Chapter 2

- Stefan -

'Trust is like a paper. Once it's crumbled it can never be perfect again.'

Unknown author

I dropped Connor and Olivia off at their weekly swimming lessons when I decided to ring my friend Lexi. She agreed to meet up with me at the Starbucks nearest to the swimming hall. I loved my kids like nothing else on this planet but lately... well, ever since their mum and I separated, I couldn't seem to make them smile like before. It was the worst feeling ever and I hated myself for putting them through this. They deserved better but despite my constant efforts to talk to Elena, her shield was always up. No matter what I did, I simply couldn't get through to her.

I loved having my kids with me every weekend – it gave me an opportunity to spend time with them but I knew it also helped Elena be alone with her thoughts and feelings. She had seemed very fragile the last time I had seen her. I could tell that having the kids all to herself without my help around the house was tough. So I tried to keep the kids with me as much as I could, though my schedule as a surgeon was quite demanding. I prayed that she would reconsider and give me another shot but at this point in time I wasn't sure anymore. Which is why I called my best friend Lexi to talk to her about everything. So far, the conversation wasn't going exactly the way I had expected it to.

'What I don't get is how you couldn't keep it in your pants.' Lexi loudly said, drawing some curious glances from the serving girl. I cringed as she placed the coffee on our table and literally ran away.

'Lexi, can you please refrain from saying that here?' I could see she didn't like my scolding but she shook her head and complied.

'You've been married for 10 years Stefan. And you have two kids!' Everyone seemed to be angry at me.

'I know that very well, Lexi.' I said sighing.

'So... you just decided that you would throw it all away?' Her nonchalant tone made me angry.

'Please don't go there. I've been scolded by everyone that I've talked to about this. The only being that hasn't scolded me yet is my cat.'

'That's because it can't talk. I saw the way it was looking at you the last time I came over. I suggest you kick it out until it murders you in your sleep.' I couldn't help but marvel at her words.

'You're being ridiculous.' Her tone turned icy.

'And you shagging Rebecca wasn't?' I wish I could say that hearing that name didn't affect me anymore but it still did. Big time. I wish I could just erase everything that had happened. But I couldn't and it would always haunt me.

'It was a mistake.' I managed to meekly reply.

'A mistake that was repeated day after day for a whole year?' That stung even more. Being reminded of what I'd done was bad enough but the disappointment in her voice and expression felt like the worst slap.

'It wasn't like that... I meant to stop... I...' I was at a loss for words. ' I never meant to hurt Elena.'

'That sounded heartfelt.' Sarcasm had always been a trait I loved in Lexi. Not when it was directed towards me.

'I've apologized to Elena a hundred times. She refuses to listen to me.'

'Well if you did it in that tone, I'm not surprised she kicked you out on the street.'

'She hasn't kicked me out. We are not getting divorced.'

'You haven't slept home in three months.' That felt like another kick.

'We're just separated. She needs some time to think.' I stubbornly said.

'Yeah, to think about how much money to get out of your sorry ass when she divorces you.'

'I'm sorry, I had you confused with my loving friend. Is she here somewhere?!' Her attitude still didn't change though.

'Sorry Stef, my sympathy for you went out the door when Elena and I found Rebecca under your desk giving you a blowjob.' Hearing those words made me cringe and turn crimson red. I shuddered at the memory of her mouth around my penis.

'Are you gonna be hanging that above my head for the rest of my life?' I said slightly resentfully.

'Probably a bit longer than the blowjob you got from that bitch.' She was just torturing me know. I honestly knew I deserved this – I had indeed been terrible to Elena, I'd broken her heart and embarrassed her, and I couldn't take it back. But this felt like it would go on for my entire life.

'How crude can you get?'

'Not as crude as you deserve given the circumstances.'

'You sound worse than my own wife.' I spat back annoyed.

'This is nothing. If Lee did to me what you did to Elena, I'd cut his dick off in his sleep.'

'Ok, Lexi, you are officially scaring me.' She jokingly smiled in response.

'Don't get me wrong, Stefan... I don't want Elena to do that to you. I'm just surprised at how calmly she is handling things.' That made me huff in response.

'Calmly? She set my clothes on fire in the backyard.'

'You're lucky that's all she set on fire.' Lexi replied, leaving me stunned. I shook my head and despite her attitude I needed to talk to her about what bothered me.

'She texted me today.'

'Who, Elena?'

'No, my other wife.' I said feeling exasperated by Lexi's mocking.

'You think you're funny, Stefan, but you aren't.' She jokingly said shoving me.

'What did she want?' The words didn't come out easily.

'She wanted me to keep the kids for another couple of days.' For the first time in the evening I received a frown from Lexi. And her tone became serious all of a sudden.

'That's odd. She can hardly wait to get her kids back.'

'My thoughts exactly.' I said, sipping my drink.

'You think something's wrong with her?' Her tone had suddenly become worried.

'No.' I said pausing. 'I think she may want some time to discuss with a divorce lawyer.' A wave of silence fell upon both of us. All of a sudden Lexi was out of jokes. Instead she placed her hand on mine and squeezed it hard.

'I'm sorry if that's the case.' She said in a gentle tone.

'I've really fucked things up, haven't I?' I said and had to try very hard to abstain from just crying in front of her.

'Hey... don't beat yourself up, everyone else is doing that already.' She replied trying to make me feel better.

