choice. My choice. Not Malfoy's."
"Maybe it wasn't, Jean, but you can't deny that he loves that kid now. More than his life." Lillian was calm.
"I love my son more than my life." Hermione slammed on the arm of her sofa angrily.
"Then let that love guide you to your goal, Jean." Lillian said, gently, "I know you have been through a lot. I am a pureblood witch and I know our society, the Wizarding society more than you do. Please take note that I am not saying that out any kind of prejudice. I am saying it because it is the truth. You were born in a Muggle society; you grew up there. Being an unmarried single mother may be considered quite normally there, but here, in this society where most families maintain tradition, it isn't a very common concept. Here, we court, we date and we marry before we produce children. I can understand what it must have cost you to break that age old social norm. And while you were doing it, Draco was enjoying his new life with his new wife, Astoria. I can understand it very well if you kept a baby that was not your lover's. I can understand it that you couldn't kill Adrian just because his real father didn't care. I can understand it all. I am a woman, Jean." she took Hermione's hands and squeezed them, "But you and Draco have a child to parent together and that kid is suffering. I can see it when he says he wants to take Julian for his broom ride or when he strives to prove that he looks like me. Do you want him to grow up hating himself? Doesn't he deserve a healthy environment to be?"
Hermione closed her eyes, pained. She knew Lillian was right. Her son deserved better, the best if possible. But she was unable to give him that.
"Lillian…" she tried to speak but no word came out.
"Jean." her sister-in-law left her seat and embraced her gently. "Don't worry, dear." She stroked her hair, "Everything will be alright. Everything will be just fine."
Under her soothing words, the tears Hermione had been holding back till then, came out unabashed. They poured out like hot lava, washing out the entire surface of her broken heart. She sobbed, uncontrolled and undisturbed until she found her voice to speak again.
"I don't… love him, Lillian." she admitted, sniffing in her sleeves, "I don't love him." she said firmly.
"I know." Lillian, a miniature Audré, rubbed her back and said. "I know, Jean."
"Then why should I sacrifice my life for him? Why should I sacrifice my son's life for him? Adrian can have a better father! A father he likes!" Hermione cried.
"Of course he can. He is an amazing boy and he deserves nothing less than the best." Lillian carefully released her and wiped her tears, "You know, Jean. My papa was an amazing man too and if he were alive today we would have said just one thing. Do you want to know what that is?"
Hermione nodded tearfully.
"He would say that, 'Jean, my dear, one must be given a second chance to prove that he was wrong the first time. We are humans and it is not our birth that decides what we are inside. It is the choices that we make.'" She quoted, "Draco did a terrible mistake when he hurt and left you. But he also nearly killed himself to save you from himself. He bypassed his birth traits and chose to be a good man for you. Can you not be a kind woman, kinder than you already are and give him and Adrian, both a chance? Is he that worthless?"
"What do you want me to do? Fall in love with him?" Hermione demanded.
"No. I never said anything about falling in love." Lillian replied calmly, "I know with Draco, it's very tough. He is such a…prat. But he cares for you too. All I can hope from you is that you'll be kind to him and let Adrian spend some quality time with his father. Not begrudgingly. Willingly. Maybe, that way you'll find a way to co-exist peacefully with Draco."
Hermione was about to reply when a whip like voice silenced her. It was Audré.
"Lillian!"
"Yes, maman." Startled, Lillian looked over her shoulder and found her mother standing behind them.
"Can you please go and check on your aunt?" the elderly woman walked in with an elegant aura of superiority, "Don't worry, dearest. I'll take care of Jean." she assured her with a smile.
"Sure, maman." Lillian nodded like an obedient daughter, straightened up and left without another word.
"Don't listen to my daughter." Audré said as soon as she settled down before Hermione, "She is still very young and doesn't know the whole truth."
"But she is right in a way." Hermione was astonished that Audré didn't support her daughter. "My son's future is at stake."
"Listen, Jean." Audré joined the tip of her fingers and gave Hermione a very calm look. "I am a mother and I understand what a mother feels like when her only child's future is at stake. I love Adrian and definitely, don't want him to grow up hating himself because his mother doesn't love his father. But I happen to be a woman too and a widow, in fact. I understand what loneliness is for a woman. I understand what it is like to not be able to love or forced to live with a man whom I hate. I therefore have one suggestion for you from both perspectives."
Hermione listened silently.
"If you want to help Draco, don't do it begrudgingly." Audré resumed. "Don't do it thinking your child's future is at stake. Don't think that you have no option. Don't think it's a burden. Don't think it's a prison and you are here to serve a Life Sentence. Don't take yourself as a weak and helpless woman, Jean, because you. Are. Not. Weak."
Hermione was mesmerized by the power of Audré's fiery speech.
