Author note: I seem to be on a roll. I have no beta so all mistakes are mine.

November 25th 2017.

Blaine was on his one million gazillion blind date in 3 years – or so it felt like. And it wasn't going well. He really didn't want to be there. He had gotten his hopes up for a split second the minute he stepped though the door and laid eyes on the guy with the red scarf. His breath had hitched. Could it be? But those hopes were quickly dashed. He had almost walked out again before he was spotted, but had come to the conclusion that his mother taught him better than that. He couldn't help the disappointment that filled him from the inside out though and he knew right away he wouldn't give this guy any serious chance. Still, he sat down in front of him and introductions were made.

"So Kurt." He said, but he didn't roll the R. "Tell me about yourself?" And he tried sounding interested, he tried to look interested, he really did...but he just couldn't pull it off. Luckily his date didn't seem to notice, so instead of listening to him Blaine just watched him. He took in his impeccable taste in clothes that still somehow weren't quite right, checked out his brown hair that just seemed a little bit flat, his fair skin looked more ghost pale than radiant and his blue eyes, though pretty, just came across as dull to him. The guy was handsome but there was nothing really special about his features and his voice was too deep. Still...it was all so very close, but not close enough. Because this was not his Kurt as he had dubbed him in his mind.

So...okay. Blaine was on a blind date with a Kurt look-alike, that even had the same name. He knew how creepy that sounded. But it got worse. After he moved to the city and had quite a few bad blind dates, he had decided to only agree on being set up in this type of scenario, if and only if the guy he was going to meet was named Kurt. Just in case. He couldn't stand the thought that he might miss him. And after all, how many gay men named Kurt could there be in New York? Surely not that many, right? Wrong. He had been down this road so many times before and it was a huge let down each and every time. Although this time it just stung a little more and he knew why.

This was a special day after all. Exactly 3 years ago to this day the powers that be had thrown him and Kurt together on a plane and in his head he had built this date up in his mind, thinking how perfect it would be if he walked in and for once it would actually be his Kurt waiting for him. He had imagined how they would run towards each other, in slow motion of course, because duh...Blaine was an romantic at heart - and everything would stand still when they met in the middle for a long awaited reunion kiss, they could have had their first official date on the anniversary of the day they met. It was the stuff rom-com's were made of. Unfortunately for Blaine, it seemed fate had other plans and weren't as romantically inclined as he was. He sighed and focused back in on the conversation when he heard his name called.

"Blaine? Hey, are you listening?" His date was waving a hand in front of his face when Blaine finally tuned back in.

"Huh, sorry. What were you saying?" He blushed at being caught daydreaming. He was being rude and that was not how a Dalton gentleman behaved.

"I asked if you wanted to get out of here? Maybe to my place for a glass of wine?" The not Kurt said, a twinkle in his eye that told Blaine that wine was the last thing on his mind. Seriously, this guy might as well have invited him home to see his stamp collection or something. His intentions were clear as day and Blaine was no fool. Not anymore, at least.

He was not the same naive 18 year old virgin he was when he first moved here 3 years ago – that version of himself had gone home with quite a few men and gotten thoroughly groped before realizing what they wanted, stammering an excuse and leaving in a hurry. Now he was 21 and wiser. And no novice in the bedroom. Sure, there was a time right after his fateful encounter with Kurt when he had held out, hoping against all reason, that they would bump into each other again – a time when in his mind he had been saving himself for Kurt. It had taken a heart to heart with the most unexpected person on the planet and a night of passion with him to completely erase that notion though.

Back when he first started NYU, this guy had been...not so subtle about his interest in Blaine and he would be lying if he said he hadn't been flattered or attracted to him. Sebastian was a handsome older student with a lot more confidence and a relaxed attitude towards sex. He had been shamelessly flirting with Blaine from day one, laying in on a bit too thick for Blaine's taste and had quickly caught on to Blaine's virgin situation with how much he was always blushing whenever Sebastian hit on him. Though with Blaine being the romantic he was, naturally he had blatantly rebuffed all of his advances. Until the end of the year party his sophomore year, when his life was turned upside down.

