A/N Update time. Again sorry for the wait, I had every intention of having this up much earlier but it was my 21st then I have been crazy sick the last few days and have pretty much spent my days sleeping it off. Things are still a little hectic in my life right now but that should hopefully all change in the coming weeks. I am aiming to eventually return to weekly updates for you all in order to get this fic finished. So thank you all for bearing with me. Apologies for any mistakes.
Reviews:
Anon: Thanks. I really enjoy playing on the softer side of Alex we have seen on the show and I feel like it works for this story.
Hanna: Thank so much and sorry for taking forever to update. Yeah, that was pretty much my thinking for how this version of Piper is when I began this story. I wanted to have her stripped of all the privilege she has had on the show and see where it could take her.
Guest (Stella): Haha yes couldn't agree more. Stella needed to have her ass kicked. This chapter should answer your question about a re-match.
…..
The cool night air hits Piper as she exits from the bar, her feet desperately propelling her away from its confines, her mind oblivious to the concerned calls from behind her. The blonde quickens her pace as she walks down the sidewalk, wincing slightly as she raises her hand to wipe the small trickle of blood that rolls steadily down her cheek, the bruising that had begun to form upon her face a painful reminder of what had just occurred.
The air becomes stagnant as she distances herself from the noise of the bar, her breathing laboured as her mind races with what had just occurred. It had taken all of thirty seconds after Piper had been pulled from Stella's grasp for her to realise she had fucked up, that what had just occurred was something she had always never intended to allow herself to be involved in. It was an completely unnecessary altercation that was going to have ramifications for both women involved, despite the fact that Piper had not in fact instigated it.
Piper feels her chest tighten as tears finally threaten to spill from her eyes, her emotions and mind running rampant under the circumstances. An uncomfortable weakness begins to seep from within, causing the blonde to stop from her quickened walk and lean forwards against the wall of the building beside her, her forehead pressed against the cool brick as she allows herself to take a moment, feeling overwhelmed by the current situation.
A fear resonates from within as the recognition of the night's events begin make themselves known, the pain and blood now an all to evident reminder that she had allowed herself to be in a situation that was far from good, her reaction further instilling how much wrong she had done. Over the last few years Piper had allowed herself to develop a deep sense of control, rarely reacting to anything with a physical force, something she was inherently proud of considering the violence that encompassed her life. Yet, despite all this, she had allowed herself to react to Stella in a way she had always considered wrong, she allowed herself to lose control, and that horrified her.
"Fuck," Piper breaths out, her voice hoarse as it filters quietly through the still air, her blue eyes shut tight as pain radiates from her cut at the movement. Flashes of her late father flood her mind, the look in his eyes when he would lose complete control during his rages, something, she feared had been hidden behind her own eyes only moments ago, the similarities between herself and her father's sudden anger having been the reasoning behind Piper's sudden reaction to run.
The slight scuff of shoes against the pavement behind her signals the approach of a familiar figure, her girlfriend's hand coming to rest gently on Piper's back as the blonde continues to rest her forehead against the cool brick, now all too nervous to turn around and expose her injured face to Alex, knowing that bruising surrounding her eye and mouth was steadily darkening, a now constant reminder over the next few weeks of her sudden loss of control.
"Pipes?" Alex whispers softly, her hand rubbing soothing circles on the blonde's back as she attempts to rein her in from whatever emotions that plagued her, causing her to run and not look back at the bar, despite Nicky and the brunette's calls as she rushed through the exit. Alex gently leans into Piper, her face burying into the back of the blonde's neck, the tension riddling her body so clearly evident as she wraps her arms around her waist and holds the shaking blonde tight.
Piper tries to focus on the familiar lips, which remain pressed against her neck, attempting to find solace in the touch, calming slightly under its warmth as she takes in the comforting aroma of her girlfriend's perfume hoping it could at least ease the horrible sinking sensation accruing within her stomach.
Finding that is wasn't enough, Piper suddenly turns in Alex's arms, burying her face into the crook of her girlfriend's neck, wincing slightly as her bruised cheekbone makes contact with the brunette's flesh. Piper keeps her eyes firmly shut, wanting Alex's presence so signal an end to the distorted images in her mind of her father's angry eyes, images which, up until recently, used to encompass her dreams every night.