"If you want to help Draco, Jean, do it to help yourself. Do it to know him better. Why? Because it'll help you in return. You have many ways out of this mess and knowing him will help you to find the right way out. Where? To your future. Which future? The future that you want to live in. Will Draco be in it? He can be, if you allow him. What if you don't want him there? That too is possible. But before everything, arrange your thoughts, discipline your mind and control your emotions. This world is not an ideal place for emotional people, Jean. It's a place for survivors, fighters and you, I am certain, are a bit of both."
Hermione smiled for the first time since her return from lunch the previous day. Audré's words felt so wonderfully fresh and burdenless; like that Purified Infusion of Wormwood, hot and cold at the same time. And it blew a new life in her veins.
"I know you can apply for divorce today." Audré went on, "If you do, I assure you, I'll help and support you in it until the end. But what is the fun of a game there? Won't that be just too easy and predictable?" she winked.
"Game?" Hermione stared.
"Of course." Audré shrugged, "Life is a game. Not a child's game, though. A serious game; an adult's game, a complicated game. Here we lose one day only to win the following day. We do wrong, learn from it and do the right thing next time. We refine ourselves. Like Draco is doing now. Remember, I told you he is refining himself? Then why don't we just sit and watch how much he refines himself. And in the end, if you don't like the results or the new Draco, I told you, Jean, we have other options. He can't imprison you here."
"And what if I accepted him?" Hermione was worried.
"That's up to you too." Audré threw her hands in the air, "Maybe, if you accept him, it will not strike you as horrifying as it is sounding now."
Hermione rubbed her hands together. What should she do? Should she take up the challenge or apply for a divorce right away?
"I started it very plain and simple, aunt." she said after a while, "I just wanted to find out why Malfoy said he destroyed Rochés for Adrian. But it led me to many things. Adrian said he doesn't want to take Malfoy for broom ride and he doesn't want to look like him. I don't know why I felt sorry. My blasted soul went to help his one, Merlin knows why. And now he tried to kill himself for me."
"Patience, Jean, patience." Audré said serenely, "My grandpa, Pierre Laval always taught me to be patient when dealing with seemingly complicated problems. I know you are very tired; you haven't slept a blink last night and you want to get this done with. But there is no hurry, dear. I am a witness to what happened to you. Healer Cloutier is another witness. If no one testifies, Jean, I assure you that at least we will testify before the Family Council that Draco beat you badly. You don't need to worry about that at all. Just relax." She smiled, "I am very confident that you'll find out all the answers that you are looking for if you just keep your head and heart clear."
Hermione considered her words. Audré didn't strike her like the kind of woman who would try to manipulate her into accepting her criminal nephew. She has helped her numerous times and proven her loyalty and good conscience.
"Fine." she made up her mind finally, "I will help Malfoy."
"That's the spirit, woman." Audré's smile broadened. "Remember, you have nothing to fear, dearest, because you have nothing to lose. You have your son by your side and soon you'll claim your life and dreams back." She said dismissively.
Hermione felt like a heavy stone was removed from over her heart. Audré was right. She was not at Draco's mercy. He was at her mercy now.
"I think I need an early shower if I want to keep my head clear today." Audré stood up and stretched her limbs, "Metzner, I expect, will be well prepared for today's fight."
"What's your plan for today's hearing?" Hermione following Audré, left her seat.
"I am planning to present the Delacrioxes as witness." Audré replied with a stifled yawn. "I just hope…" her words were drowned when a Patronus landed before them and materialized into a powerful leopard.
"Maman! Jean!" it was Julian's urgent voice that spoke through the leopard's mouth, "Wherever you are, please come out in the parlour."
"If it's it Draco again I swear, Jean, he'll find himself in Château D'If before nightfall." Audré said, gritting her teeth, "There is a limit to everything."
Hermione didn't comment and followed a disapproving looking Audré out her Fideliused quarter. They arrived at her parlour where Julian, Lillian and Narcissa were already waiting.
"It's not Draco." Julian informed them the moment she noticed Audré's furious features, "Mesrine has escaped." he stated plainly.
"Mesrine escaped?"
"When?"
"How?"
A shower of questions followed.
"Sometime between last night and this morning. This much we are sure of." Julian replied tensely. "How? We are yet to find that out. But that's not all, maman. Chief Warlock Ellie Decazes was attacked in his home early this morning and the attackers injured him pretty badly. He is now at St. Louis Hospital. Today's hearing has been postponed until further notice."
"Merlin!"
"Nostradamus!"
"Who did it?"
Julian, still in his pajamas, shook his head. "We don't know but we can suspect that it's the Knights' doing. Everyone important has been notified; me, Sergeant, Delacour, the new deputy Minister and the Minister, Guizot. We are asked to join him for an urgent meeting in next half hours. So, before I go, my job was to tell you all that no one, I repeat, no one is to leave the Château today. Especially you, Jean." he looked straight at Hermione.
