March 21, 2017 - Brittany
"I can't believe it happened. She was my first love."
"I know, Britt, but you knew it would happen sooner or later."
"But not now. She was still so young."
"Not that young anymore, we all wondered how long it would take."
"I know...Felipe also said that I was lucky to have her by my side for so long."
The doorbell signals that a new customer has arrived, but I wasn't expecting her.
"What are you doing here?" I ask, confused, and receive a similar look in return.
"What do you mean, what am I doing here?" she stands next to Rachel, completely out of breath, in front of the counter.
"Someone wrote to me that something bad happened to you," she looks at Rach, who innocently shrugs her shoulders and then at me, "I was already wondering why I should come here and not to a hospital, you seem to be in good health."
"My heart was broken," I pout.
"By whom? Who do I need to beat up?"
"No one, Mary Jane is in heaven," I explain to my fiancée, who then loses all expression on her face.
It takes a few seconds before she clears her throat.
"So you're telling me that I ran almost two miles across town just so you could tell me that your junk car broke down?"
"Hey!" I snap indignantly, "You know how much she means to me, there are so many memories attached to her."
"Well, my last memories aren't good ones."
"No wonder, you insulted her the whole time."
"Because that piece of junk wouldn't move an inch."
"I think that was because of you, I never had any problems."
"Oh really? And where's your perfect car now?" San looks at me with a raised eyebrow.
"Okay ladies, maybe you should calm down again, otherwise you'll scare off the other guests. Besides, we have another problem to solve now, namely, how to get to Lima," Rachel intervenes before we really start to argue.
That has been happening too often lately.
"Flying is the best choice, I've been saying that from the beginning."
"And I told you, I'd rather walk across the country than get on a plane."
That's why MJ was the best solution. Rachel, Finn, Santana and I all agreed to drive home in the pickup truck.
"Well then, have fun walking, I'm flying, and the other two probably are too!"
"I would ask if you are on your period, but we both know the answer, so I wonder why you're such an asshole to me?" I look at her questioningly.
We have discussions several times a week because Santana is acting like a drama queen. Especially the topic of apartment hunting causes our relationship to be strained.
"If you think I'm acting like an asshole, maybe I shouldn't be here at all."
"You know where the door is."
"Guys, does this have to happen right now? You're arguing about nothing," Rachel rolls her eyes while Santana gets up from her chair and throws me a "¡Vete a la mierda!, Brittany!" before she leaves the store.
"What did she say?"
"That I should go fuck myself. The likelihood is currently higher that I'll fuck myself and not her... do you see what I mean? She picks fights for no reason and not just today."
I don't know what to do anymore. When I bring it up, San denies it. Now I have at least one witness.
"I'm staying out of it. You two are adults, it's time to behave like it."
"I haven't done anything. She's always this little angry dwarf looking for confrontation."
"Then maybe it's best if we don't drive together. I don't want to be there when you two start hitting each other."
"Maybe I'll just stay here, then I won't have to deal with this terror."
"No, you already agreed, Britt. You can't cancel anymore."
"Then please tell me how I'm supposed to endure it for 5 days straight? We're staying at her parents', so I can't even escape somewhere."
"Then come to me, we have enough space, we always loves having you around."
"That's really sweet, but I don't want to be a burden to you. I'll book a hotel room if I'm even there."
"Come on, B. You can't cancel now just because you're fighting with Santana. The class reunion isn't just with her, and I'm sure you'll regret it someday."
"I'll think about it, but I promise nothing," I keep my options open.
"Well, I would be very happy to have you there, and Finn too. You and San are the only ones he really knows and likes, he only met the rest drunk on New Year's."
"Like I said, I'll think about it, is that enough?"
"I have no other choice, do I? But I have to get back to campus now. Will I see you tonight?"
"Maybe, probably not. I'm going to try out some new creations tonight, and I think I'll be busy all evening."
"Should I come over? I'm happy to be a tester."
"Rach, I'm an adult, I can handle it, you don't have to watch over me."
"Okay, well, call me if you change your mind."
Rachel leans over the counter for a hug, and we say goodbye before she leaves the store.
