Author note: I am not even gonna apologize for the wait, because I did warn you :P There's a little shout out to Queer as Folk in this :)

December 2017

When Kurt walks into the diner Tuesday morning for his two-hour shift he is reluctant to take his gloves off. He's spent his entire engagement weekend trying desperately to get used to the ring, but it still feels too heavy on his finger and he still hasn't been able to get himself to share the big news with anyone. He hasn't even called his father and Carole yet and it raises a big red flag in the back of his mind, even though he claims that he just wants some time for himself to bask in being engaged to Blake before he let's his family and friends know.

At least that's the excuse he told Blake when he'd asked why he wasn't calling people right away. His boyfriend...no...fiance...had looked at him funny, but in the end he didn't push the subject. Blake never pushed too hard...or pushed him at all. There was no challenge. He wasn't sure if it was a good thing or not? After all, how could you really appreciate the calm when you never fought and therefore had nothing to compare it to? Their relationship was like an ocean with no waves. Or maybe more like a pond with no movement...something that would eventually turn the water from clear to murky. Okay, he had to stop with the weird metaphors, he was thinking too much about this.

As he changed into his uniform and got ready to face the crazy that was his co-workers, he unconsciously shoved his left hand under his apron and made a bee-line for Elliott, eager to catch up, he hadn't seen him for 3 days after all. He finds him hovering at the counter.

"Hey El. Nice weekend?" Kurt asks as Elliot puts up a finger in a 'wait a second' kind of way as he accept a tray of drinks. "Kurt, hey. I gotta drop these off really quick at table 5, then we'll catch up. I have gossip and it's juicy." Kurt nods, now very intrigued by Elliott's words, watching as the guy descends on the table filled with teenage girls who all blushes as he serves them. It's the same thing everywhere Elliott goes, girls and guys alike find him irresistible and Kurt has to smile at that.

He can acknowledge that his friend is very handsome, yet personally he's never found himself attracted to Elliott in that way. Eyeliner and tattoos didn't really do it for him, besides that Elliott was taller than him and that just didn't work for Kurt. He preferred guys shorter than himself. But that wasn't always true, was it? He had definitely had that unfortunate crush on Finn when he was a teenager as well as Sam and they were both taller than him. However, that was before...Blaine. Dammit, there you go thinking about him again. Stop it! You are an engaged man! He focuses back on his friend who's finishing up much slower than usually because the girls won't let him leave and as soon as Elliott got his back to the table he rolls his eyes making Kurt hide a laugh behind his hand.

"That is getting really old." He moans as he drops down next to Kurt.

"Oh yeah, the hard life of a heartthrob." Kurt muses.

"Shut up, please."

"It's true and you know it."

"I know. I have freaky attraction powers." Elliott concedes and had it been anyone else, Kurt would have rolled his eyes, but with Elliott it's just a fact, everyone knows it and therefore there's nothing egocentric about his statement. "But what good are these powers when I can't use them to my advantage and make the one guy I actually want fall for me?" He continues.

"No change this weekend with Sebastian?" Kurt asks.

"None." Elliott pouts. "Actually, ever since I called him out on the cuddling, he's gone back to being distant and it sucks, it's like he's totally immune to my charms...kinda like you, Kurt." Elliott accuses.

"You got him to sleep with you and he wants to spend more time with you, he doesn't sound as unaffected by your 'charms', as you seem to think." Kurt rationalizes. "And don't even go there, may I remind you that you were never attracted to me either."

"So we're both repulsed by each other. Great." Elliott deadpans and Kurt shoves him playfully.

"It is, actually. It means we can be besties without the repercussions that comes with attraction. Sex just complicates things."

"Hey. I resent that. Two gay guys who are attracted to each other can be just friends."

"Really, El?" Kurt raises an eyebrow. "Do I need to remind you of Justin...or Michael. Or what was his name...that player who's always hanging out at the club, Brian. Name just one gay guy you found appealing and have stayed just friends with. I dare you."

"Uhhhhh." Elliott's eyebrows knit together in concentration.

"That's what I thought." Kurt smirks.

"I'm thinking!" Elliott exclaims.

"I can see that." Kurt deadpans.

"Oh, I know. There was that guy who...no, wait...never mind." Elliott looks like he going through his entire mental catalog of hook-ups and Kurt knows that if that's the case, they'll be there all day and he really don't have time for that. He's only here for the morning shift.

"It looks like you're in pain. Don't hurt yourself." Kurt grins.

"Haha, very funny. But, you win. I can't believe I really don't have a single attractive gay friend on my friends list, that I haven't had in my bed as well. And that reminds me, when are you coming back to Facebook?"

