ARGH! I AM SO SORRY that this chapter took forever to post, it was done a WHILE back but I never found the time. for those STILL waiting, I am so happy ;') for those that just stumbled upon it, Hi and I hope you like it. Please as always, review. My sentences were always so meshed up that it became a regular comment in the reviews so I hope I solved this problem. Enjoy and thank you for reading!
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She saw it…but she wanted at that second to have been blind, to have imagined things. She asked but could have gone unnoticed since her voice was so quiet. But
the pink haired child in the back of the big man saw her standing there and said, "Kenny I think she wants to talk to you!" she pointed cheerfully at the girl, grabbing t
he attention of the tall man she rode on
"Eh? What do you want?" Kenpachi asked Momo in his usual way though he had seemed quite happy today. Perhaps it was the brand new purple scarf that hung
around his neck that made him so. It was a scarf finally big enough for him and the same item Momo had wondered about. With a little more volume in her voice she
asked again
"Who gave you that scarf?" her voice trembled as she questioned, it wasn't because of his menacing presence but because of the answer he might give.
"It was a Christmas present form Captain Hitsugaya! I don't know how he knew how much Kenny needed a scarf!" lieutenant Yachiro chirped from under it. Momo's
eyes shot wide as she heard. Yachiro smiled, almost as if knowing where the garment had originally come from. "The thoughts behind a present stay with you always
even if the present doesn't. You can't force a gift on to anyone either, it will hurt their feelings! Right Kenny?" Momo gave a small bow and a thank you, walking off to
where, earlier, had seen Toshiro go. As she walked she felt a heavy feeling settling in her heart. She did not want it there. She looked around her and finally spotted
the short black figure, the only season in the year where he could blend in if he wore a white coat. She ran up to him but hesitated as she remembered Kenpachi
earlier.
"Captain" she murmured softly but the white haired boy still heard. His teal eyes stared back at her as she got closer.
"Momo" he stood there with his hands in his pockets. He wore the same worn out scarf loosely around his neck. It bothered and ate at her.
"Why did you give the scarf away? Was it so horrible?" she asked right away, without giving it much thought or even holding in the tears. Toshiro looked sullen but
determined to find Momo a satisfying answer. He looked away.
"Me keeping it would…have been a selfish act…on my part-" he started, struggling with the words.
"How would it be selfish, it would be heartless to give a gift away!" she interrupted.
"I feel like the past still lingers. I see it every time you look at me" He explained, clenching his fist. Momo stared at the ground, images of Aizen lapsing in her mind.
"You want every gift and every smile to amend something I had so long forgiven you for. I don't want you to keep feeling hurt or guilt for it. I don't want to keep
accepting gifts of apologies because you never seem to get satisfied. If I gave it away, and showed you it was okay now, maybe you'd move on" He clarified. He moved
his feet forward and got surprised when she stepped back
"Your thought process is always hard to understand" she laughed through the tears "stop looking right through me while I have such a struggle to understand even
myself"
"Momo" he said before stopping himself. There weren't any words he could muster. He remained unmoving.
"Thank you. What's hard for me now may look so simple later and I'll be able to comprehend, so please. When I finally do, will you accept my gift, no guilt attached?"
she mumbled, playing with the buttons of her jacket. Toshiro smiled warmly, which shocked Momo. It was rare, if not impossible, to see him ever smile like that.
"Yes, I will" he replies softly. Her shock fades as she realizes. Toshiro had not smiled so naturally alone. Something or someone had made a change to his hard
expression and slowly melted it away. She feared the answer. More so when a black silhouette became clearer as it approached. She could be willing to admit anything
Toshiro told her; anything except admitting she no longer possessed Toshiro's undivided attention. Somehow somewhere along the way he had slipped so far, to a
point where she could find it impossible to reach him. Now someone else had invigorated his spirit. She didn't know it could be accomplished until now. Leave, walk
away. She told the silhouette through thought alone and held on to his sleeve, refusing to let go. Toshiro looked in the same direction and a grin shown on his lips.
"Rukia" he called. She had slowed to a walk. Rukia stopped at arms' reach from him. Momo knew that if she let go he'd forget all about her and she didn't want that.
She thought Rukia had been selfish in coming here.
"I'm sorry if I interrupted" Rukia chuckled apologetically. Momo looked up at her ready to make her leave but her heart sank then. Rukia was backing slowly with her
hands held up defensively. A slight tinge of hurt painted in her posture.
