Our Fall III
A.N: The chapter may feel crammed/stuffed due to the amount of quantity and perspectives, and that's because everything other than the wrap-up parts for the characters we have been following in 'Our Fall' was meant for the chapter after this. But then I noticed that I had not updated this fic in a little over a month, so I decided to make the wait worth it by putting together the two chapters in one go.
Enjoy the treat.
A Portroute problem III
Beyond herself was darkness. A deep body of darkness drowned sound in itself. The click-clack of the scorpion's pincers barely served as solace.
Her neck was clean and proper; the wounds weren't there. The wound left by her death was etched only in her heart. Such a physical and spiritual discrepancy made her scratch at her neck.
But the fear of pain made her scratches shallow and frail. She wanted to scratch at it, but she was too afraid to go too deep. Yet another contradiction. In the world that she had lived in, there were no such half-hearted contradictions. It was a simpler life where you killed the targets you were supposed to kill.
The gender and age of the targets did not matter. There was no shallow contradiction where an assassin refused to kill someone just because they were children. It was full and complete, unlike the life she was living right now.
In that respect, Onii-san was a true monster.
He lured the child with poisoned honey, and then he choked the child without mercy. Gender or age did not matter. Relationships and history did not matter. Those were the eyes of a sick killer who held no contradictions. Onii-san's reasons were full and complete only for himself.
"Ghk…aah…"
A dense smell rose to her nostrils. The repulsive stench tore at her nose, and then she turned her mouth to the side and opened it wide. The reflexive urge from her body made her bent over towards the floor.
Her tongue stretched outwards and her throat contracted, but nothing was retched out. She was grateful for it. The place already stunk enough.
Her body was flushed and her heart drummed louder than the silent darkness.
Gone were her cries for help. She knew it was futile. Elsa was long gone, and she had no friends in this place. In addition, the Onii-san she knew was apparently a monster in hidden disguise. That's the only way anyone could explain why he acted the way he did, and why he….killed her.
She crawled over to her belongings. Her cold hands felt a bit of warmth within them. But what she sought after was a method for solace, and for a way of finding out her next path.
Two of the several stuffed toys were taken out. Her right hand controlled one that was modeled after an Ulgram, while the left hand took control of one that was clearly an average village kid.
The little scorpion came close to watch the show.
"Gaw…gaw…gaw," the Ulgram shuffled close to the kid in quite the pathetic manner. All strength was lost from the fingers, after all. "You're all alone now. There is no one to save you or to see what will happen."
"Ah, no, please don't ki….kill me."
"It's too late for you, little kid. You lost your privilege to beg for mercy a long time ago."
"It doesn't work like that."
"Oh? Are you going to state that you had no choice? No, you were the one who gave no choice to those countless victims. So isn't it natural that you wouldn't get a choice when the time comes for your death? You don't get to move or struggle, kid."
The Ulgram approached, but the kid did not relent to its logic.
"This is not who you are. By not killing me then, you gave me a choice. That entire year, you gave me the choice to live. So why now? Why would you want to kill me? I simply wanted to learn the true meaning of what you told me then. It doesn't even make sense."
"I have lost my memories. Sorry, but what you said goes against the rules."
"Against the rules? What rules? Again, you're saying something that makes no sense. Are you a killer? Is that why you have rules? And if you lost your memories, then why did you hide it then? Was it all a devious plan from you? Then that means that you have been lying to everyone as well! Or is it because I killed you? Is it because I pushed you off the staircase? But that didn't even…didn't even happen!"
The demeanor of the Ulgram changed. It backed away, but stood still.
"I did not hide them. You know that truth. You are alive, and we never killed each other. Such is reality. Forget about everything else. You know that it's better to forget about it, right? Avert your eyes, choose the easiest path, and run away from this nonsense."
The strength of the village kid fell. A knife could almost be imagined in the kid's hands.
"It's not this easy," she said out loud. The Ulgram was being crumbled by the grip of her right hand.
Scorpion-chan looked up at her.
"You can't just forget about it. Where do I go, huh? Mama will find me and torture me to death. The Kingdom will use me until there is nothing left to use. And you! You will lie, betray, and c-choke me to death. I can't run anywhere. Plus, I promised something."
"-I'll kill you."
"The me who died promised it."
She did not understand anything. Her own death was set in stone, but the circumstances around it made her mind meander. The greatest contradiction was her present situation.
Running away won't help her. Only the truth, if there was any, could give her some solace. Otherwise the hate, the pain, and the mark of Onii-san's hands would remain on her neck.
She no longer knew if this plan was something that Elsa would agree with. But the Meili who died deserved the truth, and there was only one individual who could give it.
Her shoulders shuddered at the thought, and the puppets fell from her hand. Simply taking a deep breath did not help her let go of her fear.
That maniac grin and those eyes of Onii-san would always burn under her eyelids.
"I have to go. It might be stupid, but I have to go," she said while looking at the scorpion. "And if it's all true then I'll do it. I'll do the only thing I have ever been taught, and it would all be simpler that way, right~?"
"Well even though I said all of that, I still have to stick around here until the time comes for the next group of visitors. Have to leave all my options open."
The warmth of her body returned with the shallow resolve of her mind. She wished she could simply use the excuse of being a child, and let the adults around her handle everything. However, such an option had never been in Meili's life.
Her vomit had to be cleaned by her own hands.
Even the adults that might have done it for her were not here.
"That's why you guys don't have the right to complain even if I make these decisions all on my own. You lost the right the moment you abandoned me here."
Guidance
"They all died by my helping hand. I couldn't even perceive the kid strapped to the archbishop's torso, and I only realized it when the sensation came."
"Wha-? Come on. Stop it already. This prank is going too far," her words, filled with laughter, were brought out with the croak of a frog. It was as if her own instincts did not trust her capable and obvious reasoning.
The young man her words were directed to did not budge at them. His head was simply lowered.
"Then the effect of my blow–the one that took the life of a child–ran over everyone there. My friend was also included. That's what I did, Felt-sama."
"Y-You really need to stop already. Just stop, okay?"
"It's the truth," her knight, Reinhard, solemnly put his hand on his chest.
His appearance was polished and refined. He wore a clean and ironed royal knight's uniform. His hair gave off the glimmer that could only be produced after a long bath, and his hands were gloved. In a manner, he was too clean.
Yet his words were disheveled.
"What the hell is this guy saying? A mass murder in Pristella? All the way back then?"
Words that would sound insane to any person flowed from the mouth of the sword saint himself. He had suddenly arrived at the library with eyes on the verge of tears. It was simple to tell that something had happened, but this was beyond prediction.
However, it was the fact that Reinhard had experienced this in a dream that cautioned her the most. Could it be that she wasn't the only one who had violent and unbelievable nightmares that felt too real to be false?
"Reinhard, just hold it back a little. If what you saw is the truth, then what's the present reality then? Onii-chan isn't dead, you never killed a kid, and you never fought that archbishop of wrath."
She knew that giving such a reply was the same as refuting her own nightmare. The hypocrisy of the situation was tangible, but she had to go down this logical path before the illogical one.
"Don't you remember? We were nowhere close to that plaza. Instead we had to talk to that damn Heinkel."
"Yes. We were preoccupied with discussing the state of the land ownership of the House Astrea's territory. It happened before the situation in Pristella even started. I am well aware of the natural order of things, my lady. But what I experienced…"
He turned his earnest and desperate eyes towards her.
"It was the truth regardless of the actual truth," she finished it before he could. It made her clench her fist, but even that action felt like it was no longer in her control.