I know she means well, but a little time to myself wouldn't hurt.
March 28, 2017 – Brittany
I'm tired. Which is not surprising, considering I was only home around 2 a.m.
However, I'm in a creative phase, and my new cupcake variations are going over well, so I'm developing them further.
This does affect my sleep schedule, but I'm happy to take that on.
Just not right now.
5:30 a.m. on the train at the station.
Today, I'm starting my journey to Ohio. I'll be sitting on busses and trains for 17 hours. But anything is better than flying.
I had just settled in when someone sits down next to me.
"I hope this seat isn't taken?"
I hear the smirk before I see it.
"Which one of them forced you?"
I cannot for the life of me imagine why Travis would voluntarily want to take the train when he could just hop on a plane.
"Nobody. Riding alone isn't fun, especially not such a long trip, but time flies in good company. I can also write on my new play here. Besides, I have Scrabble with me. We can play until you finally realize that you can't beat me. So, Pierce, is this seat free or do I need to move?"
"Stay, Hudson. We have to set the power relations right."
Finn grins, places his travel bag above us, takes off his jacket and pulls out the game.
"Remember, you don't even have a day to beat me."
"I don't need three hours, then you'll be begging for it to end because I'll have beaten you five times by then."
/
"I give up, you won. My head's about to explode."
"I'm disappointed, Brittany, I expected more endurance from you," Finn replies with an ironic tone while clearing up the game.
"Yeah, yeah, don't think I haven't seen your Instagram stories where you documented my defeats. I get notifications when you tag me."
"I think the recordings are very successful. People are starting to feel sorry for you."
"Idiot."
"No, we just established that you're the bigger idiot of the two of us," he jokes, and I can't take it anymore and start laughing.
"You're the only one who can insult me continuously, and it's completely okay with me."
"Not even Santana or Rachel?"
"Nope, only you," I shake my head.
"That's mutual, Pierce. You're like my sister and best bro at the same time."
"Gross, insult me again, please," I ask him with a grin, causing him to throw one of the game pieces at me. "You can't handle compliments, can you?"
"I didn't exactly grow up with compliments," I reply, placing the tile in the box so my companion can put it away.
"I can't relate. Besides your Scrabble weakness and being a bad loser, you're pretty amazing."
"Are you trying to hit on me or do you miss your girlfriend? Sorry, but the ring on my finger means something to me," I wiggle my hand in front of his face.
"I just want to make it clear to you what an amazing person you are. Just because you didn't grow up with compliments doesn't mean you shouldn't receive them."
"You're not so bad either. You're the first friend of Rachel's that I really like, not that there was much competition."
"She had really terrible taste. I remember the guy from the New Year's Eve party who maybe had two brain cells. I couldn't believe he was her boyfriend. But not everyone can have as much luck as you and Santana, meeting their soulmate right in high school."
"You're right about that, but it's not always as lucky as it seems when I think about it. It's exhausting... I correct myself, it's still exhausting," I sigh, falling back so that the back of my head rests against the chair.
"So, still trouble in paradise?"
"We've never had a phase where we basically fight every time we see each other. That's why we're currently avoiding each other, but you already know all that," I say, knowing that San will talk to Rachel about it, and she'll tell Finn.
"No. Rachel and I agreed not to talk about you guys. It ultimately leads to weird situations or misunderstandings. Besides, everyone should make their own judgment without preconceptions."
"That sounds pretty mature."
"On my ID it says I was born in 1993, I think at almost 24 you're considered an adult, right?" Finn lightens up the rather oppressive mood.
"Yeah, you can retire soon. But seriously, thanks for staying neutral. I don't want you guys to fight with San or me just because she's so damn stubborn."
"It's not always easy with her, right?"
"No, but I'd rather have it be challenging with her than relaxing without her."
I knew from the beginning what to expect. But nothing in the world could keep me from a future with her.
/
"So, do you want to explain to my 913 followers why we're still in Pittsburgh even though we should be in Lima by now?" Finn asks, then points his phone camera at me.
