WARNING: This chapter may be sensitive to anyone who has been through severe depression, self harm, suicidal thoughts, etc...

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~ Part Six ~

Bella's POV

"Goodbye Bella."

Edward made his way to the door swiftly, but paused as his hand hovered over the doorknob.

"One last thing Bella, can you do me a favor please?"

I shook my head vigorously. "Anything." I choked.

"Promise me you won't do anything reckless or stupid, please."

I was about to nod my head in agreement instead my next word shocked the both of us.

"No."

Edward froze at the door.

"I can't promise you that." I added quietly.

Edward turned so I could look into his eyes. They were filled with confusion, hurt and so much pain.

"Bella, I simply couldn't live with myself if I knew I caused you to-" He stopped unable to finish.

"I can't live without you Edward."

His golden eyes hardened, his voice like stone, "You can. Your emotions are human, nothing even remotely close to an immortals."

"You're underestimating my feelings for you again."

I was becoming angry, angry he didn't understand the depth of my love for him.

Edward shook his head, laughing humorlessly. "You will never understand."

"Bullshit." It came out of my mouth before I could stop it. I never cussed, ever.

Edward's eyes snapped up to look at mine, shock lining his features.

"I'm leaving now." He announced, emotionless, his voice stoic.

The pang in my heart increased to a ten fold as I envisioned my life after Edward's departure.

I grimaced, feeling the same pain in my chest as before.

No, I couldn't live without him, I just couldn't.

"I love you Bella, remember that forever. But I must leave, there is no other way."

I could barely breathe, never mind think.

Edward opened the door now.

"I love you," I gasp, not able to move from my frozen position on the couch.

"Goodbye."

And he was gone.

I blinked away the burning tears, a hollow feeling in my chest making itself aware.

It was only when I felt the jolt in my stomach that I jumped up from the couch, sprinting the bathroom with hand clamped over my mouth.

I didn't make it in time and I vomited all over myself. Bursting in tears, I collapsed to the cool tiled bathroom floor, managing to bang my hand on the cabinet on my way down. I barely felt the pain in my hand, only the throbbing in my chest. Blood oozed out of the bruising cut, but I couldn't seem to care about it. I sobbed for what seemed like hours but in reality was only a couple minutes. I went to wipe away the salty tears, forgetting about the vomit and blood left on my hands.

My lip quivered as I rose to wash my hands. As I turned on the faucet, I made the mistake of looking at my appearance in the mirror.

I could barely recognize myself.

My eyes bloodshot, my paled skin and dark circles rimming my under eyes. My collarbones seemed to jut out a mile, my frail pasty skin stretching over the bones, it was sickening. My dulled brown hair was covered in dried puke along with my cotton tee shirt.

I stared into my lifeless brown eyes, thinking back to all I had lost. I didn't know how I continue to feel this way…

The persistent pain in my chest made it hard to think about anything else. I felt like death except I wasn't dying but oh I wish I was.

Looking into the mirror again, a sick twisted smile crossed my face as a plan brewed inside my head.

It didn't have to be like this. There was always a way to end pain, pain never lasted forever. And I knew I couldn't last much longer in this cruel agony.

I traced over the blue veins underneath my paper like skin, imagining the rich red blood flowing inside of them. My eyes traveled to the red stained water in the sink from the blood on my hand.

Rummaging through the cabinets under the sink I found two items. A single razor blade and an old bottle of painkillers that belonged to Charlie when he had surgery last year.

I debated on which would act faster but in the end decided both would be the best bet. Unscrewing the cap to the bottle, I shook out a handful of the tiny white oval pills. I filled the cup beside the sink with water and took off the plastic safety cover to the razor.

This was it.

I'm sorry Charlie. I love you Edward.

As I was about to toss the pills into my mouth, a white hand flashed out in front of me, gripping my wrist.

A gasp escaped my throat as I looked up to see Edward standing there with a heartbreaking expression.

"How could you do this?" His voice cracked at the end, something I didn't know a vampire was capable of.

The handful of pills spilled out of my hand, scattering onto the tiled floor. A strangled sound left my throat.

Edward's eyes hardened, narrowing as his gaze traveled down to the vomit on the floor, the cut on my hand and lastly the pink tinted sink. He reached out to shut of the running water from the faucet.

Still frozen to my spot, I watched as Edward picked up the fallen pills in vampire speed then crush them in his fist over the garbage basket. His body was rigid, his posture tense and his eyes filled with a sort of hatred I didn't understand.