"No you didn't!" Toshiro stuttered as he reached his hand out to Rukia, not wanting her to back off any more. Momo held him in place though. She could feel him
wanting to push away and only held tighter.
"It's not fair! I thought you were helping me, but you've just gone off with her, are you planning to punish me too! You're no longer just mine, why? How long have you
two been such good friends? I can tell just by the way you look at each other! Don't leave Toshiro, it's not fair!" Momo yelled, not caring how selfish or cruel she
sounded "You're so self-centered Rukia, you have so many people that care about you, many to choose from, why the hell are you taking Toshiro from me!" all the
advice she wanted to learn from Toshiro vanished from her mind, she didn't care to understand if she couldn't have Toshiro in the end.
"Momo, enough!" Toshiro called and silenced Momo's angry outburst. "This is not about punishment or holding others responsible for uncontrollable circumstances."
Toshiro pulled away, no longer willing to spoil her, he knew this was his fault for letting her always have her way.
"Momo, I'm not going to say sorry for anything I've done" Rukia steps in "and you're right, I have so many people that care about me even if I've been a burden and at
times so insensitive. To ask for more would be wrong. The best I can do is be able to stand on my own and not let their words and efforts go to waste. I don't want to
cling to others…or the past. I don't want to hurt them." Rukia clenched her fists "so Momo, isn't it better to move forward with your own two feet, make yourself worthy
of being able to stand beside another person? It's hard and frustrating, but in the end you'll be strong enough to support another's pain. You'll be strong enough to
love, not weak enough to be constantly protected." Rukia asked, remembering how Ichigo would always be the one saving her. She wouldn't let Toshiro do the same.
Momo stood motionless. What had the rest of the world seen that she'd yet to find? She needed to run and make sense of it all. Just run.
"I'll be worthy, you'll see!" she managed to tell Rukia as she ran off to the Christmas party. Momo didn't understand what she had meant to tell Rukia, a thank you? A
threat? Rukia had tried to help her, even after all the spiteful things she'd said. Her hurt pride stung her eyes.
"That was probably…very harsh," Rukia sighed casting down her gaze as she tried to cool down.
"No, it's what she needed…" Toshiro insisted, he looked at her and chuckled "don't start being sorry after what you told her" The comment made Rukia jerk her head
back up, an undeniable blush on her cheeks. Today she had gotten the approval of a brother, the support of a friend and the heartache of a rival, all for one cause and
it stood now before her. The thought of it made her heart pound too fast, made her nervous to the point she couldn't speak.
"Are you okay?" Toshiro asked concerned. He was oblivious that she loved him, oblivious that in her speech she wasn't just talking about Byakuya, Kaien, Ichigo, and
Renji, but of him as well. There was a possibility that the feelings weren't mutual, but trying was better than staying quiet. Momo had been right; selfishness was her
dominant trait. But if he were to reject her, she would respectfully step aside and let him be happy. It would the best form of selflessness she could do.
And yet she held back, noticing the slight shadow under his eyes.
"You must be having such a stressful day, right in Christmas eve." She replied, deciding then to let this night go as he wished.
"No, you made all that wash away" He countered, combing his hair back in relief yet still shocked at his own blunt honesty. A smile crept in Rukia's lips at hearing this.
"Thank you" She whispered softly, catching Toshiro off guard.
"Whatever," she laughed at his frowned expression as he turned away in embarrassment.
She started balancing herself on a low rise wall, stretching her hands for balance. How often had she done this when they'd meet at night? The ease in which they
spoke, the tranquil atmosphere almost carried her at every step.
Soon he became entranced by her soft cautious movements as she tiptoed on the small strip. She would go far enough to be utterly unreachable, yet close enough to
be audible, and come back. The calm steps left small tracks on the snow, everything else remaining undisturbed.
"Did you see the moon tonight?" He asked, very aware that it wasn't possible, but being reminded of it by her flawless nature and how the white surrounding
brightened her skin and eyes.
"New moon tonight…and it's cloudy" she chuckles, having enough confidence in her balance to place her hands behind her back. She stares up at that dark sky with a
shy smile before continuing.
"Yet you still look anyway?" Toshiro climbs up to her level but remains standing, a part of him wanting to tease her.
