New York City Present Day

Just a drink. They eventually arrived at a small bar a few blocks away from Altar. Lax immediately felt comfortable in the small, dimly lit establishment. It was the type of dive that made him feel at home. Ivy was immediately greeted by the veteran bartender, an old punk rocker, Johnnie Thunders look-alike whose major life accomplishment was figuring out how to only work 18 hours a week for the past fifteen years. Lax noticed sharpie-graffiti scrawled on every visible surface. It was the type of place where the bathrooms are so disgusting it's almost admirable and where the cheapest beer is always the most popular. For most of his drinking years, he'd preferred these types of bars, romanticized their applied shittiness. He felt he belonged here not in the more bourgeois watering holes Isa brought him to now. The Ramones blared from the jukebox and the smell of stale beer permeated the air. There were pretty, slightly older waitresses with intimidating tattoos and the surly bouncers who would only deem to act like they remembered you after your 100th visit. But Ivy was like a member of their family, warmly welcomed by everyone. The place was far from uptight and stuffy.

"I used to work here while I was getting started with my tattooing in the city." She explained when he commented on her having so many 'fans'. Lax understood why she was so loved. Her way of caring and settling everyone around her had not changed.

Ivy ordered beer on tap for both of them. Lax nodded at the bartender "add two shots of Jack." She smiled and led him to a small dimly lit table towards the back.

"Thanks, Kat," Ivy said as the dark-haired heavily tattooed waitress placed their drinks in front of them.

"Hey Ivy," Kat fished a piece of paper from the pocket of her pink checkered vintage apron she wore over black skinny jeans. "I was thinking this for my appointment next week."

Ivy studied the drawing of an American traditional style gypsy and rose and said "Definitely. I can work with this. It'll be gorgeous sweetie. And healed in time for your burlesque show."

"Cool! You are the best Ives." Kat grinned as she walked back to the bar.

"What?" Ivy asked tilting her head as Lax stared.

Lax shrugged. "You're just so...you."

As Ivy sipped, her beer Lax couldn't help but think if Isa again. She never drank beer always white wine. She worried about calories and looking TV perfect.

A few times Ivy tried to speak. It was clear that she was attempting to make an apology of some sort, although only a few words came out and many of them were inaudible. Whenever she began to speak, Lax gave her hand a squeeze and simply said "I'm here." She became silent.

Whatever she wanted to tell him, it wasn't important yet. He had found her again, that's what mattered.

Eventually, she began to relax and breathe normally.

Lax had a better chance to examine her as she sat across from him. Ivy had lost weight. He noticed new tattoos on her hands and above the neckline of her t-shirt that hadn't been there before. In place of the shoulder length, dark brown waves she had in Georgia was a cascading fiery red mane. But she was beautiful still, her eyes elaborately made up in black liner, shadow and mascara making then even larger; they still bore into him with heated knowledge.

Without being able to stop the thought, he wondered how someone so could look so vulnerable and yet so fuckable at the same time. He dismissed the notion as quickly as he could.

Not knowing why, Lax began to lightly trace his fingertips along her tattoos, following the patterns with his fingers. The words Love and Pain were lettered on her knuckles. She closed her eyes for a moment then stared at him as he continued to trace the art on her body. The music was loud so they had to lean in close over the table to hear each other.

"Talk to me Ivy. Please. I need to know."

"Lax, I'm sorry." She pulled her hands back. "I know that I'm not who I was...not anymore. What they did it… changed me…"

Georgia 2 years earlier:

Ivy dropped her bags as a hand covered her mouth from behind and applied very sticky duct tape which completely muffled her squeal of shock. Another arm grabbed her simultaneously by the waist, also from behind preventing her from moving. The attack was firm and rapid. A blindfold went over her eyes without the hands of her attacker moving from her mouth and waist. She thought her heart was going to beat out of her heaving chest as she suspected instantly that there must have been more than one man. Resistance was proving futile as her movement was restricted with comparable ease by her much stronger assailants' powerful arm-hold as she was bundled into a car.

Tap Out, drop out, snitch, rat, mudshark.

As Ivy lay bound and blindfolded in the back seat, she heard the insults they were tossing around about Vic. Lax …

"Get her inside!" Commanded a male voice as she was carried into an unknown building.

God help me, she thought. Fucking Doug. She couldn't see, she couldn't scream for help and very quickly, she was becoming completely unable to fight off this attack. Her hands were held at the wrists and she could feel her arms were roughly bound at her elbows behind her back. Now on her feet, she started to violently thrash against him trying to break free.