The Gryffindor however wasn't going to let someone rule her over mere security issues. "Julian." She folded her arms over her bosom, "I really appreciate your concern for our wellbeing and I thank you for that. But this is not a Wizarding War." She reminded him, "Yes, I agree that the Knights are dangerous but at least their boss, Rochés, isn't Voldemort. I find it really offensive to hide in a corner while they strike at us like cowards from shadows."
Julian held up his hands in surrender. "Jean, I know you are a brave woman and I will be a great fool to underestimate or question your abilities. But there is a time and place to show bravery and this…" he pursed his lips, "…is certainly not that. The situation is far worse than we took it for."
"Explain." It was Audré who demanded this time. She, it appeared, wasn't letting go of the matter so easily.
"I told you, maman, Mesrine escaped." Julian stared at his mother in disbelief.
"Why is that such a big deal? Maybe he apparated." Hermione suggested, wondering what the Aurors actually meant when they said Mesrine was under 'tough surveillance'.
Julian shook his head. "He can't, Jean. He can't escape." he affirmed.
"Why not?" Hermione was interested to learn how he could be so sure.
"Because, he was wearing an Anti-Apparition Bracelet!" Julian cried in exasperation, "Not everyone knows about it, Jean, but the Ministry has passed a strict order that the prisoners leaving Château d'If must wear an Anti-Apparition Bracelet around their left wrists. This Bracelet, once worn, is impossible to take off, break or destroy in any known manner and if you try to do so, the Ministry will be notified within minutes. They'll arrive at the scene and arrest you. So, you see, Mesrine couldn't have Apparated."
"Maybe he couldn't." Hermione admitted, impressed by the idea, "But you said you were using that GPS to monitor his movements. You even had Muggles under Imperius curse for that purpose. Maybe, you can locate him through it."
"We can't." Julian admitted bitterly. "Muggles and their technology! I'll think it twice before using them again. Anyways, that blasted GPS dot was found lying under Mesrine's bed. We don't know how he discovered it; it was very well hidden. All we can assume is that he found it, realized that he was under surveillance, got alerted and threw it away before he left the Muggle cottage he was hiding in."
"That sounds pretty serious." Audré said gravely, "Tell us everything in detail."
Julian gestured them to take seats with the other ladies. "Early this morning, I received an urgent call from the Ministry, telling me that Mesrine has disappeared mysteriously. One of our undercover Aurors – Auror Jeunet notified us that the cottage Mesrine was living in was found empty. He was the milkman who supplied him milk. As usual, this morning he went to deliver it. Normally, he knocks on the cottage door and Mesrine comes out to take the bottles personally. But this morning Jeunet knocked on the door several times and yet no one answered. He was posing as the Muggle milkman so understandably he couldn't just break in and search the place. So left the grounds, untouched and went straight to the Muggle police. They came, found the cottage empty and filed a 'missing person's case' on Mesrine."
"Why the Muggle police?" Lillian asked this time. Beside her, Narcissa was silent but calm.
"Because it will look suspicious if we go there, little sister." Julian replied patiently, "What if Mesrine was near, hiding and keeping an eye to see who came and searched the place? So like a clever man, Jeunet informed the Muggle authority and as he did so, two of our Aurors visited his cottage under the guise of police."
"Do you think he is behind that attack on Chief Warlock?" Hermione asked, finally understanding the gravity of the situation, "But according to Pasteur, Mesrine only writes the threat letters. He doesn't participate in murders. Someone called Le Fou killed all those people. It was their chain of command."
"That's another problem we are dealing with now. This Le Fou or The Insane." Julian rubbed his face wearily and stood up, "We don't know who he is. We don't know who Rochés has as his spy inside the Ministry. We don't know how much he knows about our secret plans. We don't know what they are planning next. We don't know a shit about anything."
"Julian! Language!" Audré warned him mildly, "Be patient, son. I know it's frustrating but Rochés can't win this time. We have Pasteur on our side. His best man."
Hermione was astonished. Audré was confident about her winning case because she had Pasteur on her side and not her own knowledge and experiences.
"Don't you think we are overestimating him, aunt?" she asked her, "I mean Pasteur is important but he is not everything. We have other evidences, witnesses. And you have years of working experience in this field."
"I may and thank you, Jean, for having that confidence in me." Audré smiled at Hermione, "But Pasteur is Pasteur, dear. He is the most important pawn of this game. He yielded valuable information about the Knights only because he has some personal issues with Augustus Rochés. Julian." She called her retreating son who stopped by the door, "Let me know what happens in the meeting and who is going to be the new Ambassador for Minister in this case. Okay?"
Julian nodded and left. The others sat in silence, wondering what to do next.
"So I guess we all have a day off today though I am not sure under current circumstances, how relaxing it will be." Audré commented after a while, "Narcissa." she turned to her sister-in-law, "How are you feeling now, dear?"