Piper had wanted nothing more than the run from the situation, something she did well. Yet, over the last few months Alex's arms had quickly become the thing she wanted to run towards, to allow herself to seek comfort in situations she struggled with emotionally. For the most part over the last months it had worked, her nightmares having reduced significantly since she allowed Alex in. Yet now, she found herself unable to shake the horrible sensation of both her father and what she had just done.
Although, she was in Alex's arms, Piper still felt the need to be alone, something she hadn't felt in a long while. If she was truthful with herself, she hated what she had allowed herself to do, she hated that she had permitted a dark side of her, that she had always kept well under control, free. Piper was ashamed, so much so, that she now found herself not even believing she deserved Alex's comfort, that she should suffer alone with her thoughts for allowing herself to engage in such a violent altercation with Stella outside the ring.
Piper suddenly feels the urge to pull away from Alex, the feeling that this was all ill-deserved causing her to begin to push against Alex's love and comfort. Piper knew she had done the wrong thing, going far from simply protecting herself from Stella's assault. She had lost control and began to attack for the sole purpose of hurting her opponent, something, because of her father's assaults, she had always vowed she would not do. Even during her time within the ring, Piper's punches always had meaning, they were of a controlled reasoning and held a significance behind each jab and they had a justifiable purpose. However, her brawl with Stella was nothing but a fight to cause pain, a fight to cause harm each other.
Piper pulls away abruptly from Alex and quickly steps past her confused girlfriend and begins to proceed into the night, ignoring the soft murmurs of her name from the brunette who quickly trails behind her, her long legs effortlessly keeping pace with the blonde.
"Piper, please. Just wait," Alex practically begs, the tone of her girlfriend's voice causing the blonde to slow her pace slightly, upset over the pain her emotional struggle was causing the person she loved the most, the person she always had sworn she would do her utmost to protect from her past interfering with their present.
"Pipes, please just talk to me. Are you okay?" Alex continues, reaching out and gently grabbing Piper's left forearm, hoping that the blonde would begin to communicate with her.
Piper lightly shrugs off Alex's arm, feeling as if her comforting touch was more than she deserved given the way she had just behaved within the bar. "I'm fine Alex. I don't want to talk. I want to go walk home," Piper finally says, her lifeless tone startling the brunette slightly, Alex having never heard Piper's voice so lifeless, even after one of her many nightmares she had had in the past.
Although Piper had grown to become more openly communicative with Alex, she found herself struggling to compose herself enough to express the swirling mixture of dark emotion that plagued her mind. The blonde's mind was filled with comparison of her sudden burst of anger to that of the way her fathers, filling her with a pain and fear that was indescribable. Piper had always believed she was nothing like her parents, yet this suddenly obvious similarity terrified her.
"Baby, please just let me walk home with you, okay?" Alex pleads, knowing that Nicky and Lorna had remained inside the bar after Piper's sudden exit to collect their belongings, Piper having left her car keys on their table as she made her way towards the bathroom on her ill-fated trip. Alex knew Nicky was well accustomed to Piper's sudden departures that she would readily drive Piper's car back to their apartment without question, leaving Alex determined to ensure that the blonde had someone accompanying her on the way home.
Piper stops for a moment and simply looks towards Alex, the green eyes that gaze back at her silently pleading with her to not push her away in this moment, the blonde knowing that turning Alex down would simply cause her girlfriend unnecessary pain and concern. Piper remains focused on Alex and finally nods one small jerky bob, signalling that she wanted Alex by her side on the walk back to her apartment.
They walk in absolute silence back to Piper's apartment, the blonde quickly opening the door and throwing herself over the threshold and down the small corridor towards her own bedroom door, opening it before quickly shutting it, ignoring both Nicky and Lorna who remained wide eyed on the couch, having managed to beat her best friend back to their home.
Alex follows close behind, shaking her head slightly towards her concerned friends as she enters into the living space, earning a frown from a concerned Nicky, who then gazes towards the blonde's shut door, anxious for her evidently upset best friend.
Alex strides purposefully into the small bathroom of her girlfriend's apartment, quickly crouching down at its sink and opening the small wooden doors of the cabinet, her eyes scanning the shelves until she locates the small first aid kit she knew was located there. Collecting the kit, Alex swiftly exits the bathroom and approaches her girlfriend's closed bedroom door, lightly tapping on its wood before allowing her hand to fall to the doorknob.
Turning the door handle, Alex quietly steps into the darkened room, the only light provided by the moonlight cascading through the open curtains as her eyes fall upon the familiar figure that lays on the bed, her back facing Alex as she stares vacantly out the window, her chest rising and falling with a sense of unease.
