Author note: I really strugged with this chapter. I find it harder to write for Kurt, than I do Blaine. Anyway, enjoy :)

November 25th 2017

Kurt had built a good life for himself during the last 3 years. When he returned back from Ohio after grieving Finn, he had started to look forward instead of backwards. He had studied hard and graduated from NYADA with grades sky high while at the same time working himself up the ranks at Vogue; this morning Isabelle had tasked him with his first real assignment that went beyond just commenting on the newest trends and he was super excited about it. He had also scored a great job as a singing waiter, while auditioning for all the roles he could find on the side. He was determined to make a name for himself on Broadway or in fashion, whichever came first. No matter what Kurt Hummel was born to be a star.

As he danced around the Spotlight Diner while singing "I Believe In A Thing Called Love" with his buddy Elliott – and killing it by the way, his thoughts automatically drifted to a certain curly haired boy for the millionth time that day. Blaine. Dammit. He rarely thought about the guy these days. Okay...that wasn't entirely true, Blaine had a habit of popping up in his head at random times. Like last week when he came across a display of bow ties at Brooks Brothers or just the other day while watching an old black and white movie at Rachel's - with a lead actor that happened to bear an uncanny resemblance to an older, more mature Blaine – he had left before the movie was over faking a headache, much to Rachel's chagrin.

"I never see you anymore, Kurt." She had complained as he put on his Burberry jacket and knee-high Alexander McQueen boots. And he knew she was right. But his life was just so busy with juggling 2 jobs while auditioning and at the same time keeping the relationship with his long-time boyfriend from going sour. Oh yeah, he had a boyfriend. Kurt Hummel was off the market and really happy to be. All he had ever wanted was to find someone to love and feel loved in return and now he had that. Their 2 year anniversary was just around the corner, they were living together and they were solid. He was happy, most days.

But then there were days like these, when the ghost of Blaine kept haunting him. He didn't know how a guy he'd met briefly 3 years ago could still take up so much time in his head. He should have forgotten about him ages ago, he was sure Blaine had forgotten all about him. After all, how big of an impression could Kurt have made on the guy if he hadn't even bothered to chase after him that day at the airport? He had thought about trying to find him many times since then, but in the years that had gone by since that day, Kurt had convinced himself that he must have suffered some kind of temporary delusion and that Blaine couldn't possibly have felt anything close to what Kurt had. What was he gonna say anyway, if he found him? "Hey, remember me? We were on the same plane 3 years ago and I think we shared a moment." No, he would sound like a complete nut.

All of those doubts had tainted the memory of the plane ride and the charming boy with the golden eyes. Still Kurt couldn't seem to really let go of Blaine completely. For the last 3 years, Blaine had been with him wherever he went, even if he wasn't physically there. And quite honestly, Kurt was sick of it. It wasn't fair to his boyfriend and it made him feel guilty. But he just didn't know how to erase Blaine from his mind's eye. It was like he was branded on there forever and no matter how much Kurt tried, he simply couldn't forget him.

He and Elliott finished their performance to huge applause and retreated to a corner for a short break to catch their breath. "That was awesome, dude." Elliott said as he leaned against the counter. "We totally slayed that." Kurt just sent him a smile as he bent down to retrieve two water bottles, he handed Elliott one which he accepted gratefully. "Thanks."

"You're welcome. And you're right, El." Kurt said. "I haven't heard applause like that since Rachel and Santana did 'Hard Days Night' last week." He opened the bottle and took a swig. Elliott did the same as he watched Kurt stare off into space for a while.

"Okay..." Elliott began, breaking Kurt out of his stupor. "Are you gonna tell me what's on your mind?" He asked and Kurt just rolled his eyes. "Don't give me that eye-roll, mister. You're distracted, I can tell." Kurt sighed, he couldn't hide anything from his best friend.

"It's the 25th." He left it at that.

"So?" Elliott lifted an inquiring eyebrow that reminded Kurt so much about himself.

"Of November." Kurt clarified and Elliott looked confused, then a look of comprehension dawned on his face and he turned to him with a wary look.

"Look, Kurt." He started, but was stopped before he could continue.