"Much better." the woman in black replied.
"Did you visit your son?" Audré smiled gently.
"I did. He is still asleep." Narcissa informed her.
"Great! Then why don't you go and take some rest too? I am sure you need it." Audré offered her. "In fact, we all need it."
"Rest is not what I need, Audré." Narcissa's eyes were still swollen and had blotches under them. She turned to Hermione, "I need to know if she will help my son."
"I remember her telling you that she'll consider your words, Narcissa." Audré smiled charmingly at her. It was a subtle warning too.
"Yes, I remember." Narcissa's stare was still fixed at Hermione, "But I am afraid I can't wait. I need to know it. Now."
"Now, now, Narcissa." Audré left her seat and walked over to join her sister-in-law, "We must not hurry in such delicate matters." She said silkily, "Jean hasn't slept. She is dead tired and your son beat her mercilessly. We must give her some time to consider your offer."
"But my son is dying, Audré!" Narcissa cried, "Only she can save him." she pointed at Hermione.
Audré shook her head. "Narcissa, dearest, you are mistaken. Draco is not a Sleeping Beauty or Snow White and Jean is not his handsome Prince Charming, who'll kiss him and he'll spring back to life. They are Draco Malfoy and Jean Granger, respectively. They live in reality and not in the pages of a Muggle fairy tale book. We must keep that in mind before making impossible demands."
"It's not impossible." Narcissa protested, "She already saved him. Twice. First time, when they were stuck in a place called Room of Requirements and second time, last night."
"Then there is nothing to worry at all." Audré placed a hand on Narcissa's back, indicating her to leave Hermione alone.
"But…" Narcissa tried to fight but Hermione intervened at last.
"Aunt Audré? Lillian?" she addressed them both, "Can I have a word with Mrs. Malfoy? In private?"
"Sure." Audré shrugged and left the parlour with her curious looking daughter in tow.
"Mrs. Malfoy." Hermione started as soon as the door closed. Her seat was just across Narcissa's one, "What do you want me to do?"
Narcissa's blue eyes were already tearful. "Nothing, Jean. Just save my son."
"Do you know what he did to me?"
"I do."
"Do you condemn it?"
"I do, Jean, I really condemn it. I hate that my son did it to you."
"Fine. Do you know what I have been through after he assaulted me? Do you have any idea how scared I was? Do you know how many nights I couldn't sleep because I thought he will attack me in my sleep? Do you know how badly bruised my body was after he was done with me?"
Narcissa could only shed silent tears in response.
"No, you don't, Mrs. Malfoy, fortunately you were not raped and you don't how it feels like. Do you know how I felt when I discovered that I was pregnant? Can you imagine that moment? Can you feel it when the moment that was supposed to be the best moment of my life turned into my biggest nightmare? Do you know how it feels? Do you how much I cried?"
"No, I don't."
"Do you know what I went through when I came here as an unmarried pregnant woman? Do you know how mercilessly I was ridiculed for keeping a baby was growing to love?"
"I don't, Jean, I don't."
"Do you know how I worked and studied with a bump as big as a football stadium? Do you know I had no one but the Delacours by me? Do you know how many sleepless nights I spent? Do you know I couldn't think of any serious relationship because I felt insecured?"
"I…don't…know."
"Then what do you know exactly, Mrs. Malfoy? Asking a rape survivor, who was forced to marry her rapist, to save the same rapist? Right?"
Narcissa looked deeply hurt and she started crying in earnest.
"I…Jean…I don't know what you have been through…I admit it…I don't know how painful it is to be raped…but I can imagine the pain…because the Blacks regarded their daughters' honour very high…I don't know how you were ridiculed for keeping Adrian but I know I ridicule… myself for being a rapist's mother…I don't know how many sleepless nights you spent but I know…as a mother…I spent many sleepless nights beside my only son when he was ill…I don't know how it feels when your biggest dream turned into a nightmare…but I know the pain of losing two sons…so does my only living son, Draco…he lost three…I might not been through what you were…Jean…but don't think my sufferings were or are less if not more than yours…"
It was Hermione's turn to be silent.
"Jean…I just asked you as a mother to another mother…" Narcissa continued between her sobs, "…to help and save my only son…I know he is not the most charming of men…he is proud…bigot, arrogant…ignorant…but he is also hungry for a bit of love from his son…a tender touch of appreciation from the woman he cares for deeply… an sign of assurance that he can be the father he dreamt…if asking that was a big crime…please forgive me…but save him…please…"
Hermione was torn between the desire to accept her offer right away and reject it on Narcissa's face. It was true that she has decided to explore the grey area of her and Draco's relationship but there was no reason why she should reveal it to her. She maybe decent to her most of the times but after all, Narcissa was responsible for her rape.