"Obviously, our train has some problems, and a replacement isn't available yet. So we're chilling here in front of McDonald's and enjoying a little snack," I hold up the food bags, before my gaze goes to the large wall clock behind Finn, "Okay, we can call it midnight snack now, it's almost 1am."
"And good night to all of you watching, we wish you a wonderful sleep," Finn speaks into the camera again before he uploads the content and puts away his phone.
"Do you have your ukulele with you?" Finn asks a little later as we've found a relatively comfortable spot away from the crowds.
"Why? Do you want me to teach you? Rachel likes musical people."
"Maybe sometime, but right now, I wouldn't mind a private concert."
"I don't play for an audience."
"Come on, Britt. I've never heard you play."
"Except for Santana, nobody else has heard me play either."
"Then it's time, she says you're pretty good."
"She has to say that, or else she won't get serenades anymore."
"I believe she says it because it's true. But I'll only know if I get a sample."
"My answer remains no."
"I'll give you money? 20 dollars for a song?"
"I don't want money, Finn. But it's something I only want to share with Santana."
"Okay, I can't argue with that. But if you change your mind, let me know."
"You'll be the first to know."
/
It's 4am and we've been rolling for about half an hour. I'm slowly losing feeling in my shoulder, but I don't want to wake the dragon
"You're an asshole, I'm not a dragon," I try to pout, but I can't help but laugh at the image Travis posted a few hours ago.
He's acting as a pillow while I'm having the sleep of my life.
"I'm sorry, what term do you prefer?"
"Anything is better than dragon."
"Rachel wrote that you're a cute dragon," he shows me the chat log with his girlfriend, who's next on my list.
"You guys are so mean, I don't know if I want to spend the weekend with you."
"You can't do that to me, Pierce. I won't survive the class reunion without you and I know it's the same for you."
"Maybe I just won't go. I don't want to see 99 percent of the people there anyway, and the other percent are Rachel and Santana, although I'm not sure if I should put San in the 99 percent."
"Maybe you guys just need to scream at each other? We have a course where the goal is to convert your feelings and thoughts into emotions and share them with each other. Sometimes you just scream at each other for an hour."
"And what's the point of that?"
"Improving your expression. You learn to better illustrate your emotions, and you can let out your personal stuff without anyone being mad at you."
"I don't think that's my thing," I politely decline, not wanting to tell him that it all sounds like nonsense. But that may also be because I'm just not familiar with the subject.
My ringing phone interrupts the conversation. Finn turns his attention back to his laptop, and I answer the call from Felipe.
"Good Morning Felipe, how are you?" I greet my future father-in-law.
"I'm good, and you?" His voice immediately makes me smile.
"I'm a bit tired and my back hurts, but overall, I'm good. Why are you calling? Did something happen?"
"No, don't worry. I just wanted to ask when you're arriving. Santana didn't know when, she just said there were some issues with the trip, so she asked me to get in touch with you."
"It's hard to say. If everything goes according to plan, I should be at the hotel around 1 or 2 pm today."
"At the hotel? You're not staying with us?"
Is she kidding me?
"Sorry, Felipe. Santana and I are currently avoiding each other."
"Oh, she didn't mention that. Are you sure? We have enough space, and you won't even run into each other in the house."
"I'm sure, really. But we'll still see each other, I promise."
"Alright, then I can't be sad. Should I pick you up in front of the hotel later today? I have a little surprise for you at home."
"Should I be afraid of it?" I ask, chuckling. I hear Felipe laughing on the other end of the line.
"You should always be afraid of it."
"That's very reassuring."
"Anything else would have surprised me. Well, I wish you a pleasant remaining journey without any further complications, and then we'll see you later."
"Thank you, Felipe. See you. Ciao!"
/
"Are you ready, Brittany?" Felipe asks, still covering my eyes with his hands.
"I'm ready," I nod slightly, and then he removes his hands. It takes me a few seconds to adjust to the brightness, and then I see that we're standing in front of a dark blue car with a bow tied around it.
"What do you think?" Felipe asks, and I follow him around the car. A pickup truck. A damn beautiful pickup truck.
"It's beautiful, I'm already envious, but if I'm happy for someone, it's you."
