Author's note: Appreciate all the support! My apologies for the late update, however this is the first of three sections for this chapter!

I hope you enjoy!

Osun relay, MFV Apollo, January 13, 2185, 14:28 RSC

The streaks of blue and purple came to a dazzling halt, fading and revealing the familiar darkness and emptiness of space. The experience itself was a familiar one. Standing behind the pilot, his hands clasped behind his back, the faint glimmer of the system's star in the distance, and the expanding figure of a planetary object.

"We've arrived, Captain. We're entering the gravity well of the local gas giant, Olokun." There was a slight pause before she continued, "what are your orders?"

He looked down at the young quarian woman, who based on their previous half hour of conversation had identified herself as helmswoman Yaeni'Losal vas Neema. It seemed that she possessed what appeared to be an exuberance that was common among quarian women, or at least that's what he assumed based on his interactions with Tali. He shook his head and turned to the woman to answer her question.

"Has there been communication with the mining vessels? I know we just exited from relay travel, but were there messages waiting for us?"

Yaeni peered at the terminal in front of her, sifting through messages, several from previous missions and a few that were personal in nature. There was one that she lingered on that elicited a contented sigh, followed by the purring sound he had earlier from Tali. Before he had a proper chance to contemplate the thought, he skimmed the message in front of him feeling a familiar burning sensation in his face. It wasn't the open scars, to which he was thankful, but to his embarrassed delight he was blushing. He cleared his throat hoping to gain the woman's attention, but she was too enraptured by the contents of the message: an amorous letter and a photo.

The quarian male wasn't naked he was still suited, however, from what he remembered from Tali, a quarian without their hood and wrappings was essentially naked. He averted his eyes quickly, clearing his throat a little louder. The quarian woman heard him, gave an annoyed huff, and continued scrolling through the messages.

"I'm sorry, Captain. It was my bondmate, he said he misses me. And I don't know when we'll be home." Her reply was curt, which he understood, deployments were strenuous on all involved, especially for those involved in relationships. While he didn't know how quarians developed or held relationships, missing a partner was universal it seemed. So, he decided to be optimistic with the young woman.

"Well, if the mining vessels are near our system, it shouldn't be more than a day at most, right? Hopefully they messaged us, and we can respond back? Get a proper time for arrival back to the fleet?" The woman shook her head solemnly in agreement. It was all she seemed to be able to offer.

He then determined that he'd give orders and leave her be, she hadn't needed her Captain, even if it was temporary, to loom over here while she cried.

"Yaeni," he made his voice soft, "if you see messages from those vessels let me know, and plot a course to the fuel depot, okay?" The woman nodded, so he continued. "Until then, let engineering know we might need to activate the stealth system on a moments notice." She nodded again and turned her back to him and faced the terminal, hearing her muffled sobs from her vocal output.

He felt a pang of guilt, wanting to reach out and offer a consoling touch of her shoulder, but as he looked out the viewing window, he was lost in the serenity that the blackness brought him. But as quickly as it appeared it disintegrated into the form of a memory he had hoped to forget.

"Come on, Joker! We have to get out of here!"

"No! I won't abandon the Normandy! I can still save her!"

"The Normandy's lost. Going down with the ship won't change that."

Flashes of his last moments before he succumbed to the darkness of space crowded his mind, and now in the present, the void he had found calming not a mere moment before began to appear far less peaceful. It wasn't the darkness that unnerved him, it was the helplessness, the loneliness that it evoked. Stranded, floating in a vacuum praying for help that wouldn't come. Witnessing the charred, mutilated bodies of his crew, who knew the danger present but had ignored it out of an erroneous sense of duty, descending into the atmosphere of the planet below. Instinctual calls for help faded, saving breath for an additional few second of life that was not to come. But eventually that helplessness, that loneliness escapes replaced by a calming sensation, the realization that death was close, the creeping blackness enveloping one's vision.

There was a tinge of panic that now coursed through him. A desire, a need, to feel the ground underneath his feet, an impossible demand he knew he was incapable of meeting. His breathing became rapid, his lungs failing to capture his poor attempts at controlled breathing. A blurriness appeared in his vision, his surroundings swirling as lightheadedness overtook him. A tightening throat caused an involuntary cough that sounded like a throat clear and a retch, the taste of bile sneaking onto his tongue. He ran a trembling hand across his face, a numbness present, a sign of a supposed lack of oxygen. An irregular thumping was present in his chest, pounding against his sternum, two fingers finding the vein in his neck attempting to gauge the increased heart rate. It was then that he experienced a moment of recollection in his anxiety-ridden state, those final moments now fleeting past.

