Woo, I got a new job! Fuck you Blockbuster, I now work for a company that actually treats me like a person!
Naruto woke slowly. Today was the day he had to go get his picture taken for his genin profile. Sighing softly, he padded to the bathroom, took a shower and transformed into his Naruto form. Today was the day he had to have his picture taken and officially meet his genin team. He was thrilled. Really.
Almost pouting, Naruto pulled on the hideous and scratchy orange monstrosity that he once wore with such pride before. Gods, but back then he had such horrible tastes! Tying his headband around his spiked hair, Naruto quickly pasted a smile on his face and made his way to the academy.
Fuck.
O0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o
Sighing again, Naruto opened the door to his class room and walked to his seat. He was still waiting to see if he'd be accepted into ANBU, but no matter the outcome, he was still expected to keep up his appearance as Naruto. People would start to question if the 'demon brat' jumped ranks or disappeared after all.
"Oi, don't you know this is for graduates only?" Some Nara commented as he walked in.
Naruto just stared at him like he was a moron and then pointed to his head band. The kid reddened, turning away in embarrassment.
Sitting down in the chair closest to the window, Naruto began gazing outside, wishing he was somewhere else. Other genins began filtering in, sitting next to friends turned comrades. He stifled his hurt when his classmates avoided the seat next to him like the plague. There was a commotion at the door and Sakura (really, what had he been thinking?) and Ino brought their drama into the classroom, fighting over who would sit next to Sasuke. Really? All he did was grunt, how was that attractive? He was actually pretty plain compared to others, typical Japanese features and coloring…boring.
He looked over in surprise when the chair beside him was moved. Shino had decided to sit beside him, most likely to avoid making his classmates uncomfortable by being forced to sit next to a living hive. Naruto found it ironic himself-both containers of something 'not-human' and the social outcasts of the school sat beside each other in comfortable silence. It was nice, for once, not to be glared at or made fun of and knowing that his sitting companion hated him.
Naruto turned slowly, blinking at the Aburame.
"Congratulations", he stated seriously, glancing at the headband that the Aburame proudly displayed.
Shino turned his head in Naruto's direction, and nodded in thanks, "Ah. You too, Uzumaki." his voice was deeper than most, slightly course from disuse.
CRASH!
Both Naruto and Shino turned to see the cause of the commotion. Apparently in their never-ending, mythical struggle for true love, aka 'the seat beside Sasuke' both Sakura and Ino had managed to break the chair onto the table, causing not only the chair's legs to break clean off, but the table to collapse as well. Sasuke's legs where then hit by the collapsing wood, causing a knee jerk reaction and for him to fall of his chair, into the rubble.
It was suddenly so silent, you could hear a pin drop as everyone waited with baited breathe for Sasuke's reaction. Half the class silently hoped he'd get up and brush himself off, the other half hoped he would finally snap at the two.
The fun was cut short when the classroom door banged opened, Iruka-sensei striding in; too busy reading his clipboard to notice the spectacle.
"Alright everyone, get to your seats…wha?" Iruka's carefully planned speech was shot to crap as he saw the mess that was currently on display.
"Explain. Now." Iruka was getting red, a vain in his temple throbbing. Really? This was the future generation? They were doomed.
"It's all Sakura's fault!""It's all Ino's fault!" the girls screamed, pointing at each other.
"Sasuke?" Iruka questioned dangerously, looking at the fallen boy.
"Hn." Yeah, that was it.
Iruka's face got even redder and everyone slowly backed away, ready for full on rant-Iruka.
.
..
…
…..
….
"I have never been so disgusted in my life. You are the next generation? Pathetic." Sakura and Ino winced at the harsh words.
"Out of all of you that have passed today, in 5 years only 40% of you will still be alive. Attitudes like what Sakura and Ino-san have just showed you is what gets you and your comrades killed. You are shinobi of the leaf, act like it. We have no time to suffer fools or nurture hurt egos. Grow. Up." Sasuke glowered at the floor.
"Pick yourself up, and clean up this mess. I've never regretted my decision to pass someone as much as I have now." The girls, now silent in shame and embarrassment, quickly scuttled to the supply closest for cleaning supplies.
"I will now be calling out your assigned teams and sensei. This is directly from the hokage and is nonnegotiable. This is your new family. You will train with them, sweat with them, bleed with them, eat with them and some of you will even die with them. I suggest any difference you have be put aside. Team One is…" and so the Iruka went down the list, each being assign. Groans and sighs were stifled, not wanting to draw any of Iruka's ire.