"Last night you said that your son Malfoy was just like my Adrian is at six. I disagree." She shook her head violently, "Adrian was never a bigot. He was never cruel. He was never arrogant or sarcastic."
"I agree, Jean." Narcissa nodded, "But by that statement, I only referred to their nature of love for their mothers."
"I still disagree." Hermione countered, "My son would never argue or smart mouth me. But you spoiled your son so much that he didn't consider his parents as parents. They were more like his servants, providing him with everything he wanted."
"No." Narcissa recovered some of her Black pride, "My son, I admit it, was bigot, arrogant, proud, spoiled and ignorant. But he never took us, his parents, as his servants. He loved and obeyed us. It was we who took all the important decisions of his life and he never argued with us about it. Not once." she proclaimed firmly, "If you want to blame him for what he became, then blame us because we brought him up that way. He had no choice on that matter."
"I don't buy it, Mrs. Malfoy. I don't think a stubborn man like Draco Malfoy would simply follow his parents' rules and crush his own dreams before them." Hermione also wasn't letting it rest all too soon, "Take your cousin Sirius, for example. He had parents who wanted to bring him up with proper Black Pride but what did he do? Followed his heart and became what he wanted to be? A good man."
"Don't talk about what you don't know, silly girl!" Narcissa flared up at once, "You don't know anything about him at all. You don't know what Sirius was really like. You don't know how he broke aunt Walburga's heart by his lawless means. You don't know how Regulus had to sacrifice his life's dream to be his mother's obedient son."
"Silly girl? Am I? Yes, I agree this time. I am a silly girl." Hermione spat with a cruel smile. It felt so relieving to discuss a few long buried issues with someone who claimed who her son was St. Malfoy. "Why? I don't know anything about your esteemed family. I don't know how Regulus loved his mother." She counted them in her fingers, "I don't know how he loved Kreacher. I don't know how he died and what he died for. I don't know anything at all."
"What are you talking about?" Narcissa was frowning seriously, "Regulus died?"
"He was your cousin, Mrs. Malfoy, and you don't know?" Hermione arched a skeptic eyebrow. "May I enquire you is the silly girl now?"
"Of course, I know." Narcissa replied, looking troubled, "Kreacher told us that he disappeared. But why? We don't know."
"And did it never cross your mind that he could be dead too?" Hermione enquired.
"He was at the Dark Lord's service and he was one of his favourites, like Lucius was." Narcissa replied thoughtfully, "I wasn't a Death Eater but Regulus and I were in good terms. He used to visit me in Malfoy Manor sometimes. He loved Quidditch and wanted to be a Seeker aside from his services to the Dark Lord. But suddenly, he stopped coming. It was the year 1979. I was pregnant with Draco. I had lost two of my previous babies and this time, it was a 'do or die' situation. I asked Lucius about Regulus. He told that the Dark Lord has sent him to do his special bidding and not to worry because the baby was more important to us. After a few days Lucius's mother, Medusa, suddenly passed away. Everything was in uproar, the Manor, the men and in it, I forgot to enquire if Regulus returned from his bidding or not."
"He never returned, Mrs. Malfoy." Hermione shook her head, astonished at Narcissa's selfishness and ignorance. "Because your husband lied to you. Voldemort never sent him to do any of his special biddings."
"No." Narcissa shook her head firmly, "Lucius never lied to me. He loved me and we shared a life time of commitments."
"Maybe you did but I can assure you that he lied to you in this particular case." Hermione said, remembering that fateful morning in Grimmauld Place and Kreacher's sad tale. "I think time has come that a few curtains of ignorance should be lifted from your eyes."
In the next half an hour that followed, she told Narcissa everything she knew on Regulus's sacrifice: the cave, the lake full of Inferis, the locket and the terrible potion which burnt his throat before he was dragged into that lake, dying alone and helpless. She was on the verge of tears when the story ended and Narcissa was silent as a statue, bloodless and blank.
"So, you see Mrs. Malfoy…" Hermione brought an end to her long tale, "…not everyone in your family were parrots like you expected them to be. Some of them had the courage and brain to differentiate the wrong from the right. Don't think that I am prejudiced towards Slytherins when I say it, because I am not. Slytherins have their flaws but they can also be incredibly brave. Like Professor Snape was and so was Regulus. He laid down his life for an elf, Kreacher, someone who was nothing more than a slave for your pureblood kind." She paused and arranged her turbulent thoughts, "So when you say that your son is like this because he had no options, I respectfully decline such outrageous claims. When you say, he had no choice, I deny it. When you say only I can save him, I reject it. Because, if he really wanted, Mrs. Malfoy, he had a choice. Dumbledore offered it to him moments before he died but Malfoy rejected it." She stood up, wiped her tears and left for the door.
She was almost at it when she looked over shoulder to the ashen-faced woman who was staring unblinkingly.