"You can have it," he tosses me the key, which I reflexively catch.
"What? No, that's your car."
"I have a car, this one's for you."
"Felipe, no, I can't accept this," I try to give him the key back, but he immediately backs away.
"How much was it? I'll buy it from you," I try to find a compromise.
"Britt, you're family. It's a gift, just be happy about it, nothing else."
I hesitate for a few moments before I tightly wrap my arms around Felipe.
"Thank you, Felipe, I already love it!"
"I'm glad, kiddo. My wife will give me hell if you don't at least grace her with your presence for five minutes, so let's go inside for a bit and then take it for a spin?"
"Sounds great," I grin like crazy. Felipe has already saved my week!
We're on our way inside the house when my phone vibrates in my pocket.
"One moment," I let Felipe go ahead and answer the call.
"Hello?"
"Good day, Miss Pierce. There's a woman in the lobby who claims to be your fiancée and she won't leave the hotel until she talks to you."
"Did you check her ID?"
"The lady's name is Santana Lopez. And she seems pretty out of sorts, if you ask me."
"Give her the key card, I'll make my way there."
Oh Santana, why do you have to be so complicated?
I have no idea what to expect. Actually, I'm angry that Santana could have just contacted me instead. I asked her mother during a brief conversation if she knew what was going on with her daughter, but she is just as clueless as I am.
That's why I have a sinking feeling as I enter my hotel room.
Immediately, I see the Latina sitting on the edge of the bed, examining her shoes, and apparently not having noticed me yet.
"Hey," I make myself known softly so as not to startle her. Still, she flinches briefly before her gaze rises to meet mine.
"Before you say anything: If you want to start another fight, then you might as well leave now. I don't have the energy for it anymore, it makes me tired."
Another pointless argument and I would burst with frustration. As Santana stands up and walks towards me, I fear that she is leaving because we would otherwise argue again. I am even more surprised when she hugs me and snuggles up to me.
The palpable tension between us dissipates as I return her embrace and rest my head on hers. For a few minutes, we just stand silently together, enjoying each other's physical contact, until Santana breaks the silence.
"I'm sorry," she murmurs before looking up at me.
"What are you sorry for?"
"That I was such a bitch to you."
"Is there a specific reason for that? I mean, if you don't want to move in with me, just say so. I'm not mad at you if it's too fast for you. That's why you don't always have to start a fight; we can solve it like adults."
"That's not the problem," she sighs, releasing herself from me and taking a seat again on the edge of the bed.
"And what is the problem? I know you really well, but I can't read your mind," I cautiously ask, squatting down in front of her and resting my hands on her thighs.
"I'm moving, at least for a few months."
"Where to, if I may ask?" I raise my eyebrows in surprise and begin to smile.
"Seattle," comes her short and concise answer, while she continues to avoid eye contact between us.
"Is that a street name in New York? I'm kind of confused right now."
"I have to go to Seattle for filming."
"Since when have you known about this?"
"For a few weeks."
"Did anyone else know?"
"I didn't tell anyone."
At least I can't blame her for that if she didn't tell anyone about it.
"Why didn't you talk to me about it?"
"You were so excited about the apartment hunting; I didn't want to ruin it for you."
"And then you thought it was more logical to talk down every apartment? And start a fight with me whenever you can?" My statement sounds snippier than I intended.
"I thought that if we fight, then the distance won't be so hard for us."
"I love you, but that's the dumbest thing that ever came out of your mouth."
With a small smile, she finally looks at me and puts her hands on mine.
"That's why I'm here. Because I realized how absolutely stupid that was. I thought I was helping us both, but now I see the damage in front of me...oh my God, I'm doing the same thing you did back then!" she seems to have a sudden realization that hasn't reached me yet.
"You always had excuses when we were looking for an apartment. Whenever it came to New York, you shut down and got distracted because you had already planned your goodbye in the background," she explains her statement, and finally, I can follow her.
"Do you still hate me for that?"
"I don't think it was ever hate, even though I said that. Come here," she pulls me up by my hands until I am sitting on her legs.