He had been sitting on a couch with a girl from his class drunkenly moaning about Kurt and how they were destined to be, if only he could find him again. At that point he had tried everything; when Facebook yielded no result, he had gone through the New York phone-book contacting all the Kurt Hummel's he could find, but the list was unending and he eventually gave that up after calling what must have been at least 500 people and realizing his Kurt might not even be listed. He also tried getting in touch with all the Vogue offices to find out which one Kurt worked at and see if he could get his number that way, but no one would give him any personal information about their employees, that stuff was apparently confidential or something like that, so he had no way of tracking Kurt down that way. He didn't even know what part of the city he lived in so he couldn't skulk around his area hoping to spot him, which he would have been totally okay with doing by the way - even if it made him look like a stalker. He didn't know if Kurt studied somewhere in the city either, all he had talked about was his Vogue job after all and Blaine spent many nights browsing Vogue's online magazine and reading all of Kurt's articles hoping to get some kind of hint where to find him, but Kurt was always 100% professional in his writing and never mentioned anything personal. Blaine was simply stuck and out of luck. That was the reason he had been drowning his sorrows in cheap beer and vodka all night. Of course, he had been a little too loud and Sebastian had overheard everything.

"So that's why you never fell for my charm, killer. You're pining for someone else. That explains so much." Sebastian said as he dropped down next to him, the girl from earlier gone, probably tired of hearing him bitch about how he and Kurt could have had 'a love story for the ages.' Blaine just rolled his eyes. "Tell me though." Sebastian continued. "Do you really think this guy Kent..."

"His name is Kurt." Blaine corrected.

"Right, Kurt...whatever." It was Sebastian's turn to roll his eyes. "Do you really think this Kurt is sitting around waiting for you?" Blaine's face fell. "I mean no offense by that." He was quick to reassure when he saw Blaine's expression."Clearly, you are a total hottie. It's no secret how I feel about you. It should be obvious by now that I think you are sex on a stick, but let's be realistic here for a second. Let's say you did share some out of this world connection with this guy..."

"We did." Blaine insisted.

"Okay, sure. But let me ask you something. What if you never meet Kurt again? Are you gonna live your whole life holding out for something that might never...probably never will happen? How is that a life worth living?" Sebastian asked. And wow, when did a guy like that get so deep?

Blaine thought it over. What if he never saw Kurt again. Could fate be that cruel? He bit his lower lip as a strong need to cry came over him, his eyes were welling up against his will and Sebastian looked on alarmed. He knew he was making a scene. Great, just what I need, he thought bitterly.

"Shit Blaine. I'm sorry. This was not my intention at all. Please don't do...that." Sebastian looked uncomfortable, but didn't move away as Blaine sniffed quietly. Suddenly he found himself in Sebastian's embrace - and okay, that was new. Maybe there was more to this guy than his sex-fueled bravado.

"Sorry." Blaine stammered. "Stupid alcohol always makes me overly emotional." Sebastian eyed him for a few seconds and Blaine was sure he was gonna leave, but to his surprise he carried on.

"Listen, killer. I didn't mean to make you sad or whatever. Who knows, you might run into him again." Sebastian was rubbing his back now and Blaine felt strangely comforted by that. It didn't feel as good as when Kurt had done it though. "But it could be years down the line...and a guy has needs." That was true. Blaine did have needs and he was getting increasingly tired of only his right hand to help him out. "All I'm saying is that it wouldn't kill you to enjoy the ride until you do find him." Sebastian concluded.

"You just wanna get in my pants." Blaine chuckled and wiped his eyes while Sebastian smirked.

"Well, that's part of it." He conceded. "Another part is that I know all the gay assholes around this campus..." He grinned and then added: "Literally." To which Blaine wrinkled his nose. "They're selfish bastards, let's be real...most men are...they're only concerned with their own needs and getting off. And I may be a bit of a slut and an ass, but that doesn't mean I want you to have a bad experience your first time. I actually really like you, Blaine." He looked up abruptly, surprised Sebastian would even care about something like that and suddenly the guy was slowly leaning in to kiss him. His kisses didn't taste anything like Kurt's, but they weren't bad either and when Sebastian licked his lips to ask for entrance, Blaine let him in. When they parted, Sebastian was smiling at him, a genuine smile, not the leering one he usually got from him and Blaine realized he was seeing the real Sebastian for the first time. The man behind the mask. And he liked what he saw.