"You're gonna hurt yourself if you keep movin' like that," Moose added removing the blindfold. Ivy looked around to see she was in some sort of locker room. She realized they had taken her to the abandoned YMCA on the edge of town.

"Doug!" She screamed, but it was smothered due to the tape was covering her mouth.

"What?" he said, nonchalantly as if they were having an ordinary conversation. "You wanna say something to me?" He tore the tape from her mouth harshly then wrapped his hands around her neck. She knew that if she screamed, he would put the tape back on her mouth.

"Why aren't you in jail?"

"Ever hear of bail, bitch? Only Gall is being held without it. The rest of us are out now and ready to handle shit."

"What are you doing ?" She tried to hide her fear. After the shitstorm of the past few days, the arrests, the raid she had a feeling he was taking out his rage on her. She was the shit they were dealing with.

"What am I doing? I think you know that answer to that question."

"What?" She stuttered.

"Or you could ask your boy Vic. Oh, wait what's that? He's gone. Yeah, that race traitor piece of shit took off with his FBI buddies. Leaving you to pay. You're all alone Ivy...all alone no one to come save you now." He sneered the last sentence.

He untied her and stood back for a minute, a true predatory grin on his face. "Wanna run? Go 'head I like a chase."

"Pay? What the fuck…" Ivy rubbed her wrists, still thinking she could talk him out of whatever plans he had for her. She looked at Moose. "Are you okay with this?"

Before the other man could answer Doug grabbed her and slammed her into a rusted metal locker. "Don't fucking talk to him."

Ivy pressed her cheek into the cold steel of the locker door trying to stay calm. "Let me go Doug."

"What, you think your traitor ass boyfriend can come in here take everything away from us and think that no one was going to do something?" At that moment, he pressed his groin against her lower back and she felt a hard, large bulge.

Oh God, he is going to rape me. She stammered, "Get the fuck off of me."

At that moment, she wished that she had the ability to disappear but that was not an option so she began to struggle again, but he was too goddamned strong. His grip on her neck became tighter and his other arm clamped harshly around her midsection.

"I thought you were done with the moving thing, Ivy," he growled into her ear. Both of his grips had become tighter and Ivy felt the air from her lungs forced out of her body suffocating her.

"Doug please let me go." Her voice shook with fear.

"What?" he said, in a not-so-subtle smart ass kind of way.

"I can't breathe." She rasped.

"Do you want me to stop?"

"Yes, please," she pleaded hoarsely.

"You gonna quit the struggling bullshit?" Doug asked, as his grip tightened on her neck.

Her face was beginning to feel numb, due to the loss of circulation. A series of images popped into her head. An image of her corpse being ditched into a wooded area, a look of distraught on her father's face and an image of being raped and strangled to death by a crazed Neo-Nazi with shit for brains. Then she realized Lax would never know. That thought caused hot tears to flow.

"Yeah." She furiously blinked back more tears.

There was a bit of silence, but his grip remained tight around her neck and Ivy still gasped for precious air. With no warning, he released her throat and her waist entirely. She collapsed onto the tile floor with a sickening thud, but she didn't notice the descent as she was too busy trying regain the ability to breathe. Then Doug grabbed a handful of her thick hair and gathered her into his arms again.

"No!" She screamed. "Get the fuck off of me!" Ivy scratched his face.

He stepped back getting pissed.

"Doug, listen to me..." Ivy tried to reason with him. "Please, don't do what you're about to do to me. We've know each other for a long time... you know me...please, let me go...you don't have to do this."

He walked toward her with a bone-chilling, predatory grin on his face. She watched his hands slip underneath the waistband of his black jeans and pull out the bottom of his tank top. "But I want to."

"Oh God, no.."

He chuckled, which pissed her off. As frightened as she was the knowledge that he wasn't considering her feelings, that he considered her as a lesser human than he was made her angry.

"You say 'God' a lot, you know that's blasphemy, right?" Doug's leisurely stroll towards her had come to a halt when there was less than a foot of space between the two of them. Once his hands moved away from his sides, she jumped a few inches away from him. He chuckled again causing Ivy's anger to increase despite her fear. He ended up folding his arms across his chest.

"Well, thank you, Father Doug, for the fucking theology lesson," She said, sarcastically, feeling her anger bubbling over. "You have two goddamn choices. Let me go or I will escape and I will make sure that your ass will buried underneath a goddamned..."

The next thing she knew he had slammed her back into the locker. Once again, he squeezed her throat. Their faces were inches away from each other as he shouted "Listen, you cunt, don't you ever fuckin' tell me what to do, you fuckin' slut. Shut the fuck up!" He half-dragged and halfway carried her to the bench. He pushed her face down and shoved her skirt up

"Why?" She stuttered.

