Guest: Smut comes to those who wait, good sir. I'm not writing a porno script, I have some self respect XD.

Dustier7: Not hard to write better than Miles and Kerry, shots fucking fired.

Amused Archer: That was fucking dark, I loved it. From what I've heard/seen the guy just didn't accept criticism of his brain-child so I imagine anything against it causes him to roll.

Extreme-UnDEAD: My drill is the drill to pierce that virginal young maiden! Ha!

Thank you all you little cherubs who reviewed, much love. Hope you enjoy this chapter as well. First few will be mostly about establishing characters, smut will be coming soonish but not right away, gird your loins.

START!

Survival 101; 2:30 PM

Menma sat in his classroom, awaiting his charges arrival. It was a rather run of the mill amphitheater styled room with rows and desks, the usual stuff. Menma had still forgone a shirt but did wear baggy jeans and sneakers in place of his leather pants and boots. It was heaven to be back in baggy pants again, tripp pants were what they were 'offically' called, to him they were fucking amazing pants and that was it.

The bell sounded so he expected them to begin arriving soon, his pelt firmly in place. If nothing else it was because he'd gotten so used to wearing it that he felt naked without it. Waiting for it to dry after washing it was super awkward for him.

Kids began to mosey on in slowly, Menma pulled his legs off the table and sat quietly until they were all asses in seats. Pulling his skull down slightly he put his game face on, his mouth set into a small frown and his mind clearing of all social graces and politeness.

"Welcome, children. To Survival 101. I'll be your instructor, you may address me as Menma or Mr. Uzumaki, either suits me fine." He said, as they had begun chatting amongst themselves, he silenced them the second he began speaking, the class was almost full a few were either late or just didn't show up, this irked him somewhat but he'd deal with it in a few moments. He walked in front of his desk and leant against it, arms crossed over his chest.

"Now that basic overview is that this class is going to teach you how to avoid dying from avoidable things like starvation, thirst and ambushes, that being said I'll be covering almost everything that a Hunter does, because without the information I'm sure at least one of you will be dead before the year ends."

"Optimistic guy..." Muttered a voice, Menma's sharp ears caught it and his gaze locked dead on to a particular blonde girl, molten gold met light purple and his frown turned into a snarl.

"Something to offer to the class, Miss Xiao Long?" He snapped with a growl, the girl sweated slightly at being caught and waved off the accusation quickly, he'd taken to looking at the possible 'problem children' that may be in his class, and committing their names to memory.

"No nothing at all." Sheepishly she sunk into her chair a little more.

"I'll be taking attendance, so when you hear your name call out." Pretty standard stuff, everyone but a miss 'Blake Belladonna' and the familiar name of 'Jaune Arc' were present and accounted for, "Well that's their problem, and I do enjoy being a problem." He amused himself with his little punishment plans and set his scroll down on the table.

"Now before I begin is there any questions you have regarding the subject?" Menma asked, once more leaning against this desk.

"What's with the animal skin?" Asked a voice, a Mr. Cardin if he was correct. Young man, rather tall, short orange-brown hair and grey eyes. As all of them, he sported a uniform, dark brown blazer over a white shirt with slacks, the girls had the option of a skirt.

"It's an Ursa Alpha pelt, I kill it, and skinned it. Initially it was something to sleep on but during the winter I got so used to wearing it I never bothered to stop wearing it. Anything else?" Cardin seemed satisfied, and a little impressed with the answer, if the giant cleaver behind his desk was anything to go by this guy meant business.

"How come we're only starting this class a month into attending?" Ms. Weiss Schnee, Menma turned to the pale girl with white hair and answered, Menma remembered the name Schnee all too well. Though it seemed she either couldn't recognize him, or forgot him. Both worked to his advantage, he hadn't seen or heard from Weiss in many years.

"Because up until a few days ago I was sitting about in the woods killing Grimm. Ozpin figured the knowledge I'd hoarded over my years in said woods would be of use to the students here." Menma supplied gesturing to the aforementioned pelt.

"So you aren't qualified to teach?" The girl pressed.

"I'm qualified to tell you how to avoid being caught by a pack of stalkers, how to live off the land and how to build shelter out of an Ursa carcass. I'm teaching how to survive. Miss Schnee. So yes, I am qualified to teach you." Weiss recoiled at the Ursa part, but with flat and rough manner of how he rebuked her sufficiently shut her up.

"Sorry I'm late!" Called Jaune's voice from the entrance. Disheveled and puffed, Menma leant off the desk and walked towards him, "Oh hey, Menma. What're you doing here?" He asked obliviously, rubbing his neck nervously.

"I'm teaching. Now Mr. Arc, is there a reason you're late to my class?" Jaune felt very small all of a sudden.

"I uh..."

