While internally he felt quite... confused, if that didn't exactly sound like a correct term, Senri used the general distraction ruling in the Ocular after their arrival to sneak away.

...some might be tempted to say he pretty much run away, but truth was: he needed a moment to think and sort out the mess in his head.

As soon as he managed to pass the massive door of the Ocular, that someone seemed to left open, he teleported out of the Tower and smoothly landed at the foot of the Aetheryte in Revanant's Toll, then trying to keep his head clear, headed past the market and into Splendors. If his smiles toward the citizens passed on the way were a tad stained, their suprise at seeing him apparently covered that. Heading to the second floor while skipping steps, it didn't take him long to climb into his favorite spot: one of the bridges hanging high above the city. And once he did, he sat down and letting his legs hang of one of the edges of it, he grabbed the end of his tail in both hands and setting them in his lap, carefully smoothed his bristled fur down, still trying to keep his head clear of any and all thought.

„You have every right to feel overwhelmed, boy," he didn't think he managed to cover his flinch when another figure settled down on the bridge next to him, if he didn't turn his head, staring intently at his task. Ares, if he thankfully had the good sense to keep distance between them because right now Senri really... didn't feel comfortable in general, much less wanted to be touched.

„Shouldn't you stay with the others...?" he muttered, frowning as his fingertips ran through his fur – uselessly as his emotional turmoil only worked to make his fur bristle ruining his efforts.

„...while I feel your discomfort?" his Ancient sighed, and while he only looked toward him in his periperial vision, Senri swiftly dropped his gaze seeing the shine of sky-blue eyes focused on him intently. Earlier he thought that Ares looked exactly the same as the moment they left the past – still that adorable, bright-eyed teen – but truth was, his eyes betrayed the difference. Despite his outer youth, they showed maturity that was impossible to attribute to a teen and wasn't there before. „Senri..."

„I can't face them," he said, staring down at the city with unseeing eyes over his lap. „My head... is a mess. On one side, I remember thinking... before we left, I mean... that perhaps I'll dare to ask ask Raha to help me face my mother. On another, I remember..." he took a deep breath, exhaled slowly and finally looked straight into the bright eyes, pretending that he didn't notice the sympathy in their sky-blue depths. „I know... I shouldn't leave Raha and... but I just..."

„It's okay," Ares said softly, folding his hands in his lap. „You need a moment to process... that's more than understable. Raha's in the very same situation, boy, and left a mere seconds after you, if I suppose Damon's letting him do the thinking on his own. My husband knows that right now his boy's more than... miffed with him about this whole bet and wouldn't appreciate his companionship," some humor flared in the bright eyes.

Senri sighed, closed his eyes and rubbed his eyelids tiredly before he let his upper body fall back against the surface of the bridge and folded his forearms over his face, grimacing slightly. He understood Raha's... issue far too well to find humor in the situation. Perhaps later he will... but right now, it struck a tad too close to his own misgivings about their Ancients 'improvements.'

„You know if you so wish, I could make you forget one of those... sets of memories, boy," he heard Ares say carefully and stilled completely, working his jaw for a second before answering.

„I know... You have a poor idea about mortals, Ares," he said slowly without otherwise moving. „Or about... this world in general. Or rather: what this worls used ro be, for us... for me. And though I understand your... intentions behind the things you changed – and I know I'll eventually probably thank you for it... Right now I don't know how to proceed. What to think. Or... who I am. Those memories... the old ones, I suppose... Weren't pleasant but they made me... me. My past... gave me purpose. Unpleasant one, at times, yes... but if I could spare others, then there was meaning to everything I went through... right? Even the way I look... in that setting was useful, but now..." he trailed off and sighed. „This other me... that happier version of my childhood... made him weak. Or not weak, but... complacent? And I don't..."

„He wasn't weak for not hating how he looked like, Senri," Ares said in a downright chilling tone and he flinched slightly, not daring to look toward him. „He grew up surrounded by people that didn't treat him like object for his appearance, but loved him despite it. That's what my father – knowing we could – wanted to change for you, boy, because your... self-loathing and guilt over it is a senseless waste. That's what I wanted to change for you, knowing that it was growing up in that... place that gave you that conviction that somehow you owe something to the people who lust after you only because of your face. You don't and you never did, and that other you... that happier Senri, knew that. You say that it's that miserable version of your past that's 'useful'... but weren't you mainly punishing yourself, Senri?"

„I..."