Why were events that contradicted reality coming to the surface out of nowhere? If it was just confined to her case, then maybe there was the chance that she had simply gone insane.
But Reinhard's case gave her absolute confirmation that she and Old man Rom had truly died. Now it was a matter of searching after patterns and knots.
"Felt-sama? Could it be that you saw something as well?!" His eyes lit up a little.
"First, tell me everything. How did your dream end? Did you die?"
"Die? No, not exactly."
"Hah? Either you died, or you didn't."
"That reality did not end with my death. It ended with Subaru's death."
"What? Now that makes no sense. Onii-chan died and the, uh, reality ended?"
"Yes. The world collapsed."
"Nothing else?"
"...No."
She brought both hands to her temple and massaged it profusely. There were too many unbelievable events, and this proclamation from Reinhard was yet another.
"But no matter how strange it sounds, I have no reason to distrust Reinhard. It still does not make sense, however. Onii-san is a normal person. I thought he was just a victim in Reinhard's nightmare, but he's the reason why it ended?"
"Aaaah! My head hurts dammit! Just thinking or even talking about it gives no answers at all."
"Felt-sama, please tell me. Please tell me what you experienced."
"That is …. a bit," the wound still stung, and the discovery of that thing's book of the dead made it even worse.
"Please. If I can't be of any use to you, if I can't even be allowed to hear what you experienced, then what kind of a knight am I? Am I really just a," he did not finish the rest.
"Did something happen other than the brutal massacre which was completely out of his control?"
There was a deep despair within his clear-blue eyes. The color was dulled, and the atmosphere of reassurance he always let out was nowhere to be found. In truth, she could not wrap her mind around the massacre he had described. It was all too foreign, and ridiculous.
"I, uh," she broke it out quietly and turned her face away, "it happened at the loot house. The whole deal thing. You know, the one with that monster."
A soft groan came from behind her.
"The deal went south probably because of the way she is and because of whoever hired that bitch. Old man Rom tried; he really did," she sighed and allowed the brief silence to instill the image of Old man Rom's bravery.
"But, ah, it didn't work out. It didn't work out for both of us. When I really think about it, that reality in my dream would be the actual reality if not for Onii-chan, yeah? Ah, I guess you are to be thanked for that too."
"No, I only went there because of Subaru," he murmured quietly. "If his presence wasn't there, then Felt-sama's…death would be the reality."
"Huh, I guess you're right. That's a bit odd."
"Felt-sama, are you alright? To have experienced something so haunting. We should see a doctor! There are many proficient professionals in the mental health field. I will take you there right now if you so desire."
"Are you stupid? You want me to go to a doctor and tell them I died?"
"But you cannot let such a mental wound fester. It may get worse over time, and if we explain the situation, then even a little bit of remedy will go a long way into helping you."
"-Cut it out."
"..."
"I don't need pity, or some other condescending bullshit. Do you think I am a frail child who'll go mentally insane with just a single haunting experience? If you're going to treat me like a royal candidate regardless of my age, then don't do it half-heartedly. I don't need some damn pity."
Her thorned anger surged from the bottom of her heart. Being treated like some weak toy would be the worst scenario to ask for. She was a candidate to the throne of Lugunica, and had made promises in front of that assembly. Such a person could not just sit down and give up.
"What are you going to do now?" She turned back towards him and asked. His head was still lowered.
"I wanted to ask that of you. What shall I do? The question isn't easy to answer. Thus, I would like to know, Felt-sama. What should I do in front of this irrational truth?"
She looked at his lifeless eyes from below. This person, the strongest man in the world, looked like an unguided child. Simple spoken guidance would not help, however.
"Reinhard, look, I am not your parent. I can't decide what you want. Honestly, I really don't believe that you have committed some reprehensible sin or some bullshit logic like tha–"
"But I have!" His dead eyes were lit by a sudden flame. "I am the one who fought the villain. If so, then the battlefield, the fight, and its effects were all my responsibility. I can't just use an excuse to escape such a responsibility. Because I took over the weight of the fight, it was all my weight of carry. More than anything, the child's death was…was on my hand. I underestimated the opponent, overlooked her maliciousness, and did not bother to perceive and check everything other than the fight. It was all my fault."
"Tch. There it is again," she scratched at her head. "Self-hatred has become a damn part of your personality. I blame the ones who raised you."
There was only so much she could do for a person whose character was built upon self-depreciation, and who felt a need to take upon and then blame everything upon themselves. The problem wasn't a simple lack of ego, but something else entirely. The problem wasn't something she could 'fix' with words.
"What do you want, Reinhard? Do you want to be blamed for everything you did?" She narrowed her eyes on him. "Do you want to show your face to Onii-chan or are you going to run away? It's unbelievable, but if he's related to this in some way then he's our best bet for answers on this entire ridiculousness."
"I believe he is the center of it all, my lady." Despite the unbelievability, his words weren't faltering.
"With that again? A world doesn't just end because one person died. Then there's the fact that you can understand something as grand as the world collapsing. But I guess I can't understand it even if I think about it."
It was odd how often Natsuki Subaru was involved in grand events. And it had been his involvement that set up the chain of events which led to her doctrination as a candidate. His victories over the cult, over witch beasts, over the watchtower, and in another country were all just the basic crux of his abilities. In a way, he was too involved with everything.
"But he is a unique yet simple human. He keeps what he wants right on his face with no deception or lies. That idiotic grin did not hide some world-shattering secret, right?"
"Anyways, I guess you plan to go to Mr-center-of-it-all then?"
"He should know about what I did. Perhaps he just now remembered it like I did, or maybe not. I will go and say what I must."
She gave a wry smile. It appeared that his course of action had been decided even before he met her. Yet his indecisive nature brought him here regardless.
"I see. Make sure to dress up accordingly. Don't show up with such a messy appearance."
"Eh? But I came here after making sure that I was clean, my lady. The uniform is new, and I do not notice a single speck of dust on it. I made sure to evade the dust of the sand dunes, so–"
"Let me stop you before you start to casually brag about abnormal stuff that really does not matter. Who the hell cares if you got dust from the sand dunes or not?!"
She was sure that she was over his 'casual-bragging-that-was-not-bragging' speech, but the annoyance was prevalent.
"I am talking about your eyes, Reinhard. Don't go there with that thousand-yard stare. If you're going to apologize, then do it without being stuck inside your head. Otherwise, anything he says will be futile."
"I don't understand," his arms dropped aimlessly by his side. "What do I do other than apologize?"
"Could you be thinking that Onii-chan will condemn you for what you did?"
"..."
"What you did was not out of malice. The result of your actions matter, yes, but you're not a psychopathic killer who derives pleasure from cutting open bellies and killing family members in front of their loved ones."
"Felt-sama, you truly don't feel any hatred or anger towards me. Even though what I did is something ugly, you still don't condemn me…"
His true desire was hidden beneath those words.
"And that's why you seek out those who can."
It was easier to give up when no one believed in you and when everyone hated you. She did not know what else happened to Reinhard other than the memory, but it was certainly something that contributed to his present desires.
"Reinhard, I don't think you will find hatred, anger, and punishment from Onii-chan. You're truly knocking on the wrong door for that," she grinned and continued, "And you sure won't find anything like that from me."
"I will go nonetheless."
"Sure. I am not going to control you. This is something truly personal, isn't it? Then go there and get your answers."
"I still do not understand what you meant by the appearance issue."
"Ah, hmm. Simply put: Show your sincerity through the way you look, talk, and move. Honesty is preferable to deception. That is something I have come to learn in a harsh manner, my knight. When you're done, just come back to me anytime."
