Isobel felt a tear slip from the corner of her eye as she finished the letter. She has been acting like such a coward. This man, this amazing man that has been there for her through thick and thin, has been in pain because of her cowardly behavior. She was so ashamed.

She curled up into bed, still fully dressed, and read the letter over and over again. She closed her eyes and allowed herself to think of the look in his eyes when he took her hand and led her to the bed. She wanted to see that look in his eyes again too. She missed his eyes. She missed him.

Then her thoughts switched gears and she thought about her beloved Reginald and her dear Mathew. They would both be appalled at her behavior! She began to feel anxious and upset. She got up and changed into her night clothes as she tried to repress her guilt, her fears, and her feelings. She spent the greater part of the evening tossing and turning in bed, when she did fall asleep, she managed to keep a death grip on her letter.

The next morning Isobel was awoken by a ladies maid to let her know that she only had an hour to dress and breakfast before Lord Merton would be there to pick her up.

She tried to look pleased in front of the maid but really all she wanted was to sleep a few more hours and then take a train back to Downton. She needed to talk to Richard, she still was very unsure what to say, but she had to end her hiding. Apparently, she found the honest and brave woman he was seeking.

Isobel survived the day and tried her hardest to be cheerful and pleasant with Lord Merton but for the first time since she had met him, his company was not lifting her spirits. In fact, she found herself constantly comparing him to Richard and he came out on the losing end of that comparison.

She felt no physical attraction to Lord Merton and she purposely kept baiting him into talking about things that she knew they differed in opinion on. From politics to the role of woman in the workforce, to helping those who could not help themselves, he clearly shared more with Lord Grantham in his views on the world. While Dr. Clarkson didn't always agree with her, he did share many of her views on things.

She finally made it back to Lord Granthams and shared dinner with the entire family. Cora, Edith, and Violet all tried to insinuate that Isobel and Lord Merton would be the next happy couple, only Lady Mary seemed to leave her alone. Isobel made it a point to sit with Mary after supper.

Mary seemed to pick a quiet corner and soon Isobel realized why "Cousin Isobel, I would like to ask you a personal question if I may". "Of course dear" answered Isobel as she braced herself for another onslaught on Lord Merton questions.

Mary, however, had a much different question to ask her. "Mathew, as you know, was my whole word and I will never heal completely from his death. But, over the last few months, I feel that I can once again walk this earth as a person."

Isobel nodded to encourage Mary, she rarely opened up to anyone and Isobel was happy to help her heal. "As you know, there have been a few gentlemen who are interested in helping me with the healing process and why I am not ready yet, I want to know if I have your blessing should I feel ready"

"Mary, dear, you don't need my blessing" she said.

"Actually, I do." Mary interjected. "Mathew valued your opinion and came to you for advice on many things. I feel that if you give me your blessing, then in a way, Mathew is giving his blessing and I couldn't move on without that. I know it sounds rather silly when I say it out loud."

Isobel's eyes softened in understanding and her heart went out to Mary. Her pain was still so fresh and her love still so deep. Isobel spoke from the heart when she said "allowing yourself to love again will never take away the love that you and Mathew shared, you have my blessing now and you will in the future."

Mary shared a soft smile with Isobel then turned to welcome her grandmother as she made her way to the chair on the other side of Mary. It wasn't until Mary and Violet were in conversation that Isobel realized that she needed to start taking her own advice.

XXXXXX

Richard Clarkson stared at the clock for the fourth time this hour. He knew that the train from London was due any minute and he was anxiously awaiting its arrival. He would wait for her, even if it took days, he said his piece, now he had to wait.

The hour came and went, and the hour after that, and the next. With one final glance at the clock, he left the hospital and headed home. He justified his disappointment, of course she wouldn't come straight to the hospital, she would be tired from traveling and would want to settle in at home. He would just have to wait till tomorrow.

He was lost in thought as he walked up his drive that he didn't notice the light on in the kitchen. He opened his door, he never locked it, and nearly jumped out of his skin when he saw Isobel sitting at his kitchen table sipping a cup of tea.

She smiled at his reaction and he smiled back. For a moment, no one said anything, until finally Richard broke the silence "How was London?"

"It was nice, I did spend a majority of my time reading" she said as she poured him a cup of tea.

"Something interesting I hope" he replied as he sat down across from her at his small table

"Very interesting, it was a request from a dear friend, and I had to read it many times to make sure I understood what he was asking"

When she didn't continue he asked "and, we you able to assist your friend?"

She looked up and him and said in all honesty "I'm so confused Richard"

He could read the pain on her face so he reached out and grabbed her hand. He ran his thumb over the back of her hand saying "just talk to me Isobel"

She started to panic, she had thought through exactly what she wanted to say on the train home but for some reason when he looked at her, she couldn't put the words together. She wanted to tell him she did care for him and she was considering more but she needed to take things slowly because she still felt a tremendous amount of guilt.

She stood up and walked her cup to his sink. She stood in front of the sink with her back to him. She could hear him sigh, he had resigned himself to the fact that she was turning him down. He walked over to her and said to her back "I apologize for everything Isobel, I am so sorry that I pressured you into something you didn't want to do. "

She whipped around at his words "you didn't pressure me Richard! I wanted to make love to you. I have never felt so alive in my life"

"Then why did you run out, what are you afraid of" he asked with more of a raised voice then he intended. His passion for her igniting his anger.

She turned around again to face the sink, she needed to get the words out and she couldn't do it while he looked in her eyes.

"I'm afraid I will fall madly in love with you and forget the man I loved so long ago, the man who was the father to my child, my only child" she said with conviction. Then she lowered her voice and barely whispered "With Mathew gone, if I love again, it is like I have erased Reginald and Mathew from my life. I can't do that to them."

Richard was stunned. He had asked for honesty and bravery and she gave it in full force. He had no words, so instead he pressed up to her back and put his hands on her biceps to steady her.

She turned into him and buried her head in his chest. He could feel his shirt dampen from her tears. He moved one arm around her back and the other he placed in her hair. He simply held her.

After a moment, he placed a kiss to her hair and spoke softly "I don't want you to forget your love for Reginald, he has helped make you who you are today, and I love the woman you have become."

He moved his arms back to her biceps and pulled her slowly off his chest. They locked eyes as he said "I have loved you from a far, for so long. Let's try this, we can do this nice and slow and if you feel that it is too much please tell me, and I will give you the space you need."

She smiled up at him saying "Does making love in Mrs. Pegg's bedroom count as a slow start?"

"No, probably not" he said smiling. "but letting me walk you home does"

XXXXXX

The End

A/N: I am preparing to take a short hiatus from Downton Abbey FF as I am in the states and I am so afraid to read spoliers for season 5. I am SO JEALOUS of all of you that will soon have your Downton fix! I am hoping to either write more chapters of this story or make a sequel that will follow their "walking out" together bc of course, that will have its ups and downs. Thank you all for reading and a super thank you to all that left a review. It really makes my day.