Maybe I Deserve

Chapter 5

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As Tim drove back to his place, the car ride was silent. Every so often he would glance over at Reba, wondering what was going on through her mind. But instead of questioning her, he left her alone to ponder her thoughts. Reba just stared mindlessly out the window, going over and over what she had saw and what she would do. She wasn't sure why she called Tim or why she asked him to take her back to his place. Flashbacks of happier times in her life and marriage continued to replay themselves in her mind. She loved Brock but she wanted to get back at him. She wanted him to hurt like she hurt so he'd know how it felt to have a loved one disrespect their marriage.

Tim pulled in front of a beautiful condo apartment. As he escorted her out of the car, Reba approached the door with confusion and uncertainty filled in her heart. Knowing partially what she was going to do and why she was doing it. Once inside, Reba sat on the couch, clutching her purse and continuing to sort her feelings. She was brought out of her thoughts when Tim brought her a glass of water.

"Thanks." she said softly.

For a few moments no words were spoken but then he began to speak.

"Reba…" he was cut off.

"Tim what does love mean to you?"

"What does that have to do with anything?" he asked confused.

"Just answer me."

"Umm, I guess it means sharing apart of your heart and feelings with someone else, devoting your life and time to the one that makes you happy."

"Then why does my husband insist on hurting me if he loves me? I gave him 20 years of my life. A life filled with happy memories, children, laughter, and tears. After all of that, I'm still not enough for him. I gave him chance after chance and he blew every one of them. And being who I am I allowed him back time after time, knowing he'll just break my heart again."

"Reba maybe things can change. If he says he loves you I'm sure he does. He made a mistake. A mistake that he prays he would've never made. Otherwise why would he have asked you to take him back time and time again?"

"Maybe every one was right. I should've divorced him. But no, I was too hung up on being alone and not having anyone. He doesn't love me. If he did he wouldn't have cheated on me and got another woman pregnant. I'm so mad right now, I could throw up. I don't think I can ever look him in the face again, let alone trust him."

"I wish there was something I can do or say to make you feel better. But this is something that you'll have to work through and decide whether or not you want to start your life fresh as a single woman or try to make things work with your husband."

Tim excused himself and went upstairs to his bedroom for a minute. As he ascended the stairs, Reba felt her anger boil. She wanted to get back at Brock. She wanted to show him that he wasn't the only one who could have secrets. As her confidence grew, she arose from the couch and began to go upstairs. As she took each step, a different emotion exposed itself. From this moment on she wouldn't look back and instead do what she thought she needed to do.

There in his bedroom, Tim had his back turned towards the door as he fumbled with something in his drawers. Reba stood silently in the doorway, observing him and nervous as to how this would turn out. Tim jumped as he turned and saw the red-head standing in his doorway. Reba slowly approached him, never letting her eyes leave his.

"Reba what are you doing?"

"Tim, make love to me."

"What?"

"Make love to me."

"I can't do that. Look your upset and not thinking straight."

"I am thinking straight. I want this to happen."

"Come on let's go back downstairs."

"Why don't you want me? The other night you practically begged me to spend the night with you, now you don't want me."

"Yes, Reba I want you. But you said it yourself, your married. It wouldn't be right."

"But it was right the other night."

"Look, I want you, more than anything in my life. But if we make love I don't want it to be because you want to get revenge on your husband. I want us to make love because you sincerely want me."

Reba tried hard to hold back her tears. She knew he was right, she would only make love to him to distract herself from Brock. But another part of her wanted to.

"Tim, it wouldn't be simply because I want to get back at Brock. I really do want to."

Tim found it increasingly hard to deny her. As she approached him, he knew that he would no longer be able to look into her eyes without giving into temptation.

"It would be just like you said, one night. A night that in the morning we could forget and not a soul would know. Just one night." Reba said.

For a moment the two stood face to face. Slowly they each moved in closer. As his face and lips moved closer and closer, she felt herself begin to shake. Trying to control herself, she closed her eyes and awaited the feel of his lips. As the kiss went on, she allowed herself to become immersed. Every time she felt like stopping, she thought of Brock and Barbra Jean, which intensified the kiss. As time came to pass, clothes were gone and a sheet was the only thing covering their naked bodies. Once the connection was complete, she felt like her entire life flashed before her eyes. She thought of her kids, friends, her parents, Barbra Jean and Brock. Tears cascaded down her face for she knew what she was doing was wrong but it was too late to go back. What's done is done. The pain of her family in her memories, caused Reba to clear her mind of all things except this moment.

Though it was wrong and Reba knew that, she couldn't help feeling a sense of relief. Relief from stress and all the current events, her failing marriage. Being with Tim she was able to enter into a world entirely her own. It had been so long since she'd felt this way. Looking into Tim's eyes as he made love to her she felt free and for a brief moment, they were the only ones in world. Nothing or no one else mattered. She found herself getting more into it as time progressed. Forgetting momentarily who she was. As their climax came to the edge they both held onto each other for life, not wanting to let go of this feeling. Together they reached a peak and somberly fell asleep in each others arms, allowing themselves to enjoy this feeling and wait until the morning to feel guilty.