Chapter 3

- Damon -

Running away from your problems is a race you never win.

Unknown author

It feels like I've always been on the road. And that isn't exactly a lie. As I drive by the sign announcing 'Mystic Falls' I can't help but feel like I've arrived home.

The town looks unchanged in many ways. If you look more carefully you can see there are subtle changes – a new porch swing here, a freshly painted bench or a planted tree there – but the town is virtually in the same state as the day I left it.

I drive my Cadillac up to the Salvatore house and slowly turn the key to silence my dear old friend. When I got off that plane and saw it waiting for me at the airport I internally did a back flip with joy. This car had been with me through thick and thin.

When the engine stops I am left with an overwhelming sense of deja-vu. The surroundings fill my heart with comfort, a sentiment that I've longed for each and every day I was out on the field.

It has been ten years since I last set foot in Mystic Falls. I look at my childhood home and somehow feel like nothing has changed. The years haven't been kind to it though. There is something about it – the old is preserved but it almost seems like it's been deserted. I shake off that thought and open the door.

As I walk out of the car with my duffle bag hanging off my arm I inhale the smell of lime trees and take in the green. It's raining lightly and I my clothes are getting soaked. But I carry on standing in the rain, silently enjoying it.

Truth be told, it's been five years since I've felt rain on my skin. And I never imagined I would miss it this much.

I slowly walk up to the porch, reminiscing about all the times Stefan and I had run around playing our favorite army game. Our mother would scold us for fighting with our toy weapons and we would run into the woods carrying on with our little game, unnecessarily causing her to worry. I involuntarily smile and find myself wishing I had written to Stefan, letting him know I was coming home.

I knock on the door and wait for my dear mother to answer – I know it will be a while until she hears so I carry on knocking. She is probably in the kitchen preparing one of her lovely meals, or maybe she is up in the attic painting. She always used to love doing that.

Yet five minutes go by and nothing happens – no sound escapes from the house, nor any sign of movement. All of a sudden I realize that the lights are all off, that the grass hasn't been cut in weeks, and that there is a pile of letters in the mail box.

Something doesn't feel right.

I reluctantly pull out my mobile phone and dial Stefan's number. I have no idea what I would tell him if he answered but I am more worried about what he might say about our mother. But he never answers. The call goes directly to voicemail and I know it's because he is at work right now. A top-notch legal firm will do that to you. I almost curse his job before realizing there is still someone else in Mystic Falls that I can talk to.

Five minutes later I am pulling up in front of the high-school hoping that Alaric is still working here. The rain has stopped and all of a sudden I see a wave of teenagers pouring out of the building onto the streets – cheerleaders, jocks, nerds and the 'emos' as they call themselves nowadays. One noisier than the other. You'd think I'd be used to noise after the last decade of hell I've been through but nothing could be worse than this.

For the first time in my life I feel old. I'm only 33 years old yet I somehow feel older – like my youth went out the window during all these years.

As I walk through the halls I once owned 15 years ago I see my best friend at the end of the corridor. He is dressed in his signature checkered shirt and a dark blue vest on top, wearing his dorky glasses. I wave but he doesn't see me at first – perhaps I'm not the only one who is showing signs of old age.

'Damon?' He asks freezing when he recognizes me.

'Damon, is that really you?' I keep on walking towards him and can't help my smile.

'What's the matter, Ric? You look like you've seen a ghost.' His mouth hangs open and all of a sudden he wakes out of his daze.

He grins and lunges over to capture me in a bear hug.

'You son of a bitch – you're really here!' We embrace for a while, and I feel like I've reunited with a brother, not only my best friend.

'I am.' And it is such a good feeling.

'How long has it been?' He asks staring at me.

'Too long, my friend.'

Ten years to be exact.

'You don't look any different.' His observation sounds more like an accusation.

I huff in response. He looks at me more carefully.

'Well... your beard is gone and your hair is much shorter but aside from that you look just the same.' I may not look that different but I definitely feel different.

'Yeah, they didn't let me keep the beard. Or my golden locks.' I sarcastically say and we both laugh.

'When did you get back anyway?'

'Today.' Ric seems surprised.

'Why didn't you write to say you were coming back?'

'Truth be told, I didn't know I would be coming back.' It took a long time to decide that coming back was the right decision.

'It's so good to see you, man. We should go out for a drink.'

'I'd love to. But before that I need to ask you something.' Ric's grin disappears as he senses the seriousness in my tone.

'Of course.' I hesitate for just a second.

'Is my mother alright? I... just stopped by our house and she wasn't there. Place looked deserted.' Seeing Ric shifting his weight uncomfortably from one foot to the other makes me anxious.