"Use your words Mr. Arc." Ordered Menma, the boy leant forward and whispered to him.

"Look I'm really sorry It won't happen again, I just really had to use the bathroom and it took way longer than I thought."

"Fair enough." Menma said, Jaune slackened and sighed in relief, "You'll still be punished, but I can appreciate the dilemma, so it'll be lighter than before. You haven't missed anything of significance anyway, take your seat Mr. Arc. And we'll begin." Menma went back to his desk and pressed a button, blinders dropped over the windows and a projector started up, "First we'll start with the things you're most likely to encounter, ease you into the subject." He pressed another button and a picture of a faunus and a human appeared.

"As young impressionable children I'll try to keep this light, you'll be fighting either humans or faunus during your first few years, aside from trials it pretty rare to be sending a bunch of kids out to hunt down Grimm." A hand raised.

Menma sighed at being interupted already, "Yes, Ms. Schnee."

"What does this have to do with survival?" Weiss asked.

"If you shut your trap and let me continue you'd find out." Menma snapped with a growl, Weiss looked ready to continue but he just boomed out the next part of his lecture. "As I was saying, humans and faunus are close in nature biologically speaking but there are a few key differences." The skin on the pictures was removed to show muscle structure and the like.

"Faunus have much sturdier musculature to your average human, they can move faster, hit harder and see in the dark, enhanced senses and such. With exception to that last part, each human has the ability to gain advantage over their kin through training, but faunus have an easier starting point, shall we say." He paced back and forth slightly before continuing.

"They have a key weakness though, unlike humans faunus are very sensitive to high-pitched noise due to their enhanced senses, as with flashbangs due to their eyes. If you aim to disable use a noise emitter and you'll find victory easily won, if you seek to kill it's a good way to get the critical advantage." Menma returned to leaning against his desk as he looked them all over.

"Now all of this works against humans as well, but like I said it's better used against our more bestial kinsmen." A few curled their lips at his manner of referring to the faunus, he didn't really care he called it like he saw it plus he was allowed to say that, for reasons. "Humans are an easier target in general though, bullets, blades and blunt force trauma are usually easy ways to put someone down. They're humans not much to say on them, we all know how to break someone." He said, flippantly, getting vacant stares in response.

"Right I guess you don't. Okay the easiest way to disable a human is to strike the back of their knee, that forces them to kneel, after that if you've got a knife grab the back of their head and stab into the throat, drag it across until their throat is more like soggy meat than anything else." He informed, shock was his response.

"Alright moving onto Grimm..."

The lecture went pretty well, he'd drilled the basics into them. Like how Ursa's hate fire and depending on their age their ribs were their weakest point, Beowolfs hate ice and bladed weaponry works best against them, Stalkers are quick but fragile so lighter weapons work best against them.

Simple stuff for their first lesson. Jaune stayed after class, "Right so you'll be doing drills with me until you learn to never show up late to my class again." Jaune figured he could have had worse from a man that could apparently kill him at the drop of a hat. "Like I said, nothing too terrible since you didn't miss anything." Menma pat the boy on the back before collecting his things from his desk.

"It could be worse." Admitted Jaune, audibly instead of just thinking it. He figured he'd offer something to the potential conversation with the admittedly interested man.

"Exactly, see. Bright side'll keep ya sane." Menma assured with a good natured smile, as he and Jaune began walking the halls, he kept his eyes out for a certain dark haired girl, no one skipped his fucking class and got away with it.

Menma guided Jaune towards the gym and placed his weapon next to his back against the wall, pelt firmly in place. "Alright kiddo, now I want you to do 100 push ups, 100 sit ups, 100 squats, and run around the gym 20 times. Alright? Alright!" Ordered Menma rubbing his hands together, watching the colour drain from the boys face. "I said it'd be a light punishment remember that." Jaune set to work, he was in his uniform so he thanked the the stars above that he wasn't wearing his armour. He took off his blazer and set to work, push ups first as his time with a sword and shield had giving him passable upper body strength.

Menma sat and watched for a few moments before beginning his own exercise, since he needed to work on them, he began doing leg presses. Always keeping an eye on Jaune, "Don't forget to breath, kiddo." Instructed Menma, he saw the red faced look and knew it well he used to make the same mistake.

"Trying... failing!" Grunted out the boy. Menma chuckled as he pushed the weights more and more.

"Fail less then. I'll grind you to dirt and remake you if I have to but you will complete your punishment." Snapped the Uzumaki with a frown. Jaune griped and complained but at least the boy didn't slow down, that was one conciliation. Jaune looked up to see his new teacher doing leg presses with a small cylindrical tub of ice-cream in his hand, "Salted Caramel, delicious."

Wait when did Nora get here, she too had a little tub and was sitting on his weights while he worked out, "So then I hit it really hard in the head with my hammer and it went splat! It was awesome!" She informed.