He was floating, watching the escape pod that housed Joker careen off into the emptiness, far from the mysterious vessel that had instigated the attack. He heard panic-stricken voices questioning Joker, asking if 'the Commander' was with him. He attributed the distant voices to the delirium caused by a lack of oxygen but despite that he was content to indulge in the morbid comfort, a chance to hear the voices of those he cared for one last time.

He heard Ashley's muffled sobs, the choked back tears of Liara, but each were soon drowned out by a blood-curdling scream, a piercing wail that haunted him even in his final moments. He recognized the anguish, the pain behind the cries. He had heard similar from his mother years before, cradling the lifeless bodies of his father and his sister in her arms and she rocked back and forth, inconsolable. And that was what Tali's cries conveyed, the loss of a loved one that cut so deep it was as if her soul had been ripped clean from her body.

He saw the pilot turn in her chair, her concern a distant, unintelligible voice, drowned out by the maelstrom of thoughts that plagued his mind. He shook his head in an attempt to free himself from their persistent clutches. It worked for a spell, quickly excusing himself, ignoring the pleas of the woman, running into several others whose annoyed voices were barely perceptible. Muffled apologies were their sole indication he had recognized their frustration, but he continued toward the door to the stairs his hand waving frantically in front of the motion sensor lock. Again, his thought returned to that fateful day, his last conversation with Tali.

His hand waved over the sensor, but still the door didn't budge.

"Come on."

"You're supposed to keep your hand still, like this."

A gloved three-fingered hand hovered over the sensor, and as he thought, the door opened for her.

"You're the engineer, I'm not Tali. I'm just the dumb Marine, remember?"

She giggled and bumped her hip against his. "Bosh'tet, you know you're more than that, you're just not patient." She paused before speaking again, her fingers dancing around each other at her waist.

"You…promised to eat lunch with me today, can we still do that…?"

He smiled, placing an arm around her. She stiffened slightly, for the briefest of moments, but then relaxed, resting her head on his shoulder.

"Of course, we can. When have I have, I ever broken a promise to you?" He heard her giggle again, such a sweet, soft sound. "Then we can talk about your plans going forward. You had mentioned returning to the Fleet to present your gift and then ask for a transfer to the Normandy?"

Before she had a chance to answer, alarms blared, an incoming attack. He shifted their direction toward the lift, preparing himself for a potential assault, rushing out the door towards the armory.

The next few minutes were a blur, his armor now on he saw a purple, gloved hand still attached to his arm.

"Shepard, I need to go to engineering, please…be careful…"

In that moment he placed his hands on either side of her helmet and placed his forehead on her visor. The seriousness of the moment hadn't prevented the gasp that left her vocal output.

"I'll see you soon, I promise."

He was overcome with emotion, the memory of that last moment with her causing his stomach to churn, another broken promise. Once more he coughed and retched but despite his best efforts, the familiar feeling of bile travelled through his esophagus, causing him to vomit. The disgusted groans of those behind him echoed in his ears, with another series of mumbled apologies leaving his lips.

The door opened, finally, and he proceeded to stumble down the steps, trembling hands searching the wall for stability. It failed, his hands slipping against the smooth paneling causing him to fall down the rest of the flight of stairs. He landed on his back, laying there in silence for several minutes until he found the energy to sit and rest his back against the wall. A sigh escaped him, sporadic tremors still wracked his form, his breathing was still ragged, the tightness in his chest ever-present. He drew a deep breath, holding it for a few seconds before releasing it, repeating the pattern for a few minutes until his anxiousness had lessened. It hadn't disappeared but it had cleared enough for the pain to register clearly.

A burning sensation came from his left hip, combined with a sharp stab in his left quadricep that made the lightheadedness reappear. He wasn't certain if that was due to the lingering anxiousness or the incredible pain he was in, however it occurred, it was inviting. But he knew he had to remain awake, he needed to focus to remain conscious until he settled into one of the few available sleeping pods in the crew quarters.

A sudden urge to stand made him push back against the wall as he placed considerable weight on his right leg to lift his dense frame. It was a mistake. A yell escaped him, a searing pain radiating through his leg from his ankle. He knew from experience it was broken, but he also knew that in a few seconds he wouldn't be alone due to his injured bellowing. In resignation he leaned his head against the wall, preparing for the barrage of questions to come from the two quarian women.

What came wasn't what he expected. He heard heavy footfalls, but when the figure turned the corner, it wasn't who he had hoped, an unexplained sadness coursing through him. Instead, he saw a man emerge with a green veil, rather than the purple with the swirling circles that he had been longed to see.

"Prazza, I'm fine."

"Captain, you screamed. You're not fine." The man let out a huff, but his demeanor changed when he looked at the disheveled human his eyes betraying a sense of sympathy.

"I'll get Lena for you. Let her know of your predicament."