„Even the way you used your 'Echo'..." the immortal sighed sadly and he instinctively tightened his arms around his head. „...making yourself literally experience rape through others and calling it 'fair price,' is... sickening, boy. Especially if even despite that sacrifice you still would consider yourself to be a monster for doing what you believe is right. That Senri was happier because he knew his worth and knew he didn't need to make himself suffer to make up for some misguided believe that he owe others for treating him as a person and not a thing. Not a... beast. Even his relationship with Raha... wasn't tainted by that, and that's why he was able to see that there was nothing wrong in purposfully making him jealous. In enjoying the way he looked like if it pleased the man he loved, Senri. You on the other hand... you feel so thankful for his affection, for treating you as you deserve to be treated... that you're constantly terrified of somehow doing something that will make you lose that. And that's not... healthy, you know that. And he's in a very much the same situation, too: so used to being lonely and rejected that he believes that he doesn't deserve your love and half-conciously waits for you to discard him. What our bet was to prove... what we wanted you to know is that even without that... misery you were made to experience, you still choose each other without a hint of hesitation, Senri. And knowing the both versions of how it could be... perhaps you both can learn to trust each other more, hm?"

„I... trust Raha," he whispered a tad helplessly.

A moment of silence, then...

„If you would really trust him, boy, you wouldn't feel you need to be alone right now," his Ancient replied almost tenderly. „You would take strength in being with him and weren't so... scared that he would think less of you for seeing your weakness. For seeing how troubled you are to remember not hating yourself and how much better that felt. For feeling better in your relationship with not obsessing on how to please him so he wouldn't leave you. Senri... you can't truly love him unless first you love yourself."

He had no idea what to say to that and the silence stretched uncomfortably until Ares sighed and tapped his hand over his thigh.

„You're so young... it's almost scary, boy. But let me tell you this before I leave you to your thinking...?" he chuckled a tad self-consciously and he finally dared to look toward him from under his arms. „...I only say that because I do more than understand your... misgivings. After you left... it literally took me centuries to learn that painful lesson, Senri: that Damon loves me because he choose to, and I don't owe him gratitude for that. That by thinking I do... I offended his heart. So much like your Raha with you... he saw in me something that I couldn't see myself until I truly learned to believe that no matter what anyone said... no matter what I believed... I wasn't lesser for being different. And he wasn't better. And you, boy, having those two sets of different view on yourself... I hope you can see that in both one was unchanged: that you're a bright kid that thrives on making the world around you better. And for that those around you and your Raha love you."

And only a moment after he seemingly teleported away that characteristic way of theirs, Senri allowed himself to exhale shakily, covering his eyes again as they burned with tears.

Literally making himself invisible, Raha only exhaled deeper after the door of his... their bedroom closed behind him and he looked about the room with a strange sense of disjointment... just like his whole self felt like at the moment.

...if both painfully missed his lover's reassuring heat, but at the same time... he had a sense that right now Senri wanted to be alone and no matter how much he needed him... he was determined to respect that.

That old part of him, anyway. If he thought of it, that... other side of him insistently wanted to find him and... he wasn't really sure what.

Those two sets of different memory were so... dichotomous it made his thoughts spin in circles.

The room ge was in was spacious – like many chambers inside the Tower, because that's apparently where they... those other they... decided to live for obvious reasons. That Raha grew up used to the comforts of the Tower and his control over it – and the constant presance of their 'patrons.' And their families...

He shook his head, took a deeper breath and pushed off the door, somewhat hesitantly looking about the bedroom before with some apprehension he gingerly sat down on the edge of the massive bed and somewhat numbly looked around, trying to unite the two very different senses of the area. On one side he could remember that it was him who carelessly tossed the discarded last night clothes laying on the floor nearby the bed, while other part of him knew that he would never do that, so obsessively neat about his belongings...

And the bed itself... Not Senri's precious nest, but a very big, lucsorious bed with rumpled covers soaked in the mix of their scents... He groaned out loud and gave in into the instant temptation they served as, kicking off his boots and crawling into the middle of the mattress and curled into a fetal position while helplessly pulling the apple-scented sheets against his nose and closing his eyes with a relieved sigh. It wasn't his heat but...

He wasn't sure how long he stayed like that, trying not to think about the fact that sooner or later he would be forced to face the people that he only half-remembered were his family... and that would be assuredly baffled when they realize he wasn't exactly as they remembered... He wasn't sure if he didn't at some poind drift off into uneasy sleep, or just was so distracted that it made his flinch harshly when another body made the big mattress move if he didn't dare to move or open his eyes until a much bigger male radiating warmth pulled him into a tight, soothing embrace.