"I can believe it. The male sex-drive is a powerful thing." Kurt smiles, then pales as he hears Elliott's question. "And oh, how about never." His Facebook account had been deactivated right after his brother's death when he started getting hateful messages from people telling him that Finn had been punished and killed by God, because he had dared show support for a dirty homosexual like Kurt. He really didn't want to open up that Pandora's box again.

"It's been years, Kurt." Elliott says.

"I don't care, El. I'm not coming back to that place. You can have fun poking someone else or whatever it is you do on there so much." Kurt knows his voice leaves no room for discussion and Elliott knows it too. "Anyway, didn't you have gossip to share? What happened to that?"

"Oh right. I got sidetracked." Elliott looks really excited all of a sudden. "So, listen. Last Friday after you left, something happened. Something really strange." Kurt just motions with his hands for Elliott to go on. "Okay, so you already know your clone showed up, right." Kurt nods. "Well. He wasn't alone. About 5 minutes after you left another guy joined him and I swear to God, the dude was like the spitting image of Blake." Elliott's eyes are getting bigger and bigger and his hand gestures are as well. "And I am watching the two...Kurt Clone and Blake Clone and I realize they're on a date. But it didn't really look like Blake Clone was that into what Kurt Clone was saying. He was like, in his own world, it looked like. And I was sure Kurt Clone was about to get dumped."

"What happened?" Kurt asks, curious despite himself because if what Elliott is saying is true, it is really weird. What are the chances of something like that happening? His look-alike dating his boyfriend's look-alike?

"They left together. Like together, together. No doubt what they were about to do, I know body language like that." Elliott says. "Man, I wish I had had a camera with me to document it. It felt like I was stuck in the Twilight Zone. Seriously. It was bizarre."

"Sometimes reality is stranger than fiction." Kurt says. "You wouldn't happen to have gotten Blake Clone's name did you?"

"No, why?" Elliott asks confused. "He never introduced himself."

"Just thought it would be fun to see if their names match too." Kurt says.

"I like the way you think." Elliott grins. "We so need to start Mission: Get Blake Clone's Name!"

"Oh no. Not we. You are not dragging me into this insanity." Kurt insists.

"Awh, but Kurtie." Elliott whines.

"El. No." Kurt says, trying to sound firm, but failing, because the time has come to reveal his own gossip and he's nervous, the ring on his finger burning a hole in his uniform where it's still hidden behind the apron. But before he can say anything, Santana comes stomping their way and her eyes narrow as they focus on his hidden hand.

"Kurt. My Mexican Third Eye is telling me that you're hiding something." Fuck, how does she do that?!

"Um..I..eh...I mean..." He stutters as he's put on the spot and Santana must decide she doesn't have the patience for it, because instead of waiting for him to finish she grabs his hand, pulling it out and revealing the shining piece of jewelry. "Do you mind!?" But Santana just ignores him.

"No puedo creerlo!" She exclaims as she sees the ring and Kurt doesn't speak Spanish so he doesn't know what she's saying - but it doesn't sound positive. Beside her Elliott seems to have lost his ability to speak as he just stares at Kurt's hand.

"Um...surprise? I'm engaged?" Kurt decides to make light of it as his friends continues to stare at his hand like it's an attraction at the Zoo.

"Eres loca!" Santana states before she's called to a table and again Kurt doesn't think it's anything good.

"Why did that sound like a question, Kurt?" Elliott, who seems to have found his voice again asks.

"What?" Kurt looks at him dumbly.

"The way you said it, it kinda sounded like you didn't know if you said yes or not?" Elliott is looking really conflicted and his question makes Kurt defensive.

"Of course I said yes." Kurt bites out.

"But did you want to say yes?" Elliott asks.

"What kind of question is that?" Kurt asks annoyed.

"It means that just because you are proposed to, it doesn't mean you have to say yes, Kurt." Elliott presses on and Kurt can feel his anger flare.

"What kind of friend asks questions like these when someone tells them they're engaged?!"

"A friend who has your best interest at heart."

"You are unbelievable, Elliot!" And that's the point Kurt decides he's had enough, huffs and storms off leaving Elliott in the dust.

"Kurt?" Elliott calls after him. "KURT!? Come on, dude. Don't be like that."

They don't talk for the rest of the shift and when Kurt leaves around 9:30 am to go on his fashion assignment, he doesn't say goodbye either. Elliott was out of line and Kurt is not gonna be the first to break and approach the other man. This is not how he imagined his friends would react to his big news and he is both hurt and disappointed. The day is not off to a great start and he has a feeling it's just gonna get worse.