"N-Nora!? When did you get here?" Jaune asked, befuddled.

"When you started doing your sit ups silly, wow talk about zoning out." Nora chided with a shake of her head as she threw another spoonful into her mouth, Jaune felt his stomach cramp up when he got to sit up number thirty-one.

"If you aren't up in three seconds I'll reset the counter." At the shout of his teacher Jaune was up and on his way to thirty-two in a heartbeat.

"So this is where you ran off to." Came the voice of Pyrrah, Ren with her as he blinked blearily, from the looks of it the boy must have used the time slot Menma's class took up to have a power-nap. "One look at your scroll and off you went, came to see Jaune suffer, Nora?" The amazon asked with an amused smile on her face.

"Nah, I came to talk to Teddy." Nora dismissed with a wave of her hand, "That and he texted me." He held up her scroll with a grin, "So I came with ice-cream!"

"Am I to assume this nickname came from the fact I wear a bear?"

"There be the were-bear!" Chimed the orangette, "Watch it stare at the fair mare and her lovely hair!" Nora flicked her hair with a giggle at Menma's chuckle.

"You were a poet and I didn't even know it."

"Please don't encourage her." Lamented Lie with a sigh and a facepalm.

"That negative attitude is really bringing down the mood, Lie Ren. Tsk tsk tsk." Menma chastised with a shake of the head, "Alright Nora, hop off I'm done for now." The orangette did so with a flourish, Menma set the press and got off, turning to sit and give his legs a moment to recuperate.

"Get them squats goin' boyo, buns of steel!" Ordered Menma as Jaune had taken a few seconds to gather himself, he coloured with embarrassment as all eyes came to him. "Alright, Pyrrah I leave his remaining punishment exercise to you, he's got 90 of those left and then 20 laps around the gym." He stood up and collected his belongings, patting the redhead on the shoulder as he left.

"Yes sir."

"Atta girl."

Menma's Room; 4:00 PM

Nothing too fancy but it was his new little home, more akin to an apartment than a simple room but he liked it. Honestly he felt a little bad with how he almost seemed to be milking all the stuff he could out of his relationship with Ozpin but then he realized he just had to put his all into teaching these kids and it'd be a paid off investment.

Menma pulled off his pelt and set the giant length of beast hide down, pulling his scroll out of his bag and walking into the bathroom, he kicked his shoes off and turned on the shower, before composing a quick message to his family, "Not dead. At Beacon, got a job teaching. I'll visit during the break." There that seemed sufficient enough, he slipped his pants and underwear off before stepping into the shower. Such soothe, much relax.

Wow.

It's a shower, what'd you expect?

Currently seated at the foot of his bed Menma was drying his hair off, his Ursa pelt hung up on the small balcony he had, drying in the sun. It wasn't exactly hard to wash, Grimm didn't emit odor unless they were fresh off a hunt. Ursa specifically seemed to have little to no scent to them, it was a fucking nightmare to track them due to that little tidbit. It made it perfect clothing as his own smell faded from it pretty quickly.

Either way, he just gave it a bit of a spray and a rub down before hanging it outside.

A knock at his door alerted him to company, he grabbed a fresh chance of stuff to wear before grabbing one of the many copies of tripp pants, he came fucking prepared. And dipping into a bank account that had been building interest for 8 years was a fucking great idea.

8 years because he didn't have access to it when he was young, so whenever he did get money he got his parents to store it away for him, past Menma was a smart little cookie.

"Come in." He said after zipping up his fly. The door opened to reveal Glynda Goodwitch, blonde and curvaceous as ever. Piercing green eyes behind a pair of glasses, he vaguely remembered her and Oz having a fling at some point if memory served. "Something I can do for you Miss. Goodwitch?" He asked casually, placing his cleaver on his desk along with his bag.

"I just came to check in, to see how you've settled and how your first day went." Glynda informed, clipped and business like, just as he recalled. Maybe his memory for things outside of grimm wasn't as bad as he remembered.

"Ah, that's fine. The idea for today was to just introduce them to the basics, and by proxy my methods." Menma explained easily as he sat at his desk and began pawing over the blade, drawing lines a few centimeters away from the edge.

"Apparently you pulled Mr. Arc off to the gym?" More of a question than anything else.

"Yes, he arrived late so I gave him a light punishment, kid seems to stumble over himself so a bit of routine may help him in the long run. If he figures out to stick with it." Glynda nodded before she noticed the dark look on his face, "Little miss Belladonna is going to get quite the fucking grilling when she finally shows up though."

Glynda frowned at the course language but couldn't exactly blame him, she got quite irate when her classes were skipped. "I'll leave her punishment in your capable hands then, have a good day Menma... it's good to see you again."