"I will help your son, Mrs. Malfoy." She told her finally, "But don't expect me to accept him as my loving husband, because that is not possible."
Hermione left Audré's parlour without a backward glance. It never reached her ears when Narcissa murmured a word of thanks before dissolving into tears of anguish.
•••••
Desperate, Draco grasped for the stone steps but missed it narrowly.
The pressure around his ankles increased. He seemed adamant to take him down into the water.
"Leave me, you bastard!" Draco kicked at the hand holding him down but it didn't budge. He looked over his shoulder and spitted on him.
Draco was grinning maliciously as Draco's spit landed on his face. "You are going to go down, Draco dearest. I am not leaving you. If I die, so will you." he cackled and bared his teeth.
His words ignited fire in Draco's veins. He mustered the remaining of his strength and reached for the stone steps. Above him, he heard a feminine cry.
"Draco, come up!" It insisted, "Take my hand and come up!"
Panting heavily and fighting against the Draco who was pulling him down, Draco tried to heave his body and reach for the outstretched hand. It appeared miles above.
"Hermione…" he cried, "…don't leave me here. I am coming. Okay?"
"No, Draco, I won't leave you!" the woman cried too. Their voices echoed around the circular walls, magnifying it manifold. "I will be up here until you come up."
"You can spend the rest of life up there, Mudblood, but your Draco is never going to reach you." Draco pulled Draco and losing balance, the latter slipped down another inch, "I'll take him down with me."
"No, you can't!" Hermione screamed, "Draco! Fight! Fight! Don't let him win!" she leaned forward and offered him both of the trembling hands.
"I won't, Hermione, I won't!" Draco was short of breath from constant fighting with the monster that was pulling him down but he tried his best nonetheless. "Stay there, Hermione; hold on, I am coming up!" He wrapped his numb fingers for another slippery brick and tried to pull himself up but the monster simply clung to his feet like a stubborn leech.
"No, you are not." He said, trying to drag him back to the water, "I am not letting that Mudblood kill me. I am you, Draco. We live and die together."
"Draco…don't let him win…take my hand…"
"Hermione, I am coming… wait there…"
"You can't go up, Draco…we die together…"
"Draco!"
"Hermione!"
"We die together!"
In the heat and commotion of the moment, Draco's final hold on the brick slipped and he landed on the dark water with a loud splash. It clogged his air passages and he kicked the water wildly, reaching for any support to pull him up.
"We die together, Draco! You can't kill me!" Draco cackled in glee and the last thing Draco remembered before succumbing to the murky depths of death was an alarmed looking Hermione, her chocolate eyes wide in horror.
"DRACO!" she screamed. "NO!"
"HERMIONE…." his scream almost tore his waterlogged lungs and panicked, he sat bolt upright, colliding with someone.
"It's alright, Draco." a soothing feminine voice assured him. He felt a woman embracing him gently and stroking his sweaty hair.
He opened his eyes and found himself in the arms of his aunt Audré. She was holding him and rubbing his back as if he was a five years old Adrian and not his father, Draco Malfoy.
"It's alright, Draco, it's fine." she kept telling him, "That was a bad dream you had. It was just a bad dream."
"Aunt…" forgetting everything, Draco hugged her back. "Aunt…that demon…"
"I know, Draco." she said, "I know you were dreaming him."
Figments of last night's events infiltrated Draco's mind. He was throttling Hermione, lifting her off the ground, twisting her hand and pinning her to the ground to rape her again. With it came the rest of the memories and a searing pain on the right of his neck.
"Aunt…Hermione…is she…alright…" he panted anxiously.
"Hermione is fine, dear nephew." Audré consoled him like a kid crying over his lost favourite toy, "Adrian is fine too."
Draco has never been more relieved in his entire life. Hermione and Adrian were safe. The monster couldn't harm them. He has prevented it.
"Mother…my mother…" he urged, his throat dry as sandpaper.
"Narcissa is sleeping in her chamber. I visited her before I came here." His aunt continued stroking his spine, trying to relax him, "Cool down, Draco, cool down. Aunt Audré is here."
Draco exhaled heavily and slumped against his aunt, letting her take over him. "I had a bad dream, aunt; a very bad dream."
"I know." Audré whispered softly, "I'll hear all about it but first, you need to relax. Okay?"
"Okay." Draco agreed. He needed to gather his thoughts before he could speak again. "What time is it?" unable to move his neck, he simply asked her.
"It's almost lunch time, dear nephew." Audré replied, "I am glad that you woke up. We'll shortly have lunch. You, Narcissa, Jean, Adrian, Lillian and I."
Draco rested his chin on Audré's shoulder. He was tired, very tired; too tired to even eat. And he felt helpless too; extremely helpless. He felt like curling into a ball and crying his heart out like he did the previous day.