"Thank you, Prazza. And please, do your best not to wake Tali. Let her rest, she's been through quite a bit."

The man silently bowed his head and made towards the medical bay leaving him to fester in silent contemplation once again. His thoughts drifted to Tali, who still laid injured in the medical bay. He couldn't help but feel responsible, his lack of awareness had led to her taking a risk she hadn't needed to. If he had noticed the deterioration of their cover and their shields sooner, he could have drawn the machine's attention, allowing Tali to hack the machine with greater ease, but instead she was caught in the crossfire and injured as a result.

It seemed that all he did was cause her pain. He shouldn't be here, a reminder of what she had lost, of the pain she suffered for that year and half he was gone. Her nightmares, where he himself had been the subject, his death no doubt replaying in her mind. He wouldn't, couldn't, forget how she called for him her pleas etched into his psyche for the foreseeable future. It was a small price to pay though, to suffer as she had, to experience that pain with her.

Before he could potentially spiral further, a three-fingered hand gingerly grabbed his shoulder, shifting his attention to the dark orange visor that hovered centimeters from his face.

"Shepard, Prazza told me you had fallen down the stairs. Want to tell me how it happened?"

He hadn't wanted to answer, considering a lie a better alternative to the truth. But he considered the relationship that Lena had with Tali, close friends he had assumed based on their interaction last night. It wasn't much of a conversation, Tali's nightmare prevented that, but he knew based on how Lena spoke of her that the two women were close. How she talked about Tali's nightmares, betrayed a closeness that she hadn't spoken of, but it was there. She had been at her side to help her through her suffering while he was absent, being rebuilt, perhaps he owed her a slight modicum of trust. It was the reasonable option, to start building a friendship, but instead he withdrew into himself refusing to tell the woman how he had fallen down the stairs.

"No, I don't. Just run a scan."

She released the hold she had on his shoulder and leaned back, opening her omnitool. He was then bathed in an orange light, dreading the inevitable results. It was a few short moments, but the scan stopped, and he saw Lena's eyes scan across her omnitool, analyzing the results. She sighed, a sound filled with annoyance and what to him sounded like pity.

"Shepard. You've sprained your left hip, and you've broken your right ankle. Those are just the physical ailments. You also have an elevated heart rate that's concerning to me. Now I don't know if it's because of the implants or what, but that doesn't matter."

She paused, white eyes finding his, searching for a crack in his resolve, but found none. There were no cracks in the façade, nor a willingness on his part to lower his barriers. He wasn't one to share his personal struggles, it wasn't a trait he was blessed with, nor was it one that he wanted. The position he had held, and now currently had, was not one where one's personal feelings were able to be vented out. To divulge the inner machinations of one's mind, its weaknesses, to those under you command was disastrous. To lack confidence in a commanding officer was a death sentence for the crew. Therefore, he sought to focus on the problems of others, to listen, to help with their own personal problems. It was what made the crew on the Normandy respond well to his leadership, a superior that was willing to listen, to act on those struggles that his crew had faced.

It would be the same now. He'd listen, he'd offer comfort, and he would build trust in those in his new crew, even if he was acting captain for a short while longer.

These thoughts quickly vanished when he felt a light touch on his shoulder once more.

"If you're able, come with me to the medical bay. I need to set that ankle. Do you need help standing?"

He shook his head vehemently. He ignored the scoff and pushed through the pain and lifted himself off the ground, standing beside the quarian woman. He shrugged off the arm she had started to place around his shoulders and limped towards the medical bay.

When the doors opened and he entered he was greeted by a familiar voice, although now it carried a concerned and panicked tone.

"Shepard, what happened?" He noticed she then turned her attention to Lena when he hadn't answered as quickly as she'd liked. "Lena, what happened to him?"

"He, uh…he broke his ankle and sprained his hip."

He had made it to the bed and laid down, the discussion between the two women distant noise. He rested his head on the pillow and closed his eyes. It was a welcome reprieve, but he knew he was about to be inundated with the same questions Tali had just thrown at Lena. There was silence for a moment, and then the questioning began.

"Shepard, how did this happen?"

"I'm fine, Tali. I've had worse injuries before, it's no big deal."

He realized his error almost immediately, but it was too late, gone now were her previous concern and panic, now replaced with what he thought was anger. During their conversation Lena had undoubtedly told Tali that he had refused to tell her what had happened.

"Shepard. What happened?"

Her voice was cold, measured. It unnerved him. He hadn't heard her speak in such a tone in the brief time that he had known her. The woman he had known before was on her pilgrimage, cheerful and naïve to a certain extent, but the woman in front of him was hardened, shaped by a pain that his absence had caused. It was a misery that he was all too familiar with, the loss of a close friend, a loved one and it tormented him that his death had been the catalyst of such a drastic change.