"Hey," Alex says softly into the darkness, watching as Piper jumps ever so slightly at the sound of a voice filtering through the previously silent room, her body evidently still tense from the night's events.
Alex approaches the blonde slowly, as if the slightest quick movement would cause Piper to withdraw further, wanting nothing more but for the blonde to open up and discuss what she was currently feeling, the lack of communication and distancing from Piper causing Alex a great deal of concern under the circumstances.
Despite the small victory earlier of the brunette convincing Piper to return home with her, Alex still had an uneasy feeling over the situation, knowing that Piper often had the inability to express her worries, tending to keep them bottled up inside and away from those who wanted to help, those who the blonde could rely upon to help ease the pain.
Alex rounds the corner of Piper's bed, the blonde's eyes never ceasing to remain fixated upon the nothingness of the world outside the window, barely even registering her own girlfriend's approach until she comes into her peripheral view. Piper remains unmoving as Alex gently eases herself onto the side of her bed, bringing her right hand to rest against the blonde's upper thigh, placing the first aid kit at her side.
"Pipes?" Alex whispers as she rubs her hand soothingly across the fabric of Piper's jeans, hoping to provide some level of comfort to her girlfriend, no matter how small it may be.
Piper remains focused on the darkness before her eyes flicker to that of her girlfriend's, her pale face illuminated by the moonlight that cascades through the window, Piper still in her current state of despair noting how beautiful the brunette looked as she gazes down towards her with nothing but love and concern hinting in her eyes.
Piper shifts her body ever so slightly towards Alex, her subtle change in positions, creating a much more open atmosphere between them, as if the blonde was silently showing that she wanted to let Alex in, to try and communicate with her girlfriend on how she was feeling despite not truly feeling like she could in fact do so.
Piper found herself conflicted, her emotions and thoughts running rampant under the stresses now associated with the fight Stella had wanted to entice. Whilst the blonde was immensely angry with her would be opponent, she struggled with the guilt which was emitting from within, a guilt over not only allowing herself to lose control and engage in such a situation, but also, for putting both her girlfriend and friends through the situation of watching Piper in a state of such vicious and unexpected attack.
In truth, Piper's reaction had terrified her to her core, her sudden willingness to engage is such an unnecessary altercation leaving the blonde reflecting on both the potential consequences and the similarities between her loss of control and that of her father's. Although it was small, Piper believed she could find awful similarities in the way she had snapped with Stella and the way her father would suddenly react during his attacks of his children during her childhood. The reality that she may have more in common with her late, abusive father something that was internally terrifying the blonde.
"Are you okay?" Alex murmurs into the darkness, the question concerning Piper both physically and mentally. Piper shifts her attention towards her concerned girlfriend, the brunette's emerald eyes never leaving that of the blonde's strained face, determined to attain an understanding on just what was going on inside Piper's mind.
Alex, having grown accustomed to Piper's silent internal struggles, knew there was something much more to this situation that just her anger and unsettlement over the fight with Stella. Although, Alex couldn't understand what it was exactly, the brunette knew that something far superior had caused Piper to withdraw and become so distant considering they had made immense progress with the blonde's lines of communication within their relationship.
Piper remains silent, unsure of how, or even if, she should respond the Alex's question with absolute honesty. Piper knew she wasn't alright, the fight having caused a fear to resonate within the blonde over something she had attempted to bury for so long. Ever since her father's death and her subsequent departure from her family home, the blonde had spent every waking moment praying that she would bear no resemblance to the people who she had the unfortunate task of calling her parents.
"Babe talk to me. What happened with that Stella chick? What did she say to you?" Alex asks gently, fearing that it was something the short-haired woman had said to Piper that had caused such an intense emotional reaction in the blonde. Alex knew Piper had a tough skin, generally unfazed by a strangers comments, and this made her all the more concerned that the woman who had approached them at the bar had said something incredibly hurtful to cause Piper to be this upset over the fight.
Piper sits herself up from the bed and simply shakes her head at Alex, not trusting her own voice to admit to why she was immensely emotional over this event. Alex pauses for a moment as she decides how best to approach the situation. Alex knew Piper well, the blonde having the strong tendency to withdraw if she was forcefully pushed into talking about situations she was struggling with, as if she felt cornered and the only way out was extracting herself from the discussion.