"I know, El. I know, okay." Kurt plopped down on a chair laying his forehead on his arms as they came to rest on the counter. "It's crazy." He felt this close to banging his head against the counter, hoping it would somehow shake Blaine loose from up in there.

"It's not crazy, Kurt." Elliott sighed as he placed his hands on Kurt's back, rubbing up and down. "It's human."

Elliott knew all about Blaine, thus knowing the importance of this date. As did the rest of his friends. Thanks to a bit of liquid courage - damn you, alcohol - Kurt had told the story many times, to many different people, excluding his current boyfriend who remained completely in the dark - and if Kurt had anything to say about it, it would stay that way. The last thing he needed was for his real love life to collide with his imaginary love life. That could only end badly.

"I just don't get it, El." Kurt looked back at his friend. "How is he still in there?" He asked gesturing to his head. Elliott just smiled knowingly.

"I don't think the problem is that he's stuck in your head, Kurt." Elliott said as he turned him around in the chair. "I think the problem is that he's stuck in here..." He said as he put his hand on Kurt's chest, right above his heart. Kurt's eyes widened, remembering too vividly how Blaine had made that same gesture 3 years earlier. He shook his head, trying to rid it of the memory.

"No, no way." He was too quick to deny. "That part of me already belongs to someone else. And you know that." He reminded Elliott, who just gave him a long frustrated look before sighing. Kurt knew it meant he had decided to drop the subject and he was not so secretly glad. It was a discussion they had had many times before and it was getting old.

Elliott always trying to convince Kurt that it was possible to love two people at the same time and Kurt dismissing the idea completely. While the two of them were the same in many ways, the way they viewed love was totally different. Elliott was a free spirit who believed love was fluent, unpredictable and could encompass multiple people and genders at once. And that just didn't fit with Kurt's old-fashioned romantic perspective. He believed in soul-mates, one person for everyone. In his belief there would only ever be one perfect match for him. He had already found him – and it wasn't on a plane from New York to Ohio 3 years ago. His match was waiting for him at home. Their home. You just keep telling yourself that, the voice in the back of his head taunted him. Shut up, he snapped back. He had to stop spending so much time with Elliott, clearly his ridiculous notions were starting to get to him. He needed a change of subject, fast.

"So...how are things with your man?" He asked and suddenly Elliott blushed crimson red which was so uncommon for him. Normally it took a lot more to get his friend flustered.

"He is not my man!" Elliott protested. "We're just hanging out."

"And fucking like rabbits." Kurt added with a smirk.

"And fucking like rabbits." Elliott admitted as he sat down next to him and let out a long breath. Kurt eyed him for a moment. "Well, that's good, right? When will I meet him?"

"It's complicated." Elliott sighed. "Sebastian is...God, he's amazing. Hot, smart, successful, great in bed."

"Then what's the problem, El?" Kurt asked when he saw his friend slump resignedly next to him.

"He is also snarky, frustrating and infuriatingly distant." A pout spread on his friend's lips.

"That sucks." Kurt didn't know what else to say, it was clear Elliott was upset.

"Yeah. He doesn't want a relationship." And Kurt swore he saw the hint of tears in his eyes. It made him both sad for Elliott and angry at this Sebastian, all at the same time.

"I'm so sorry." Kurt smiled sadly at his friend. "But if this guy is leading you on, you need to put an end to it."

"Oh, he's not. That's the most frustrating thing about this. He told me from the beginning how this was gonna go. I think his exact words were: 'Just don't fall in love with me and we're good.' And I was dumb enough to go and do exactly that." Elliott moaned and Kurt couldn't help but think this guy sounded too full of himself. Who told people such a thing? Douche-bags.

"In a lot of ways he is your complete opposite and in other ways, you're so alike, it's scary." Elliott continued and Kurt felt slightly nauseated by being compared to this guy. "I mean, he is just as feisty as you and he's got the same razor sharp tongue. I bet if you two were ever in the same room having words, it would get explosive." I don't doubt that, Kurt thought. When I give him a piece of my mind about how he's treating my best friend. If this guy was really anything like Elliott described Kurt knew a scenario like that could quickly escalate to nuclear levels. "This is him actually." Elliott said and then he was holding his phone in front of Kurt's face.