He sighed, rubbing his forehead. The entire truth of the matter needed to be shared, but he found that he was still unwilling to disclose that information. His brow furrowed in frustration, not wanting to be a further burden, so he told Tali a half-truth.

"I was lightheaded. I don't know if it was from the overuse of my biotics and not replenishing enough or side effects from the cybernetics. Rejection, maybe? I don't know, either way, I'm fine, Tali. I just need to rest."

Leaning back, satisfied with his answer, he closed his eyes. But he still felt like he was being watched, and so slowly opened his eyes, finding Tali's gaze had not been interrupted.

"Shepard. That's not what happened."

He sighed, rubbing the palms of his hands into his eyes, annoyance building. He understood why she wanted to question him, but he wasn't in the mood, he just wanted to rest.

"Tali, I'm fine. Please just-"

She didn't take the hint.

"Yaeni messaged Lena after you were done talking with her. She was worried, said that 'the Captain doesn't look right.' That you had a petrified look in your eyes. Does that sound familiar, Shepard?"

He restrained himself, answering through gritted teeth. "Like I said, I was lightheaded, Tali."

It was then that Lena decided that it was appropriate to cut in.

"Shepard, you're exhibiting no signs of rejection of your cybernetics. But your resting heart rate is elevated at a level that I'm concerned with, as well exhibiting the physical signs of a panic-"

"Enough!"

He stood from the bed, attempting to ignore the burning pain, eventually succumbing to it and falling back onto the bed.

"I don't need to be lectured on what did or didn't happen. I felt lightheaded. I came down here to get some rest but fell down the stairs. It happens, now drop it."

Toughness was what he was known for, not weakness. But here he was, sensing that warm, acidic feeling rise in his throat, despite his best attempt to ward off further questioning. He coughed, followed by a retch. The pattern continued for a few moments before Tali spoke, her voice frantic.

"Shepard, are you alright? Lena do something!"

The doctor's voice was calm yet betrayed a sense of grave concern for him. "I can't Tali, I don't have medications or sedatives for his chirality. He's going to need to come down from this on his own."

His pulse climbed again, their voices a distant echo. He could feel the erratic beating, each gasp of breath emphasizing his lack of control, the uncontrollable seizing of his hands. He wanted to scream, to run, to escape from the situation that he now found himself in, but he was trapped, afraid to move. He wanted them to leave, let him suffer in silence, but neither seemed to budge. It was then that he felt his face turn, a pressure on either side of his face, and a cool pane of glass on his forehead.

"Shepard, you're alright. You're here with me, you're alive. It's okay, just breathe. Please."

Her voice had become clearer, making its way through the fog of his mind. It was soft, loving. He noticed she then shifted to maneuver herself onto the bed, sitting above him, and placing his head on her chest. A calming sensation blossomed within him when he heard her purring. It was a pleasant sound, one he wished that he could listen to for eternity due to the inner peace that it brought him.

"It's alright, nehya. You're here with me, you're safe."

He wanted to question the meaning of the word, it was he hadn't come across when learning the language originally, but he found it hard to focus. Along with the purring he found that Tali held him in a tight embrace, evoking strong feelings of comfort, of safety. She held one hand on his back, rubbing gentle circles, with the other running her three-fingers hand through his long hair.

"Shepard," Lena's voice now clear, "I'm going to set your ankle now, okay? It might hurt but once that's done you can relax, okay?"

He nodded, observing that made Tali's purring louder. He wanted to thank her, to apologize for his outburst but he found that he didn't want to move, he wanted to enjoy the treatment he was receiving. For what was a minute or an hour, he didn't care, there was silence, a comfortable one. But that question from before came to the front of his mind, if only he remembered the word. Instead, he settled on a different question.

"Tali, can I ask a question?"

"Of course, Shepard. What is it?"

She hadn't stopped caressing him, nor had her heel'rou stopped, which caused an intense drowsiness that made him lose his train of thought. With what little energy he had left he settled on an apology; it was the least he owed her.

"I'm sorry, Tali."

"You're fine, Shepard. It's okay. I've told you this before, you don't have to be perfect all the time, at least not with me."

"I know, Tali. I know. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to cause you any pain."

He felt her body tense beneath him, but he was too tired to deviate from his present train of thought.

"You didn't cause me any pain, Shepard. You're here now, that's all that matters to me. My prayers were answered."

He heard a faint smile behind what he recognized as a controlled sob, but he pressed forward, wanting to let her know how he felt at the present moment.

"I didn't mean to abandon you, Tali. I'm sorry. Please, forgive me?"

She held him closer to her, managing to hear her soft, choked reply before he managed to surrender to the lure of sleep.

"Of course I forgive you, nehya. I always will."