"You know." Blaine smiled and looked down bashfully. "You actually can be really charming when you drop the act."

"Oh no, not the bashful school boy thing again. You know what that does to me." Sebastian pretended to fan himself as Blaine laughed and hit his shoulder. "You are an ass."

"You wound me." He put a hand to his chest and Blaine rolled his eyes. "But really, I meant what I said." He moved closer into Blaine's personal space and another slow kiss was pressed to his lips. Then Sebastian's hand sneaked up to massage his neck and play with the curls coming free of the gel there and Blaine was surprised he hadn't gone for the hand on the thigh instead. Of course, this was the more intimate move. Damn, Sebastian really was desperate to seduce him if he was turning to petting.

"You really wanna get laid, don't you?" Blaine deadpanned as he turned to look at him and Sebastian chuckled.

"I do. But keep in mind that I could have anyone at this party and I came to you." Sebastian said. "I am not gonna pretend my intentions with you aren't selfish ones...they are." He paused, his eyes drifting to Blaine's red kiss swollen lips: "My God, they so are...but that's not all they are. I really think this could be beneficial to the both of us. Just don't fall in love with me and we're good." Blaine scoffed. As if he would ever feel anything for someone who wasn't Kurt.

"And what if I changed my mind?" Blaine asked and Sebastian sighed.

"I am not gonna say I wouldn't be disappointed, but that would be your choice. And I would respect it. I'm not a rapist, Blaine." He emphasized. "But I know I could make it really good for you." With that Sebastian stood and reached his hand out to him. "Let me?" Blaine stared into his eyes for what seemed like a long time looking for any deception, but found none. He inhaled a nervous breath as Sebastian continued to look at him, a question in his eyes, then exhaled a shaky; "Okay." He accepted the hand offered to him and let Sebastian lead him away from the crowd.

So Sebastian had been his first but certainly not his last - and he never regretted it. It hadn't been the big romantic celebration of love he had always imagined. That was simply not possible between two people who didn't love each other. But Sebastian had still been gentle and caring, keeping his promise to make it good for him. His first time had been with someone experienced, who knew what they were doing and hadn't hurt him. Sebastian had made him feel desirable, instantly putting him at ease and he had gotten a mind-blowing orgasm out of it in the end. All in all his first time had been more than satisfactory. That was all that mattered.

And he was not gonna lie, once he finally took that step into adulthood, he enjoyed it. Sex was awesome and he and Sebastian were actually really good friends now, sometimes friends with benefits too. Although they didn't hook up as often as they used to. Which Blaine suspected had something to do with a certain tall, dark and handsome singer named Elliott that Blaine still hadn't met but whom Sebastian hadn't shut up about in months. It was fine though. Blaine didn't mind, he was never in love with Sebastian and he never would be. They were just consenting adults who enjoyed each others bodies and when they did it never failed to make Blaine feel nostalgic - you really never did forget your first time.

He didn't have any problems finding someone else to warm his bed anyway. His current date was proof of that and he'd be damned if he refused a Kurt look-alike access to his bed. He was not throwing that away. After all, it might very well be the closest he would ever get to the real thing. Not that he had completely lost hope that he would ever see Kurt again. It was just that as the years went on, he acknowledged that he might have to wait a while. That didn't mean he couldn't still experience pleasure as long as he let everyone he got involved with that way know that although they could have his body, they could never have his heart. Emotionally Blaine knew he would only ever belong to one person and that was Kurt Hummel. And not Kurt knew the drill.

"Lead the way." He said and followed the man to his car.

As soon as they got inside not Kurt's place the guy wasted no time pushing Blaine up against a wall and kissing him hard while Blaine tried really hard to not think about how his Kurt's kisses had been soft and loving. "God, you're so hot Blaine." The guy whined as he pressed his hard member up against Blaine's thigh and proceeded to drag him to the bedroom, clothes flying everywhere. Blaine didn't answer. Instead he pushed not Kurt down on the bed, both of them naked now and straddled him, noticing that if he furrowed his eyebrows and squinted just a little bit in the dark his vision blurred just enough that he could actually fool himself into believing this really was his Kurt. His date wasn't having any of that though. He paused his lips on Blaine's chest and looked up at him confused.