"...Come back," his surprised eyes were followed by a smile that he could not hide. "I understand. What are you going to do, Felt-sama?"
"I gotta stay here for a little bit."
She still had to deal with the book of Elsa.
The discovery of it had caused a turmoil of emotions. First came anger and hatred. She was frustrated from the fact that such a monster had gone and died before she could do anything about it.
That frustration had been a cold splash on her desire for revenge.
"I had even planned on the sort of torture I wanted to inflict on that bitch."
But what followed that frustration was relief.
The monster would no longer torment anyone else. Despite her selfish desires, she understood that Elsa's death was a blessing to the world.
"Reinhard, do you know who did Elsa in?"
"The bowel hunter," a bit of frustration crept into his voice.
"Please, for the love of the world, don't tell me that he's going to start blaming himself for our deaths in that memory. Can't deal with this."
After a brief silence, the words that came out weren't apologetic but were an answer instead.
"I believe it was the shield of Sanctuary, Garfiel Tinsel, who defeated Elsa."
"What?! That kid?! Isn't he like thirteen years old?"
"Fourteen, I believe."
"I know that he's one of the fighting forces of their camp, but that kid faced a monster and came out of that with victory and without permanent damage? She's a true monster, you know."
Elsa's extreme violence was to the point that her fight with the experienced Old man Rom was just a children's game. Being recently aware of Rom's involvement in the demi-human war made Elsa's monstrosity just that outlandish.
"I guess, as expected, I really am annoyed at that. If you see that Garfiel kid, then give him my thanks and then add a, 'Screw you,' to it. The new custom of raising your middle finger in order to cuss someone has gotten popular, so do that too, okay?"
"F-Felt-sama, I apologize because I can't do such a thing. I will take any other order over having to–"
"I am kidding, dammit."
"...I see. But, perhaps, could Felt-sama have just said that out of consideration to me who's incapable of doing something of that sort….."
She ignored his mutters.
Other than the emotional shock of finding Elsa's book, there were also the choices available to her.
"If I read it, I can find out about the employer. The employer might not have meant for our deaths to happen, but it doesn't fucking matter. If you choose to hire that bitch, then you're a damn accomplice."
She hadn't even tried to read it. The criteria that decided whether one could read a book of the dead or not was most likely met for her. There was the literal life-and-death relation she had had with Elsa in her 'past' life, and then there was the one in this life.
However, preventing her from reading the book was one noticeable fact.
"Experiencing the life of a sadistic, broken, and bloodlust-filled killer is definitely not a good idea. It's akin to ego suicide."
Her sense of self was probably strong enough to take the brunt of each experience even if the idea of experiencing each sick kill was repulsive to her. The idea of being in that monster's body, wrapping her hands around those knives, and slashing the bellies of innocent people was all just too much to immediately accept.
Thus, indecisiveness was created.
"But it's not like I have to decide right here and now. I found the book and have kept it hidden from the other scholars. I'll definitely take it outside as well. For now, however, there is something else I want to try out in this library."
–If the true death she had experienced was as tangibly real as she thought, then it should be here.
Her named book of the dead should be present in this library. Old man Rom's book should be here. And due to Reinhard's testimony, Natsuki Subaru's book should also be here along with the archbishop's. If this anomaly expands further than that, then there would be more.
Perhaps she might recognize one of them, and any discoveries of such kind would become concrete proof for the entire world. It wouldn't just be some sick meaningless game.
"It's not like I have any realistic way to find a book that might not even exist though."
"Reinhard."
"Yes, my lady."
"I'll stay here for now, but pick me up in around two weeks or something, and I'll go talk with Onii-chan. Of course, make sure you get answers from him if he has any to give."
"May I ask what you will be doing, Felt-sama?"
"Ah, um, just some scholarly research in the library," she did not care to spend the time explaining her thought process.
"S-Scholarly research? Felt-sama is? The same Felt-sama who can barely focus on her education?"
"That completely surprised face is way too annoying! Stop staggering back in shock!"
She threw a random book at him. The book curved away from his face, and lodged itself perfectly into a bookshelf. She sighed.
"Just hurry up and go already. See you in two weeks."
He gave a bow with his all, and said,
"If I am not condemned to a punishment due to my sins, then I will definitely be here in around two weeks. Be well, Felt-sama."
"You too. And don't live so seriously all the damn time."
With blunt words on the outside, she wished him well on the insides. But she had faith in her vision of who Onii-chan was.
Departure
"If it isn't Reinhard-sama!"
A jovial voice interrupted him at the lower floor.
"Hmm? Sir Robert Hoffman. It is great to see you. I hope Felt-sama hasn't caused you any trouble?"
The elderly man who was the head teacher of the scholars grimaced and turned away.
"..Ah, well."
"...Oh. She has, hasn't she?"
"Now, now. Don't look so sad about it, Reinhard-sama. I am sure my grandson, Rachins, has been causing a great deal of trouble on your end, so just think of it as some sort of a transactional deal. Ho ho ho."
It was always a wonder to him that this elderly person was in fact the father of Rickert Hoffman, an aristocrat, and the grandfather of Rachins who was now in their camp.
"Reinhard-sama, I heard you visited the library?" The elderly man's right eye bulged open in sheer curiosity. "Did you sense something? Anything at all? Something tremendous, wondrous, and oh so inspiring?! A tingle down the back of your spine?!"
The ever-present intensity always took him aback.
"I am afraid not, Sir."
"Then did you consider my proposal?"
"..Proposal? I, uh, really apologize, but I have completely forgotten about any mention of it."
"Oh, the pain! Young kids are so forgetful nowadays. The proposal was regarding the books of the dead, Reinhard-sama," the old man's eyes glittered.
"Ah, that…that again…huh. How many times has it been now?"
"With your varied selection of divine protections, we may be able to approach this library through new eyes. If there is a miraculous divine protection that can hasten our speed, then I would be willing to die for it. Think about the possibility of being able to find the exact book you are looking for in the matter of seconds! I fail to believe that there isn't a divine protection such as that. Is there? Hmm? Is there a protection like that?"
"Uh, um, I don't…I don't thin–"
"Just think about the advent of knowledge," the old man stretched his arms, bent his back backwards, and proclaimed up to the heavens. "The possibilities a magical speed could bring are vital. In fact, it would be curious itself to see whether a divine protection of such an hypothesis can work on the system underlying the books of the dead."
The head teacher went on and on.
In truth, there might be a divine protection that would make the process of sorting out the books of the dead easier. He was uncertain whether a locator-type divine protection could be used or not. But he was certain that his speed alone would make the process easier.
However, as much as he would like to help the elderly, he was indecisive about the project regarding the books of the dead. Politically speaking, he was on the spectrum of neutrality on the matter and did not wish to align himself to one party or the other for now.
"Of course, if Felt-sama needed my help in the library, then I would be more than willing to help her sort it all out. But I am sure she already considered the fact that I could be of service to her there and chose otherwise through intentional thought process."
"-I would love to see what happens when your sword strikes the book of the dead, for example."
"Sir. Um, Sir!"
"Yes? Did I interest you into considering the future of academic research?"
"I would love to give an answer to it right now, but I am unfortunately preoccupied with a vital task personal to me."
The old man's shoulders slagged.
"Is that so? So you're leaving already?"
"Yes, I have to urgently go to the Mather's domain to meet with the Emilia-camp."
The quiet footsteps behind him stiffened. He had already noticed the familiar girl.