He put the razor back in the cabinet where I found it and at vampire speed cleaned the vomit off the floor. I felt ashamed as he did that of course. I couldn't have made it to the toilet?

Then still without speaking, he gently grabbed my wrist, guiding me to the sink where he put my hand under the faucet to clean my cut. Looking through the cabinets, he found the first aid kit. After disinfecting it, he bandaged it.

Edward used a wet washcloth to clean the puke out of my hair then left the room in a flash and came back with a fresh set of clothes.

He shuts the door behind him, leaving me with my privacy to change. Tears fill my eyes, I bite my lip and slide off my soiled clothes, changing into the new pair.

I swallow back a sob and leave the bathroom to go back to my room where I hope Edward is waiting. As soon as I see him sitting in the old wooden rocking chair in the corner of my room, the sob I was holding in slipped out, followed by another one and another one. Attempting to hold myself together, I hug my torso, trying to rid myself of the pain that was nagging at my heart.

But then I was enveloped into familiar comforting arms. Edward shushed me, brushing back my mahogany hair and guiding me over to the bed.

He settled me in between his legs, rocking me back and forth.

Sobbing heavily, I grip Edward's shirts with my hands, my body shaking.

"I'm.. s-so-rry." I cried, soaking his shirts with salty tears.

"Shh, it's okay." He rubbed circles on my back, "Breathe, Bella."

I hadn't realized I was sucking in fast short gasps of air, on the brink of hyperventilation. So I attempted to slow my breathing down to its normal pace.

Minutes past, though it felt like hours. Who knows. Eventually my body screamed of exhaustion, and I fell asleep.

I was dreaming. But it wasn't one of those future telling ones, those were different. They were clearer and I wasn't so out of it..

I could tell this was a dream, the edges were faded, blurry.

This dream was different, I was seeing myself and Edward, in a third person point of view. I was reliving a memory from what it looked like.

I sat on the couch, tears staining my cheeks, with Edward sitting across from me.

"Why leave then?"

Edward slumped at my question, torturing burning within him. I could see it now so much clearer from this new perspective.

He pressed a soft gentle kiss to my hand.

"My family and I are a danger to you Bella. Merely being in the same room as is you is extremely risky. If I were to lose control even for a split second, I could kill you Bella. Jasper was so painfully close to hurting you, I simply cannot allow that to happen again."

His last words were ringing in my hand.

I simply cannot allow that to happen.

I found myself getting angry at this. He couldn't allow it? Was he taking over Charlie's role of being my father?

Frowning, I narrowed my eyes, looking back at the scene in front of me.

"It won't happen again, it was a mistake and I already forgave Jasper… you can't let this tear us apart."

Of course I was right but Edward was so stubborn.

"Bella, you don't seem to underst-"

When it came to Edward, I never 'understood'. It was completely unfair. More anger brewed inside of me, why couldn't I stand up to him?

"No I completely understand, you are trying to make another decision for me, for us. You are making a decision that involves the both of us, shouldn't I have a say?"

This made me smile, I was standing my ground.

"The decision has already been made, all the preparations are complete, I just have to join my family who are already settled in our new residence."

My smile disappeared, if I left it up to Edward, he would have complete control of my life. I hated it, he didn't have that right.

Suddenly the vision was becoming hazy and I felt my subconscious coming back to me.

I was waking.

Slowly my senses came back to me, my sleep fading away until my eyes fluttered open. Squinting against the brightness of the sunlight spilling through my curtains, I sat up from my position on my bed. I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes, my gaze travelling around the room until I stopped at the corner where Edward sat on the rocking chair.

"Good morning Bella."

"Good morning." I yawned.

"I would like to talk to you today, however first you must have breakfast."

Did he really just say must?

That's when I remembered my dream and the anger came flooding back.

"I simply cannot allow that to happen."

My eyes narrowed, "Actually, I think I would like to have that talk first."

"No Bella, you need to eat first, the talk can wait."

No Bella.

He doesn't decide what I do.

"No Edward, I want to talk right now." I kept my voice firm, not wavering. Some of the anger I was feeling leaked into my voice.

He sighed, "Bella, I really think it's in your best interest if you-"

I rolled my eyes, snapping up from my bed to stand in front of me, "You aren't my father, I want to talk to you right now."

Edward's eyes widened, "Fine."

I led him downstairs to the living room. I choose to sit in front of him instead of beside him.

"You can't keep making decisions for me."

His eyes hardened, "It's for your best interest Bella."

"What I do with my life is my decision, not yours."