"Aunt, what's happening with me?" he croaked, "Have I gone mad? Am I insane?"
"No." Audré kept rubbing his back, "You know you are not insane, Draco dear. You know it's that demon inside you."
"I do." Draco admitted, "But the way I behaved last night…had no control over my body or mind…as if I was possessed or something…as if I wasn't myself… I almost…you know…did that to Hermione again…"
"Why should you do that?" Audré's tone was mildly curious. "I thought you were remorseful enough for your past actions."
"I am. I told you aunt, it wasn't me." Draco replied and released his aunt, "It was that demon and he was so powerful. We were arguing. He was telling me to punish Hermione for turning Adrian against me and I kept telling it that I won't do anything of that kind. I was pretty stressed too; had that Lupus Venom injected in me. I came home, was walking towards the entrance when I don't know what happened suddenly." He sighed, "Hermione, her body emanates a daisy like scent and it felt it in the air. It was then that the demon completely took over me and I attacked her. Is she hurt, aunt? I mean, I know she is. I almost throttled her and twisted her elegant hand."
"She is badly shaken, Draco." Audré replied solemnly and stood up, moving to his wardrobe. "But she is Jean Granger. She'll recover." She opened it and ran her fingers over the shirts before choosing a white one for him.
'I hope that too.' watching her work, Draco prayed sincerely, "Aunt?" he leaned back on his pillows and winced, "Can I ask you something?"
"I know you want to talk about that bad dream you had." Audré said and entered his bathroom. Sound of running water came next, indicating she was drawing him a bath. "But before that, take a hot bath. Take your lunch. When you are fed and watered, I promise you, we'll talk about it. Okay?" she came out and smiled in assurance at him.
Draco, nodding silently, left his bed. He was slightly unbalanced but Audré helped him until he reached the bathtub full of foamy liquid.
He gulped. Somehow, the idea of immersing himself in water wasn't something he welcomed open heartedly now. The memory kept playing inside his head.
"Draco?" he felt Audré's gentle nudge and nodding at her, he sighed and stepped into the water.
"Take a bath and relax, nephew. Meanwhile, I'll go, bring your lunch and check on your mother too." She said from the door and closed it.
Slowly, Draco took off his sweat drenched clothes and slipped into the water. It was warm and comforting. He wanted to let his body loose in it but the thought of another Draco suddenly coming out and dragging him inside, prevented him. It was strange. He was never afraid of water and was a pretty good swimmer.
He finished his hot bath rather quickly and left the water as if it held some dark creature in its depth. His aunt was waiting for him with a large food tray in the sitting room when Draco settled down before her.
"Eat." She handed him a large bowl of steaming hot soup.
Feeling rather hungry, Draco downed the soup within a few minutes. Next he cleared the steak and salad and was halfway through his dessert when Audré poured a drop of red liquid in the goblet of water.
"Nerve Tonic." She replied to his questioning look, "Healer Cloutier prescribed it for you. It is also a good painkiller." She indicated at his neck.
It took Draco another ten minutes to finish his lunch and medicine. He felt strangely full and relaxed after it.
"Will you not take lunch?" he enquired, wiping his mouth clean in a napkin and feeling slightly ashamed that he downed everything like a bottomless pit.
"Later." Audré replied curtly, "Now tell me about your dream."
In all honesty, Draco didn't feel like talking about that horrible nightmare as he had wanted before. Now he would be happy to forget all about it and move on with his life. But somehow, he knew that the dream was no ordinary one; it was significant.
"It was a very strange dream." He started slowly, remembering every tiny detail of it. "I woke up and found myself inside a well, you know, the wells those Muggles use to collect water."
"I know." Audré nodded, "Please proceed."
"So, I was…ah…" Draco could actually visualize himself in that dream, "…in that well. It was pretty deep. I knew because I looked up and the opening was not bigger than a full moon. I looked down then. I was standing in knee deep water. I looked around for a way to climb up. The wall circled around me and there were some stone steps in it. They were only one brick wide and covered in green moss. They spiraled up to the opening of the well."
Draco's hands shook a little as he proceeded to recount the rest of his dream.
"I waddled and reached it. I grasped one brick step. It was pretty slippery. Then I started climbing."
"I was almost three feel above the water surface when waves started to appear in it, as if something or someone was moving inside. I quickened my climbing. I looked up and saw a woman looking down at me. It was Hermione."
"Seeing her, I kind of found a new strength. I tried to climb faster but the steps were slippery and my hands were wet. I looked down and saw a man coming out of water."
Draco gulped.
"It was me…it was me in the water…I mean he looked like me but he was…I sensed he was that demon…the one who wanted to attack Hermione last night…and he was going to attack her again…so, I tried to climb faster…I had to reach her, save her but that Draco or demon whatever you want to call it, aunt…he kind of…flew at me and clung to me feet…"
Draco rubbed his face wearily.