Kurt actually only needs about 15 minutes to get to the location where the Garment Tours are held. He prefers being early to being late. Better safe than sorry and is pleased when he walks in and there's no queue at the desk. Perfect. He walks to the counter where he is handed a clipboard with a list of names and jumps straight to the H's without scanning the rest of the paper. Quickly signing his name, he settles in to people watch. The room is quickly filling up and he's surprised by how packed it is for a cold December day. This tour must be really good considering it's popularity and he can feel himself getting even more excited than he already was about this assignment.

Yet, his mind lingers on his fallout with Elliott. He picks up his phone going straight to his text messages. It's stands there open on his conversation with Elliott and the cursor blinks at him, almost mockingly. Should he apologize? Had Elliott been right to question his engagement? Had Kurt been wrong to snap at him? No, he had no right to meddle like that. He puts the phone back in his pocket. He owes you an apology, not the other way around. He sighs, leaning back in the chair to take a deep breath and calm down but can't stop himself from running his hands through his hair in frustration. Fuck! Great, now that needs fixing, it's just as well. He needs a bathroom break anyway before the tour starts and he only has a few minutes. He gets up and enters the bathroom just as the door jingles again signaling another arrival, but he doesn't turn around to see who it is, he has no reason to. If he had though, then he would have seen a certain curly-haired male enter.

The bathrooms are nice and bright and he looks in the mirror, studies himself with critical eyes the way he always does, the way he's done since he was a teenager. Not a lot has changed, not his looks or the way he sees himself. He is still too effeminate in his own mind. In their minds. The way they saw him has become the way he sees himself. Years of bullying will do that to you. Slurs, slushies, locker slams, dumpster tosses. They chipped away at his confidence until little by little what he originally saw as radiant became pale, what he judged as slender became skinny, what he regarded as unique became girly; everything he had viewed as special about himself had become nothing but freaky. None of the physical attributes he has are things he's attracted to himself when it comes to men and he really doesn't get how anyone could find him "beautiful." Yet, someone did.

"Don't look at me. I'm a mess."

"No, you're beautiful."

Blaine, again. Of course. Typical. He shakes his head. Now is not the time to take a trip down memory lane. Especially not a street that's been proven a dead-end road. He should stop living in the past and focus on his future. He is lucky after all. Engaged at 22. He did it. He found someone who wanted him. Someone who wanted to give him his happily ever after. Maybe it wasn't the Prince Charming of his dreams, but he was close. Close enough. And honestly, Kurt thinks as he stares at his reflection, with the look you have, you should count your blessings. That he ever managed to land a guy like Blake is a miracle. Blake, who also called him beautiful. More than anything Kurt wants to feel beautiful. But he relies on others to do so. That's why he said yes. He doesn't want to be alone. In his loneliness all he feels is ugly. But that is something someone like Elliott will never understand. Couldn't possibly understand. Unlike Kurt, his friend's confidence comes from the inside and not other people and that is why everyone flocks to him like moths to a flame – while they usually shy away from Kurt like he has the plague.

He drops his own dull gaze to open his messenger bag that always holds a can of hairspray for just these occasions and styles his hair back to his signature coif. As soon as it's done, he feels better. Like he can breathe again. Like he is untouchable. His armor is back up. He finishes his business and washes his hands and when he looks at the clock it's just after 10am. He needs to get back out there. Naturally in that moment his phone rings, he considers ignoring it, but when he sees it's his boss he picks up right way.

"Isabelle, what's going on?"

"Kurt! Thank God." Isabelle's frantic voice come on the line. "Please tell me you're not already on the tour."

"No, I was just about to join actually." Kurt says, puzzled. "Unless you don't want me to?"

"Good." She breathes and Kurt is sure he hears a sigh of relief. "Listen, there's been an emergency. Lucy, you remember Lucy right?"

"The intern who just started last week. Red hair, green eyes, can trip over her own feet on a flat surface?"

"Yes, her. She apparently did exactly that and spilled coffee all over the new layout for the magazine - managed to break her arm too." Kurt shakes his head and just has to ask.

"How did she manage that?"

"The story is she collided with a desk and fell out a window."

"She what?!" Kurt squeaks, his voice going higher. "Is she okay?!"

"Jeeeez, Hummel. Could you not shatter my eardrum, thanks." Isabelle says. "She's fine, she was only on the first floor."

"Oh well, then. Nothing to worry about." Kurt deadpans.

"Your sarcasm is not appreciated. I am still your boss."

"Sorry."

"Anyway, I need you back. ASAP!" Isabelle continues. "And I mean it. Not dilly-dallying, Kurt. Time is of the essence."

"But the tour?" He asks, disappointed.

"Can wait. Get your butt back here right now." With that she hangs up on him and he's left staring at the black screen for a few seconds. Damn it, Lucy. Yes, it is definitely one of those days.