The moment he tried to leave, however, the head teacher blocked his path with open arms.
"I beg of you, Reinhard-sama. This is not something I will waste your time over. All I ask is for you to hold and open up a particular book. You see, we found a discovery that I believe would change the entire perspective of Lugunica. The name is something we can't even read! And there are two of them. All I ask is for you to give reading the book a try. If it doesn't work, then it would be a shame but an acceptable one. But if, by the luck of the dragon and the blessing of a sword saint, it works, then you will have uncovered the secrets of this mystical existence. Just a simple try."
The earnest and ambitious plea stopped him for a moment.
"Maybe the respectable thing to do is to give it a try."
The moment he was on the verge of giving an affirmative, the voice from the person behind him interrupted.
"You're going to the Mather's domain~? How about takin~g me too?"
The interfering presence of Meili was a thing to be grateful of. He had noticed her a while back; around that time, she was following him with hesitation in each step.
The question was a bit startling, however. The little girl was stationed here because of necessity, and the lack of her presence would essentially trap the scholars here and make it difficult for others to make the journey here.
The presence of the senile yet powerful Divine Dragon kept the most powerful of the witch beasts away for the most part. But those driven with starvation were able to ignore the dormant power of the dragon entirely.
He turned around to give her a polite explanation, but was stunned the moment he laid eyes on her.
–Meili had masked herself in a display of deceptive talent. To anyone else, she would appear just like a normal young girl. The underlines of dark circles would perhaps serve as a sign of sleep deprivation.
But to him, the little girl looked haunted enough to take his breath away. Questions swirled around along with his surprise.
"What's the matte~r?" A tilt of her head, a smile on her lips, and no hesitation on her face.
"...No, it's nothing."
He knew the girl was extraordinary enough with her divine protection alone, but this mask wasn't something an ordinary girl could accomplish.
"What matters more than that is that look in her eyes. It's similar to mine and Felt-sama's state after remembering those nightmares. There is no doubt that this little girl has experienced something similar."
"Hey? It's surprisin~g to see you here, Onii-san. But would you take me with you too~?"
"Young lady," the head teacher, interrupted from his passionate appeal, turned towards Meili. "I am sure you must be longing for your home, but we do need you here. I don't mean to force something like duty on your little shoulders, but this expedition needs your particular skill set."
"I am not trying to leave it all behin~d. Onii-san here can drop me off right before the next caravan. Pretty pleas~e."
He deeply considered it. He did not know what had happened to her and what sort of intentions were behind her desire to go back to the Emilia camp. However, the likelihood that the girl was affected by this whole situation was high, and thus, taking her to Subaru would be the best move to make.
"Um, before that, Reinhard-sama. Would you please take a look at the book I mentioned just before?"
"I apologize, Sir. I would like to leave in haste, and I will be taking Meili Portroute with me."
"Thank yo~u, Onii-san. It's a true miracle that you were here. I'll go grab my stuf~f."
Only the despondent look and the pouty face of the head teacher remained.
He smiled wryly. At least these interactions and conversations made him feel a lot better than the one with his father.
"Sir, I shall consider giving those books a read when I come back here."
"I will take your word on that, Reinhard-sama. We might even have more of them by the time you return."
Meili came back with her pet scorpion and her belongings, and both of them made their way towards the entrance to the tower.
"How long will it take to get ther~e?"
"Long? It should not take even an hour though."
"Huh?" Meili looked at him as if she had seen a tremendous liar. "Do you even know what you're saying?"
"My apologies. I did not explain myself in a proper manner. I will be using my divine protections to have a single ground dragon exceed their normal speeds. Do not worry. It will be safe for all of us, and I will make sure of it at all costs. I will not let a child die."
"..Hrm, sure. But I see. So what you're doing is what Subaru Onii-san would call cheating."
The only issue that bogged his mind was regarding what Felt-sama had said.
"Showing my sincerity through my appearance….."
"Now what are you mutterin~g about?"
"My apologies. I was just wondering about something personal. It regards a person's appearance and how to show sincerity through it."
"Like how a farmer wears dirty clothes to show their hard work? That type of thing?" Meili said it in an uncaring manner, but her words sparked realization.
"Like how a farmer dresses up. A scholar dresses up in their robes. Then what does a criminal do? Do they walk around in the same manner that I am doing right now?"
"I see! I see now!"
"Eh? What?"
"I thank you for your words. I now understand what Felt-sama meant. As expected from her."
"What are you even-?"
He walked to the nearest soldier.
"Reinhard-sama," the soldier gave a stiff bow of his head.
In response, he put his arms forward with the wrists connected and smiled pleasantly.
"Reinhard-sama?" The soldier glanced back and forth from his hands to his face.
"Do you have a handcuff with you?"
"Of course! What is the matter? Is there a criminal you would like me to arrest? Perhaps that, you know, the girl."
"No," he nudged his chin towards his hands. "I ask you to handcuff me."
"-?"
Perhaps the soldier hadn't heard him. So he repeated his desire.
"I want you to handcuff me."
"...Pardon?" All of the color left the soldier's face. "P-Please don't say something of that sort. Even if it is a joke, I could easily lose my job because of that."
"I see. It was my fault for being so inconsiderate. Sometimes I forget my sense of commonality."
The soldier let out a breath of air.
"Then," he continued, "could you lend me your handcuffs?"
"...What do you plan to do with them, Sir?"
He smiled brightly, and proclaimed, "I will handcuff myself. In that way, there will be no problem for anyone at all."
"No! Why?! Why would the esteemed sword saint handcuff himself?!"
"I promise that it is a simple loan. I will return it to you in about two weeks."
"What do you mean you will return it-? What?! What is going on?"
He titled his head at the confused despair on the soldier's face.
"I only wish to use the handcuffs as a show of sincerity."
"A show? Wait a minute," the soldier put his hand to his chin and pondered out loud. "A person willingly handcuffs themselves. A loan. A show. For two weeks. I-I see…."
The soldier's face turned bright red, and then he gave an apologetic salute.
"I was being inconsiderate, Sir. I did not mean to judge at all. Everyone has the right to have their own…distinct tastes."
"Tastes?"
"I-I will ask no more. Here you go. You may keep the handcuffs for any future shows!"
He gave the handcuffs, turned around, and sprinted away.
"That was a bit strange, but no matter. I am thankful for your consideration!"
The handcuffs solved the issue brought up by Felt-sama. She had been right. It would be impudent to go to Emilia-sama's camp without showing the sincerity that a guilty criminal should. He would change his clothing, and the handcuffs would serve to portray the image that he needed to.
"You," Meili looked at him with an expression of complete aversion. "I think I might have taken a ride from the wrong person….."
With that, the two were off.
–A knight who sought after Natsuki Subaru for condemnation of his sins.
–A little girl who sought after answers from Natsuki Subaru and prepared herself to kill him if it came to that.
The purposes of the two were unknown to each other, but the remembrance of forgotten memories brought them to the same person.
Extra: An Al problem
"Fuck, fuck, fuck!" He gathered his clothes in a hurry. One of the articles fell and it caused his arm to lash out in rage. The sweat under his helmet irritated him even more. But his impatience was warranted.
"I fucked up. Why did I not realize it sooner?"
The situation that had grasped the world had flown over his head like a swift sky dragon. Meanwhile, he had simply lounged around and obeyed his Princess's every whim like a common lackey.
He felt the same as a dumb donkey whose sloth had caused his disaster.
"No. Calm down. Just take a deep breath. Nothing unfortunate should have happened in these few days, right? Wait. Why is Princess's territory so far away from where pal is at? It's going to take at least a month to get there. Shit, shit, shit!"