"You are a whore Ivy. You let anybody fuck you. That Yankee traitor. It's my turn now bitch."

"Fucking asshole! You racist piece of shit!" Ivy screamed and struggled.

"You don't know how much you're turning me on right now," he declared.

"Doug! What the fuck?" JC asked as Moose brought him into the locker room. "You supposed to get her out to the pool now! What the fuck you playing at?"

"Jimmy... Jimmy Carl help me, please…" Ivy pleaded. "Don't let him do this. it's me. Ivy."

JC's face twisted.

"Please…" she was crying. Damn it she was still Ivy. What they had planned for her was bad enough, but this? This wasn't what they had decided. Rape was not what they did.

"Doug c'mon we're wasting time. Get off her. We gotta go."

When Doug didn't move, JC glanced at Moose. He nodded and they pulled Doug from Ivy. Ivy quickly righted herself and tried to run, but JC grabbed her wrist and pinned it behind her back in a tight hold.

"Sorry, Ivy." He bound her hands behind her back. He shoved her forward to Moose and they dragged her out into the hall, leaving Doug fuming. "Let's get to the damn pool! They all waiting on us!"

"We ain't finished boy! JC I'm kick your sorry ass...I'm the captain you best remember that!" Doug raged as he followed them.

Pool? Ivy wondered. The pool had been empty for years; why were they taking her to an empty swimming pool?

"Ivy? Ivy what is it?" Lax touched her face bringing her back to him. "Where were you just now?" He tried to smile.

"Remembering."

He raised an eyebrow.

"They brought me to the abandoned YMCA. They threw me down into the empty swimming pool. Then, they released Rommel on me. You know Gall's Rottweiler? He attacked me. Her eyes were somewhere else and her fingers went absently to the scars on her eye and nose.

"I was trapped, the walls were too high I couldn't climb up there was no way out. They were all looking down at me. Every damn member of the brotherhood there, crowded around like it was a show; all standing, yelling for the dog to tear me to pieces."

Pearly razors tore into her flesh, scarlet welling up in the resulting wounds. The animal's tense muscles rippled powerfully and the frothing slobber was flung around in the air like slime as the dog moved its head around with a furious speed. Tearing into the side of ivy's face.

"It would have been so much worse if Sheriff Daggett hadn't shot the dog. He actually did something. I don't know how he knew, but he showed up...just in time. I don't remember much else except being in the emergency room. See those guys…they wouldn't beat up a woman. They have standards. Ha. So they used the dog. He mauled me. They wanted him to kill me."

"Ivy..I..."

'It's affected me in so many ways. I went through a period where I was anxious around dogs. I loved dogs...but after that...and I couldn't be around people I didn't know. Even walking in public with no makeup was impossible for a long time. That's better, but I still dread sleeping. I have nightmares. I came back to New York and getting away made a difference. I fought to get myself back; art helped, but it's still hard sometimes. I find it difficult to have relationships because I think the constant reminders, my moods, all the intrusive thoughts will destroy them." She laughed nervously. "There' s been no one …since… you. Nobody else could understand." She took a sharp breath. "I mean if you even can..."

"I can. Ivy, the only time I can get the kid out of my head…what I did… is with you. The only time it makes sense."

He tried to take her hand, but she pulled back. "You left Lax. You left and…"

"I let that happen, I let them hurt you…I'm sorry. It's my fault."

"No. No that's not what hurt." She shook her head. "You left and you didn't say goodbye. You were just gone."

She finished her beer and motioned to Kat for another round.

She noticed his distress but said nothing. She downed another shot of whiskey.

"It was so complicated after I left Georgia. Ivy I had to disappear almost like witness protection until the trial. I wanted to come back for you, but it would have jeopardized everything we'd worked for. And then, by the time all the convictions went though I couldn't find you. You'd left Surville and...then my book deal happened and...it was a shitty thing of me to do. But...I never, ever stopped loving you."

"What?"

"You heard me. Never."

She gazed knowingly into his eyes, put her hand on his thigh and caressed it gently but firmly. It felt amazing so he quickly started to return the favor. It was exciting as no one knew what they were doing underneath the table. She remembered their kiss from earlier that day. Want and need are two different things.

The alcohol made her bold and her caresses began to become more adventurous and more urgent. Lax stood up from the table and offered her his hand. She took it, looking a little confused. Want and need are two different things.