A second later he is hurrying out the bathroom, dodging people left and right and thankfully manages to only bump into one person; a small women, who in turn bumps into someone else, who apparently drops a pen. Whoever it is is shielded from Kurt's view by the woman when he turns around and Kurt doesn't stop to pay further attention. He just doesn't have the time. Instead he shouts a quick "Sorry!", which he thinks may have gotten lost in the buzzing of the crowd. He is not too bothered though. This is New York after all and New Yorkers are notorious for their rudeness. It's a well-known phenomenon and anyone living here should be used to it. He is right, of course. No one bats an eye, not even the woman as he practically jumps out the front door and takes off down the street.

It's a stressful day at Vogue, to say the least. The layout really was completely destroyed, which meant everyone had to stay late and he's bummed he missed the tour. He's rescheduled it for Wednesday instead, because he is not using his Sunday on work. That is pretty much the only day he gets off and is just for him alone. It would be too late anyway, he needs to keep up with his weekly posts if he is to meet his requirement. His article will still be on the Tour subject, but his deadline needs to be pushed back a day, which he is not happy about. He pride's himself at being punctual and reliable and he's never missed a deadline ever. Until now.

When he gets home, Blake is already asleep, which is unfortunate, because Kurt really needs to vent to someone or at least get laid to make him forget about his day. He sits on the bed for a while, watching Blake and fiddling with his ring. He doesn't feel..right. And knowing he can't sleep when his thoughts are this jumbled, he settles in the dark living-room with a glass of wine, staring out the window. After a few minutes of silence his phone beeps with a new text.

From El:

I'm sorry :(

Kurt smiles weakly.

From Kurt:

I'm sorry too.

From El:

I overstepped, forgive me?

From Kurt:

Don't I always.

From El:

Thank you. What are you doing up so late?

From Kurt:

You're welcome. I'm just thinking. I had the worst day.

From El:

Wanna talk about it?

Does he? He's doesn't know. He's not even sure what is going on with him.

From Kurt:

I'm confused, I think.

He leaves it at that, knowing Elliott will understand.

From El:

I figured as much.

From Kurt:

What do I do?

From El:

I can't tell you that.

Kurt sighs deeply and finishes his wine. Walking into the kitchen, he rinses the glass off and puts it in the dishwasher.

From Kurt:

I'm going to bed. Goodnight.

From El:

Night, sleep well.

As he climbs into bed, he curls up on his side, away from Blake and stares at the wall. Then it hits him that he never got around to calling his dad and telling him the news. With how hectic his day has been, it just slipped his mind completely. He checks the time and decides it's not too late in Ohio. Maybe if he tells his dad it will finally seem...real? He get's back up, walks to their bedroom window and climbs out onto the fire escape. The phone only rings twice before it's picked up.

"Kiddo!" His father sounds so elated to hear from him that it makes him feel guilty. He doesn't call often enough.

"Hey, dad." He says and even to himself, he sounds dejected which of course Burt picks up on right away.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing is wrong, dad." He sighs. "Everything is just really overwhelming right now."

"What happened?"

"Blake proposed." Silence follows.

"Oh." Burt breathes.

"That's all you have to say?"

"What did you answer?"

"Yes. I said yes. I'm engaged."

"Well, congratulations son." Burt doesn't sound wildly enthusiastic though.

"Do you really mean that?" There's a silence again.

"What is this really about, Kurt?" Burt finally answers.

"I'm not sure."

"Are you regretting saying yes?"

"I'm not sure." He can hear his father sigh heavily down the line.

"Is this about that Blaine kid again?" Burt asks, hitting the nail on the head. Yes, even his dad knows about Blaine. He doesn't keep any secrets from his dad. Not since high school.

"Maybe."

"Look, son." He hears Burt take a deep breath. "I am only gonna tell you this once, okay. Either you try and find this boy and clear the air about what happened all those years ago or you forget about him completely and marry Blake. Because this in-between thing you got going on is not fair to anyone. Not to Blake, but especially not to yourself."

"I just don't know what to do."

"I can't make your decisions for you." Burt says. "But you need to resolve this fast, especially before a wedding can take place, because it's like poison in your veins and sooner or later it will spread to your relationship."

I think it already has.

"I know. Thank you, dad. I love you."

"You're welcome. And I love you too." Burt says. "Now try and get some sleep. It's late over there."

"I'll try. Say hi to Carole for me."

"I will. Bye, son."

"Bye, dad."

With that he hangs up and quietly slinks back inside the window gracefully like a cat. The phone call didn't clear up anything. Instead it made everything more complicated. When did his life become so confusing? Whatever happened to just being happy?