There was a slightly blurry picture on the screen where Elliott had zoomed in on a tall scrawny looking guy with light brown hair, green eyes and a face that reminded Kurt of a meerkat. He was smiling a leering smile at the camera with his giant horse teeth, a smile that made Kurt uncomfortable and he disliked him instantly. Shit. That could turn out to be a problem when his best friend seemed completely smitten with him. I'll worry about that later, he thought. Meerkat had his arm around someone else, but most of that person was cropped out, all Kurt could see was one arm in a blue cardigan and what appeared to be a lose bow-tie hanging around the guy's neck. It immediately reminded Kurt of Blaine. Unfortunately the guy's face was out of focus and before Kurt could ask Elliott to zoom out on the picture the phone was snatched away. Oh well.

"Anyway, you'll probably never meet him." Elliott sighed and Kurt was secretly relieved, this guy seemed like bad news and definitely not good for his friend. "He's showed no interest in moving whatever we have outside the bedroom and rarely talk about his personal life." Kurt sensed there was more Elliott wanted to say.

"But?" He prodded.

"But...we are spending a lot of time together. Like...A LOT, Kurt." Elliott emphasized. "I feel like I've seen him more than I've seen you these last couple of months. And he's always reluctant to leave when we're...you know. Done. Or at least it feels like it. There's something in his eyes I can't quite read and I know I am not making it up." Elliot ranted. "And last night he asked if he could stay over and we watched a movie. He's never done that before, Kurt. Never. And when I woke up this morning he was cuddling me in his sleep, but when I mentioned it he got all weird and stormed out." Elliott had his elbows on the counter with his hands in his hair by the end of his speech, looking at Kurt for advice and Kurt really didn't know what to say.

"Listen, El." He began, wondering how to say this without getting his friend's hope up too much. "I don't know this guy, but it sounds to me like maybe he's confused."

"Really?" And when Elliott's eyes lit up with hope anyway, Kurt cursed himself.

"I said maybe. Don't get yourself all worked up about this only to get crushed later, El. It's not worth it." He thought about Blaine and his personal experience with hope. Yeah, hope could definitely be the worst thing ever when it turned out to be just an illusion. Against his better judgment and dislike of this Sebastian guy, he continued. "I think you should keep seeing him, but on his terms, don't put too much pressure on him or what you do together – or it will probably scare him off completely. He doesn't sound like a commitment type guy and if he is feeling something for you, he's probably scared."

"You think so?" Elliott asked surprised, it was not the response he'd expected.

"Yeah. Spend time together, see where it goes. But the second you feel it becoming too much emotionally, you break it off. Promise me."

"Thanks, Kurt. I promise." Elliott smiled at him warmly and he smiled back.

"Anytime El. Anytime." Then a bell dinged signaling a new customer and Elliott cringed as he looked in the direction of the door.

"Your clone is back." He said and Kurt rolled his eyes. In the last few weeks this guy had begun frequenting the diner and all of his co-workers had dubbed him "Kurt Clone." They found it hilarious. Kurt found it annoying. After all, this guy didn't look that much like him. Did he?

Sure, he was about the same height and build, had the same pale complexion with brown hair and blue eyes. And sure, he dressed well. But not as fabulously as Kurt himself. For example, he knew for a fact that the red scarf around the guy's neck was last season. There was no way Kurt would be caught dead in last season's attire. He had standards. Besides, the guy's face was nothing like his own, but Kurt could acknowledge that he was good-looking, if you were into that kind of thing. Which Kurt was most certainly not. He liked his guys more compact and tan. That this guy happened to also share his name was a freaky coincidence, but it did not make them clones, he thought stubbornly.

Kurt watched as the guy sat down in a booth looking around as if he was expecting someone, but paid him no more attention than that, instead he glanced at the clock and almost fell off the chair when he saw what time it was. "Crap, my shift ended 10 minutes ago and I'm late. He's your headache now." He threw in Elliott's general direction as he took off to remove his uniform and change into his regular clothes, he was not riding the subway wearing that atrocity. He heard Elliott laugh behind him.

