My Konstantine
Summary: Bella abandoned Jacob years ago to marry Edward. Now divorced and a bestselling author of the Midnight series she thinks back on the boy she left behind. Jacob Black, has finally hit the big time, with his hit record My Never. He's put all his pain in his music and his love for Bella Swan has left him bitter. When he performs a concert in Forks, at the same time Bella's doing her book signing, their reunion doesn't go as planned.
Chapter Four: And I Don't Understand All the Things You've Seen, But I'm Slipping in Between You and Your Big Dreams
In the desert
I saw a creature, naked, bestial,
Who, squatting upon the ground,
Held his heart in his hands,
And ate of it.
I said, "Is it good, friend?"
"It is bitter—bitter," he answered;
"But I like it,"
"Because it is bitter,"
"And because it is my heart."
― Stephen Crane, The Black Riders and Other Lines
Bella places a cigarette in between her lips, lights it quickly and inhales deep, leaning against the wall outside of the liquor store.
Her editor has been calling her phone for an hour trying to figure out where she went and Bella knew she had to call her back before she thought some crazed fan had decided to react misery.
She breathes, smoke floats from her lips and she watches it swirl, in a contemplative silence.
She knew it had been too much to hope that he had forgiven her after what she'd done…but she hadn't expected him to be such an…Asshole!
Bella flicked her ashes and sighed.
Well, he wouldn't still be this bitter today, if he hadn't loved her so much before…
Her eyes water slightly and she takes another drag but it doesn't bring forth the calm she's craving.
Bella felt her fingers twitch with the desire to write, to spin todays experience into a poem about pain or a story about consequences, and she really wanted to head back to her hotel to get her laptop. But she pushed it down. She swiped a hand across her face but her cheeks were dry. It had been years since she cried because of a man and today wouldn't be the day she started again.
She flipped her phone open and called her editor to let her know that she wasn't, you know, dead.
"Where were you?" her editor demanded. "Do you have any idea how worried I was? What happened? My god, you could have been kidnapped or dead, or worse, found another Editor! You have no idea-"
"Jenny!" Bella exclaimed, to cut off her editor's rambling. "I ran into an old friend and he took me to lunch,"
"He?" her editor questioned and Bella winced.
Jenny was always trying to encourage her to date and get out more.
"Who was it?"
Bella debated whether to tell her the truth or not.
"Nobody important," she finally says, "So when are we leaving?"
"What's the hurry?"
Bella smiled, sadly.
There was nothing here for her anymore.
It was time she stopped writing about the past and started thinking of the future.
"Bella," A familiar voice growls from behind her and she almost jumps out of her skin, dropping her cell.
Her head snaps around and she spots the person she least suspected would ever want to talk to her.
It seemed her past hadn't finished butting into her present just yet.
….
It wasn't rare for Jacob to find himself waking up in some strange woman's bed. So it didn't shock him to see dark brown hair on the pillow nest to him when he opened his eyes. The woman was hogging all the covers, which didn't bother Jacob since he always ran at 108.9 degrees.
With a satisfied grin, Jacob rolled out of bed and gathered up his clothes, as he walked to the door. He was about to leave… but he hesitated.
Jacob woke up, smiling, happier than he could remember being in a long time. He turned around expecting to see Bella lying next to him but the bed was empty and when his hand made contact with the sheets he realized that they were cold, which meant that she's been up for a while now.
Maybe she woke up early and decided to make breakfast. Or she was embarrassed and decided to hide in the bathroom.
Getting up, not even bothering to search for his clothes, he looked around the house for her, a larger smile spread across his face.
"Bella!" Her clothes weren't on the floor anymore, but he knew that he couldn't expect her to be running around naked. "Bella!"
He thought about what was going to happen from now on. They would start dating now and become one of those annoying couples who couldn't keep their hands off each other.
"Bella!" he called again, knocking on the bathroom door.
He could get his GED and follow her to whatever college she planned on going to. They could get an apartment and he could find a job. Then every night could be like last night.
He opened the bathroom door, surprised to find it empty.