Edward sighed, "Bella-"

"No! Don't 'Bella' me! You could have killed the both of us you know. You always say, if I died you would follow." My heart throbbed at the thought of him being harmed. "You don't understand the depth of my feelings for you, I can't live without you."

I took a breath, "Edward, you have to realize that you can't continue making decisions for me. I should have said this a long time ago. You aren't my father, you have no right whatsoever. I love you but this has to stop. You decided to leave without even asking me! Unless you were lying and you really don't love me." That pain came back in my chest.

"No Bella! I love you so much! You can't actually believe that, do you?"

"I do believe that, why wouldn't I… You choose this on your own… that's not how relationships work. What else what I think, it's the only reasonable answer."

He frowned, disbelief in his coal eyes. He got up from the couch, coming to sit beside me. Edward took his hands in mine, his body facing mine.

"I love you Bella, you don't realize how dangerous I am, I'm only making this decisions because I couldn't live with myself without you existing."

A weak smile played at the edges of my lips as I looked down at our conjoined hands, his thumb gently stroking my hand. He brought it to his lips, gingerly placing a kiss on the top.

"I can't live without you, you know."

Edward frowned.

"That pain in my chest, it's excruciating but I finally understand its meaning." I paused, looking up at his face, "My body can't bare to be separated from you. I crave your mere presence, I wish you would understand that. My feelings for you are stronger than ever."

Edward's expression was calculating at first until his lips parted and he spoke, "I feel it too," He placed his hand on my heart, feeling it's rhythmic beating, my heart fluttered at his touch and Edward chuckled lightly.

Edward's POV

I understood now. I had an epiphany of sorts. For ever, I have always doubted Bella's human feelings even measured up to my vampire heightened feelings. That's why I thought she would move on so quickly if I left.

But I understood now, I felt that same anguished throbbing in my chest whenever I was away from Bella, but to know she experiences the same thing. It's such a magical feeling, a feeling so strong it was beyond what I could put into words.

My love for her was even stronger than before, if that was possible of course.

"I love you so much." I whispered.

"I love you too." She breathed.

It was silent then, I just fiddled with Bella's hands, it was a comfortable silence. I just needed her presence and with that I felt peace.

"Edward?" Bella spoke, breaking the silence.

"Yes love."

I could hear her nerves, her breath was shortening and her heart picking up it's pace. I was officially curious.

"You…. you aren't leaving again right?"

I almost laughed, "No, definitely not. I realize now how much of a bad decision I'd made before. You're right, my poor decision could have killed us both. I don't think I could survive another separation, even if the first one was only a sheer few minutes."

Bella breathed a heavy sigh of relief, scooting her small body closer so her back was pressed up against my chest.

"Does that mean the others will be coming back as well?"

I laughed, "Yes, I'll call them later but right now I would like to spend my time with you. I've missed you so much."

"I've missed you too." There was a brief moment of silence until Bella spoke again, "Edward?"

I hummed in response, playing with pieces of her soft brown hair.

"You won't do it again right?"

"Do what again love?" I was puzzled, what in the world was she talking about. Oh I wish I could read her mind in times like these.

"Make any more decisions for me?"

"I will try my best, I'm sorry I've upset you." My eyes were downcast, my voice filled with regret and utter sadness.

"Don't be upset." Bella whispered, grazing my cheek with her fingertips. Her touch left a electrifying burning sensation that I simply relished.

I kissed her forehead, "I will try my best."

That's when I noticed the deep purple rings etched beneath her tired eyes. I traced them with my finger.

"You look exhausted, I know you haven't slept well these last few days. Why don't you take a nap?"

"I don't want to waste our time together. And it's only ten thirty in the morning."

"Don't worry about that love, sleep now. You need it."

Bella compiled then, choosing to snuggle up to my chest, I wrapped my arms around her small body, breathing in her intoxicating scent.

This was all I ever needed. Having Bella in my arms was my own personal heaven. I never wanted it to end.

That was it, hope you all liked it. I love writing so much, and even though this week is exam week and I should be studying a lot more, I'm using my time to write haha. It's very relaxing in my opinion.

I listened to the New Moon soundtrack when I wrote this, I really liked the classical music in the movies, classical is great for while writing. Let me know some of you favorite classical songs or songs in any genre :) I love hearing from all of you.

In this chapter, Bella finally stood up for herself, yay! I had how in the books she lets Edward walk all over her. So I wanted to have her stand up for herself in this story. Hope you enjoyed it too. Thanks for reading! Please review if you feel up to it :D

Alexandra 3