"He said, I can't go up…he won't let me…because we are inseparable and if he dies…I die too…I kept kicking at him but he just wouldn't budge…and Hermione? She kept calling me, telling me that she is waiting; telling me to fight."
"I fought, aunt, as hard as I could but then my hand slipped and I landed on the water and…and that demon took me inside…"
Audré handed Draco another goblet of water. He downed it in one go and looked at her expectantly.
"Dreams, Draco, don't necessarily have to mean something." She said pensively, "We dream and we forget them in the morning. It's natural."
"But I am sure that this was not a normal dream, aunt, it meant something." Draco insisted. He was having a feeling that it did.
"That's also quite understandable. What happened has shaken you terribly. That dream can be an illusion of your stressed mind." Audré commented thoughtfully, "But I also like to think that it wasn't just any common nightmare." She leaned forward and gave Draco a serious look, "Dreams sometimes bring out our innermost desires, innermost fears and your dream, I think, was a mixture of both."
"Take that water well for example. You said, it was deep?"
"It was." Draco nodded, "It was very deep."
"It can represent your subconscious mind." Audré said, "Like Jean's mind was a dark forest where she was stuck in a quicksand. The water in it can be both life and death. We drink water to live and we die in it too, when we drown. You said, it was knee deep. It can mean that you were already out of danger. Otherwise, the water could have been at your neck level or eye level, drowning you. Then you said, you saw brick steps that spiraled upwards to the opening of the well. It can mean a possible way of escape from danger or inner peril. But they were slippery too, meaning the way up won't be very easy."
"What about the demon?" Draco, so far understood the symbolic meanings. He was actually dying to know if the dream was actually a forecast of his future. "Does it mean that he kill me?"
Audré shook her head. "The demon is not a separate being Draco, it lives inside you. We have one of these inside all of us and they gather their strengths from our weaknesses, from our flaws." Audré replied, "You asked me if you are possessed. I say, no; you are not. Everyone has a demon inside him or her. Human beings were created that way. They have good and bad traits. True that we are born innocent, Draco, but as we grow up, the good and the bad side of our characters grow up too. What is more, is that we learn good and bad things from those who are around us, like our parents, grandparents, siblings, friends, colleagues and even strangers."
"The purpose of education is to train one to bring out and cultivate their good sides while suppressing the negative forces. But there are some unfortunates, like you are Draco, who never received that training. You were told to nurture your negative traits because, if I am not very mistaken, you are a Malfoy and they are supposed be like that: arrogant, ignorant, proud and bigot."
She sighed.
"Now, the demon you harbour has grown too strong. You were under its spell for a very long time. That's quite natural. But your good side, the one that was born the moment you let go of your bigotry and admitted your heinous crime to yourself, me, Narcissa and Jean, is still young and therefore, pretty weak before that demon. You need to take good care of him if you want to go up and reach the opening of that well. Otherwise, the demon will come and drag you under water. It will not mean physical death of course, but it will be the death of a good Draco, a new Draco in the making."
"And, Hermione?" Draco was slightly relieved that it wasn't his death sentence. "Why is standing up and calling me to join her?"
"Because she is your innermost hope, nephew; an epitome of goodness in your eyes." Audré replied with a faint smile, "She is a kind, loving woman. She is beautiful and intelligent. She is considerate and sacrificing. She is brave and compassionate and you want to climb out of that well and reach her because she tempts you to be a better man, Draco. So, as I said, this dream was a mixture of your innermost fears and desires. Not sexual desire; the desire to be a good man."
Draco sat and reflected on Audré's words long after she left for lunch. He remembered those lines from the Insane Orpheus and Bandit Banshee's song – Hermione being his solace, passion and ecstasy. He had thought it was due to his growing love for her.
Now he understood how very wrong he was. It wasn't love; it wasn't admiration either, like it was in the beginning. And it definitely wasn't lust.
Hermione Jean Granger was that mirror where he saw the true reflection of his inner self. She was that light that reached the deepest corner of his dark mind. She was his salvation from the distorted Draco he has become.
And he was a fool to think that Adrian was his salvation for he was the last heir he had. Adrian was not his salvation. He was Draco's reward if he succeeded in his goals. Hermione was his salvation, his goal. He was protective of her; he couldn't think of parting with her because this woman was the motivation behind his fighting.
But if it was not love, what was it then?
Draco smiled; it was a smile of immense relief.
What he felt for Hermione was nothing but a healthy mixture of gratitude, care, fondness and respect. But strangely, he wasn't disheartened with the revelation. It was fine that he wasn't in love with her, yet. There was no hurry.
He was mature and more patient now and he knew, like it happened in his parents' case, love would eventually find its way into their lives too. But before that occurred, he must find himself in a quest to self discovery.
Because that was Hermione Granger to him: a quest to his lost and forgotten self.