"I love you, probably longer than I realized, and I never stopped, whether we were apart or together."
"I'm sorry, Santana."
Now that she has brought it up again, I feel bad.
"Stop apologizing, please. I messed up, and I'm sorry. I should have just told you directly instead of keeping it to myself for so long."
"I can understand it a little, even though your method wasn't very smart. I mean, am I not trustworthy?"
"That's not what it was about," she puts her hands on my cheeks, gives me a short kiss, "Long-distance relationships suck, and when we fight, you get fed up with me, and the distance doesn't hurt you as much, I don't know...I didn't think it through, I'm sorry."
"You had the best intentions, even if in hindsight, it wasn't really the best for me, or rather, for us. Just talk to me, no matter what it's about. I believe there's a solution to everything."
"And what's the solution? Because I don't have one in mind," Santana lets her upper body fall back onto the bed and closes her eyes.
"You make your film in Seattle, and I continue to work in New York. We can call, Facetime, write, I'll even send you a handwritten letter if you want it more personal. And who knows, maybe I'll take a multi-day road trip for you, now that I'm mobile again."
"Why? Did you use your eternal train ride to buy a car?"
"No, my generous father-in-law gave me one as a gift, I think he had a lot of pity."
"So it's official, my family loves you more than me," she tries to sound sad, but the grin gives her away.
"I tried to buy it from him, but he declined."
"You have a spot for me on the way back, right?"
"You don't want to fly?"
"You're always my first option, and our return trip at the beginning of the year was pretty good. That way we can split the time and spend time together before I have to leave."
"When is your flight?"
"Friday night, so eight days from now. That's why I'm here, we still have to make use of our time together, don't you think?"
She tilts her head and wiggles her eyebrows.
"I heard makeup sex is the best sex ever, and since we just made up, we could try it out, or what do you say?"
"I say: take off your sweater and come here, baby."
/
"How has it been going? I thought it was settled that it would be filmed in New York."
We are sitting at the dinner table with Santana's parents, and after a hearty meal, the Latina has told them about some problems we had.
"That was the plan, but now we have more budget, and since the script originally had Seattle as the location, it fits perfectly."
"How long will you be away?"
"The director estimates about three months, depending on whether everything goes according to plan."
"And how do you feel about it, Brittany?" Dana looks at me with almost pity.
"I would never stand in her way. I'm happy for her opportunity. We have phones to stay in touch, and now that I have a car again, there's nothing stopping me from taking a small trip to Seattle if it works out timewise for both of us."
"I think I'll have more problems with it than Britt. While I'll be complaining after three days, she'll be cracking jokes," San adds with a smirk.
She could be right. Of course, I'll miss her too, but I probably won't react as she does.
"Okay, different topic. I don't want to stress you out; you're busy women, but have you started planning your wedding?"
Santana and I look at each other momentarily, then back at her parents.
"We haven't even mentioned the word 'wedding' yet, Mom, I'm sorry. We have to disappoint you there."
"I've saved up quite a bit through my time in the army, and Santana through her work in the diner but if she still has her dream wedding from back then in mind, we'll have to save a bit more, and I think our focus is currently more on finding an apartment."
"We could pay for the wedding," Felipe starts to speak, but automatically, Santana and I say, "No!"
"The car is already enough of a gift. We want to pay for it ourselves, without any help, right?" I seek support from my fiancée.
"We don't want your money; your presence is more than enough."
"Can we at least buy the wedding dresses?"
"And what if I don't want to wear a dress?" Santana asks with a smirk. She just wants to tease her parents; that cheeky grin gives her away.
"Can we pay for the wedding outfits?" Dana reformulates the question, with the same grin on her face as her daughter.
"Can we agree to that, babe?" My fiancée looks at me now.
"But only if you don't leave us a choice."
"We won't leave you a choice. We want to contribute something."
"I got a car, isn't that enough of a contribution?"
"Yeah, why does she get a car, and I don't?"
"Because I also use the car, and it won't mold like yours," I counter, to which she playfully crosses her arms in annoyance.
As soon as I nudge her, she starts giggling.
"You two are really meant for each other," Dana shakes her head amusedly.
