Thank you to everyone who read or reviewed the last chapter. The reviews keep me writing through all the chaos. So excuses/exclamations for this chapter being late range from a voice recognition software upgrade that went badly to my mom being at a rehab center for the last three weeks recovering from surgery due to falling at home. (The good news is she was released from the rehab center yesterday.) Chaos loves me but at least I am not dealing with everything that Nico is. The emotional roller coaster will continue with this chapter.
Chapter 43: Desperate Attempts at Normality
"Do you want me to bring you anything else when I come by tomorrow?" Ruth asked as she handed Nico a backpack full of clothing, snacks from Mr. Suarez, and her laptop. Nico is certain that her godmother was responsible for the care package but Nico appreciated it all the same, but it wasn't enough. What she really wanted was her mother back but she knew neither Faye nor Ruth couldn't bring back the dead. No one could.
"This works for now. I'm fine." Not really but she was better than she was when she first heard the news. She's only a little numb and no longer felt like throwing up at any moment. She's mostly been living in Monique's hospital room, now that she's been discharged herself. Okay maybe there's a little part of her that is afraid Monique will disappear if she leaves her room but that's perfectly normal considering.
"I think you could use leaving my hospital room for a little while. Hospital TV is worse than regular TV. Don't you want to sleep on a real bed sometime soon? Also, I heard showers are nice." Monique suggested.
"You don't want me here?" Nico asked sadly.
"Of course I want you here." Monique squeezed her hand in reassurance. "But you need to stay busy doing things like choosing furniture for your new bedroom. Moping around my hospital room is not productive. Besides, Alexis will be here in an hour to talk MYW things."
"That's what the laptop is for. I'm a great magazine assistant. I can help." Work would keep her mind off of everything.
"Fine, you win." Monique sighed in exasperation.
"I have a meeting at 11 with Amanda but I can be back at a little before 2:00 PM with food. Actually maybe we can go out and just bring something edible to Monique afterwards. Or check out the furniture boutique nearby. You can only judge so much from a web page."
"Gio will just bring me a sandwich." She squeezes Monique's hand just a little bit tighter. "Why are you meeting with Amanda?" Are you actually meeting with her to plan my mother's funeral?
"You guys are not even at the same magazine right now. At least I thought that was the case. There's definitely a lot of major shuffling going around right now. Actually are you still working for Mode?" Nico was well aware that Ruth was originally brought in to investigate Bradford's death. Now that they knew the truth, did she really need to stay at Mode?
"For the moment. Aunt Faye is a little overwhelmed right now and it's the wrong time to leave. I'm helping Amanda with some family stuff. She has a meeting with Spencer this morning." Ruth said casually as she takes a drink of her coffee.
"Tell Amanda good luck with Spencer and I hope her biological father is less of a bastard than mine."
"I don't think that's possible." She hears Monique mumble under breath.
"Although whatever you do don't choose a pink casket. Mom hated pink." Ruth choked on her coffee. "I overheard you and Faye talking about it in the hallway when you thought I was asleep yesterday. You know funeral planning is something I'm supposed to be doing."
"No, it's not." Monique mumbled.
"This sort of thing is very stressful under the best of circumstances and you just got out of the hospital yourself. I don't mind helping out. I've done this before. Let us help you."
"Buried a family member?" Nico asked with a slight frown.
"My partner. He took a bullet for me." Ruth plays with the hem of her jacket.
"I am sorry." Nico doesn't look at her.
"It's been about a year so it no longer fills like a punch to the stomach every time I talk about it. Arranging his funeral was the least I could do. It wasn't like Michael had any family and I had desk duty for a while." She looks down at the ground. There is obviously something that Ruth was not saying. Nico wondered if Michael was more than just her partner but she chooses to ask a different question.
"So it really does get easier?"
"I have no idea if funeral planning ever becomes easier the more you do it and I don't really want to find out. Although I am sure more resources should help and Wilhelmina put together a funeral binder, according to page number 22 of the Wilhelmina Slater assistant handbook." She has a feeling that Ruth wasn't even joking about the last part. That seemed like a Wilhelmina sort of thing to do.
"I mean, the guilt over somebody dying for you." Nico clarified.
"It wasn't your fault." Monique whispered.
"No matter how many times you hear those words you'll never believe them because the guilt doesn't lessen with time, at least not for me. But you learn to deal with it. You also learn that if you do good things in life, then maybe their sacrifice was not completely worthless. You can't give up, because if you do, then what they did for you truly is meaningless." With those parting words Ruth was gone.