"You just don't wanna confront your twin." He sing-songed and really, Elliott had a point. Kurt had yet to actually serve...other Kurt as he referred to him as. It just weirded him out, plus he knew his co-workers were just dying to get the two of them to stand next to each other so they could take a picture for prosperity to put on the wall and there was no way Kurt was letting that happen.

"Ignoring you." He sing-songed back as he buttoned his jacket and Elliott appeared in the doorway. "I'm heading out the back, El." He said and waved at his friend. "See ya, Kurt." Elliott waved back and then Kurt was out the door. Had he stayed just 5 more minutes or left through the front door he would have locked eyes with familiar golden orbs. But he didn't. If only he had, it could have saved many people a lot of heartache. Himself included.

When Kurt got home, it was to a delicious smell coming from the kitchen and a candlelit dinner table. He slipped out of his shoes and jacket and walked into the kitchen where his arms found their way around a tiny waist. "Sorry, I'm late. I got talking with El and forgot about the time." He said as he pressed a kiss to the man's neck, burying his face is his wild dark hair.

A small chuckle escaped as the man leaned back into Kurt's embrace and a soft rich voice sighed. "You're forgiven." Kurt turned him around and pressed a kiss to his full lips. When they parted his boyfriend was looking up at him with big brown eyes full of adoration. "I made dinner, it's your favorite, lemon Tarragon Salmon with Greek salad." He said and Kurt smiled. "I noticed. Special occasion?" He asked and really hoped he hadn't forgotten anything.

"You do know our anniversary isn't until next week, right?" He teased as he straightened the bow tie around his boyfriends neck while said boyfriend blushed lightly, the pink barely visible due to his slightly tan skin. "I know. I just wanted to do something special for you." Kurt kissed him again, because he just had to. "You're the best, I don't deserve you." Then he added: "I am gonna go on the computer really quick to post an article, it shouldn't take more than 20 minutes, that alright?"

"That's fine, sweety. Dinner won't be done until then anyway." A parting kiss was exchanged and with that he left to his office where he turned on the computer and sat in his chair, waiting for it to come to life. As he waited he couldn't help but smile when he heard his boyfriend singing to himself in the kitchen. He was so cute.

Going to his email, he retrieved the article he'd written earlier that day. He had debated posting it since it wasn't exactly professional, but he really wanted to share the news with his readers on the website. He looked it over quickly, spell checking and proof reading to make sure there were no mistakes. He wasn't a perfectionist for nothing.

Dear Passion for Fashion Followers, it read.

It's your favorite trend-spotter here. For once I am not coming to you with the latest trends on fall fashion. This is a personal entry. I have exciting news. I was promoted today and will be attending my first real fashion related event next week. What event could that possibly be, you may be thinking? Here's a hint; there will be a lot of walking. Yes, you guessed it. I'm reviewing the Free Garment District Neighborhood Walking Tour. I can't wait. It's one of those things I've wanted to try since I moved here but never had the time to do. But don't worry, I am not abandoning this blog. I'm just expanding my horizons.

Stay fabulous,

Kurt Hummel

That should do it. Short and to the point. He smiled a satisfied smile and clicked send. Then he rejoined his boyfriend in the kitchen for a glass of white wine before dinner and as he sipped the sweet drink he couldn't help but think that everything was coming together in his life nicely. Then just as they sat down to eat, Kurt noticed that his boyfriend seemed nervous. He was fidgeting in his seat and barely ate any of the fancy food he himself had cooked. "You okay, honey? You barely touched your dinner. I know you're no crazy about salmon, but you have to eat."

"Yeah, I'm alright. Don't worry." His boyfriend smiled. "Do you like the food?"

"It's delicious, baby." He swallowed another bite. "But you already know you're an excellent cook."

"Thanks." His boyfriend answered, smiling shyly and Kurt started to wonder what was going on. "I'm glad you like it. I wanted tonight to be perfect."

"Why?" Kurt inquired. "What's so special about tonight?" That was the moment his better half chose to get to his feet, only to drop to one knee right away and fishing a little black box from his pocket. Kurt's breathing stopped. Was that what he thought it was? Is this really happening? Then the box popped open and a beautiful golden ring was revealed. OMG! This is happening! He is proposing!