'You know, Stefan... you weren't the only person in that marriage. You should remember that – it takes two to wreck a marriage. Even if you were the one who cheated... Elena isn't a saint, we both know that.' I knew what she meant, yet I couldn't judge her actions on the same level as me cheating. Not now, not ever.

'But she has been kind and loving towards me.'

'You still love her.' She said and her tone was surprised.

'Of course I do. I think I'll always love her regardless of what she decides.'

'Just wait and see what happens. Don't be too rash. Patience in key right now.'

'Thank you, Lexi.' Even if I wasn't sure I could give her as much space and time as she needed, I knew Lexi was right – and I would really try. Suddenly, she got up and smiled at me.

'I'm sorry Stefan but I actually need to go. Julia has piano lessons I need to pick her up from.' Julia was Lexi's only child from her previous marriage.

'Why isn't Lee picking her up?'

'Because, contrary to what most people believe, my husband has a job of his own.' It made me smile whenever she mentioned Lee. I couldn't remember the last time Lexi had been so happy about someone.

'Fair enough. Send my best to him.'

'Will do, Stefan. You take care, ok?' She hugged me tightly and was off in a rush, leaving me alone with my maddening thoughts.

The next day, after picking the kids up from school I drove them back home to their mother.

Pulling the car to a halt in our driveway made my insides turn to gum. I couldn't help but dread the moment Elena would open the front door. Since we'd separated, every time I saw her she oscillated between being unhappy and an emotional wreck. I was ashamed to even think about criticizing the way she dealt with the situation. But the fact was that it was starting to affect our children as well. And I just didn't know how to make things better anymore.

As the front door opened I expected to witness hurt and anger. Instead, the woman who appeared in front of us looked anything but hurt and angry. I felt my jaw dropping and another part of my body tensing up in response to her. I had to focus very hard to calm myself down in front of our kids.

'Mommy, you look different!' Olivia's excited comment was an understatement.

'Yeah... like good different.' So was Connor's.

She didn't look good different though. She looked amazing different.

I was shocked to realize she had her hair cut and she was now the proud owner of a fringe. Strangely enough it suited her face. She had also gotten red highlights in her hair. As she hugged our kids, I could see that heir nails were done in a matching dark red color. There was something else different. Her dress. Her figure-hugging sleeveless blue dress. She was mesmerizing.

I had never thought Elena was a conventional mother - you know, the type of housewives that never wore clothes suited to their figure, the ones that were always covered in peanut butter. No, she had always had a good fashion sense. But she had never dressed the way she looked tonight. I couldn't place my finger on it - it was like she had stepped in a time machine and gone back ten years. I finally realized what the change was really about - she looked happier. And it was the most beautiful thing to behold. She caught my eyes and her grin slowly disappeared.

'Why don't you kids say goodbye to your dad and go inside? I made muffins.'

'The double chocolate ones?' Squeaked Olivia.

'Those very ones.' I wondered when she had last baked them.

'Bye, dad. See you on Friday.' Connor said and high-fived me before running inside carrying his sister in his arms. An awkward silence fell between us before I finally got the balls to break it.

'Hi.' I said not being able to look away from her beautiful face.

'Hi.' She gently replied.

'You look... amazing.' I blurted out and cursed myself for putting her in an awkward situation. Instead she seemed flattered.

'Thank you.' Her smile was timid but it gave me courage.

'Is everything alright?' She closed the front door behind her and came closer to me.

'Stefan, we need to talk.' From my limited experience with women, that was never a good sign.

'I'm listening.'

'I've decided we should try to give it another go, to make this marriage work. For our children's sake.' I felt like I hadn't heard her right.

'Elena, are you sure about this?' She looked me straight in the eye as she replied.

'I'm positive.' I simply couldn't help my grin.

'There is nothing that could make me happier right now.' I said and made a step towards her. Her stance turned awkward and she raised a hand to stop me in my tracks.

'I have two conditions though.'

'Anything.' I said in a heartbeat.

'First... I want her out of your office.' I cringed as I thought of Rebecca.

'She was fired after... what happened.' I managed to blurt out in a strained tone. Part of me still felt guilty for getting her fired when I was very well off.

'She has relocated from what I've heard.' She curtly nodded.

'Good. That solves that problem then.' Elena said avoiding my gaze.

'What is the second condition?'

'Marriage counselling.' It wasn't anything that I couldn't live through.

'We'll do as much counselling as you want.' My overly eager reply made her smile just a tiny bit. I knew what her answer to my next question would be but I just had to ask.

'Elena, is there any way... What I mean is... do you think that I could... move back in?' Her tone was gentle but firm.

'Not just yet... I, ummm... I need some time to trust you again.'

I had realized getting back together – if she ever wanted to try – would be difficult for both of us. But hearing that her trust in me didn't exist anymore was unbearable.

I knew though that if I had even the slightest chance of making this work I needed to swallow up my pride and hurt and act like a man. So that's exactly what I did – silently nodded in response to her words and gently answered.

'You take all the time you need. I'll be right here waiting.' With that, I left her standing on our front porch. The very porch that she would stand on every morning I would leave for work and she would give me a goodbye kiss.

How in God's name I had managed to cheat on this beautiful woman, the mother of my children, I would never know. I had destroyed her trust in me and now I wasn't sure we would manage to get over this whole mess I created. But I knew one thing... I sure as hell would not give up on us too easily.