"You have no reason to feel guilty. You know that Wilhelmina's death was not your fault." She wrapped her arms so tightly around Nico that she winced in pain.
"She died because of me." 'And you almost did too.' But the last part went unsaid.
"She died in the process of protecting you. There's a difference."
"What is that difference?" Nico asked angrily.
"Carlo Medea is the one responsible. He's the one who created the situation that led to the decision that Wilhelmina made. I can't speak for Wilhelmina, but I don't blame you for my unplanned vacation at this hospital." Nico doesn't look at her.
"Do you want to play cards? I think Gio brought some games to keep me from going completely crazy?" Monique asked after the silence became too much.
"No."
"What about helping me put together my ideas for the first three issues of MYW, so we can present them to Alexis? I'm not sure how much typing I can do." Nico knew this was just another ploy to get her to stop replaying everything in her head but she owed Monique something.
"Yes, but I should probably change first." She said picking up the backpack on the floor. One could only wear yesterday's clothes for so long.
"You could go home and change."
"Ruth brought fresh clothing, from the closet most likely. Besides I think the apartment is still covered in police tape." Nico is never planning to go back there. They can just take everything to goodwill for all she cared.
"Okay by home I mean my mother's house. She already has a bedroom ready for you. Actually, I'm pretty sure that outfit is from the new wardrobe she picked for you using the bridesmaid dress measurements."
"I thought I would be living with you. That's what we decided."
"Yes, and I will be living with my mom for a couple of weeks. And when Vivian is feeling extra guilty, it's best just to accept the grand gestures. At least this way you will get new furniture out of it."
Maybe Monique had a point. "Besides I know that Carlo told you that I died but I'm right here and I'm not going to disappear if you leave the building. Also, as much as I love my boyfriend's sandwiches, I am in the mood for sweet and sour chicken. If you really feel guilty you can go with Ruth to get me highly Americanized Chinese Food."
"Your evil."
"I am recovering from multiple gunshot wounds. It is allowed."
"Fine, you win."
Kenny did not like funeral homes. No one did. But he had a specific aversion. When he was very young, his big sister died of leukemia. However, her wake was the last time he ever saw his mother. She left the family that night and he never saw her again.
But Amanda wanted him with her and he couldn't say no. Especially because they just survived the morning having breakfast with Spencer and he knew Amanda was still on edge.
Spencer was great. He even promised to give Kenny's grandmother a tour of the set someday. However, things went downhill quickly when Amanda accidentally mentioned that she needed to get a new roommate because Daniel and Betty were moving in together according to an early morning phone call. Let's just say Mr. Suarez was not happy that they were moving in together without a ring involved.
"What do you think of this?" His girlfriend said pointing to the pink chiffon coffin.
"It's a coffin. Just pick one." He said randomly pointing to one on the other side of the room.
"Oh my God, no. Wilhelmina hates orange. She would come back as a zombie to eat our brains out if we even consider doing something like that." Kenny is not even sure that she's joking. Actually, he thinks that she's been spending too much time watching crazy horror movies with Justin to make snide comments about their clothing choices.
"But orange is the color of Mode." Kenny said defensively, looking at his watch. Ruth should be here by now.
"The only reason why she didn't change the Mode colors is because…"
"Daniel wanted to change the colors." Kenny finished for her. Even though he was just an accountant, he was well aware of the war between Daniel and Wilhelmina over the last few months.
"Exactly." Amanda said as she moved on to the next casket that cost $40,000. Seriously, what type of person spent that much money on something that's just going to go into the ground? He is definitely getting cremated.
"What was Wilhelmina's favorite color? I think I saw a sign that said they could custom order many of the caskets in different colors." Because this is the place where rich people come to be buried.
"Black." He heard Ruth say as she walked into the room.
"Although, Nico said she would be happy with anything not pink. Sorry, I'm late. I had to drop fresh clothing and other things to Nico this morning and then I had to deal with finding a parking space. I should've just taken the subway." Ruth explained.
"How is Nico doing?" Kenny understands loss a little too well.
"As stable as one can be considering everything that she's witnessed. I didn't even consider asking her to come with us. I don't think she can take it. She feels too guilty." Ruth explained.
"I still can't believe the woman who made me cry actually died saving Nico and Alex." What Amanda did not say was she actually believes that if she was a better assistant back then, Wilhelmina would not have fired her and therefore Wilhelmina would not have ended up with Carlo in the first place. It's possible that's true, but you can't blame a single decision in time for the way things turned out. No one change could turn the universe completely around.
