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~ Part Five ~
Edward's POV
I didn't want to go too far in case Bella awoke again from another nightmare. I did however go far enough not to wake anyone up. I ended up in a secluded spot in the forest, finally with the weight of the events and bottled up emotions I slumped to the grassy ground. A sob ripped through me, followed by another one and another one. I couldn't stop them or slow them down. They just came.
Suddenly, I felt a burst of anger and jumped up from my fetal position on the forest floor. I roared before knocking an innocent tree down, the wood splintering down the middle.
Then I collapsed on the ground again in a heap, sobbing.
Something happened to Bella in the forest that day. Something terrible, enough to give her emotional scars and haunting nightmares. Something so traumatic it sent her into a catatonic state.
Dammit! I wish I knew what happened!
My hand slammed down on a rock beside me, smashing it to bits and pieces. Just like my heart when I witnessed Bella's state earlier before. The greatest pain in the world was seeing my angel hurt. I wish it had been me. She doesn't deserve pain, she deserves sheer joy and happiness.
I decided tomorrow I would take Bella for a walk in the woods to sort out what had happened. She needed to feel better before I left.
I did find something odd about this entire situation though. Bella seemed to also be having nightmares about myself leaving since the day in the forest. I didn't have an idea why. I always assumed whatever happened in the forest had intensified her insecurities. The pain she already felt, she had unconsciously projected into the dreams. At least that was my theory. I knew I would have to leave, my family had already settled in Ithaca, they were still waiting for my arrival. My family and I are a constant danger to Bella. She isn't safe with us. So I have to do it for her own good even if I must suffer in return. Surely Bella wouldn't be as pained as she was after her dreams. She would move on, marry a human man and have children of her own. Something I could not provide her.
Dawn was approaching so I knew I had to find my way back to Bella. So I forced myself to pick myself up from the ground, running back to Bella's house before she awoke from her slumber.
I jumped into her open window, peering at Bella's body twisted in the soft fleece bed sheets. I took a step forward, standing directing beside her bed watching her sleep, memorizing each and every detail of her face. Even though I already have it deeply engraved in my mind. I just could not help myself. Lightly, I stroked her cheek, my cool granite hand grazing over her smooth creamy skin. The electricity I felt when I touched Bella never diminished. I would deeply miss it, beyond what I could put into words.
As the sun rose in the distance, I knew it wouldn't be long till Bella woke. I made my way back to the rocking chair in the corner. Patiently waiting for Bella to wake. I knew today was going to be enlightening, well I hoped it would be. Truly, I wished the walk in the forest to be a success. I desperately needed to know what happened to her to cause her such pain and suffering. I wish I could take it all away, but I knew it was impossible.
As I suspected it didn't take long for Bella to wake up. Her beautiful chocolate brown eyes fluttered open, squinting as the sunlight spilled through the window. She groggily sat up in her bed, peering around the room.
"Edward."
"Bella." I whispered.
Her eyes were hazy, her expression seeming confused. She shook her head.
"Are you alright love?" I asked, concerned.
"I'm fine, I just need a human moment."
I nodded as Bella stumbled out of the room to the bathroom across the hall.
I tried to block out what was going on in the bathroom for Bella's privacy. But I did hear a quick gasp, Bella must of remembered last night's events.
When she returned, I enveloped her into a reassuring hug as I smoothed back her silky brown hair. "It's okay." I whispered.
We stayed wrapped up in eachother's arms for a few minutes. I still wanted to take Bella for the walk into the woods to get things sorted out. I was hoping for answers. I thought maybe just maybe, after I knew what happened I could help her heal. Then when I knew she would be okay I could break the news to her I was leaving. I had made a plan, I knew Bella wouldn't let me go if I told her the real reason for my leaving so I would commit the blackest kind of blasphemy, I would have to lie. That was the only way she would let me go. My heart had began to ache so I internally shook my head from my thoughts and attempted to focus on my angel's warm embrace and soothing freesia scent.
It was a comfortable silence but I knew it was beginning to get late and Bella would be needing to eat.
"Would you like some breakfast Bella?" I asked, breaking the silence.
She nodded and I took her hand and guided her downstairs to the empty kitchen.