Deciding it was best not to push, Alex slips herself from the bed and turns on the small lamp located on Piper's bedside table, illuminating their small corner of the room. Alex turns to face the blonde and gently pulls on Piper's legs so that they now hang over the mattress before collecting the first aid kit in her hands and opening its lid, her fingers trailing across its contents in search of a small pad to help clean the blonde's wounds.
Ripping the pad from its packet, Alex stands between Piper's legs and places her fingertips on the blonde's jaw, gently tilting her head upwards to allow easier access to the wounds on her face, all the while suppressing the shocked gasp rising in her throat as she eyes the damage Stella had done to her girlfriend. Although Stella certainly looked far worse, Alex's heart was aching at the sight of the blood that was beginning to dry on Piper's face, a large bruise beginning to form above her cheekbone from her opponent's unexpected first punch.
Piper remains silent as Alex ever so gently cleans her wounds, wincing slightly as she makes contact with the small gash above her eye as the brunette places a small Band-Aid over the wound to help prevent any further bleeding. Piper sighs as Alex comfortingly runs her hand through her hair before leaning down and cupping her face, placing the softest of kisses upon her lips, their foreheads coming to rest together. Piper feels a sudden instinct to reach out for her girlfriend, as if Alex's warmth was the only thing that would hold her in place.
Piper wraps her arms around Alex's half crouched body and wilts, burying her face into her girlfriend's shoulder as she attempts to control the sickness pooling in her stomach. They stay in a silent embrace for what feels like hours before Piper gently pulls away, centring on Alex's face.
Piper focuses upon the softness of Alex's face, the lack of judgement settling her somewhat as her mind tumbled with the thoughts of the night's events. Piper had never been good at letting people in, it having taken Nicky years for her to even remotely discuss anything that even remotely arises from Piper's suffering. Nicky had managed to piece bits together over the years through visible signs and the small amounts of information Piper had discussed with her. Yet now, Alex was the only person who Piper had openly admitted pieces of her past too, telling the brunette some of her darkest times during her childhood. And whilst, Piper still had some secrets, her communications with Alex far extended that of what she had discussed with Nicky. Piper knew she could trust Alex and she always felt better after letting the brunette in, something she now was forcing herself to do despite her convictions.
"I just lost it," Piper finally whispers, a slight tone of disbelief surrounding her words, not truly believing that she had in fact been the one involved in the fight at Red's bar, the shocked faces of everyone who knew Piper further cementing that what had occurred was out of character for the blonde. Aside from within the ring, Piper wasn't violent and those who knew Piper were acutely aware of this, including Alex.
"She attacked me and I defended myself, but then I just couldn't stop. I was so angry with her and I just kept hitting her and hitting her, even when I hand the upper hand," Piper continues, feeling Alex sink to her knees so that her eyes were now directly in line with her own. Alex's hands come to rest on Piper's upper thighs, rubbing them soothingly.
"She was trying to hurt you too Pipes. You were just stopping her from doing that," Alex murmurs as she catches Piper's gaze. Although it had been a rather quick fight, Alex had seen enough to witness the vicious behind Stella's attack towards Piper, an attack that her girlfriend had fended off well as both Alex and Nicky rushed towards them.
Piper shakes her head at Alex, as if the act of simple self-defence could warrant her reaction. "It was more than that, Alex. It was like everything just went black and all I could focus on was wanting to hurt her," Piper confesses, describing the, what felt like a sudden uncontrollable urge, to focus on nothing but causing Stella pain.
Piper takes a deep breath in an effort to steady her voice, which had begun to quiver as she attempts to explain herself. "It just reminded me so much of what my father was like. He would go into these horrible rages and sometimes it was like he wasn't even there, like all he was focused on was causing pain."
"Pipes," Alex whispers as she raises her hands from Piper's thighs and gently cups her face, their eyes locking. "You are nothing like him."
"But what if I am?" Piper mutters in defeat, her eyes burning slightly at the thought she could possibly share tendencies with the man she despised so much.
"You're not Pipes. You are so much better than what he was," Alex states firmly before reassuring it with a chaste kiss on the blonde's lips. "I promise."
Piper gives the brunette a small heart-hearted smile and her words before pulling her into an embrace, burying her face in the crook of her girlfriend's neck as she takes in the comfortable warmth that is Alex. Piper trusted Alex completely and she knew that her girlfriend's reassurances probably had weighted truth behind them. Before tonight, Piper had never once allowed herself to recognise any similarities between her and her father, however, the fight forced the blonde to confront that maybe there was. Yet despite this, Alex's words had now helped somewhat calm Piper from focusing on it and believing it was purely fact, that Piper was something more than just her violent father's daughter.