"Kurt." He began. "I know we have only known each other for a couple years, but I really feel like you're the one. You are kind and selfless, funny as hell and so so beautiful. I love our life together and I love you."

"I love you too." The tears were welling up in Kurt's eyes.

"I know this is sudden and I originally wanted to do it on the anniversary of the day we got together, although I thought it might be too cliché and in the end I couldn't wait that long. But now hopefully today will be our new anniversary."

Anniversary. That word jolted Kurt out of his happy haze. But this day was already an anniversary. Of all the days in the year, his boyfriend was proposing on the anniversary of the day he met Blaine. No. No, no, no. It felt wrong for some reason to replace that memory with this one.

"I want to spend the rest of my life with you, Kurt. So will you do me the honor of marrying me?"

Oh God. Why was this happening to him? That was all Kurt could think in that moment. And it was so so wrong. That was not what you were supposed to think when someone was proposing to you. But he couldn't help it. No matter how bittersweet it was, for the last 3 years he had kept this day and the memory attached to it close to his heart. Like the anniversaries of his mother's as well as Finn's deaths, this date was reserved for mourning Blaine and them, because even though Blaine wasn't dead in the literal sense, the dream of them as a couple had both begun and ended that day and Kurt felt like a part of him had been forever lost since. It felt like a death of some sort so he treated it as one.

Now he was being asked to cancel that out with a happy memory and it felt like betrayal. It felt like he would be betraying Blaine, by saying yes. But it was stupid. It was irrational. And he knew it. He would most likely never seen Blaine again. He was a fantasy, that was all he was, would ever be and here Kurt had a flesh and blood guy in front of him, asking him to share his life with him. There should be no competition. Then why did it feel like there was?

No, he thought. Get it together, Kurt. He reprimanded himself. Look at him, look at the guy in front of you. This is the closest you are ever gonna get. And for the first time he allowed himself to think the thoughts he had kept under wraps since the beginning of their relationship. You basically found the one guy in all of New York who looks enough like Blaine, that they could be brothers.

It wasn't a lie. His boyfriend was more or less a copy of Blaine in almost every way. From the way he looked, to the way he dressed. Only the bow ties were a thing Kurt had introduced him to and he only wore them because he knew it for some reason made Kurt really happy when he did. Some reason. yeah. More like one particular reason, Kurt thought and felt nauseous. God, Elliott had been right all along, he was still in love with Blaine. So much that he had unconsciously molded his current boyfriend after him. Who does something like that? That wasn't normal. Something was wrong with him. Then he realized...good lord, even their names sound alike. It was...disturbing.

But it didn't change the fact that he did love this boy in front him – who was on his knees - looking up at him with expectant eyes full of love, it didn't change the fact he enjoyed his company or that this boy made him feel loved each and every day - and wasn't that exactly what he had always dreamed of? Someone who would hold him through the night? Someone who would massage his feet after a long day at the diner? Someone who would buy him flowers for no reason and make his favorite dish for dinner just to make him happy - even though he didn't care much for salmon himself. Someone who would hold his hand walking down the street and make slow sweet love to him while whispering tender declarations in his ear? A fantasy couldn't do any of that. But this boy could, this boy did. This boy was real and he was here and he was offering all of that to Kurt, to have...always.

As he dropped to his knees in front of his boyfriend, decision made, he cupped his cheek with shaking hands and leaned in to whisper: "Yes, Blake. I'll marry you. My answer is yes." Then he was being swept up in a passionate kiss as the ring was slipped on his finger and he was carried to the bedroom by his, now fiance, to celebrate. He didn't sleep much that night though, instead he lay awake while Blake slept soundly beside him, just staring at the ring, trying to get used to the feel of it...and failing. He was pretty sure an engagement wasn't suppose to feel like this. But it was too late. He'd made his choice. Now he had to live with it...and he would be happy, he decided. But not tonight. No, tonight he would wallow in thoughts of what could have been before saying goodbye to the idea of Blaine forever, then starting tomorrow he would be the happiest man on the planet and begin planning for the wedding. Wedding planning, he thought with a new-found excitement, he had been preparing for this since he was 7 and now it would actually happen. He just hoped that somewhere out there, Blaine was happy too.

Please be happy, Blaine.