Chapter 42 Back Home

After the dazzling firework show in the Hamptons, Rick and Kate packed up their belongings into the car and drove back home. The traffic was light at this late hour and they reached the city a little after 10:00 pm. Kate wanted to stop by the precinct to check on the boys if they were still on duty and catch up briefly on reports and cases. The Fourth of July was typically a busy weekend for the police, since officers were needed to oversee events and respond to calls about noise complaints or firework launchings gone wrong.

Castle pulled up at the precinct upon Beckett's request and parked in her spot. She instructed him to wait in the car while she took care of some office work.

The precinct bullpen was sparsely populated since it was late at night. A few beat cops were making coffee to help keep themselves awake during their night shift. Beckett greeted a few in passing with sympathy, knowing the long hours and late nights they often worked, having experienced them firsthand herself back in the day.

She made her way to her desk where she found a few notes about messages and missed calls. Making a mental note to follow up on those, Beckett proceeded to log into her computer and review what cases were currently open and what she had missed over the past week. She perused through the files, clicking on folders and reading over well-written reports.

It hadn't been a particularly busy week for the homicide department, thankfully—just one case involving a mugging gone wrong. They caught the guy, a repeat offender with a penchant for guns and who was known for violent shakedowns. Open and shut from the looks of it, she surmised. Beckett was sure Ryan and Esposito had handled the case soundly.

After finishing getting caught up on the week's activities Beckett perused her files, reorganizing them by immediacy and importance, then decided to call it a night. All of this work could wait until Monday morning, she thought with a yawn. Before leaving, Beckett surveyed the familiar surrounding office of the 12th precinct with satisfaction, pleased to be back in her element. This was home.

Beckett rummaged through her bag, looking for her trusty notebook with her calendar and to-do lists. That little black book was essential to her completing all her various tasks, remembering appointments, et cetera. It was old-school, but crossing things off a list always gave her a kind of satisfaction that an app or other checklist substitute couldn't. Coming up empty, Beckett figured she must have left it at home before she departed for the Hamptons trip, not needing it for the vacation.

In lieu of the notebook, Beckett quickly jotted down some points on currently open cases and made a list of things to do on a post-it note. She decided to just stick it in her notebook when she got home. Content with the makeshift solution, Beckett gathered her things neatly into her purse, shut down her computer, and prepared to leave the precinct.

As Beckett made her way through the bullpen, she spotted detective Demming coming up the stairs. This would be an opportunity to talk to him briefly and ensure things were okay between them. Beckett wanted to see how Demming was doing and make sure he had closure on their short-lived romance. Since the precinct was pretty empty at the moment, no one would be around to eavesdrop on their personal conversation.

Beckett sought out Demming from her spot, waving to get his attention. "Hey Demming. What are you still doing here so late?" Kate wondered.

Demming took notice of Beckett and deviated from his original path to meet her. "Oh hey Beckett," Demming replied as he walked in her direction, meeting her at the fringe of the bullpen. "Just had myself a cup of coffee from the espresso machine," he admitted, raising his well-used mug.

"You're on duty tonight? Usually more senior detectives have priority for days off than rookies," Beckett tried to rationalize.

"I'm covering Langford's shift tonight," Demming explained. I didn't have any other plans, so I thought I'd do him a favor."

"Oh, that's really considerate of you," Kate commended.

Demming shrugged nonchalantly. "It hasn't been terribly crazy tonight, given that it's the Fourth of July. Perhaps people are celebrating more responsibly this year," he supposed.

"Let's hope so," Kate agreed.

Outside in the parking lot, Castle was getting a bit tired of sitting idly in the car. He was starting to nod off and couldn't wait until he and Beckett could go home and curl up in bed. Castle checked his watch, seeing that thirty minutes had passed as he waited for Beckett to finish getting caught up with work stuff inside the building. He texted Beckett to inquire of her estimated time of return.

Not to rush you, but just wondering how much longer? Castle sent.

Beckett's phone vibrated in her purse, indicating she had a message. She fished it out and read the text from Castle, hesitating before replying to his message. Beckett still needed to finish her conversation with Demming but she didn't want Castle to wait on her.

I don't know how much longer I'll be. Don't wait up for me. You can go home, she replied.

A few seconds later, her phone buzzed again with another text from Castle. You sure?

Yeah I'll just take a cab, she sent back.

:( okay. Miss you already.

