Vic's perspective after In the Pines - has some spoilers. Thank you for the reviews :) I ship Longvic, forever.
Sean came to see me.
Walt's words stay with me throughout the day and I worry that I have lost both Walt's and Sean's respect and favor. I have worked very hard to avoid being in this position. I am a woman without a country and I have to be strong enough to be by myself. Sean may leave, Walt may turn a deaf ear and Gorski is trying to kill me. What a choice to make, girl!
If I don't play it right, I will be alone, and honestly alone may be the best option for me right now.
I know Walt is not pleased with me and is just short of being dismissive. What I don't know is, why? At the hospital, he all but ordered me to go home to my husband, if only for a couple of hours. For what, Walt, a quickie? Is that your recommendation to fix my marriage? Is that what you did when you and Martha were on the outs? Were you ever on the outs with her? I want to ask him all of these crazy questions but I just walk away knowing full well I'm not going home. I don't want to face my husband because my feelings are not resolved. I don't really know what I feel for Walt because I don't understand what is going on with me.
When he climbed down the mountain, I gotta admit, that shit was hot. How does he figure out how to make a carabineer out of handcuffs? Who does that, shit? MacGyver with a cowboy attitude how can I not want him. I laugh to myself when I think about how comfortable I am with him, "Aren't you worried about rope burns?" as he pulls the rope around his family jewels. Duh, Vic, you are such a looser sometimes. That little pause before he answered me stopped my heart. He caught me checking out his package. I do it a lot when he's not looking. Shame on me but after I check it out I shake my head wondering why I find him attractive because I don't get it. Not for me. Never for me but it's the little things he does that make me want to be his. When he smacks his teeth as he is thinking, and pats his head when he worries what he looks like, the hold on his hips when he speaks or takes a firm stance and the way his eyes never leave me when he speaks. His hold on my face when he listens to me or that sly almost grin when he finds humor in my crazytrain of thoughts. The way he thinks before he speaks.
When I walked in his office I knew I had to come clean and get it all out on the table. I have to be honest with Walt even at the risk of him losing faith in me because for the first time in my life I don't want to play games. I want this to be the real deal Holyfield. I told Walt before that he was a real man and I meant it. They are rare and I don't want to lose his opinion of me but I have to take the risk. I need him to know that I only show him the weak, stupid, selfish part of me. He is the only man I have ever revealed myself too. It is something that I cherish more than my body. Walt is not an afternoon fuck in an Arizona hotel. He is a lifetime. He scares the shit of me because I know he plays for keeps.
I was prepared to defend myself with Sean. Fully prepared but he believed me which is good except he can see through my bullshit. I don't want to hurt my husband but I want to be happy even if that happiness means being alone. In the back of my mind, I think that Gorski would be dead if I truly belonged to Walt. His quiet steely strength is like an aphrodisiac and I become intoxicated under his spell. What do I do from here and not lose my husband and my best friend in the process? Ed Gorski is the least of my concerns. If I don't figure my shit out quick I will lose everything. Deep in the dark recesses of my heart, in the tiny vault I never open, tucked away and locked inside are Lizzie's words, you're saving it for her, I hang onto to those words for my dear life because I know they are my life.