"And you Glynda." He smiled and nodded in her direction as she departed, he'd only met her a few times during his youth when he stayed with Ozpin, so she was probably happy to see him due to the joy it may have brought the older man.

Menma pulled a book from his bag and jotted down a few ideas, "Adding a chainsaw mode to the blade would really improve the amount of murder I could put out... Hm, oh duh Menma this is perfect." He pushed his chair from the desk and rolled towards the bathroom plucking his scroll from basin of the sink and rolling back as he rolled through contact information of his student.

"Ruby, I have a little weapon idea I'd like to bounce off you. If you've got time feel free to head over to my room. -Menma U." He sent that off with a contact request, so she could track his scroll for the exact location. Almost immediately the request was answered with an affirmative and he saw her dot fly across campus.

"Sweet dust, short, pale with bright eyes. I will enjoy this more than I have an right to." he chuckled to himself, he'd slutted it up a bit when he was younger, graced as he was with his good looks and better genes he found it quite easy to pick up. When he dedicated himself to the hunt he'd stopped that almost entirely, but there was nothing against student-teacher relations.

Want proof? Ozpin and Glynda. He's older than he looks. Not that much older mind you, but still, Ol' Oz got that blondie good when she was a student and he was just a teacher.

Anyway, the point Menma was trying to make is that he's within legal rights to pursue a relation with anyone in the school, which was rad.

A knock sounded, and before he could even say anything a very excited Ruby burst in, hair slightly messy from the run over here, cape missing but she did bring her scythe. "Shall we?" He asked with a chuckle as she nodded so fast it was a shock she didn't get whiplash, Menma grabbed her a chair and couldn't fight off the amusement as she sidled up next to him in front of his cleaver.

"Right so my idea is to turn the edges of my sword into a chainsaw-like revolving circuit, and put a dust socket into the centre, ya'know make it so I could set it on fire, swathe in lightning or create tornadoes with a swing." Ruby started drooling at 'chainsaw'.

Menma's Room; 11:30 PM

The pair had ordered a pair of pizzas, delivered via drone, and stayed up talking about the intricacies of turning the edges into a spinning death-rail, and then the complicated process it would take to install a miniature engine core into the centre of the blade to house the dust gems that'd have to be placed within, after explaining the blood vacuum to her he performed a specific set of actions that led to the blade popping apart revealing a suction based centre that would hold the blood and feed it into the metal.

The blade itself was forged of 'Vampire Iron' as it was called. That's what allowed it to drink the minerals out of the blood stored within. His vacuum just kept it all there to feed it a consistent amount. "So if we take out this... and put in the dust core it should work fine, but what about the stabilizers? Will there be enough room?" Ruby asked, between bites, pepperoni.

Menma rolled up his slice and devoured it in two dense bites, meat lovers. "Yeah, if I can make it small enough it won't be an issue to fit the core stabilizers in, don't want it blowing up on us, eh?" He chuckled at her grimace, a small thought bubble of a chibified Ruby watching as a Chibified Menma's sword exploded, the chibi-Menma lost his arms.

Shaking her head clear she, pondered over the rough schematic they'd drawn up. "This is really amazing for only a nights work." Ruby admitted.

"Why of course, we worked on it." Menma scoffed, fake smugness oozing from him much to the Roses amusement. "I enjoyed this Ruby, we should do it again soon."

"I'd love to! But you only have the one weapon there's only so many modifications we could make to it." Menma chuckled at her slightly oblivious nature.

"No I mean hanging out, I enjoy your company. Weapon upgrades notwithstanding I've had a great time tonight." Now she seemed to catch on, cheeks dusting a little pink out of embarrassment, "If you're okay with it, that is." It was generally good practice to give people an out.

"I'd like that." She answered, looking down at her pizza with a shy little smile.

Hook. Line.

Fucking. Sinker!

Now as scummy as that may sound, Menma did actually like the young miss, but he also liked the idea of ravishing her quite a lot as well. It was just a huge bonus that she was quite the smart cookie when it came to weapons.

At that moment, Ruby's scroll chimed, "Oh, it's Yang... Oh wow... that's a lot of capital letters."

"Angry teammate?" Menma asked with a cocked brow.

"Angry sister." Amended Ruby, Menma 'ah'ed in acknowledgement before closing his notebook and setting it onto the desk, closing his pizza box and putting it in the fridge in his little kitchen, "I'll walk you back to your room. I suppose I owe you that much, I have kept you for quite a while." Once more Ruby got a little red, most likely out of loosing track of time with a guy as her only company.

"Thank you."

End

Like I said, hope you enjoyed.

If ya did, tell me. If you didn't tell me, one guy did but he called me 'Thrash' instead of 'Trash' so I kindly corrected him. Nothing back yet.

If you're a bear riding a unicycle, pics or you dindu nuffin.

Raxychaz!