'Damon, you don't know?' He asks scratching the back of his head.

'Know what?'

'Your mom... she is in a care home in Atlanta.'

'What?!' Ric has a sheepish look about him.

'I thought Stefan told you.' And that right there sets off my switch. Of course it had something to do with Stefan... My silence encouraged him to carry on.

'She was diagnosed with early onset Alzheimer's.' It took me a while to process that piece of information.

It all suddenly made sense to me. Throughout all of those years mother had always responded to each and every one of the letters I sent her. She was the only person I bothered to write to. Lately she hadn't replied as often and in the past months I'd only gotten a couple of letters from her. Apparently this was why.

'No, Stefan never told me. We haven't talked ever since I left.' Somehow a decade hadn't been enough to take away the pain.

'I'm so sorry, Damon...' Alaric said, encouragingly patting me on the back.

'It's alright, man.' It took me a second to gather my thoughts and control my emotions.

'How long has it been since Stefan moved her there?'

'Six months.' Too long. Had I known I could've come back sooner...

'I can't believe it.'

'It was quite sudden – I don't know the details but I found out from Stefan. He came to get her things from your house after he moved her. He seemed quite upset about it. Actually he seemed like a mess altogether – I'm not sure that was the only thing wrong with him but I didn't want to pry.'

That didn't surprise me. I had just found out about mother and felt like a complete mess. Stefan actually had to deal with the situation and personally take care of our mother, making all of the decisions. He must have been scared out of his mind. But then again, she had probably been there for him. She had always been there for him.

'Do you know which nursing home she's in?'

'I do – Jenna still keeps in touch with Lillian.' Jenna – Elena's aunt. I had to try very hard to avoid focusing on that for now. Realization hit me then.

'Jenna... so is she...?' A huge grin appeared on Ric's face.

'My wife?' He asks showing me his wedding ring. Last time we had seen each other he was pining over Jenna who was dating this other guy. They were good friends but he had always loved her. I remember telling him to get over her and find someone else. Not I am so darn happy he didn't follow my advice.

'Congratulations, man.' I say hugging him again.

'And the mother of my children.' He proudly says and instinctively pulls out his wallet where he has photos of all of them.

'These are Jake and Miranda - twins.' His kids can't be older than five; the girl looks just like Jenna and the boy an identical copy of Alaric. They look like a perfect family. And Alaric cannot stop grinning looking at his photos. It strikes me how much he has changed since we last spoke.

'I'm so happy for you, man. I'm sorry I wasn't here to be part of all of this.' The sadness in my voice speaks loud and clear. Ric shoots me a sympathetic look.

'You were busy fighting for our country. There could be nothing more noble than that. You have nothing to regret. You couldn't have done anything for her.' Suddenly he is trying to comfort me about my mother. He is as good a friend as anyone could dream of.

'Yeah...' I reply not knowing what else to say. I'm still quite rattled up.

'Do you still wanna go out for that drink?'

'Actually, can we take a rain check on the drinks?' I stop and then I hesitate.

'There is somebody I need to see first.'

'Of course.' He replies patting me on the back.

An hour later, as the city lights in Atlanta start to be visible from my car I can't help but think back on Ric's words - 'You have nothing to regret' - and how they left a bitter taste in my mouth. The truth is I have a lot of regrets... some of them I managed to leave back in the deserts of Afghanistan among the raging war and atrocities I had witnessed. Some of them still haunted me in the dead of the night, one of them more than all the others.

Alaric said I had done my duty and couldn't have helped my mother anyway. And he was right. But the truth is that I sacrificed ten years of my life to run away from my fears, from my broken heart, from her... It took all of my willpower to walk away and let them live their life in peace – the only way I had known how to do that was by running away as far as I could, hiding on the other side of the world hoping that I would forgive and forget. Yet I had also hurt my mother and brother in the process.

I couldn't change the past, and I had learn to accept that. But I wasn't intending on living in the past amidst my fears and regrets anymore. One way or another I had to make amends for my mistakes and face my fears once and for all. I wasn't sure how I would achieve all of that, but one thing was for sure – I had to start somewhere.

Elena not wanting me anymore all those years ago had left me a hollow man. I tried with all my strength to change that yet I couldn't, and in the end didn't want to, for more than one reason. Somewhere along the way I had learned to live with it all, to accept that she would never be mine. But as much as I fought against it, losing her had changed me. More than I would ever like to admit.

As much as I hated it, avoiding her was no longer an option. Elena was part of my family and the moment I decided I would come back to rejoin my mother I decided I would face both her and Stefan.

It was time to leave the past in the past and start a new life.