"Bella," he tried, checking the kitchen.
Empty.
He was starting to panic. There was no way that she would leave him there, right?! He looked outside and saw her truck gone.
He was stunned.
She left. He still couldn't believe in the words. She left. She left, without a goodbye, without anything.
Jacob's hand slipped from the knob and he sighed before pausing to get dressed. He headed into the kitchen to make coffee. He looked in the cupboard and found a World's Greatest Mom mug. He felt an odd twinge of apprehension. He finally took a good look around the apartment and noticed the various pictures of Candy with a man and a kid.
He also noticed the ring on her finger in the photos, a ring that had been absent last night.
Jacob heard the bed creak and a moan from his bedmate. She stumbled into the kitchen a few minutes later and he could see the shock on her face when she saw him sitting at her kitchen table.
"What are you doing here?" she asked, and Jacob raised an eyebrow.
"Good morning to you to," he stated, and slid her mug across the table, "I made coffee,"
Candy didn't look pleased.
"Um…I thought you would be gone by now," she said, hesitatingly sitting down.
Jacob shrugged.
"I decided it would be wrong to leave without saying goodbye," he remarked and he could see her eyes flick to the clock on the wall. "Don't worry, I'll be gone before your husband and the kid get here,"
Candy's eyes widened.
"Look, I can explain-" Candy started and Jacob sighed.
"Fantasy, right?" Jacob questioned, but it sounded more like a statement, "Always wanted to tumble in to bed with a rock star,"
He chuckled bitterly, standing up and Candy stood up with him.
"I'm sorry," Candy blurted, "I didn't actually think you would stick around until I woke up,"
Jacob frowned, offended, even though he had been thinking about running off. He always thought about running off his one night stands, leave them before they could kick him out, but he never actually went through with it.
"Everyone deserves a goodbye," Jacob muttered, heading towards the door.
"I didn't mean…it's just that I heard about your reputation and I-"
Jacob didn't stay long enough to hear the rest.
This wasn't the first time this had happened to him and it probably wouldn't be the last.
He pulled out his cellphone and called Embry to pick him up.
"Hey, Buddy, you done screwing that waitress or are you calling to let us know you're getting hitched?" Embry joked and Jacob groaned.
"Finished screwing her," Jacob said, then sighed, a fake smirk covering his face, "Woke up early for round two and that's when she invited me to join her and her husband for a threesome,"
"Damn," Embry whistled. "Did you do it?"
Jacob laughed, "You know me. I'm all for a ménage Trois but when I fuck I better be the only one in there with a dick,"
Embry laughed and Jacob gave him the address before hanging up.
Then opened his phone to the memo page so he could write some lyrics.
Lying, Cheating that's all that you do
Thinking you can use me until the daylight catches you
Lovin you tonight and gone before morning
We both know it's just cuz you were feeling horny
I'm not going to play innocent
I knew what this was
But I'm a single guy
You're a married girl
I'm a single guy
You're a cheatin whore
Jacob laughed, at his lyrics. Not his best work and he definitely wouldn't be performing it on tour but it made him feel a little better.
He frowned as Leah's word's from a few days ago came back to him.
"The crowd doesn't just want to listen to your songs about hate and sex. They want more than that."
Women couldn't get enough of him in the bedroom but none of him wanted him there in the morning...story of his fucking life
He deleted what he wrote and started typing again.
If I could change I would
Take back the pain I would
Retrace every wrong move that I made I would
If I could
Stand up and take the blame I would
If I could take all the shame to the grave
It's easier to run
Replacing this pain with something numb
It's so much easier to go
Than face all this pain here all alone
The honking of a horn pulled him out of his head and Jacob looked up to find Embry waving at him.
"Come on, Jake!" Embry called, and Jacob grinned.
"Just a sec, man!" he called back, his phone asked him if he wanted to save his memo.
"Hurry up!" Embry called again, and Jacob quickly hit delete.
"Alright," he said, hopping in the passenger seat. "But let's stop at a store or something on the way. I need a pack of smoke's,"
Author's note: song: Easier to run - Likin park