"Because I know it's still there" She stops in front of him, but was too scared to look right at him. "To love is to love completely. I love the moon's darkness just as
much as its luminance and miss it when I can't see it" she said, remembering her own undeniable darkness. However had it not been for that, she would have never
been as grateful for the happy moments. Maybe if she had never met the people she did then no pain would be inflicted, yet she would've never created such amazing
memories alongside them. She chuckles away her troubled thought "I say so much nonse-"
"Then would you be able to love me?" He asks suddenly, evoking Rukia to look at him wide eyed in confusion. Rukia was at a loss for words as she tried to study his
face, he looked so sincere, as though this had been a question that always lingered in his mind. She had remembered the conflict he had with Aizen and the mental
damage he and Momo had received from that man. Who knew what other darkness he hid, but knowing the Toshiro she knew now, she knew, too, the answer to that
question quite easily.
"Of course I would be able to, because you're definitely stronger than any past to possibly get defeated by it. It will not prevent you from being happy or from letting
people see you, as you are, a good man." She grinned at him with a prominent blush. It had felt like a love confession but she wanted to answer properly. Her
embarrassment increased when she noticed the look on his face, a look of surprise and something else she couldn't figure out.
"Rukia, I-" as he tried to reach her he slipped from the hurried steps he tried to take, landing on a nearby snowman.
"I'm sorry I didn't catch you!" Rukia leaped down to his side, stifling a laugh. Toshiro hid his embarrassment with anger, gritting his teeth as he dug himself out of the
little pile of snow. "You fell right on Hanataro's snowman," she finally mentioned, extending her hand to him. He took it, but did no attempt to get up.
"Sorry, for asking a weird question." The intentions before his fall were clearly gone now.
"I don't accept your apology, I mean why would you ask it in the first place?" she said, crouching down and hugging her knees with her one free hand, Toshiro looked
miserable after that comment but she continued, "You did it because you're genuinely afraid of not being accepted. You think you don't deserve happiness beside
another person because of the mistakes. I know that feeling all too well," she gently squeezes his hand "but I've already gone over this! You just have to be strong
fool!" her soft voice turning into an irritated one. She pulled hard on his hand to get him up. He stumbled as he tried to regain balance without crashing into the now
standing Rukia. He decided to use the forward momentum to hug her instead, his laugh resonating in her ears. A strange relief filling him up.
"I guess…we all need Rukia's wisdom!" He managed between the laughs
"What's gotten to you, you keep changing your mood," she mumbled, hiding her face in his shoulder.
"It's your fault, hearing you, seeing you, gets me like this" he sighed. It felt nice how easy it was to hold her, being the same height and all.
"haha, that almost sounded like a love confession" she joked all the while trying to calm the beating of her heart. He stayed quiet, letting himself get intoxicated by her
sweet scent.
"It is." He finally says. He waits to hear her response but she says nothing, instead he feels her hug him back, wrapping her arms hesitantly around his waist. "Rukia?"
He wanted to know what this meant before he came to any delusional conclusions.
"Don't dare look at me!" she gripped him tighter so he wouldn't move when she felt him loosen his hold. Her voice was muffled by his coat and he could feel the
trembling in her body.
"Why can't I?" he whispered into her ear. The closeness, how well their bodies melded into each other, it felt surreal. It was close to being perfect had it not been for
this mounting tension that ran through them.
"Because it's embarrassing, because I don't know what to do once you look at me!" she said, obvious panic rising in her voice. It became amusing to see her then. This
strong assertive girl who could kick anybody into shape again is now rendered frozen and flustered. He wanted to be the only one that could see her like that.
"Don't worry, just answer my question when I do look…" he became self-conscious of the loud thumping in his chest and of his own shaky posture. He has made it this
far, why falter now "do you love me?" his voice sounded weird to him, he was sure he'd get a heart attack any minute but he unraveled his arms, placing his hands on
either side of her face with gentle attention. Her warm skin contrasted drastically against his frozen limbs. Her bangs hid her downcast eyes but it surprised him then
when she looked back at him through her long lashes. A glare was prominently displayed in her features. Perhaps the reaction was normal; the hug was only an act of
sympathy. Maybe deep inside he had already made the assumption that what he felt was mutual. This was in some ways, humiliation for her.