….
The vibrating of Piper's cell phone against the bedside table awakens the blonde, her head rising from its place upon Alex's chest to look towards the device as it continues to signal an incoming call. Piper blinks a few times, her eyes raw from the silent tears she shed the night before after Alex had drifted off to sleep. Piper had eventually followed suit hours later, the steady rising and falling of her girlfriend's chest the only thing that had allowed her to slip into a slumber.
After Alex's reassurances, Piper had snuggled close to her girlfriend, their legs intertwined as Alex continued to stroke soothing circles on her back until the brunette had drifted to sleep in the early hours of the morning. Despite being in the comfort of Alex's arms, Piper found her mind was still scattered with heavy emotions, her thoughts though, eventually stilling enough for her to realise that there would probably be repercussions for both her and Stella's actions within the bar.
Sighing slightly, Piper shifts herself upright and raises her hands to her face, using the tips of her fingers to rub vigorously at her eyes, despite the pain, hoping in vain to dissipate the heavy feeling that remained hidden behind them. Although Piper had slowly learnt to share her emotions with Alex, the blonde still found herself blocking her deepest feelings from surfacing, as if doing so would in turn provide protection from Piper revealing her true self, a self in which she wasn't certain she wanted known.
Pulling her hands away from her face, Piper turns her focus towards a still sleeping Alex who lays beside her, her pale features in a state of relaxation that never ceases to make Piper's heart warm. Alex was beautiful all the time, yet, moments like these were Piper's favourite, allowing for a small unrestricted smile to form of Piper's lips despite the intense emotional turmoil that was brewing inside, a smile which, up be known to Piper, was about to dissipate quickly, taking what would be months for it to freely resurface again.
Gently swinging her legs over the side of her bed as to not disturb her sleeping girlfriend, Piper leans forward slightly and collects her phone from the bedside table, her stomach instantly dropping as her eyes focus upon the caller id. Piper knew this phone call was coming and it was only a matter of time before the events of last nights circulated within the boxing community.
"Hey John," she answers, her voice hollow and raw as she expectantly awaits to hear her trainer's response, knowing that both her and Stella's actions last night would be quick to filter through the boxing world, that judgements would be passed before she had the chance to explain the situation.
Piper knew she had royally fucked up and she could only hope that the consequences weren't too severe.
….
Piper paces back and forth outside the entrance to the gym, fearful of taking those final few steps and entering the gym in search of her trainer, internally dreading the conversation that was to come. The tone of John's voice in their earlier phone call had signalled to Piper that this meeting was not routine. Piper had rarely heard John anxious or concerned, yet this morning, he had been both and that was enough to cause a nervousness to resonate within Piper had what the consequences might be for last night's incident.
Despite Piper's best efforts to remain quiet during the phone call, Alex had quickly awoken, the brunette becoming quickly concerned by the tone of her girlfriend's voice as she talked with her trainer. Piper had attempted to remain calm and collected throughout the call, yet she knew her voice had begun to waver, the small comforting circles Alex's hand was tracing across her exposed back clearly indicating she had heard it too. Piper rarely ever noted a nervousness, something Alex knew, subsequently making the brunette's rejected offer of accompanying Piper to the meeting even more concerning. Alex knew Piper was struggling, however, because of the blonde's tendencies to close off from her emotions, she had begun to unintentionally push her girlfriend away, not wanting for her hidden feelings to become known.
Taking a deep breath in an effort to provide her with the courage to wander through the doors, Piper wills herself forward, her body immensely tense despite having made the familiar journey towards John's office within the gym a thousand times before.
Entering the gym, Piper glances enviously towards the handful of other fighters who remained transfixed in their training sessions, wishing nothing more for that to have been her, knowing it should have been had last night's fight with Stella never occurred. Piper had been preparing herself for their fight for weeks, yet now, she was uncertain if it would even go ahead. Both women were in serious trouble and Piper knew that too well.
Turning her focus away from her fellow fighters, Piper roughly stuffs her hands into her jacket pockets and begins the journey down the short corridor which would lean to John's office, each step causing the blonde's anxiety to heighten. Stopping at her trainer's office door, Piper taps lightly and awaits an answer, knowing that this would the signal the beginning of her fate.