She quickly lead him toward the back of the bar and out into the alley. Lax pushed her up against the wall and did what he had wanted to since he first walked into the tattoo shop earlier. He kissed her hard and didn't let her stop it like she did earlier. The force of his kiss almost took her breath away. For a moment she was still too caught up in her head, contemplating her confession, their time apart then wondered about how she tasted and felt and ….Ivy's thoughts folded and fell away until she finally lost herself in him. To be honest, she knew this was always a danger; losing herself. She knew that he would always have that power over her. It was something that coiled in her belly as a warning the very first day she laid eyes on him back in Surville two years ago.

He will be my undoing.

In a haze of feeling, Ivy swiftly unbuttoned his shirt to slide her hands over his solid chest covering the swastika with her palm. She dug her nails into the hot skin of his pecs trying to make sure this wasn't just a dream. She tried to make sure her fingers didn't just push through him like a ghost, the same fingers which always ached over how untouchable and unreachable he'd been when she needed him most. She'd dreamed of him in between the nightmares.

It's too soon.

She had never wanted to see him again, but she'd never gotten him out of her head either. She couldn't help but smile against his mouth when she felt the warmth of his skin and his taut muscles reiterating the reality of the situation, He smiled too and groaned "so sexy Ivy…" making her heart race at a dizzying speed.

"I've given up on holding back," he whispered his confession as he stopped for breath, his words almost moans, hanging heavily between them before his lips came crashing against hers again.

It's not too soon.

She felt a bit ashamed for the rush of relief she felt at this, but then became quickly distracted by the soft flicker of his tongue against hers. It sent quick surges of electricity and causing the white-hot fire of arousal to pool between her legs with its emergent, needy throbbing.

Beneath it all, she felt the depth of their connection sparking, changing its shape and nature, yes, but she still reveled in it as it undulated around and within them. They drew deeper and closer together.

Looking around to make sure no one else was near he hoarsely pleaded "Ivy.. I need you…"

She nodded.

"Here, now is this okay?"

"I want you so bad." She said softly, touching his face.

He pulled her into the side alley. Satisfied that they were alone and shadowed, he began to undo her pants.

To be honest, part of her didn't know what to do, worried that if she misstepped in some arcane way, that the moment between them would end just as quickly as it started. He would fade back into the realm of fantasy. She didn't want that. She wanted him, so she eased back and let him take the lead and tried her best to simply focus on the journey he was pulling her back into. Want and need are two different things.

She had to admit It felt right, actually, giving herself over to him, to this again. She found herself almost purring as his hands ran up and down the length of her back and his hips lifted to press his growing arousal against her.

She'd never been good at retaining control with Lax, truth be told, so even though it felt dangerous, it just also felt so right.

"I want you," he whispered, pressing the words against the hot flesh beneath his kisses.

She felt him almost trembling and she wondered for a moment if he was as nervous about the situation as she was.

"I'm all yours," Ivy felt strengthened and weekend by him simultaneously.

He pushed her shirt up and pulled her jeans down towards her knees and began to ravenously kiss her inner thighs. She sighed, running a hand through his soft shaggy hair and for a moment she felt a bit cold with the rush of air on her skin. Then he was there again, kissing her, kissing her skin in a hot, lingering trail around her breasts and slowly down her belly.

As soon as his heated breath burned against the moistened crotch of her panties his warm hands delicately spread her legs apart.

He eased down to his knees on the ground and leaned in to nip and kiss her inner thighs. The scruffy beard on his cheeks and chin scraped and chafed the soft skin between her legs almost making her lose her footing.

The curl of his tongue against the silk of her panties drew her attention back and she did her best to resist shoving her fingers into his hair to hold his mouth there. Her clit, hard and bent beneath the fabric, begged for his touch, begged to be pleasured by him.

It felt like ages before he finally hooked his fingers into the waistband of her panties to tug them down her legs. He continued the sweet tortuous kissing and nipping around her thighs and belly, teasing with the occasional, fleeting touch between her legs before moving back on to the other surrounding curves and angles of flesh and bone.

The goosebumps spread quickly on her skin and she could barely keep her legs from shaking by this point. It was partly from the cold of the outdoors of course, but as easy as it was to pretend that was the only reason, she know that her aching arousal for him was also contributing to that state.

And I'm sure he knows it too.

Any cold that she felt was quickly quelled by the sweet heat of his tongue swiping against her flesh, this time between her legs, finally with no fabric between. His nose pushed against her as he quickly buried his face hungry and moaning against her most intimate flesh. He possibly wanted to hold back and keep drawing out the teasing but seemed to lose himself in his own desire instead.

"Please don't tease me not now… not now…' She whispered.