O0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o
Naruto resisted the urge to bang his head on the table. Team 7 consisting of him, "Pink-pile-of-useless" Sakura, and "I'm-going-to-whine-and-be-unsocialable" Sasuke…Naruto wondered who he'd pissed off in the pyramid scheme. Well, at least his sensei wasn't a complete waste; Copy-cat Kakashi, the only living wielder of those eyes other than Sasuke and Itachi.
Five bucks said he played favorites with lil'Sasuke~chan. Pfft.
Now Naruto was bored. Teams had been assigned and they were left waiting for their sensei. They had been given a brief break, but Naruto had eaten a large breakfast (Sushi, mmm) and had merely munched on an apple he had brought with him without leaving his seat.
The classroom began emptying group by group as their sensei came to pick them up. Waving goodbye to Shino, Naruto propped himself up to completely sit in the window. Eventually, even Iruka left and the newly dubbed Team 7 waited for their sensei.
Two hours in, Naruto had had enough. Dropping his feat down on the outside of the windowsill, Naruto slowly slid his body outside. Sakura was too busy staring at Sasuke, who was too busy 'brooding' to notice Naruto silently slip out of the classroom.
Applying chakra to his feet and hands, Naruto began climbing up the academy's walls until he reached to roof. Finding a bench, he laid down and slowly drifted off, enjoying the feeling of the sun and slight breeze.
O0o0o0o0o0o
Two hours Team 7 had been waiting for their sensei. The duo left in the classroom had finally noticed Naruto's disappearance, and both silently vowed to tattle as soon as possible. Naruto meanwhile was still lightly napping on the roof, oblivious to it all.
Finally the door to the class room slid open, and the man of the hour arrived. He was slightly disappointed at the lack of reaction (besides the glaring) that he received when he walked into the classroom.
"Mah, where's the third munchkin?" he asked, scratching the back of his head.
"He left" Sakura replied heatedly.
"Oh? When?" Kakashi had finally fished out his orange book and happily focused on the novel.
"Eto…." Sakura thought hard, when had he left? "I don't know" she mumbled faintly.
"I see. My first impression of you is….I hate you. Meet me on the roof." He said, leaving the gasping genin behind.
Appearing on the roof, Kakashi was a little surprised to see (what he assumed) was the third member of his newest victims.
Naruto was sleeping peacefully; face relaxed and spiked hair swaying gently in the evening wind.
'He looks like…' Kakashi couldn't bring himself to finish with the painful comparison.
Finally the other two members of the team burst through the roof's door. Both were noticeably surprised to see Naruto sleeping casually on the roof.
"Mah, apparently your teammate never left", Kakashi noted casually, "you may want to wake him up." Kakashi pointed looked at Sakura as the final words left his mouth.
Sakura for her part looked like she had just been asked to touch dog shit with her bare hands. Scooting slowly to Naruto, she reached out a trembling finger and poked him in the side. When nothing happened, she repeated the gesture a little bit more forcefully; again, no reaction from the sleeping Uzumaki. Getting angry at the lack of response, she reared her fist back, ready to punch the sleeping fox, only to make contact with hard wood was Naruto abruptly sat up straight.
Yawning, Naruto rubbed the sleep out of his eyes, looking muddled and tired for all intents and purposes. In reality, he was snickering in his head at Sakura's pain.
"Mmm? Is it morning already?" Naruto acted sleep muddled, making a show of looking around and his eyes widening in understanding.
"Oh, I must have fallen asleep huh? He he" Naruto grinned and scratched the back of his neck as he laughed at himself.
Without pause, Kakashi had them introduce themselves (while giving up no information himself besides his names) and Naruto played his part. After they were dismissed, Naruto quickly made his way to his apartment.
'Team 7 huh? This is gonna be an awesome cluster-fuck.'
O0o0o0o0o0
[Was gonna end it here, but I have nothing to do at work and access to word so…happy un-birthday!]
D-rank missions were the funniest things Naruto had ever witnessed. See the Uchiha need deep in pond muck? Fuck yes. Sakura covered in cat scratches? Oh yeah. Kakashi getting yelled at by an old lady for reading porn in front of 'young, impressionable children'? Sign me up for that shit! Not that it didn't have pit falls for Naruto too, but really? Whitewashing a fence was annoying and tedious, but eh, he was getting paid so what did he care?
