«If I'm going to t-tell you everything I-I've got on my mind, I need you to just listen. Ok?» Kurt says.
«Of course, Kurt» Blaine answer and squeezes Kurt's hand again.
«And If you don't w-want to b-be my f-friend when I have t-told you about me, please just t-tell me…»
«Kurt» Blaine takes Kurt's hand in both of his and he is even closer to Kurt now. «Listen to me, nothing, and I mean nothing you tell me will change the way I feel about you! Because you are so wonderful and kind and awesome.»
«oh…ok…» Kurt is glad there is darkness surrounding them, because he is pretty sure his face is very red because of what Blaine said.
«And I will keep quiet and let you talk, unless you want me to say something.»
«Ok…thank you, Blaine» Kurt is trying to focus on Blaine's breath again to get control over his own.
«I-I want to tell you, because I need you to understand me, t-the way I act, why I don't talk to people, why I hide.» Once he has started the words seem to flow freely for once.
«I have always been a person that likes quiet places and places with few or no people at all. I like to sit in my room by myself, listening to music, thinking, or just be. That is when I feel the most comfortable. I never know what to say around people, and that is just not people I don't know, that is also persons that I have known for a while. I feel so stupid around others and if I have to talk, something I avoid if I can, I blurt out something stupid and I get angry at myself for doing it. I get very tired when I'm exposed to lots of noise and people all day, and I hide away in the library. I need to be alone. I can always feel the way the other students look at me in the halls of school, like a creep, a stranger, a nobody. But I need to shut myself out from the world in order to survive. At least that is what it feels like. And sometimes, a lot of times actually, I wish I could walk up to someone and just talk, to make a new friend. But I need to be in control over the situation, and you can't control what other people say or do.» Kurt cant't stop when he is finally letting everything out, he just breathes and continue.
«My mother died when I was eight, and I think, because that I what I do, I think all the time and too much. But I think that when my mother died things very slowly turned for the worse. I used to sing and dance, I used to love it. I don't remember when or why I stopped. But when I figured out that I was even more different form other people, that I liked boys the way I was supposed to like girls, I started to hide even more. It became very lonely. Before that it was never lonely, I was comfortable alone, never bored. But now…I don't think anyone would like to be my friend.» Kurt can feel that Blaine is struggling not to talk besides him.
«For the past two years I feel like I have lived my life inside my head. I dream of so many things, and I prepare every conversation inside long before I have to speak, I need control over every little thing that I do. I hate to open the door if the door bell rings, because I can't prepare for what to come if I do. I need to think a lot before I do anything, even the smallest things and I am so tired of it. I just want to live my life and be happy like everyone else. I don't know what is wrong with me….» Kurt doesn't know when he started to cry, but he can feel the pillow beneath him getting wet, Blaine's hand is still resting in his, warm and comfortable. Kurt is scared, scared of what Blaine might think now and maybe he will leave even if he said he wouldn't. His breathing is getting heavier and he is on the verge of panic. He can feel Blaine move besides him and his hand finds Kurt's shoulder, he squeezes it gently.
«Kurt, relax! Take deep breaths, I'm still here.» He pulls Kurt closer so Kurt's head is resting on Blaine's chest and he hugs him and whisper softly into Kurt's hair. «I'm still here. I'm not going anywhere»
Blaine's warm embrace helps Kurt to relax and calm down. And his breathing is settling back to normal. Kurt tries to slide back to his side of the bed, but Blaine is holding him back in a tight grip.
«There is nothing wrong with you, Kurt! I like you just the way you are, and I would love to be your friend and maybe….» Blaine doesn't finish the sentence. He clears his voice and says: «I would never want you to be uncomfortable around me, and I will never do anything you don't want me to. But, can I please turn the light on? I want to see that you are ok.»
«Ok» Kurt whisper, and Blaine leans over Kurt to turn the switch on, and the room lights up. Blaine rolls back and stops and looks down on Kurt.
«Hi…» He says and dries one of Kurt's tears away with his thumb.
«Hi…» Kurt whispers back and lock his eyes with Blaine's beautiful hazel.
A/N: I would love to hear more from you! What do you think of where this is going? -J