"Come in," the familiar, yet somewhat strained, voice of her trainer calls from the opposing side of the door.
Pushing on the handle, Piper gently eases the door open and steps inside, hearing the audible click of it closing before she raises her head to focus upon John, his face solemn as he offers her a small smile that doesn't quite reach his eyes, his right hand extending forward, indicating he wanted her to take a seat in front of him.
"Fuck. You've looked better," John exclaims as he takes in Piper's injuries, her bruises now a deep shade of blue, the cuts still sporting a slight shade of red from the blood that remained within.
Piper laughs without humour, knowing full well that injuries from Stella's bare knuckles were far worse than what John had seen after her gloved matches, now thankful that Alex had not had the chance to witness them earlier this morning in the darkness of the blonde's bedroom.
"Are you alright?" John asks, his expression shocked as he continues to stare towards what he perceived his best fighter, someone who he had seen grow immensely before his eyes over the last few years. John had witnessed many different versions of Piper over the years, the blonde having transformed during their time together as trainer and fighter into somebody so vastly different from the person she used to be.
"I'm fine," Piper says dismissively, having been asked that question numerous times over the course of the last twelve hours and always returning the same answer, despite how untrue it might be.
John looks at her questioningly, pausing for a moment as if he is determining whether he should question it further. Despite their role over the years as trainer and trainee, John had developed a friendship with Piper, the two having often spent time with one another outside the gym, Piper having grown accustomed to the circle of people surrounding John. Aside from Nicky and subsequently Lorna, Piper rarely developed friendships beyond the casual meeting, John having grown to be the only person beside her best friend, and now Alex, to know more than façade Piper strictly had in place.
Although Piper still remained closed up about her own past, the blonde having become aware that like herself, John came from a difficult past as well, a past which had allowed them to spark an easy and comfortable friendship. For whatever reasons, John had always allowed Piper to feel a sense of relaxed familiarity during their time together, to slip into a friendship that was unclouded and easy. John truly had developed a deep level of respect for Piper, making what he was about to tell her all that more difficult than he had expected.
"Listen Piper, I don't think I need to tell you that what happened last night wasn't good. I mean fuck, you were in a very public bar brawl with that would have been your opponent," John explains, leaning forward slightly onto his wooden desk, his hands resting on top, as if bracing himself for the devastating conversation that was to come.
Piper winces slightly, the verity of the words causing her to flinch despite them being truth. She knew she had been involved in something the world of boxing highly disagreed with, something that was all too public, unable to simply be forgotten.
John pauses for a moment and simply looks towards Piper, knowing that his next sentence would be nothing short of true devastation for the woman he knew lived to box, the woman who he knew found boxing as an outlet for her emotional issues. "The officials called me this morning after they were made aware of the incident between Stella and yourself. They have decided to ban Stella from competing," John explains, the memory of his earlier phone call with the higher ups of the boxing federation still fresh in his mind.
Piper nods and smiles slightly, exhaling a breath she hadn't realised she had been holding, relief washing over her as she begins to believe that they were aware that it was Stella who had initiated the fight and that she will simply not been engaging in a fight this weekend. Piper's relief is short lived as she lifts her gaze towards John, his expression telling.
John swallows hard and takes a deep breath before continuing. "I'm so sorry Piper, but they've also decided to suspend you from boxing."
Piper's eyes widen and her mouth falls open slightly having not expected this result. "What? How long for? She manages to choke out, her hands now gripping the armrests of the chair impossibly tight.
"Two years."
Piper chokes back a sob, her mouth soundlessly opening and closing as she attempts to speak, not having the ability to form words at the shock of losing the one staple which had provided her an outlet since her move from her childhood home. Two years. Boxing was one of the most important things in her life and she had now lost it through her own actions the night before. She had inadvertently lost the one thing that had allowed her to remain focused, to resist the temptations that had plagued her in the past. Aside from Alex, boxing was the single most central thing in Piper's life and now….it was gone.
Piper continues to remain in a state of silenced shock as John explains the reasoning behind the official's decision to both ban Stella as well as suspend herself from competing, the board having decided that this course of action was the best method in preventing future fighters from engaging in violence outside the ring. John was furious, knowing that there was no way Piper had started this fight and the fact that she had be suspended for two years was outrageous. Piper remains dazed as John explains further, the use of her name the only sound that manages to catch her attention.