The panic returned like a rebound thunderstorm.
He should have been conscious about it. He should have known about the disaster that would slowly take over the world and its memories. In fact, he was willing to bet that he was the slowest out of the other existences that would have noticed this.
"There's that gluttony girl. But she should not turn against pal. But there's the other gluttony in the prison as well. How exactly is the situation with their witch factor working out? Does the one in the prison know or does the girl know? Either way, it's fortunate that gluttony and wrath are locked up. That only leaves the fucking worst of them all, the lust bishop. If that one is left unrestrained, then it will be a complete disaster for pal. Shit, it's all my fault for not keeping an eye."
"Aargh! Nothing is in control anymore. It's all different from how it should have been."
He should have understood and remembered this predictable outcome right when he had met pal in Vollachia. He should have understood it from the sheer fact of the tower's conquest during such a time.
More than that, he should have known the predictable discrepancy due to his own unintentional contribution to this disaster.
If he had not been selfish, if he had followed his fate, then the situation right now would be completely different.
"Regret ain't going to do shit anymore. If I had followed the star I was supposed to follow, then by now, the result would be the way it should be. Sorry, pal. This is going to cause a lot of unfortunate issues for you and your loved ones."
He took his belongings, strapped his sword, and quietly sneaked out of the window.
"I can't actually do much now, can I? Tch, absolutely worthless. Fate should be accepted and followed. Yet I did not."
The only effect he could make now was a completely unpredictable one. There was no guarantee that he could do anything phenomenal.
"Oh, fuck, there's also that damn woman. She'll love this situation, won't she? Did she and pal meet already?"
When thinking about unpredictable beings, the woman on his mind was the worst offender of them all. He could not predict her actions even if he tried, and even if she made an outrageous move, he wasn't capable of stopping her.
"I really dislike those people unbound from the stars."
"-Do you now?"
"Yeah. They always give me cold water when all I want is hot….hot water…"
His body froze. This was the worst situation.
"Hahaha. Hilarious, Al. You think a clown such as you deserves hot water? I would commend your confidence, but you have no substance to support it."
He let his bag of belongings drop, and slowly turned around.
Her presence burned brighter than the heat of day itself. Despite the temperature, there was not a single speck of sweat on her fair skin. She had her arms crossed under her bountiful chest, and pushed them upwards in a smug and shameless manner.
"Where were you heading off to in the middle of the day, clown?" Priscilla Barielle said with an arrogant smirk on her lips.
"Uh, a walk?"
"Calm down. Princess literally has no relation to this. Like none at all. This is also something that won't interest her at the end of the day. Just play it cool and she won't kno-"
"I sense it, Al."
"S-Sense what?"
"I feel it in the world itself. I can hear it, see it, smell it. Ever since the moronic and foolish play in Vollachia, it has been admittingly boring. But now the magic of adventure and entertainment hangs from the very air itself. And did you think me foolish enough to not understand the nature of those dull and uneventful and repetitive dreams?"
"...Shit…."
She pointed her finger towards him, and ordered,
"You will lead me to this place of entertainment, Al."
"Oh no. No, no, no."
"Consider yourself fortunate to have received such a position. And don't you dare try to fool me, clown."
"...Kill me. No, like, I am being completely serious right now."
Thus, it appeared that his stars were just that bad.
A dunderhead's comeback
"Haaaah. Fuuuuuuu. Haaaaaa. Fuuuuuu."
"Um, Subaru, can I ask what this whole thing is?"
"It's an exercise passed through generations of mankind. This artistic and beautiful act is necessary to defeat one of the evils of a man's heart. That evil is a deadly poison that can only be combated by this art!"
"Uh, okay?"
"By actively approaching the art of deep breathing, even a simple man such as I can reap its fruits!"
"Subaru, Subaru. Why are you acting so weird suddenly?"
"Ukh. T-This isn't me being weird or anything, Emilia-tan. The fresh air of morning is just so refreshing, and the presence of dear Emilia-tan is too enticing to ruin it by going inside, right?"
"But the door is right here. All we need to do is give it a push and we'll be inside. Why are you taking so many deep breaths in front of the door?"
"Uh, yeah, about that…."
He turned away from Emilia-tan's innocent expression. Her pretty face and arching eyebrows were curled into one of deep perplexion. The answer to her question wasn't simple, however.
In front of him was the door leading to the inside of the mansion, and around him was the fresh air of morning, the song of birds, and the charming presence of an angel. The contrast was that of paradise and of a probable hell.
The walk up till here had been full of resolve, strength, and ambition. But all of that had drained away right in front of the door. His heart was drumming in his ears, his fingers were fidgety, his skin was irritating, and his throat was dry.
It was as if he was about to go up in front of a classroom full of watchful adults and give a presentation that would determine his future career. The comparison made the beat of his heart faster.
What would happen inside? Who would be waiting for him? Would they even be waiting for him? Would they listen to him? Would they understand? Were they willing to understand? How would it go? What did he need to say? What were the necessary words? Would he be able to say them?
Otto, Garfiel, Beako, Rem, Ram, and even Meili and Reinhard. All of them were distinct individuals with distinct desires. And now he was given the responsibility of respecting those desires while trying to achieve the best possible future for everyone.
"Haaaaaaah. Fuuuuuuuu."
Taking those deep breaths while dawdling outside the mansion were the only methods to decrease the poison of anxiety.
His hand was grabbed, and the angel beside him whispered,
"Subaru."
Her voice as she called his name was a sweet delicacy. She looked at him for a brief second and then turned her attention to the door.
"I don't know what's wrong, but should we push it together? It's better than just one person pushing it all by himself, right?"
"...Emilia-tan," he did not know whether she understood his turmoil or not. Regardless, she had the gist of it. "Just what would I do without you?"
He put his right hand to the left side of the double doors and she put her left to the right. With a nod of nervous determination, they pushed the door together.
The anticipation of who would be waiting for him inside was a bright light that blinded his eyes.
A sigh emerged from someone else's lips, and a voice said,
"You're finally back. The wait was pretty unfair, Natsuki-san," the tone dripped joking remarks over each word, but the underlying impact was brought by the simple presence of this person.
"Otto," he said as if it was a sigh of relief. The Otto Suwen he knew looked a bit different in his outer appearance. The face of underlying trauma was one he recognized.
Hell, he could look at his own reflection from time to time and would see the exact same face.
But it was pure relief to see him after so long.
"I feared that you may have run away from the troublesome people around you, Natsuki-san."
"If I did that, then you would have seen the image of a drill-haired little girl picking up the hem of her dress and furiously running out of the house in search of me. Oh, yes, there would certainly be tears in her round eyes."
"Ahaha. That would have been a sight to see."
"It seems you have been keeping yourself busy," he nudged at the person standing by Otto's side.
By his side stood Garfiel. One look at his eyes and the change was clear. Answers had been found within his smile, and a quiet determination nestled in that straight back.
He scratched his cheek.
"Kinda envious. Once again Otto did something I failed to do."
"Oh, look, Subaru," Emilia-tan whispered in sudden excitement. "Otto is outside of his room. He's talking with real people. Isn't that really awesome?!"
"Ohhhh, yeaaah."
While he and Emilia huddled together in their strange excitement, Garfiel and Otto shared a look of befuddlement.
He placed his hands to his hips, and curved his smile to the side.
"Uh? Natsuki-san? Why are you giving me that strange look? I don't have a good feeling about this."
"So you finally got out of your room, Otto. Finally."