„I'm sorry, babe," his lover breathed against his ear and he inhaled shakily before turning around in his arms and burying his face against Senri's chest, helplessly relieved by his heat as he fisted his hand in the back of his shirt. „I... needed a moment, but I shouldn't..."

„It's o-okay..." he lied as his eyes burned. He didn't really need Damon's intelligence to understand why Senri needed to be away from him and everyone else... no matter how much that hurt.

„No, it's not," his mate replied, soothingly running his hand over his back in a slow rhythm that only after a moment let Raha relax somewhat, and breathing eventually grew easier. „I... ran because it is something I'm used to do. Hide behind the masks and pretend... nothing's wrong. And what that's not enough... literally run, I suppose. But it's not... what I want to do anymore, Raha. I... want to be there for you when you need me, babe... When I need you... but... I'm s-scared," his deep voice was barely audible and he sighed softly, tightening his arm around his side and tilted his head to rest his cheek against. His lover's stuttering heartbeat. Truly felt the slight tremor of the hand rubbing his back in comfort... and like so many times before his heart broke with the idea that he couldn't see the wonder behind that seemingly simple gesture. The marvel of his caring soul: offering him care when he so obviously needed it himself. When he came back for him because he knew that after a lifetime of solitude he couldn't stand it... when it was what brought his beast comfort, instead.

Because no matter how much Raha loved him... he failed to reassure him that he was free to be himself with him. And now truly knowing that difference between how it was and how it could be... made his insides clench with a mix of misery and guilt. Because like so many others in Senri's life... he drank into his unbrindled devotion greedily instead of adressing the underlying source of it...

...the hurt that was left to fester far, far too long. The guilt for something that was never his fault to begin with...

And now being faced with the painfully clear vision of how it could be if the other's expectations and ideas didn't affect his life...? If he wasn't raised to be something he couldn't be to be tossed into a fate he never wanted...?

If he felt so... out of sorts with the idea of growing up surrounded by people who loved him, and how that changed his whole personality... for Senri...

Raha sighed then leaned back, raising his head until he could look into his lover's painfully beautiful face, somewhat awkwardly lifting his hand to rest his palm against Senri's cheek and tenderly smoothed his thumb over his skin, his heart breaking again at the sight of suprise and uncertainty in the pale eyes as they trailed over his face and that hand on his back stopped, unsure.

„I love you, my dream," he said, hoping that his eyes conveyed his certainty in that... when everything else felt so uncertain. „And I hope... one day you can believe that. I love that sweetness of your heart and that ruthless beast under your mask, too... And every time I look at you... I thank gods and every star for that pull that brought us together... even if it wasn't exactly natural. I'm thankful..." he trailed of to a sigh that Senri swallowed as he tilted and inclained his head. The kiss was somewhat bitter-sweet, a tad salty and though he couldn't help the shimmer of desire in his blood easily elected by his taste, he didn't push or pull, only savoring it.

The brushes of fangs against his lips tasted new – yet not, more so than the hesitant, nearly shy press of another mind, tinged with the taste of frost. He remembered how his counterpart percived his Senri, yet as their connection expanded and their souls entangled, his Senri's flavor was sharp with intimate knowledge of rejection. The boundless fear of it. His devotion was sharper, nearly biting and demanding complete comittment. His beast dug its claws into him, its bite a price for his mate's beauty that he wanted to pay, needed it to know what his heart sang in its unever stutters: that it wasn't debt for him but privilige.

That belonging to him was nothing but bliss. Him, his darker, wounded beast and not its brighter, sweeter counterpart. And perhaps sensing that – he could hope – slowly, gradually he felt Senri relax, and a strange sort of resonanace filled his head with static. They froze, unmoving and only breathing in each others air as the colliding, dichotomous memories and souls fused into one. And Raha smiled somewhat sadly as he pulled his lover into a tight, comforting hug, delicately running his fingers through his dark hair while Senri buried his face against his throat. Feeling the damp heat of his tears and hearing the nervous shakiness of his breath, he thought briefly to one of the few painful truths of the balance his beast craved.

One couldn't truly appreciate the happiness if he didn't know suffering, and as sweet and... cheerful the memories of those other them were... What he wanted was the true glory of his beast's love: his trust, complete and free of fear.