My eyes shift from Dana to San and absentmindedly, I nod.
Yes, we are truly meant for each other.
"Her company is fine for me" Santana winks at me with a broad grin on her face, to which I respond "She's quite okay".
/
We ended up staying longer than expected at Dana and Felipe's, as a few more relatives came by gradually. I feel very comfortable with her family, which I realize anew every time. Accordingly, we only left sometime after midnight and are finally in bed.
"We should get married."
"It's the middle of the night," I mumble sleepily against her neck and hear her laugh.
"Not now, but in the next few days," her fingers gently move up and down my back, making me even more tired.
"What are you talking about, babe?"
"I don't want to wait a few more years. Let's go to Las Vegas and get married."
I leave my comfortable position and sit up, turning on the small night light on my side of the bed.
"Did I miss something? Why are you thinking about this now?"
Santana also sits up, smoothing out a rebellious strand of hair from my face.
"I love you and I don't need a huge wedding. I just need you and someone to officiate. I don't want to wait a few more years."
I blink a few times, trying to figure out if Santana is just joking and testing me somehow.
"And you just realized this now? Just like that?"
"I had a brief conversation with my Abuela and somehow she opened my eyes. I just need you, Britt Britt."
"I'm really confused right now. Uh, wow, I don't know what to say."
"Say 'yes, of course, I want to marry you right now'," she tilts her head, beginning to play with the ring on my finger.
"Baby, don't you think this needs at least a little bit of planning?"
"Everything is planned in Las Vegas, we just have to be there."
"Can we postpone this conversation for a few hours? I don't think we should talk about this when I'm about to fall into a coma."
I see her disappointed look and it breaks my heart a little. I lean forward a bit, looking her in the eyes.
"That's not a no," I give her a small kiss on the forehead, "Just a 'you've overwhelmed me a bit'. I'll think about it in my sleep and we'll talk about it again in a few hours. Okay?"
"Okay."
"Baby, don't look at me like I just kicked a little puppy."
She can't help but smile at my comparison.
"I love you...my fiancée," I give her another kiss on the lips, which she reciprocates for a moment before pulling away from me.
"I love you."
After I turn off the night light, I take my original position, putting my arm over her body and burying my face in the crook of her neck. A few seconds of silence pass before I start the conversation again.
"So, you really want Elvis at our wedding?"
"I would be fine with a turtle if that was possible. I'll take what I can get," she responds.
"Maybe Elvis could dress up as a ninja turtle," I suggest, which causes Santana to burst into laughter.
"But then we would have to wear ninja turtle costumes too."
"No one would have a cooler wedding photo."
The thought of that image is disturbing, but if I see anyone in it, it's the two of us.
/
It's strange when I look out the window. Lima has always been my home, but it feels so foreign to me now. It's probably because of Santana. Since we've been living in New York, that's been my home. I follow her blindly everywhere and that's completely fine with me.
"Thinking hard so early in the morning?"
"Hmm?"
"You look so thoughtful. Are you thinking about where we can get ninja turtle costumes?" she asks, and I don't even have to look at her to know that she can't suppress her grin.
"I want to wear a dress," I reply, turning away from the window to look at the bed where the Latina has now sat up and is leaning against the headboard.
"Is that an answer to my question?" she looks at me with hopeful eyes.
I didn't really sleep because I've been thinking about the wedding topic the whole time. And I actually wanted to let Santana squirm a little, but when I look at her like this - her hair a little tousled, no makeup on her face, wearing one of my T-shirts and that 10,000-watt smile - I can't help but say "Yes."
As soon as the word leaves my mouth, my fiancée jumps off the bed and tackles me. I manage to grab her thighs and keep my balance, so we don't fall. Santana starts covering my entire face with kisses while repeatedly saying "I love you" as if it were a mantra.
After one final pledge of love and a kiss on the lips, she pulls away from my face a bit but keeps her hands around my neck.
"So, you really want this? This isn't a favor I'm asking of you. It's a decision we both have to make, right?" she asks
"Yes!" I wink at her, and she presses her lips firmly against mine once again.