Debating his options, Castle decided it would be best to return to the loft so he could unpack their stuff. Castle was about to turn on the engine and drive home when he noticed something on the floor of the passenger side of the car. It was a little notebook that he knew Kate relied on heavily for taking notes and managing her to-do lists. He knew Beckett was very particular about always having it on hand, so he decided to go inside to return it to her and give her one last good night kiss. He exited the car and took a familiar route to the homicide department of the precinct via the elevator looking for his partner.

Reaching his destination, Castle scanned the area and quickly spotted Beckett talking to none other than Detective Tom Demming. His heart sank in his chest immediately but instead of making hasty assumptions, Castle observed their interactions from afar, just out of earshot. He watched from the elevator lobby as they conversed a little too intimately for his liking.

"Speaking of which, how was your Independence Day weekend?" Demming asked casually. "Do anything fun?"

Kate took pause to consider her words selectively. She wondered how much she should divulge to him about her activities of the past week, and her companion for those activities in particular. After quick yet judicious thought, Beckett decided to tell Demming about her week in the Hamptons with Castle.

"I've been out of town for the past week actually," Kate admitted. "With Castle," she tacked his name onto the end pointedly.

"Oh?" The upward inflection of his voice was asking for further explanation.

Demming wanted to probe further but not in a pushy or invasive manner. He was genuinely curious about Detective Beckett's unconventional relationship with her partner. Kate had previously told him that she had a "thing" with her partner Castle which ultimately ended in a serious fallout. Castle was presumably the reason why she kept turning Demming down when he pursued her. Although she said they were over, the fact that they were now taking trips together was definitely a turn in the tides.

"For business or pleasure?" Demming asked with a raised eyebrow. The simple question would tell him a lot about the state of their relationship.

"Pleasure..." Kate replied slowly. That one-word reply conveyed a lot, from which Demming could infer many explanations.

"Ah..." Realization dawned on him and Demming fully understood now. "I see." He gripped his mug securely with both hands, analyzing her intently.

"So you two are back together?" He wanted her to confirm it beyond mere speculation.

"Yeah…" she trailed off sheepishly. Kate searched Demming's face for signs of a reaction to her revelation, but his countenance was stoic, not showing much emotion.

She offered him an awkward grimace, given their past romantic history. Kate didn't feel too guilty because she had clearly told Demming 'no,' but that didn't stop her from feeling bad for having turned him down not long ago, especially since he still continued to hold out hope for her.

Kate gripped the bag on her shoulder with her left hand, her arm crossing her torso almost defensively. She looked at the floor as she thought about what she should say to him in this situation. Kate felt that she owed Demming a better explanation as to why she couldn't ever be with him.

Bringing her line of sight back to Demming's eyes, she spoke in a soft voice.

"I never got the chance to apologize to you or fully explain why I was always so reluctant to pursue something more," Kate began. "You're a great guy, but Castle… he's…" she trailed off in search for words.

Kate didn't quite have the words to explain to Demming what Castle meant to her. She didn't want to tell Demming that she was in love with Castle, not without even having said it to Castle himself first.

"He's the one?" Demming offered, his eyebrows furrowed in suggestion.

Her heart skipped a beat at the simple, yet bold declaration. Although Kate had never said it in so many words, his statement rang true with what she knew in her heart.

"Yeah," she confirmed after a beat. "He's the one," Kate echoed with a small smile toying on her lips.

One glance at Demming's wistful demeanor tugged at Kate's heartstrings. She knew what it felt like not to be chosen and she knew it hurt like hell.

"I'm sorry if I led you on or gave you false hope," Kate apologized sincerely.

Demming sighed, accepting her sympathy graciously as his expression softened.

"It's okay. Somehow I kind of knew that you were never completely mine to take…" Demming acknowledged a bit defeatedly.

"Really? What do you mean?" Kate was puzzled by his admission.

"You told me it was over between you two, but I could always sense the tension between you and Castle," Demming explained, shifting his weight from one foot to the other.

Even based on his limited observation of the pair after Castle got back from his trip, Demming could tell that they still had feelings for each other. It was pretty obvious to everyone that there was something between Castle and Beckett even though they fervently tried to deny it.

The longing gazes, excessively close proximity, and uncommon familiarity all told of the unfinished business between the two. They may have been over on paper, but it was plain to see that they were never over each other.

"I figured you would tell me about it if we ever became something more," Demming shrugged, offering his hypothetical.