"Why are you looking at me like a parent worried about their hikikomori/reclusive child?! It wasn't even close to a week! And I did go outside the room!"
He put a hand to his chest, and asserted with passion,
"You have no idea how glad I am to see you here. I thought you would go down the same path I went down a while back and give up on the entire world or something."
"Yes, Otto," Emilia chimed in, "I was thinking that we might need an intervention, but it all worked out in the end."
"Captain is right," Garfiel said. "It's good to see you out of the room, Otto-Nii. You ain't the type of guy who should waste his time like that."
"But I did not waste any time at all! I was doing productive stuff."
"Uh-huh. Sure."
"Why are you three suddenly ganging up on me?"
"Well putting aside the hikikomori issue, I wanted to say something else, Otto," he said and smiled with honest relief. "Thank you for cleaning up after my mess."
"...I wouldn't go so far as calling it a mess," Otto shrugged.
"And I am sorry, Garfiel. I couldn't give you proper guidance at all."
Thinking back on it, how he had behaved with Garfiel was the same as shrugging his problems off for a bit and focusing on the core issue. It was only natural then that the diligent Otto Suwen would take on that role.
Otto must have confronted Garfiel from the front.
Judging from Garfiel's appearance and their closeness, it was certain that Garfiel was able to confess everything on his mind.
It gave him hope for Rem and Beako, and for the apologies he needed to make.
Garfiel staggered back in surprise at his sincerity.
"Captain doesn't have any reason to apologize. It's us who need to apologize to you, Captain. We must have been quite the pain to handle if this was only a glimpse of it."
"Garfiel," Otto said to him. "This is one of the moments where you just need to accept Natsuki-san's apology."
"But…."
"Natsuki-san is stubborn, so he won't let up if you don't accept it."
"You're damn right about that, Otto. Man, it's good to have him back."
After a brief silence, Garfiel awkwardly spoke,
"I don't think Captain has done anything worth apologizing for, but I'll accept it if that's what you need."
"Thank you, Garfiel. By the way, I heard we have some guests?"
"Ah, yes," Otto replied. "Meili is here from the watchtower. I would like to say that that itself is quite suspicious and sudden, but–"
"What?! Otto," Emilia pointed sternly at him, "I know you weren't there with us at the tower, but Meili-chan has changed from how she was before. Hmph! We have told you that so many times, and yet you continue to doubt Meili-chan. Hmph!"
"That's why I was going to add that you two would surely have that kind of reaction before I was so rudely interrupted! Could you stop having such a scornful face, Natsuki-san? All I did was suggest caution against a little girl. Wait…."
"I guess Otto will be Otto, huh," he said as Otto started to contemplate his own words.
The only suspicion he had was whether Meili was one of the people affected by this returning-memory situation. If this situation affected everyone close to his heart, then the conclusion was obvious. If it was only contained to those at a certain range, then Meili should be exempt.
"But given what I heard about Reinhard from Emilia, it's probably the first scenario. However, I don't know if this applies to every single person I know or…if it's the entire world."
The thought that it was the entire world who experienced this was tremendously terrifying. What would they even remember? A constant loop? What would they experience when he was stuck in that 10-second loop of hell?
More than that, were his former enemies such as Todd also allowed to remember every single one of those loops?
"Subaru, are you alright?" Emilia-tan swayed her head close, and whispered that. "Your skin is suddenly turning cold."
He was thankful that Emilia wasn't drawing the attention of everyone towards the turmoil present on his exterior surface.
"Yeah, I am fine. I was just being all pessimistic and whatnot."
"Hmmm. If that's all then it's fine, but don't forget everything that we talked about, okay? If there's something troubling you, then I want you to come to me first."
Her smile hurt his heart.
The memory of his talk with Pandora flashed back into his mind at those words. There was a deep contradiction in his heart. On one end was his desire to be open to Emilia and tell her about something that should not be hidden especially from her. On the other end was his desire to keep it hidden to preserve the possibility of being able to talk with Pandora again.
"Then there's the other guy," Garfiel's irritated voice broke him out of his contemplation.
"The sword saint," Otto added. "He said quite a lot of, um, anger-inspiring words, let's put it at that."
"Mass murder? Cutting Captain in half? The world ending?! The guy suddenly appears and starts speaking bullshit without consideration. And what the hell is up with those handcuffs? He's patronizing us with that! Tch, as expected, I still don't like that guy."
"It surprised me too. Plus, the stuff he said just seemed so out-of-place even when you take recent events into consideration. Then, yeah, there's the handcuff situation. No sane person puts on a handcuff that can't even do a single thing to actually restrain the person. I am not a fighter, warrior, or anything like that, but even I agreed with Garfiel's annoyance at such obvious bullshit."
"W-Woah," he flailed his hands around in an attempt to stop the sudden rise in tension. "Reinhard isn't like that. Whatever he did, his intentions are probably the complete opposite from the way he put it. That's just how he is. I-I am sure the handcuffs are a part of it. You didn't do anything to him, right?"
Garfiel looked away. Instead of shame, there was only frustration written on his furrowed brows, stiff cheeks, and pouty lips.
"Right, Garfiel?!"
"It's not really his fault, Natsuki-san," Otto said. "I put forth the idea that the sword saint might actually be a fake."
"A fake?"
"A possible imitation from that sin archbishop of lust, for example. The idea of the strongest being causing a mass murder just felt like a completely ridiculous proposition. And, you know, the handcuffs."
"Why are you two so obsessed with the handcuffs?! Just let it go already. But an imitation, huh? If you thought so, then you must have done something to check it, right?"
"Yeah, Captain," Garfiel made a few punching motions with his arms. "I went at him."
"You went at him?!" He shared a dumbfounded look with Emilia-tan.
"I put my feet to it, put my body to it, and punched him with everything I had. Boom! Boom! Boom! A three hit with my all."
"And?"
Garfiel clenched his fist with the slight sign of tears in his eyes, and then said in a cracking voice, "Bastard dodged it all with the most minimal of movements. He made it look like I hadn't improved at all. He even tilted his head in confusion after the fact! If you don't call that condescending then I don't know what is."
"Yeah, uh, I am certain he did not do that on purpose. Garfiel has gotten stronger by a mile since their first meeting. Which means this can only be Reinhard."
"But that wasn't all, Captain."
Garfiel's shaking shoulders were comforted by Otto's pats.
"Just dodging my attacks and treating me like a child wasn't enough for him. H-He bowed his head and apologized for doing it! Then he said I can hit him because he deserves it and this time he won't dodge at all. W-What the hell?"
"Awww. Poor Garfiel. But I am sure you will be a loooot stronger next time," Emilia said with pure intentions, but that only caused more frustration for Garfiel.
"Yup, this is definitely the real Reinhard."
"Natsuki-san," Otto said. "As for what he…claims to have done…is that-?"
"-I know what he's talking about."
His answer silenced the others.
"But we will talk about it together."
Garfiel, Otto, and Emilia shared a look of relief.
"That's right, isn't it?" Emilia-tan put her hands together. "We should all talk about it together, right?"
"Hm?" Just what was Emilia-tan getting at by repeating those words.
"That's why, please join us, you two."
A small scoff came from behind the spiral staircase that led upstairs. Such a scoff, with that demeanor behind it, could only belong to a single person in this group.
"Your spirits are a violation of privacy, Emilia-sama," the woman, who was clearly violating their privacy by listening in, walked upfront.
"Nee-sama," he said in a happy gasp.