I sat with Bella as she nibbled slowly at her breakfast. The entire time my thoughts focused on how I was going to approach the topic I wanted to address during our walk in the woods.
As Bella finished with the last crumbs of her pop tart, I took her dish and swiftly placed it in the sink before turning back to her. "Come for a walk with me?"
Slowly Bella's skin paled visibly, her eyes going wide and filling with horror. I heard the sweet sounds of her beating heart pick up to an incredibly fast past, her breathing too came out in short fast puffs. With my heightened senses I could see beads of sweat accumulate on her forehead, along with her tightening grip on the chair, her knuckles going white.
My eyes went wide with horror as well.
That's when Bella squeezed her eyes tightly, her lips turning into a grimace. From the look on her angelic face I could tell she was in pain. Horrid pain.
As a gasp left Bella's mouth, I called her name. "Bella?" Urgency in my voice.
Bella swayed, her knees giving away.
I snapped out of my frozen stance, jumping to her rescue. I caught her by her waist, setting her on the ground in front of me as I kneeled over her.
The air whooshed out of my lungs as Bella screamed, "No!"
"No! No! NO!"
My eyes widened further, if possible. Panic coursed through me, what was happening?
I grasped Bella's arms gently.
"Bella!" I yelled, scared. But judging from the look on her teary face she hadn't heard me.
A sob erupted from her throat as she reached to grab my arm, holding onto it with a death grip.
"No please!" Bella dissolved in sobs, "You can't leave me!"
My blood went cold.
Bella's POV
Suddenly Edward's hands weren't holding onto me anymore.
That only made me sob harder, rejection washing through me.
"I-I k-know you d-don't love m-me a-any-m-more but-" My sobbing took over and I was unable to finish.
Through my blurred vision, I could make out Edward's frozen stance.
Was it of disgust? Probably.
"I-I'm sorry I'm n-not en-enough."
Silence followed, with the exception of my cries of course. He still hadn't spoken a word.
Then it got worse.
My heart seemed to pick up its pace to a frantic racing, blood pounding heavily my ears. Suddenly, I felt like I was suffocating, the air thick making me choke for oxygen. My lungs were in overdrive as I clawed at my throat for air. The only way to describe the sensation was, I felt like my throat was closing up.
It was too hot, my clammy hands slick with sweat. The heat was suffocating me. But strangely enough, a chill went through my trembling body.
My mind jumbled, panicked thoughts flooding through, I had to be dying!
All of the sudden, I wasn't on the kitchen floor anymore. I was on the couch in the living room with Edward in front of me, his hands grasping my shoulders.
"Breath Bella, you're hyperventilating."
My surrounds blending together, I could barely make out Edward's velvety voice. It sounded so far away.
A pain in my chest became aware, accompanied by the racing of my heart.
"H-help me!" I yelled between short, sharp, stinging breaths. "I-I'm having a-a heart a-ttack!"
Edward's hand was cupping my cheek, "No Bella, listen, you are experiencing a panic attack. Take deep breaths for me."
I tried to do as he said but all I could think of is my dream, the dream where Edward would be leaving. Something that would be happening so painfully soon.
"It'll be as if I never existed, I promise."
Tears leaked from the corner of my eyes, leaving a burning trail down my cheek. Shuddering, I attempted to take a deep breath, it came out shaky.
Swallowing down a sob, I pleaded, "Please." I breathed, my voice broken.
"Don't leave." Then I broke out into more sobs, no longer able to keep them in.
Cold hands rubbed my back in small circles repeatedly as I cried, my breathing slightly better than before though still coming in short gasps.
When the sobs started to slow, Edward spoke.
"Would you like me to get you some water?" He slid off the couch, beginning to make his way to the kitchen.
"No!" I yelled, the pain in my chest increasing to an anguish I hadn't known existed.
The air was sucked out of me, gasping out, I wrapped my arms around my chest in a feeble attempt to diminish the agony.
My ears were ringing, "Bella?"
Vaguely, I could hear Edward's velvety voice in the background asking if I was okay.
I gritted my teeth against it. "It hurts so bad… help me." I choked, fighting for breath.