"You okay? You look like you're in pain." And fuck, why couldn't he just go with it? Blaine tried not to make his annoyance show and ignored the voice in the back of his head telling him that what he was doing was wrong. So wrong. On so many levels. There was no turning back now though, not with the arousal cursing through his body and clouding his thoughts.

"I'm okay. Turn around." Not Kurt hesitated for only a fraction of second, but then he did as Blaine said. Thank God. The guy handed him lube and a condom from a drawer and Blaine wasted no time preparing him, thoroughly – he wasn't one of those selfish bastards Sebastian had talked about. As he put on the condom, pushing in and started to thrust in and out, not Kurt's voice was getting higher and breathier, much closer in pitch to his Kurt and Blaine closed his eyes picturing it was actually him moaning under him as his hips worked frantically towards release. It didn't take either of them long to reach their climax and as not Kurt came with a shout of "Blaaaaine! Fuck yeah!" Blaine unloaded in the condom babbling a string of incoherent words that mostly consisted of; "Kurt, fuck. So good. Yessss!" He panicked momentarily afterward, before he remembered that this guy's name really was Kurt.

Last month he had made the mistake of picking up another guy resembling his Kurt at a club, that guy's name had been Lucas. Unfortunately Blaine had never had much control over his mouth during throes of passion and when he came that night "Lucas" had not been the name on his lips. Blaine had been too wasted to catch himself before the "Kurt" slipped out and the guy had been pissed to say the least. It wasn't one of Blaine's finest moments and the awkwardness that followed had so not been worth the orgasm. He had left as quickly as he could feeling like the biggest ass in the world. Much like he did right now, looking at not Kurt enjoying the afterglow.

"You can sleep here, if you want." The guy smiled and patted the spot next to him. And fuck, Blaine knew he shouldn't take him up on the offer, he rarely stayed the night at any of his one night stands, but the slender pale body and the big baby blues were drawing him in and he got under the covers with him despite his better judgment.

Blaine certainly did not expect not Kurt to grab his hand to pull him closer and making Blaine basically spoon him from behind, but he didn't push him away either. Instead he allowed himself to imagine for a while as he buried his face in the man's neck. Not Kurt's scent wasn't anything like vanilla and coconut, but it was still a pleasant scent of man and in the darkness Blaine could pretend he was someone else. Just for a few hours, he thought as he closed his eyes and fell asleep, images of porcelain skin and clear bell like laughter haunting his dreams. Dr. Sigmund Freud himself would have had a field day analyzing this.

The next day he was doing the walk of shame as he entered his apartment in the early morning hours only to be immediately ambushed by one of his roommates. He should have known.

"Soooooooooooooo." A tall blond guy with floppy bedhead hair said as he popped up behind the kitchen counter like a jack-in-the-box. "How did the date go?" Blaine rolled his eyes as he walked to the fridge. It was too early for this.

"It was okay, Jeff." He said and hoped his friend would leave it alone. No such luck.

"It must have went better than okay. You didn't come home last night and don't tell me you just talked because I don't believe it for a second." Jeff prodded.

"Fine, I slept with him. Happy now?" Blaine asked as he grabbed a bottle of water and downed half of it.

"Nah, ah. I want details." His friend insisted. "I set you up with this guy and you got laid because of me, I think I deserve it."

"Um, no. I got laid because of me." Blaine stated as he threw the now empty bottle in the trash.

"Semantics." Jeff dismissed and followed Blaine into the living-room.

"How old are you anyway? I'm not gonna discuss my sex life with you, man." Blaine said as he dropped down on their couch.

"Dude, not that. I wanna know the good stuff. How you connected, what you talked about. I just knew the instant I saw him that he would be just your type." The blond draped himself over the back of the couch with a dreamy expression on his face. "I am the best match-maker, ever. You gotta make me best man at your wedding." And okay, Blaine was not even gonna acknowledge that last comment.

"He was my type, alright." He mumbled under his breath instead. "Look wise, anyway."

"What was that?" Jeff asked.

"Nothing."

"Blaaaaaaaine." Jeff said.

"Jeeeeeeeeff." Blaine countered.

"Why are you being this difficult? Why can't you just tell me what you bonded over?" Jeff pouted.