The complexion of Ram's face was a great deal better than the last time he saw her. The dark circles underneath each eye betrayed a tired spirit. Yet Nee-sama had her arms crossed, her chest was pushed outwards, and her shoulders were sturdy.
Their eyes met, but Nee-sama turned her gaze away.
"It isn't that easy. I would be more than willing to talk about everything she remembered, however. But I can't force someone to talk about it."
"Good to see you're back, Barusu," she looked right at him and openly acknowledged that.
"-! O-Oh?"
"What? Would you kindly stop staring with those unshapely eyes? Your perverted underlinings are as clear as day."
"I can't do anything about my eyes though!"
The small smile tugging at the corner of Nee-sama's mouth was matched by his full-blown grin. It had been lonely to not be able to quip at each other like this.
Behind Nee-sama, another presence slowly walked up front.
Her blue hair was tied back properly, and head was lowered to the point that her eyes were barely visible.
"Rem!"
He instinctively stepped forwards, only to then flinch back the moment he remembered those hate-filled eyes directed towards him the last time he saw her.
All the blood. All the torture. All the betrayal.
And then the eyes that he wished not to see, but had to see anyway. It had been quite the stab through his heart. It was as if all the time he had spent with her in Vollachia was overwritten due to the return of memories.
"I have to give her space. If me going close will just inspire hatred, then it's better to stay just a little away."
"It's alright, Subaru," Emilia-tan disturbed his melancholic thoughts. "A spirit kept me updated. That's why the restraints were no longer necessary. Plus, she's no longer here to hurt you. Right, Rem?"
The question was directed in a surprisingly stern manner.
"I heard about that," Garfiel said before Rem could answer. His voice held care and pity, but the frustration underneath could not be hidden. His parted lips brought a growl upfront.
"Otto-Nii told me everything. Is it true, Rem?! Did you seriously try to kill Captain? No, did you seriously…..kill him before? After everything he's done for you, this is how you repay him? Why, Rem?! This isn't the kind of person Capitan told us about. Answer us."
"Garfiel," Otto shook his head as he said. "It's not the occasion to put her on the spot. The time for that will come after she can properly talk to us."
Subaru clenched his fists.
"Damn it. I just want to jump in there, defend her, and explain to everyone in place of her. I'll take any trials for her sake, but I know I can't do this. I have to let Rem make her own decisions and say her own words."
He thanked Pandora for that talk even though he desperately did not want to. In any case, that witch was right; he had to treat the others like the responsible people they were.
"Rem-san," Otto said to her. "Emilia-sama's words are assuring, but I want to ask you a simple and necessary question. Are you here to hurt Natsuki-san? No, that's not it, that's not the necessary question at all. The question is whether you are one of us or not. Can we consider you to be our comrade?"
He had expected that this was where Nee-sama would step in, defend Rem, and mock Otto for such a question. She would relentlessly disparage him. He had expected such an outcome, yet Nee-sama did not interfere. Instead there was a quite sharpness in her crimson eyes.
The crumbling facial expression of Rem spoke poems on the sort of help she desired. But this was a question she had to answer on her own.
The anticipation kept his throat dry and clenched. Nee-sama would undoubtedly be on her sister's side. So if Rem's decision was to walk away from all of this, then Nee-sama would follow. He would lose two people extremely dear to his heart.
"I am," Rem spoke after taking a glance at her sister. "I am trying…to be…your comrade."
A sigh of relief escaped from Emilia and Garfiel. Otto considered the answer and nodded.
Though he preferred an answer of complete affirmation, this was satisfactory for now.
A voice broke the relief in the air.
"An alright answer, I suppose. Better than a lie, in fact. Otherwise Betty would have turned someone–not specifying who—into glass crystal, in fact."
"Beako." "Beatrice!" "Beatrice-sama is here too." "Hey, why are we all standing around in the entrance space?"
Beako's entrance brought the sting of a thousand needles into his heart. The truly truly mean words he had told her scraped the inner surface of his skull.
On the other hand, Beako kept stealing glances at him, but did not keep steady eye-contact.
Her arms by her side, her lips pouted downwards, and her eyebrows curled in despondency.
He opened his lips, but his words staggered away. What should he say to his dear partner? Which words were the best?
The others kept a watchful silence.
"Beako, I…."
What would a person like Beatrice assume from the mean words he had told her? The answer was right there.
"Beako, I am not angry at you."
"...Mew. You sure sounded like that. I suppose."
"I am angry at myself for having said words that I should not have said to you."
He approached her as if he was approaching a fearful cat.
Her lips opened and closed without substance.
"I should have considered everything that you were going through."
"Subaru, that..is not–"
"No, I'll say it. I was being selfish, and I was being an actual asshole. I did not convey my intentions properly."
She looked up at him. Her tiny nose sniffled, and she desperately narrowed her eyes in an attempt to not allow any tears to drip free in front of everyone present.
"Did you mean what you said, in fact?"
[Yeah, you did not kill me. But you might as well should have.]
Those words stood right between them. He was always astounded how much of an affect his emotion-filled words brought to a person and to a relationship.
In this case, he wasn't going to hide behind a lie.
"...I…did. In that moment, with those emotions, I truly did feel what I said," he put his hands on her trembling shoulders. "But I also didn't mean it? It's contradicting, I know. But that's all I got. I truly am grateful for your existence and for the fact that you have saved my life more times than I can count. But when I was alone in that hallway, I truly did feel betrayed by the world."
"S-Sub…Betty is," her voice cracked into indecipherable tears.
"It's fine, Beako. You and I, our relationship doesn't have to be perfect. We have hurt each other, saved each, and cussed at each other. But what matters is this," he punctuated with his finger pointed to his heart, "our intentions matter as much as the product of our actions. Or, well, that's what I think, at least. I feel like this ideology will come to bite me in the back, so please don't focus too much on that."
He felt like a bootleg philosopher spouting wisdom on the streets.
"Anyway," he brought the conversation back and allowed his words to flow without overthinking them. "I can't lie to you and only say what sounds sweet to the ears, Beako. I really do want to talk about everything with you in private. But for now, all I can ask is for you to accept this contradictory Natsuki Subaru."
"Subaru, Betty is–"
"I am sorry, Beatrice," he stole the first spot for apologizing.
"Ah, s-so unfair, in fact. B-Betty is sorry, I suppose!"
The little spirit leapt into his arm, hid her face by his shoulder, and wept. The barrier caused by his mean words decomposed through the hug.
"Awww. I-It's so adorable." Emilia-tan wiped her tears.
"Captain has some power over words, yeah?"
"I wonder if Natsuki-san knows that he appears like an outright con man to bystanders," Otto added.
"As expected from Barusu. Bet on him to make a woman cry and then to be the one to fix that too," Nee-sama said.
"How warm," Rem said softly. "They are true siblings."
He grimaced under the attention.
"Yup, I knew this was a conversation to be had in private."
The one who fared the worst from this was his adorable Beako. She separated from him in a hurry, wiped away her tears, and glowered at everyone with a completely flushed face. In response, they all gave her warm smiles instead.
"Now then, everyone," he stepped between those warm smiles and the increasingly crumbling expression of Beako. "Everyone is here, so we can grab Meili and Reinhard, and then have a long talk together."
"Before that," Nee-sama interrupted.
She grabbed Rem by the arm, nudged her forwards, and said, "You have something to say, right?"
Rem's eyes were directed towards Beako.
"Beatrice-sama–"
"What?" Beako asked with coldness.
"I was hoping she would be gentler though."
A headache was steaming through his head.