Currently he and his team were doing his second favorite D-mission ever; Tora catching. It was almost a daily thing and Tora had instantly taken a liking to Naruto and his magical scratching fingers. As the team would split up to locate the cat, Tora would immediately seek out Naruto (who would then lie about his location and his supposed cat sightings) they would then find a tree far away from where his team was searching and enjoy each other's company. The fat cat was a purring machine and Naruto found the rhythmic petting motions to be calming and Tora loved the attention of the Inari-blessed.
A few hours in, and Tora would indicated he wanted to return to his owner for feeding and Naruto would 'catch' Tora, returning him to the Fire Daimio's wife. Said wife noticed that cat's attachment to Naruto and seeing how much they liked each other, hired Naruto for a few tasks by himself. They became fast friends and now had tea together almost regularly.
While Tora was wonderful, he always looked forward to his favorite D-rank task: babysitting. Sure, it wasn't glorifying, but Naruto loved children. Their soft hair, clean smell and radiant innocent sucked him in like a moth to the flame. With his fun and carefree personality, children also loved him. Babies especially found his whisker marks to be fascinating.
Having returned Tora to his master, team 7 received their last mission of the day; babysitting a baby of 6months for a kinochi who was on patrol duty for the night. They had been asked for specifically.
Upon arriving to their client's home, they were surprised when the women who opened the door apparently knew Naruto.
"Ah, Naruto-san, thanks for showing up! You know how it goes. Ichi-chan is napping in his crib and his breast milk is in the fridge. I'll see you when I get back!" Kissing Naruto on the forehead, the frazzled woman quickly jumped to the roof tops.
"…bye?"Kakashi mumbled, slightly dazed.
Completely unperturbed, Naruto stepped inside the woman's house and made his way to the rear bedroom just as a piercing wail escaped the once sleeping infant. The rest of team 7 quickly followed.
They watched as the baby quieted upon seeing Naruto, squealing a giggle as his pudgy hands reached for the Uzumaki.
Cooing nonsense words to the baby, Naruto held Ichi up to his face as the baby began to happily babble and trace his whisker marks.
'What…'
'…the…'
'…fuck…' the rest of team 7 thought, following dumbly as Naruto made his way to the kitchen.
Putting on a pot, he began the process of boiling water to heat the bottled milk.
"Here sensei, hold him while a get it ready?" Naruto questioned, handing off baby Ichi to the stunned Kakashi.
Naruto watched as Kakashi looked at the baby as if it was an exploding tag, holding it far away from his body as possible.
"Sensei, hold him like this. See? Now support his head, there, not too hard is it?" Naruto easily came over and adjusted Kakashi's hold on the baby, who quickly began teething on the snaps on Kakashi's jonin vest.
Eventually the team settled in the living room, some movie playing on the TV as Naruto cuddled the baby who was nodding off.
"How do you know Ichi's mother, Naruto?" Sakura asked, breaking the silence.
"Mah," Naruto gently ran his hand across Ichi's head, loving the softness. "Her sister taught me how to read. When her sister was killed on a…mission, I met her. She offered to hire me for odd jobs she couldn't do because of her pregnancy and eventually I began taking care of Ichi too. I love kids, so it was nice…"
"Ano, why do you like children so much?" Sakura questioned in her usual curious fashion.
"…They don't judge" Naruto whispered, smelling the baby's clean sent.
It was quiet after that, and the rest of the team went home when Ichi's mother returned.
O0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o
The next day team 7 went to receive yet another batch of D-ranked missions…only this time…
"Give us something more challenging" everyone, Iruka included, stared stunned at Sasuke.
Sasuke had actually spoken up about something? Then again, it wasn't that surprising considering his personality. He probably saw the D-ranks as holding him back.
Just as Iruka inhaled to berate the boy, the hokage hummed thoughtfully. Eyeing his old teammates whose eyes were practically demanding he gave in, he decided it was time to progress things forward.
O0o0o0o0o00o0o
Naruto decided he hated Tazuna. The man smelt of bad liquor and lies. It was bad enough he had to act stupid and deal with Sakura's blathering, but walking down wind of that man...ick.
It wasn't even an hour out that it became apparent that something was very wrong. A puddle on a sunny day may be dismissible if it had rained recently, but Konoha's rainy season was over and it hadn't rained for months.
It was in that moment, the real fun began.