"Wilhelmina is –" Ruth pauses for a moment. "Wilhelmina was never who anyone assumed her to be. She was always playing the part of the diva, but I'm not sure that was ever really her." Kenny nodded his head in agreement.
"Now we'll never know." Amanda said sadly.
"Can I help you?" A small woman dressed in black approached the three caring a clipboard.
"We're here to plan the Wilhelmina Slater funeral. We're hoping you have an opening for Monday or Tuesday of next week." Because they all hope the press would be somewhat manageable by that point. Amanda was sleeping over at his house right now because her place was currently inundated with reporters.
"Yes. Ms. Somers-Suarez said that you were coming and we have already set Monday aside."
"I spoke with Ms. Slater's daughter this morning and pretty much her only stipulation was no pink casket. I also know that Wilhelmina already had a funeral plan on file here." Ruth replied.
"That's true. I pulled her filed this morning. Ms. Slater was very meticulous." The woman said it in a way that told you she really wanted to say 'crazy'. But Kenny assumed that in this type a job you learn not to speak ill of the dead. "She took great pride in preparing her final hurrah down to the stemware that should be used for her farewell toast."
'Of course she did that.' Kenny thought to himself. Actually, he wondered if Wilhelmina did this is part of the fashionable funeral article she did a couple years ago. He could see Wilhelmina trying to make her funeral a tax write off.
"Are you friends or family of Ms. Slater's?"
"Technically, neither. I don't think Wilhelmina actually had friends." Kenny mumbled under breath.
"Co-workers." Ruth answered diplomatically. "Her sister is in a rehabilitation center for mental illness and her stepmother is taking care of her other sister, who was almost killed during the same incident that took Wilhelmina's life." and her father is probably grandstanding on Fox news but Ruth was kind enough not to add that part.
"We volunteered to help the family out. I'm her assistant and sometimes our duties include taking care of her final arrangements so her 16-year-old daughter doesn't have to."
"The one that didn't kill her." Amanda remarked almost on the verge of tears again. This is been happening a lot.
"I used to be her assistant but she hated me and she chose the psycho killer over me. Now I'm here because she died saving my nephew's life and I owe her to make sure that she's at least well-dressed in her final resting place. Also, I'm friends with her daughter and I owe her big time. If I wasn't so busy freaking out about finding out my biological father is a soap opera…"
"Does the plan include dress choices?" Kenny erupted in an effort to change the subject. He doesn't want Amanda to have a complete breakdown right now.
"Yes, but unfortunately it has not been updated for the last three seasons so something new must be chosen. Other than the outfit being currently in season her only hard rules were no pink, orange or black."
"I thought you said black was her favorite color?" Kenny turned to Amanda.
"Ms. Slater does not like being traditional." The funeral attendant stated nonchalantly.
"How many notes were in that binder?" Ruth asked concerned.
"About 322 pages worth." Kenny's mouth opened wide in shock. "However, she never specified a specific model of casket. She only asked that there be no crucifixes and that it not be Pink or orange. I assume she wanted you to pick whatever was in season."
"How about you walk me through her binder and Amanda and Kenny will keep browsing the caskets to find something suitable." Ruth grabbed the woman by the sleeve.
"I think that works." He said grabbing Amanda's hand and meeting her to the sky-blue casket on the other side of the room. Really he just wanted to pick something and then go to the ice-cream place three blocks down.
"I don't know why you keep telling me it's not my fault but it is. If I didn't completely freak out when I found out that everybody knew about my biological father before me, Alex would have never been with Wilhelmina when she was kidnapped. If Alex wasn't there. Wilhelmina never would've died and we wouldn't be here trying to choose between the sky-blue casket and the cerulean blue casket." And the self-pitying and flagellation was back.
"First of all, I think she would have done the same for Nico. Regardless of Alex's presence. Second, we don't have to go with blue. She was always wearing white. In some cultures that is a funeral color anyway. We should go with some sort of cream." He pointed to the casket on the left.
"I know, but…" Amanda started breaking down in tears again.
"I can't believe I almost slept with him. Thankfully, you spilled your coffee on me and it never happened." What was she talking about? He had to get her out of here.
"Let's go outside for a few minutes. Let Ruth deal with it right now. Honestly, we should just pick the first casket without a crucifix and get out of here entirely."
"No. It's my fault that she's dead, so I should at least pick out a casket. Do you think they have something with flowers?"
