Maybe I Deserve
Chapter 7
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Days had gone by and Reba's mind was swarmed with thoughts of Tim and Brock. When she thought of Tim she reflected on how good and safe he made her feel. When she thought of Brock, she thought of his affair, his unborn-child and the twenty years put into their marriage. In a lot of ways she felt helpless, her feelings were twisted and torn between two men. If she left Brock and went with Tim, she could start all over and transform into the person that had been repressed. But to leave Brock, she would turn her back on all the love and happiness that they had shared. Her children would be dangerously affected, and even if she did leave Brock, her heart would forever be his. Both of these men held some special part of her, a part that no matter what happened, they would always have.
Reba sat on the porch swing, watching the rain fall, her mind pondering what do to. Thoughts of both Brock and Tim came into conflict. Though she didn't want to admit it, the night she shared with Tim held a lot more meaning than she had hoped. She felt something, but she was confused as to what it was. It couldn't be love, or maybe it could, but how could that be possible? There was no way she could be in love with two men at the same time. But then again, this feeling she felt took grasp of her heart more and more everyday. The more she thought of him and the passion they shared, the more she needed and wanted to see him. She knew it was wrong but she didn't care. She was tired of being the good girl, for once in her life she was ready and willing to live her life with risks and not care about the consequences. This would be her secret. A secret that she could escape to when things got rough at home.
Brock was hurt, for so many reasons. God how he loved her. He hated himself for what he did and had to respect the coldness and rejection that she gave him, for he knew that after all that happened, he probably deserved it. If he could take back every thing he would, but what happened, happened, there was no going back. All he could do was look towards the future and hope that a miracle would come along and save his marriage. He wasn't going to give up. He knew she still loved him and he would do every thing to get them back to a time when all they had were each other and their children, dreaming of a brighter future and happy ending. How he would win her over he didn't know, but damn it he would and if he failed 100 times he'd start over each time.
As she went over in her mind about what she was going to embark on, she seen the faces of her children and Brock. Happiness and sadness waged a battle inside of her because she knew what she was going to do was wrong but she needed an escape, an escape that would take her away for just a short while, and allow her to release her troubled spirit, and in her mind Tim was that escape. Once Brock left for work, she picked up the phone and dialed his number, knowing that once she took this step there was no going back. As it rung she contemplated hanging up, but just as she was to turn back, his voice replaced the ring.
"Hello?"
"Hi, Tim. Its me, Reba."
"Reba, I've been looking forward to this call."
"I know, umm…can you meet me at Starbucks on River Oaks?"
"Yeah sure, I'll be there."
Slowly she hung up the phone and looked down at her wedding ring, wondering how she and Brock ever got themselves in this situation. She'd made her way to Starbucks and anxiously waited for Tim to arrive. Her body filled with butterflies, half hoping that he wouldn't show up. But as she looked towards the door, there he was, walking towards her. He sat across from her and said nothing, waiting for her to talk.
She didn't really know what to say, she hadn't really thought of that. But as her mind raced, her lips moved and words left.
"Tim, the night we made love I felt something that I never thought I would, love. Trust me I didn't want to or expect to but I did. When I was in your arms and looked into your eyes, I saw a safe place. A place I can go to whenever I need comfort, whenever I need someone to make me feel beautiful. The more I think of what we did, the more I want you, but at the same time in the back of my head I think only of Brock."
"Reba, I care for you. I know what you think this is wrong and it probably is but what does it matter. No one has to know. It could be something that only we share."
"I can't just leave Brock."
"I'm not asking you too. All I want is for you to give me a chance to prove myself, and if that isn't enough to convince you to be with me then so be it. All I want is a chance. I'm ready to love you, just give me a chance. No one has to know."
"Okay," she said softly.
Tim gently kissed her hand and moved closer towards her. A kiss sealed the deal. A kiss that was forbidden, but felt so right and comfortable. Together, hand and hand, they walked to her car.
"I have to get home, I'll call you later tonight."
"Alright."
She got into her car and drove away. Tim was torn. He knew what they were doing was wrong but he was happy to be with her. Sometimes you have to take your happiness where you can find it and if that meant forbidden love then so be it. There isn't a book on how to fall in love or who to fall in love with, it just happens and when it does, the heart knows no boundaries.