"Yes." She uttered ever so quietly. This caught him completely off guard. Shock froze him that small second. She started to speak, feeling this moment too intense with
emotion, she had to break it. He didn't let her. He took the energy those words gave and kissed her shy lips. They were softer than he had imagined and soon he
realized; he was unprepared for this. He parted slightly only to return to her warmth. It was a feeling of complete vulnerability and surrender that filled his mind and it
scared him. No one had ever told him it would feel this way; then again he never really hit the subject with anyone before. Though this fear was high, he couldn't stop
feeling greedy and wanting more of the sweet taste. Yet somehow, he managed to tear away, placing his hands at his sides in respect for her. He observed her as she
inhaled, touching her lips gingerly with her fingertips and preferring to stare at her shoes than at him. He found the action adorable. If it was embarrassment she was
talking about, he had plenty of that too. What were the proper manners for these moments? He decided to do what he had planned from the beginning; he pulled out
a small square box.
"Ichigo had said midnight, but I want to give this to you now" he starts, gaining the attention of the small shinigami. Her eyes glistened with wonderment. She
hesitantly took the bow toped present he held out.
"Thank-you" she bowed, inspecting it admiringly before untying the white ribbon. Inside lay a thin silver necklace, hanging from it was a small crescent moon made of
vibrant amethyst crystal, outlined with silver. She stared at it as if she'd been given the world in the palm of her hands. Her head shot up to Toshiro, who was taken
aback by her watery eyes.
"I thought it'd be a nice combination, you know…your eyes…the moon" he found himself explaining in response to her unexpected expression. In one swift movement
she hugged him, squeezing his neck to a near strangulation. Just as quickly she let go, then fumbled through her coat until she pulled out a rectangular box and
handed it to him
"I don't think it's enough anymore" she breathed, clutching her hands and necklace to her stomach as if the nerves had gotten the best of her.
"Not enough?" he asks as he opens the box and sees what could easily be one of the most beautiful pens he would ever lay eyes on. It was an onyx black pen
embedded with a blue sapphire dragon wrapped all the way around, maintaining the silver engraving of his name undisturbed. His mouth was agape as he took in the
details and then looked at Rukia. Cleary a custom made pen that would in no way have been cheap. "Thank-you so much"
"The grip is a little softer and the pen itself is much lighter for convenience" she said, pursing her lips, she being the one now who didn't know what to do with his
reaction. And she was right, somehow this pen, though made with precious crystal, was very light. It was very odd. For months, being around each other had been so
simple, so easy to do. Now they stood dumfounded yet grateful, unable to move yet wanting to.
It clicked then, for Toshiro, that he would do what Rukia had taught him so well. He would do things naturally as they came. He took a step forward, taking the
necklace from her hands and smoothly wrapped it around her neck, clipping it on the back to let it hang elegantly on her chest. Her white coat allowed the violet in the
charm, and in Rukia's eyes to stand out brilliantly. He pressed his forehead against hers, allowing the silence to drown them.
"No matter how long I lived, I still manage to be new at something" she finally said, chuckling as she pushed him away "But I'll be good at it, like every challenge I take
on!" she pointed at him, as if he were the obstacle she had to overcome.
"New? At…dating?" He guessed, though just saying the word 'dating' made his stomach churn with worry. Would it be something he could be good at? He could hardly
handle the idea of finally having Rukia for himself. His mind was starting to run wild in the wrong direction.
"Yeah" she pouted, obviously bothered that there was something she wasn't expert at "That face, what are you thinking?!" her eyebrows knit together in accusation.
Toshiro tried to snap out of his rampant thoughts that even he was starting to find offensive.
"Nothing!" He was beyond embarrassed, reaching a new point of shame. If this is what it meant to be with the person you love then maybe it was better to just fight a
horde of arrancar. Instead of getting a chop in the head or a roundhouse kick, what he got was a loud pat on his shoulder and a charmingly musical laugh from Rukia.
"So that's the kind of guy you are when it comes to these things, who knew!" she giggled uncontrollably
"L-li-like you don't have those kinds of thoughts!" he protested in defense, though maybe it wasn't the best argument.
"Maybe I do, but I don't let my face show it" she calmed down slightly to explain, but as a new wave of laughter was going to surface her arms were pinned to her
sides. Before she knew it, she was greedily accepting his surprise kiss. She felt weak in the knees and hoped he wouldn't stop, but he did. They parted, she felt dizzy
and uncoordinated, gripping Toshiro's coat sleeves to ease herself. When she looked up to stare at him she was blown away by his expression. It was cool and
confident, as quick as the insecure Toshiro had come he left.
"Then I better make sure I'm better at this than you are, because I do plan on making my thoughts reality, without you making fun of me" he grinned, satisfied by
Rukia's dumbfounded gaze.
"As if!"