"As I've been telling you for the last four days, what happened wasn't her fault. So what if you didn't work out as Wilhelmina's assistant. You were not the one who convinced her to hire Carlo. The guy has had a questionable work history. If Wilhelmina even bothered to talk to anyone who worked with the bastard in the past, including Monique her almost stepsister, she would've known about his obsessive tendencies." Kenny pointed out. That sort of thing has turned up in the press a lot in the last few days.
"But what about my tantrum? I should've been there to take care of Alex." Why does she keep doing this to herself?
"You would not have been allowed to even if you were there. You would've been dragged into the interviews just like the rest of us. Carlos set up the whole thing up for ultimate revenge." And the NYPD was currently feeling the wrath of Vivienne Windom-West's lawyers because of that little fuck up. Heads were definitely going to roll.
"I think we passed an ice cream place and they have caramel chocolate swirl. Ice-cream always makes you feel better." And I just want to get out of this place.
"We still need a casket."
"Seriously, just go with that one." He put his hands on the cerulean blue casket behind him." I just want to get out of here. I hate funeral homes."
"Because this is where your mom abandoned you?" On the way to the world's worst Thanksgiving, he finally told her about the circumstances regarding his mom leaving. However, this time he just nodded his head in agreement
"Then why are you here? I'm a big girl. I'm not completely helpless." She said walking to the door of the funeral home.
"Because I'm in love with you and you just spent the morning dealing with Spencer and you need my support."
"I don't know why. I abandon you in New Jersey."
"I think were even. I kept the fact that I knew about your real father for an entire month. I shouldn't have said what I did. I just really wanted my family to like you."
"Me abandoning you in New Jersey probably did wonders for that."
"I don't care. Someday I'm going to marry you and I really don't give a fuck what they think." What did you just say?
"Do you actually mean that?" Amanda asked slightly shocked.
"Yes eventually, possibly in June, but maybe I could take Betty's place as your roommate first." Amanda responded by kissing him. "Can we please get out of here before we start making out?"
"Fine, we will go with the sky-blue casket." Amanda said before, she dragged him off to buy her an ice cream cone and talk about who's apartment they should keep. When Ruth found them an hour later, they still had yet to make a final decision on that.
"Wilhelmina was completely crazy." Ruth said sitting down at the table with a gigantic milkshake in hand. "Who creates a guest list to their own funeral?"
"Wilhelmina Slater, apparently." Amanda nodded her head.
"There was a seating chart and a dress code. The EIC of Isabella was supposed to be sitting near the exit to the bathroom. Actually, the EICs of all competing magazines were to be seated near the ladies room."
"Do I even want to know were Daniel was to be seated?" Kenny asked before Ruth handed over the giant binder to him and Amanda.
"He's not even actually on the guest list. Betty is though and she is to be a seated next to Nico." Ruth explained.
"I thought Wilhelmina got in a huge fight with number 6 last Fashion Week?" Amanda asked thoughtfully as she started to look over the invitation list.
"I'm pretty sure she's been feuding with at least half the people on this list." Ruth sighed.
"Is it really good for Nico to be around people like that? This really isn't for Wilhelmina, this is for Nico to let her know that we care and that we're going to be there for her during this entire mess. I'm not sure I would want to be surrounded by complete strangers." Who are most likely only saying nice things because Wilhelmina was murdered or to get their pictures in the papers.
"Probably not." Ruth sighed as she took a look at her watch. "Fuck! I'm late I said I would take her out for Chinese and it's almost 2:00 PM already. I have to go."
"You should bring her an ice cream cake and then ask her what she wants." Amanda suggested.
"Not today. Monique barely convinced her to go out with me for lunch. I don't want to bring up funeral stuff."
"That may be a good idea." Kenny agreed.
"We could still bring an ice cream cake over after the two of you return from lunch." Amanda suggested.
"Maybe, I'll call you after Chinese if Nico is up to people." Ruth said just before leaving. Two hours later they were informed that the ice cream cake would need to stay in the freezer because Nico was seriously not up to people due to the press swarming the two as soon as she left the hospital.
Apparently one of the reporters assumed that Ruth was Amanda and it just went downhill from there. So now he had a giant ice cream cake in his freezer but at least he kept Amanda from putting 'I'm sorry your mom died' on it. Just barely.
To be continued.
This chapter was significantly longer but due to a voice recognition upgrade snafu, I have cut the chapter in half so I could at least post something sooner. Seriously why do they not have tech support on the weekends? It took me six more attempts before I managed to fix it. My emergency voice recognition software is nowhere near as good. Although what does the fact I have emergency voice recognition software say about me? Anyway, things went much better once I had this new software. The next chapter is practically done and will be up very soon.