"I'm so sorry Piper. I mean I'm not sure what kind of luck we will have but we can at least try to appeal the decision," John explains, attempting in vain to keep the blonde in front of him hopeful that maybe there was a possibility that the suspension could be altered, but knowing that that chance was essentially non-existent, the officials having made it clear that the action taken against Stella and Piper was to act as a deterrent for fellow boxers from engaging in physical acts outside the ring.
Piper sits there in a state of shock, John's words of appeal barely registering in her mind as she struggles with the internal turmoil of what a two year suspension would mean for her. Whilst boxing had served as a mild source of income, Piper had never truly cared about the money she had attained from her success, focusing rather on the outlet being in the ring had provided her, the centre it had provided in her once very disruptive and difficult life.
John continues to talk, his words now no longer processing in Piper minds as she feels the walls she had built through boxing begin to come crumbling down, as if they last 5 years of tremendous effort and dedication had been all for nothing, as if derailing all progress Piper had attempted to make. What made it worse was a deep nagging feeling that was arising from within, the same feeling from when she was a kid, telling her that maybe this was all her fault, that perhaps she deserved this punishment, that maybe this was her accepted fate.
Piper drops her elbows to her knees, cradling her face in her hands as she attempts to fight back the tears which were threatening to spill, the reality of the situation almost too much to handle. Piper feels as if she was slowly sinking, that she desperately needed to get herself away from the reminder of what she had just lost in such a short period of time. She wanted to run, both literally and figuratively. She wanted to shut off her mind and body from what it was currently feeling.
"Piper," John calls gently, his face distorted as he attempts to rein in his own emotions, feeling nothing but anger and hurt for the situation his friend was now facing. "Piper, please. We…we can appeal it…..I will help you appeal this…you don't deserve this," he chokes out, knowing that despite Piper's role in last night's incident, that she was a good kid who had reason behind defending herself, something the determining officials hadn't taken into account.
"No," Piper mumbles into her hands as she shakes her head in deviance, finally taking in her, possibly now, former trainer's words. She didn't care to attempt an appeal, knowing that it was most probably of little use, the officials who facilitated the implementation of the rules on boxers known to be ruthless in their punishment for rule breakers. Regret, along with a deep feeling of deserving magnitude, swirled through Piper's mind. The blonde knew she had messed up by not keeping her emotions in check last night and now she needed to accept the consequences, not matter what the severity in an effort to avoid the heartache of going through an appeal and having it rejected as they judged her for her behaviour last night.
Piper suddenly stands, her legs somewhat shaky and she allows her gaze to flick back towards John, whose heart is hurting at the sight of the blonde. Piper's forces herself to remain composed, her body rigid, expression cold and she feels the familiar sensation of her body shutting down, attempting to shut off her emotions from surfacing, something she had grown excellent at during her childhood. Piper was now just a shell of herself, void of any warmth or understanding as she attempts to distance herself from the hurt that was within.
"No, I don't want to appeal," Piper states firmly, her dead voice cutting through the room like ice, causing John to involuntarily shudder at the person who barely resembled the Piper he had grown to know.
"Thank you, John, for everything. I'm going to go now. Goodbye," Piper finishes, her voice monotone, the words robotic and barely registering in her mind as she thanked her trainer for his help. Despite the situation, Piper was not angry with the man she had trained under for almost five years for being the one who had to deliver the bad news. This was not his fault, it was hers. And now all she could focus on was that. Like most things in her life, it had all turned to shit the moment she had an ounce of happiness.
Before allowing John to respond, Piper quickly turns on her heel and propels herself out the door and down the hallway, her eyes focused on nothing more than the exit ahead, ignoring the desperate calls of her name from the room she had just left from. Pushing through the door she had only come through fifteen minutes prior, Piper makes her way to the sidewalk and pauses, unsure of where to go, but only knowing she needed to get away, to do what she did best and distance herself from her emotions.
Pushing herself forward Piper suddenly makes a left and rushed towards her new focus, her destination now all too clear.
….
A/N So who saw that coming? A whole lot of angst to come- so be warned because shit is about to get real. Flashbacks are coming back into play soon to answer all your questions over the last few chapters about a particular person from Piper's past whom we all seem to hate already :P
Broken update is nearly finished as well- I have one more scene to write then it's done so expect to see it up sometime this week. Thank you all for the favs/follows/reviews.
Mrosse38