In a second, Edward was over, back on the couch with his soothing granite arms around me. Pressing my nose against his chest, I inhaled his intoxicating scent. A calming feeling filled me, the agony gradually settled down to a dull ache. My breathing slowed.
I still felt pain, just a different kind, not physical but emotional turmoil. How much longer could I really keep him here?
"I know the others aren't hunting, I know you're l-leaving."
He immediately stiffened. With hesitation he spoke in a monotone voice, "How do you know?"
Shivers went down my spine, my heart beating out of my chest, the pain was returning. I hissed quietly as I felt it. Using my right hand, I held it to my chest, squeezing my eyes shut.
"Bella? Are you alright?"
"Just give me a second." I gasped.
It didn't pass.
"Edward." I choked.
Concerned, he looked into my eyes, his hands gripping my shoulders gently. "What's happening?"
"My chest, it hurts so bad." My jaw was clenched, my eyes scrunched up.
Edward looked panicked, unsure of what to do.
"Just hold me." I rasped out.
Torture burned in eyes beautiful golden eyes, I didn't understand why. Nonetheless, he pressed me to his chest, planting a kiss to the top of my head.
I visibly relaxed, the pain lessening again. I could breathe again.
"It went away." I whispered.
Edward pulled away enough to look me in the face. He brushed a fallen strand of mahogany hair away from my face, tucking it behind my ear.
The corners of my lips, turned downwards into a frown, realizing where our conversation had been headed before the pain in my chest had halted it.
"You were going to leave that day, the day you found me in the forest…"
Again, I could feel him stiffen. "Yes."
I sucked in a shuddering breath, feeling that same pain in my chest.
"You don't want me, that's what you said. You said you don't love me anymore, that I wasn't good enough, that I was just a mere distraction…" I cried, I couldn't finish.
It silent for a moment, other than my cries, then I felt Edward's hands on my shoulders.
"Look at me Bella."
I didn't right away so Edward's finger tucked under my chin, gently lifting my head to face his.
I could see the torture burning in his golden eyes.
"I love you Isabella Marie Swan with every fibre of my being. Never doubt that. I don't deserve you, not the other way around. You are my whole life, not a distraction. Please, please believe that."
Tears formed in the corners of my eyes. "Why leave then?" I gulped.
Visible anguish filled his eyes, as his body slumped. He looked down, grabbing my hand, holding it to his stone lips where he pressed a gentle kiss to the back of my hand.
"My family and I are a danger to you Bella. Merely being in the same room as is you is extremely risky. If I were to lose control even for a split second, I could kill you Bella. Jasper was so painfully close to hurting you, I simply cannot allow that to happen again."
"It won't happen again, it was a mistake and I already forgave Jasper… you can't let this tear us apart."
"Bella, you don't seem to underst-"
I cut in, successfully interrupting him, "No I completely understand, you are trying to make another decision for me, for us." I motioned between the two of us. "You are making a decision that evolves the both of us, shouldn't I have a say?"
"The decision has already been made, all the preparations are complete, I just have to join my family who are already settled in our new residence."
"So that's it then?" My hollow voice was nothing above a quiet whisper.
He nodded.
"If you truly loved me, why is it so easy to leave me Edward?" My voice shook with sadness.
Edward moved in closer in flash, cupping my cheek, "Leaving you is going to be the hardest thing I've done is my entire existence."
He brushed away a fallen tear.
"So this is goodbye then?" I asked brokenly, any hope left had vanished now. He was really leaving.
"Yes, this is goodbye."
I could see his inner turmoil, but he kept up his facade well. A normal person would never have suspected a thing, however I knew him far too great to have not noticed.
Edward reached in for one last kiss, placing a soft farewell kiss on my lips gently.
"Goodbye Bella."
Okay so please don't hate me, I know it looks like Edward is leaving but they are going to have their happily ever after so don't worry :) We still a few more parts left. This is a short story, not a long one unless I decide to expand more. We will see haha :) I hope you liked his chapter lots. I know the ending is sad but don't worry! There is more to come! Also I'm incredibly sorry that this is sooo late! My last update was in August but I'm back and I'm continuing this! So check back for more soon! :)
Thanks for reading, please review and let me know if you think Edward is really going to leave or not.
~ Alexandra