A/N: Thanks for all the generous reviews! Here is another instalment, I was going to stop at 2 chapters but I've stretched it out to 3.
"And you're a hundred percent certain that she poses no threat to you?" I am back in the Dal, debriefing with my grandfather, and after asking this question in a dozen different ways, Trick is starting to get on my nerves.
"Yes, end of discussion. If anything, I'm a threat to her since I violated her brain."
"I'm sorry, Bo, but you know how she was. We just had to be sure. We didn't-"
"I was already sure," I snap. Part of me wants to blame him but I'm the one who let them talk me into it. I'm the one who could have left at any time but stayed because I got so caught up in Tamsin's emotions.
"I'm sorry, Trick, it's just that the worst part is that I know it's my own fault and I don't think she'll ever forgive me."
"Bo, what did you see in her memory? I believe you when you tell me we were wrong to suspect her but I don't understand why you're so unsettled."
"I had no right to perform that ritual, and the least I can do is keep my mouth shut about what I saw there. She's not the bad guy, that's all you need to know."
"Okay," he says quietly, knowing not to push. Dyson arrives looking for help with a case and I'm all too eager to be distracted.
In the days that follow I feel an ache where Tamsin is supposed to be, like something is missing, though I'm doing my best to conceal my emotions from Lauren and everyone else. Tamsin decides to stay at Dyson's for the time being and comes to pick up her things about a week after what Kenzi has taken to calling 'the unspeakable incident'. I promise not to show my face and then hover at the top of the stairs, craning my neck to hear her conversation with the human.
They hug and Kenzi talks her into a drink as they wander from room to room packing all of Tamsin's belongings into a duffel bag. "What did Bo tell you… about my memories?" the Valkyrie asks cautiously.
"Nothing, I swear on Geraldine and my entire boot collection, she hasn't breathed a word to anyone about any of it. All I know is that she feels terrible and would do anything to talk to you. You could just yell at her, you know, even scream. She knows she deserves it. Just get it out there and we can go back to normal."
"I don't want to see her." God, she sounds so wounded when she says these words.
"Ever again? You know how much that sucks for me, right? I have missed you, young lady. You took off with no warning, and now that you're finally back I don't get to see you anymore? I will be in serious Tam-Tam withdrawal. We didn't even watch the X-Files movies."
"I'll be around Kenz, I'm going back to work with Dyson and we can watch movies and go for milkshakes and shoplift eyeliner together just like before, I just… I don't want to run into Bo."
"We will never speak of our shopping trips to anyone!" Kenzi hisses, probably worried that I've overheard. I'm not really in a position to judge her questionable parenting skills considering I destroyed any and all trust Tamsin had in me.
"Okay," she laughs. "Kenzi, I just want to say… of all the people who've raised me over the course of my various childhoods, you were my favourite." I can hear the warmth in her voice and soon it sounds like Kenzi is giving her another hug.
"I don't even fully understand why you stepped up and took care of me," she continues.
"Well, first off, if I left you with Dyson you'd have learned terrible grooming skills, no offense to him. And secondly, you might have been a total bitch in your last life, but I'll never forget that you were the one who freed Bo and helped her rescue me from Inari. You really did save my life that day, Tamsin."
"I guess we're even then." She's so sweet with Kenzi –there's no trace of the front she always puts up with me. I have to admit I feel a twinge of jealousy.
Kenzi updates Tamsin on the Hale situation and everything she missed on TV, which takes a while, and then she finally leaves, promising to stay in touch. Every cell in my body wants to follow her out the door but I resist the impulse.
Months pass. Lauren is slightly suspicious and mentions the Valkyrie from time to time but I stonewall, hoping she won't figure out what I actually learned inside Tamsin's mind or what it means to me. It's not fair, I know it's not fair. And she does too. We're spending less and less time together and I don't even know what's going on between us.
One morning I wake to find her staring at me, a vague look of anger on her face. "What did you see in Tamsin's head, Bo?"
"I'm sorry, why are you asking me this question again for the hundredth time the minute I wake up? I already told you, I didn't see anything but proof she's not evil. I don't understand why we can't let this go." In truth the tension has been building between the doctor and I precisely because I can't seem to let the Valkyrie go, and Lauren is intuitive enough to sense that something is different about me, something that's causing us to drift apart.
"You know you mumble her name in your sleep almost every night?" My face turns beet red at this revelation.
"At first, I thought maybe you were stuck in her head, like something went wrong with the ritual and you were confused, but just now you said 'Tamsin, come back to me', which would suggest you're not confused, you know exactly what you want, and it's Tamsin."
"No, it's not like that, I miss her because she's part of the family now, Kenzi raised her..." That is what I've been trying to convince myself in my head but saying it aloud, I wonder who I'm kidding.
Lauren sighs angrily. "She told me about the kiss, right before I told you I wanted to take a break. And when you came back, I told myself that I'd overreacted, that it meant nothing and she was just trying to get under my skin. But I was wrong, and it seems she's already under your skin."
"Lauren..." I want to justify myself but I can't.
She scoffs at my pathetic attempt to make excuses.
"Could you just do me the courtesy of not bullshitting me, Bo? You're a really shitty liar, and you know what? That's actually a good thing, because now I know better than to waste any more of my time trying to make this work with you. "
"I'm sorry, Lauren. I didn't mean-"
"Save it for someone who cares," she mutters as she gathers her things.
I let her have the last word.
"So whatever happened between you and the doc clearly has something to do with Tamsin." It's a statement more than a question; Kenzi doesn't have to ask, she always just knows. We're sitting at the island in the kitchen, sipping beer late into the evening the day after Lauren's departure. Of course my best friend can put two and two together but I still don't want to say anything.
"Kenz, you know I-"
"You're not going to tell me what you saw when you decided to go full on creeper in Tam-tam's head, I know. And I'd still be mad at you for that if I couldn't see you moping around here every day feeling guiltier than a choirboy in a brothel. But you know, let me just lay out the facts as I know them. One: Tamsin kissed you in Brazenwood. Two: she ended up getting shot saving your ass at Taft's compound. Three: that day you saved her from Massimo she asked me if it was normal for girls to love other girls. From then on I witnessed her stealing some pretty intense glances at you. You know where I'm going with this."
"Kenzi, it's not my place to talk about-"
"Okay, I get it, we won't say another word about Tammers and her feelings. What are your feelings, Bo? Let's not pretend I haven't noticed you cuddling her pillow in the past few months."
She grins as I blush and scowl at her all at once.
"Putting aside the fact that I feel like the world's biggest asshole, the worst part is that I actually couldn't wait for her to grow up and be herself again. She was always so confusing in her past life but-"
"But?"
"But there was something between us. When I got back and she was a kid, I know this sounds stupid but I was angry with her at first because it was like she'd erased all the progress we'd made. And now I've killed any chance to see where things might go – she hates me."
"Give her time, Bo. She wants to hate you, but she clearly wanted to hate you in her previous life and that didn't exactly go as planned."
"I don't know, Kenz- I think I may have given her just the push she needed."