"Because we didn't bond over anything, okay." Blaine leaned back on the couch closing his eyes. He really just wanted to go back to sleep for a while, he hadn't slept as well as he thought he would holding not Kurt. Which was probably because he wasn't Kurt. Do'h. He was so stupid.

"What? But you didn't sleep with any of the others?" Jeff asked confused.

That was true. Jeff had set him up on a million dates and Blaine had slept with exactly none of them. He enjoyed sex like every man, but he wasn't a slut like Sebastian, never had been. Silence fell and he could feel his friend's eyes on him. Any minute now...

"Something must have made him different?" Jeff said and Blaine could sense his friend moving closer to him but still didn't open his eyes.

"Oh, there's no doubt about that." Blaine just agreed, but didn't elaborate further hoping he wouldn't have to. Of course, there was no way Jeff was gonna let it go, he was like a dog with a bone. He had basically made it his life mission to find Blaine a man and he was determined to succeed.

"Well, what was it?" And there it was, the question Blaine would rather not answer.

"Ughggggg." He moaned in frustration as he turned to bury his head in his friend's shoulder who chuckled and petted his head. "There there." Jeff said. "Use your words, I know you can do it." Blaine sighed and spoke really fast. "HelookedlikeKurt."

"Come again?" Jeff asked as Blaine lifted his head from his shoulder.

"I said, he looked like Kurt." Blaine repeated.

"His name is Kurt." Jeff said, not following and Blaine just wanted to scream.

"No, I mean. He looked. Like. Kurt." He emphasized every word and slowly it dawned on Jeff.

"Oh! Oh. You mean, your Kurt." Blaine nodded.

Of course, all of his friends knew about Kurt. Blaine's Kurt or Plane Kurt. Also known as Regret Kurt. Sometimes even referred to as "the who who got away" Kurt if Blaine was feeling especially blue or particularly drunk. Fact was...Blaine talked about Kurt a lot. Not as much as he used to – and thank goodness for that because it was driving them all insane, but still a lot. Beside him it was Jeff's turn to sigh.

"Blaine." He began cautiously.

"Don't say it, Jeff." Blaine begged as he leaned forward and rested his head in his hands.

"Someone has to say it and as your friend, I feel like it's my responsibility." Jeff paused as if weighing his words and Blaine hated that his friend apparently felt like he was walking on eggshells around him. "Look, Blaine. We have all been very understanding and supportive about this Kurt thing." He continued. "But I think your obsession with this guy is becoming unhealthy."

"You don't know what you're talking about, Jeff." Blaine said defensively. Kurt could never be unhealthy for me.

"Listen to what you just told me, Blaine." Jeff pressed on. "You said it yourself. You slept with that guy for one simple reason, that he looked like Kurt. Not because you felt any connection with him, I doubt you even liked him at all. All you saw were his looks, am I right?" Jeff asked. "Can you tell me one personal thing you learned about him on your date?"

"Umm." Blaine had to admit, he got him there.

"That's what I thought." Jeff said. "You are picking bed partners on the criteria that they look like a guy you met briefly on a plane 3 years ago. Don't think for a moment I didn't notice that tall, pale, blue-eyed brunette you slipped away with from the club last month." Jeff reprimanded and Blaine cringed at the mention of Lucas. "I let that one slide. But Blaine, first it was going on dates with guys who have his name, now it's sleeping with guys who resemble him and you won't give any other guys the time of day. It's a slippery slope you're heading down, and frankly...it's creepy."

"Gee, tell me how you really feel. Why don't you." Blaine snapped.

"It's out of concern, Blaine. You know that." Jeff said sadly.

"Whatever." He said as he got up and walked to his room. "I don't need to listen to this." And with that he slammed the door and threw himself on the bed. Of course, he only reacted like that because Jeff had hit a nerve and they both knew it. Maybe Jeff was right. Maybe he had turned into a creep? Maybe one day soon he would end up like one of those people on TLC's "My Strange Obsession" marrying a cardboard cutout of Kurt that he made himself. Ugggggh.

He knew he had to apologize to Jeff later, but right now he needed to get his head on straight and get some sleep. He stared at the ceiling for a long time not finding any solution to his predicament, before he finally drifted of with one last thought. Kurt, where the hell are you? It wouldn't be long now though, until he saw his Kurt again. He just didn't know it.