"Oh…" she breathed.

"Mhmm…" he hummed thoughtfully. "Somewhere deep down, I always knew that I could never truly have your heart," Demming concluded the tragic summary of his unlucky position.

It was a quest doomed to fail from the start, yet he had tried anyway. Although it was unsuccessful, he didn't regret trying to find love with her.

Kate's face wrinkled with confusion. "Then why did you take a chance with me?" she asked curiously. If he knew that she wasn't over Castle, why hold out hope when the odds were against his favor?

Demming gave her a weak but genuine smile. "I thought you were worth the risk."

Those words struck her with profundity. Kate was speechless at his bittersweet answer and her heart strained for him. He was such a sincere and respectable man, yet she could never give him a fair chance.

"I'm really sorry Tom," she tried feebly. Kate took a step forward, placing her hand on his arm gently.

"Don't be," Demming reassured her. "You never should have to apologize for loving someone. I hope he makes you happy," he said with a hint of sadness, his light blue eyes downcast.

"He does."

Kate paused and thought about how to offer him encouragement. She touched his jaw lightly to raise it up.

"You deserve someone who makes you happy too." Kate gave him a small smile.

"Thanks. I guess I'll just have to keep looking," he declared, looking up.

Kate eyed him carefully for signs of deceit or distress. "So everything's okay between us?" she asked hopefully.

"Yeah, no hard feelings." He genuinely meant it and she could tell.

"I'm glad to hear that."

Curiosity was just about killing Castle as he watched them interact, so he sent Beckett another text.

What time will you be coming back?

Beckett checked her phone once more to quickly reply to Castle's message.

It's kind of late, so I think I'll just head home, she typed in response.

When the text lit up Castle's screen, he read its contents with dissatisfaction.

Sighing disappointedly, he decided to take a roundabout path to Beckett's desk, purposely avoiding the pair in question, to drop off her notebook. His surveillance hadn't yielded anything suspicious that would warrant alarm thus far. They were mostly just chatting innocuously, nothing to be worried about. He covertly made his way to her desk and stashed the notebook safely in a drawer.

Castle was about to leave when he caught sight of Beckett and Demming once more. His stomach clenched as he watched the scene unfold before his eyes.

An awkward pause filled the space between Beckett and Demming for a moment. Kate broke the silence to bid Demming good night.

"So I'll see you around?" She stuck her hand out as a peaceful gesture.

Demming chuckled and shook his head at her. "Handshakes are for strangers, Kate. Come here."

He took her hand and pulled her in for a brief hug instead. The embrace lasted just a few seconds and the two broke apart contentedly.

"Have a good night Kate."

"Thanks, you too," she replied with a grin.

Kate was glad everything was okay between them and that Demming wasn't terribly hurt by her rejection.

The pair headed to the stairs together, Beckett leaving the precinct and Demming returning to his floor. Castle watched as they hugged with warm smiles and departed in the same direction, presumably together, which left him totally dumbfounded.

What was she doing with Demming? Why did she hug him and caress his face like that? Was she going home with him? Why else would she not come over that night?

A hundred questions flooded his mind as Castle scrambled to make sense of the interaction he had just witnessed. It was like watching a car crash in slow motion and now he was experiencing the aftereffects of whiplash.

Castle stood there, frozen with utter disbelief at her actions. He was thoroughly dazed and confused, both sad and angry at the same time. Despair slowly morphed into anger at how carelessly and callously Beckett could act by going back to Demming.

All the fears and doubts that he thought they had quelled were floating back to the surface, grieving him all over again. His heart hurt at the thought that Beckett could still be less than fully dedicated to them, despite all that they had promised each other during the trip.

Maybe it was time for him to give up trying to make their unconventional relationship work the way he wanted it to. Things were much less complicated before they started seeing each other, after all. Perhaps her heart was ultimately unobtainable, even though his belonged solely to her.

With the heavy weight of sorrow on his heart, Castle dejectedly retreated to his car and drove home to an empty apartment, alone once more.

Lucky I'm in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again

A/N: Oh no, trouble in paradise? I put off writing this chapter because it wasn't a happy one. :( The sequence of Beckett and Demming's interactions and Castle's observations/texts was actually really difficult to arrange, but I tried my best to make it coherent. Hopefully it wasn't too choppy or abrupt. Let's see how long it takes to fix this one…