"I apologize for my mannerisms. Despite my…problems, I assure you that it will not happen again. I will try to prove it. I will do my part in building trust. The same situation will not happen again."
"...It better not, in fact. If Betty wasn't there in that hallway, then my Subaru would have–! Argh!" The difficulty was obvious on her face. "Betty still can't forgive you for that. It's not a matter of trying something like that, apologizing for it, and then forgetting about it, in fact. Betty won't allow it to be simple."
"I know, Beatrice-sama. I will not beg for simplicity as much as I desire for it."
"Betty also can't forgive you for everything that Betty has remembered. Those memories will guide my judgment, I suppose."
"Please, Beako," he begged inside of his head.
"However," Beako grabbed his hand, "I am wrong to ignore my partner's wants. That's not how a healthy relationship works, in fact. The intention is as important as the product of our actions, I suppose."
Rem's eyes widened, and she quickly bowed her upper body.
"It's not forgiveness, girl," the spirit of an ancient Great spirit seeped into every syllable. "It's a chance, in fact. The last one."
Every single person let their held breaths go. He was reminded about how truly powerful and ancient the existences of Great spirits were. Beako was adorable on the outside and on the inside, but the core was that of a great being unable to be confined to the same moral structure as that of a human.
The threat was properly conveyed.
"Now all we need is someone to break the ice and make the mood better."
As if on command, a dumbish voice broke the ice.
"Ua? Uu! Aau! Uaa!"
A petite girl leapt onto Rem and hugged her tight.
"Louis!" Rem's voice held the same amount of nostalgic surprise as that of a relative meeting a family member after a long time.
"-Ah, that girl. She ran all the way there. How truly rambunctious."
Another nostalgic voice entered the fray.
"Frederica and Louis," he said. "I, uh, had seriously forgotten about the two."
"M-Me too," Emilia-tan held her palm against her mouth. "Sorry, you two. It somehow slipped my mind."
"Oh yeah," Garfiel muttered. "Guess Nee-chan is also involved? Kinda? And the kid?"
"This is weird," Otto pondered. "Do we even involve these two? But, well, everyone means everyone. But is this right? They aren't even up to date with everything. And how do we handle the former archbishop?"
"Tch, a bunch of half-hearted intruders," Nee-sama said. "They keep one foot inside the line and the other outside. Hah!"
"Is the girl involved, I suppose? Should we even waste time on the maid, in fact?"
The poor pair of Frederica and Louis were simply cornered, confused, and out-of-place.
"Um," Frederica said. "Breakfast is ready. If you all want to…..no?"
"Ua? Au?"
"Hahahaha," his laughter brought attention. "You two came at the right time. We were just about to meet up with Meili and Reinhard, and then have an essential talk."
"The two are in the guest room, Subaru-sama," Frederica said. "I tried to treat the two to some sweets, but Reinhard-sama refused with a truly apologetic look on his face, as if the prospect of being offered sweets was a crime, and Meili-chan just looked like she was going to puke."
He clapped his hands together. A genuine smile was on his face, but then he remembered one more essential thing he needed to say to them all.
"Everyone, before we proceed, there is one thing I just have to say to you all."
"Oh, that's a coincidence," Otto said. "I also wanted to say something."
"Huh? You too, Otto-Nii?" Garfiel said.
"..I also wished to say something first." "Huh, I have the same opinion as Nee-sama."
Rem and Ram joined in as well.
"Betty too, in fact."
"Me too!" Emilia-tan raised her arm. "In fact, I really really need to say this."
He was as confused as everyone else. They all shared suspicious looks.
"Okaaay? Now the mood is really ruined, but instead of using that as an excuse, I am just going to come out and say it."
He took a deep breath. This was something he needed to say to everyone who had supported him this far. It was the conclusion he had reached through his guilt and regret. Without this, he could not properly start his comeback.
It was something so simple yet so difficult to put into words. For now, at least, there were three words best suited for this.
He looked at everyone, and bowed his upper body. It was a perfect bow; formal, sincere, and dyed in firmness.
"I am sorry."
"I am reaallly sorry, everyone." "Betty does apologize, in fact." "Sorry for not being the best version of my amazing self." "I sincerely apologize for not having helped as much as I should have." "I, uh, truly caused a lot of trouble for everyone including my own sister. I am sorry." "I apologize on behalf of myself and my sister."
…..
"Huh?"
An awkward breath of air swayed in a circle. It surrounded a circle made by the bowed heads of almost everyone.
It hadn't been him alone who had bowed his head and apologized. Emilia, Rem, Ram, Otto, Garfiel, and Beatrice had all done the same.
"Uhh?"
"Ua?"
The two 'outsiders'-Frederica and Louise—were left out of the norm. Compelled by the sudden spirit of the situation, Frederica bowed her head and pushed Louise into doing the same.
"Why did it turn out like this?!"
His plan had fallen, but instead of someone beating him to it, they had all done it at the same time.
He glanced at them sideways and they did the same. It did not seem that anyone was compelled to be the first one to raise their heads back up.
Thus, the awkward circle trapped them all into an eternity of stooping their heads.
Chapter end.
A.N: Long A.N ahead.
Let's talk about two characters.
The first is Shaula. Honestly, it would be great if there was a way to include her into this. Not only could she give some additional clues to the grand mystery of how this started, but her reactions to her memories of the loops, and interaction with other characters would be dope.
However, I don't have any idea on how I could include her at all. In terms of cannon, my personal theory is that Shaula will be back in some future arc, and that little scorpion is just some reverted mode or something. But I got no clue on how Tappei will bring her back, if it all(I think he will).
I could take the easy route, and just have her, idk, suddenly grow back into the Shaula we knew. But that will be too boring, and I would rather just not include her at all if that's the price. There is another route which will be completely weird, unplanned, long, and probably logically inconsistent.
So, anyways, I want to know what you all think on Shaula. Should I try and do that 'another' route? Should I just ignore her completely?
The next character is….Puck! Lol. I know a lot of the readers hate him, but I am not here for character bashing. Most of the RBD reveal fics(even reaction fics) ignore his existence, and I can understand why.
In terms of cannon, I believe that Puck's return is soon. Emilia's abilities and her mana pool, as shown in arc 7, are even better than they were in arc 6. If I remember right, then she got the whole crystal thingy at the end of arc 5.
I think two months passed during the trip to the tower itself, and I have no clue how long it has been till the current arc.
It's just my personal theory that he will be returning soon, which means that it isn't that improbable, to me, for Puck to return in this story(This story pretty much takes place after the current arc, which is basically part 2 to arc 7).
It's only a possibility, and that's why I want to hear your input. I will say that if Puck returns, I do not plan to write him as some one-note character who always goes, 'Oh, so my daughter has been hurt from the memories, huh? Well time for everyone to die. Yay!'
Yeah, there will be friction, tension, conflict, and all that good stuff, but he won't be going on some murderous rampage while ignoring his daughter's development and desires.
He would be proactive instead. Without spoiling any of the minor and uncertain ideas I have for his character, I will just give this analogy: If Subaru is dealing with home issues, then Puck is dealing with foreign issues. The analogy isn't an accurate depiction, but it is close enough.
Because I haven't decided anything when it comes to those two characters, any input on them will be appreciated. Do note that if your input for Puck is just a simple, "Nah, fuck that guy. I don't wanna see him," then it literally does not help me, like at all. I'll just go, "Respectable, cool, but does not do anything to help me decide the matter."
Also, even if they do return, it won't be anytime soon.
Anyway, hope you enjoyed this long chapter and see you in the next one whenever that is.