Ivy was completely lost to the sensation of it all, lost to the little experimental licks and sucking he used to toy with her until he finally had her so unwound that she was coming against him. She didn't even know as she lost herself in the shock waves of pleasure rolling through her again and again in exquisite pulses against his greedy lips.

There was no reprieve in this satisfaction. There was no rest to the tension that left an ache in her trembling limbs, because he kept at it, kept pleasuring her through her orgasm, just like he used to.

She almost wanted to push his head away, push it away as much as she wanted to draw him closer. It was almost too much. She was breathless, reeling, lost in the sensation until she gasped again, her body arching, as more waves of climax crashed into her. Again and again and again...

Finally he slowed his kisses, moving his mouth to settle on her thigh and pepper it with a light press of his lips and burn of his beard. She felt the grin against her skin before she saw it. While it might seem a bit incongruous, seeing such a self-satisfied smirk on his face, she embraced it because he deserved it. He deserved to revel and feel the proud elation of what he'd done to her.

"You're an evil man," she gasped still coming to amidst her haze of bliss, as he shifted against her.

"I'm not done yet."

As they kissed again, Lax felt her hands unbuckling his belt and pulling down his zipper. His cock was suddenly free, the cool air a bit of a shock. He retrieved a condom stashed in his wallet and she couldn't resist watching as he slowly unrolled the latex down his shaft, hard before her. As cliché as it felt, her heart nearly skipped a beat at his beauty and she wanted him even more intensely. He reached down and hooked her thighs pulling them around his hips. She already felt his hardness lightly brushing up against her, touching the wet, heated flesh between her legs, and she could hardly bear waiting any longer. Still, she breathed in deeply, calming herself, instead focusing on him when he finally shifted to guide himself inside her.

They both groaned at the penetration and paused to revel in how good it felt. He'd pushed in as deeply as he could. His hips pressed tightly against hers and he caressed her legs, helping to move and settle them in a comfortable position around his waist. He looked down with need then began to move slowly against her, drawing himself almost all the way out and then back to the hilt.

What began as slow experimental thrusts soon gave way to harder and faster ones. Although they had wanted to stay at the more languid pace, the desire began to pulse and beg to be satiated and they fell prey to its call.

He yanked her against him as he thrust quickly. She reveled in the sounds he made, husky primal noises from deep within him. He felt unbelievably good back inside her, shifting this way and that as he rediscovered which angles drew out her loudest moans and sighs.

She definitely felt lost in it all, lost in the sensation of flesh slapping against flesh, the pleasure mounting between them both, rising and billowing around them. She loved the way he trembled, surrendering to his own pleasure. She delighted in the pitch of his moans as they got deeper and more clipped as his rutting became more and more erratic. Finally he pressed himself as tightly to her as possible, practically grunting as the spasms of his climax hit him.

Soon his breathing settled, his arched back relaxed and he lowered her legs to the ground. Ivy wasn't sure either of them knew what to say so she waited for him to speak, still a bit worried about the specter of reality showing its head again and ruining it all.

She finally broke the silence. "That...that was..."

"Yeah, it was," He finished, hoping the dangling adjective was as positive as her tone sounded. They adjusted their clothing.

"There's one problem, though."

Lax furrowed his brow, the pit of worry growing in his gut, trying his best to read her schooled expression. And failing.

Here it comes, he thought bracing himself for the This-Was-A-Mistake speech he'd heard from her in far too many bad dreams.

"Problem?"

"Too much has happened. Too much…'

"Fuck that; a lot happened and it's brought us together don't you see that? "

"What I see is that we both needed this. It was… perfect. But…don't you realize we are just reminders of what happened. Whenever we see each other, we'll just be right back there …."

"No that's not what I see. I see myself finally having a chance to stop the nightmares and visions; finally be done with the guilt. Ivy you're the one who saved me then and I know you can save me now."

She looked sad as she answered "But what about me Lax? Who's gonna save me?"

"I thought I…"

"I know you have a flight to catch…that big story right?"

"Ivy, it doesn't matter. I don't have to go. I am not sorry we did this. I want to be with you okay. We are here in New York, we are supposed be together."

"Go... go to your story. Think about what you are saying. Call me when you get back. I'll do that tattoo. And if you still want …this…we'll talk. Think about out it okay? We both need to think right now."

"Let me get you a cab."

When she shook her head saying she'd rather walk, he again noticed how different from Isa she was. She had boots on and liked walking, Isa wore heels and they always had to take cabs.

"Then I'll walk you home before I leave. Let me do that please?"

"Okay." She relented and added "Can you do one other thing for me?"

"Anything."

"Come back this time. Just...come back."