Author note: I have one thing to say: #LOVEWINS! Fucking finally! And thanks to Buttons'n'Bows for clearing up that the turquoise ink on Dior Grey paper comes from Model Behavior by Themuse19 ;)
Blaine hears the door open, followed by footsteps and then the mattress is dipping from the weight of someone sitting down next to him. He can't see who it is from where he is buried beneath the covers, but he suspects it's Jeff. The blond has been in and out constantly since he got home on Tuesday - trying to get him to do stuff. Unnecessary stuff...like eating, bathing or going to class. It's now Monday and his beard is beginning to itch. None of it matters though. Not when he's probably wasted the one chance he had at finding the love of his life again. He's spent the last week wallowing in misery and self-hatred. Why didn't he just go after Kurt that day? WHY BLAINE!? He's pondered that question for hours, days even, but he still doesn't have an answer. All he knows is that he panicked and then he froze and when he was finally able to move again, Kurt was gone. You're useless, he thinks. Completely useless. You don't deserve to be happy.
He feels hands on his head and then someone is trying to pull the sheets off him, but he's so not in the mood and grabs hold, pulling it back forcefully. "Go away, Jeff." He mumbles. "How many times do I have to tell you to leave me alone." There's silence, then; "It's not Jeff." That makes him take notice and he dares to peek out of his blanket fortress to lock eyes with an unsure Nick who looks like he would rather be anywhere else. "Did Jeff put you up to this?"
"God no, Blaine." Nick breathes. "He would never do that." And that's when Blaine remembers that Nick doesn't do this, he is not the comforting guy type, unless it's with Jeff. He stays in the background, watching and waiting, letting others do the talking, until he feels he has no other choice than to step in. Blaine knows he must look really bad, if Nick is in his room.
"What do you want?" Blaine asks. "I already told Jeff that I am fine and to stop fussing over me like a mother hen." Nick rolls his eyes at that.
"You are not fine, Blaine." He sighs. "And you know it." Blaine is about to protest again, but Nick doesn't give him the chance. "You're a mess and all of us hate seeing you like this." He pauses. "We understand why you're like this...well, Sebastian doesn't...but you have to get it together or this is gonna cost you your place at NYU. Seb can't keep covering for you."
"It's only been a week, just ask Sebastian to tell them I still have the flu." Blaine says as he dives back under the covers.
"We can't do that, one of the faculty members pulled him aside in the hall today, I guess he's seen you with him and he told him that you had to be back tomorrow or you were gonna be called to the principal's office and probably get cut. You've missed too many classes in a row, man." Blaine doesn't answer, he just can't deal with this right now.
"Blaine?" Nick tries. "Did you hear what I said?" A muffled reply. "What?"
"I said I heard you. I just don't care."
"That's the depression talking." Nick states.
"I don't have depression."
"Oh really? Blaine, when was the last time you looked in the mirror, took a shower? Shaved? Left the bed or ate something that wasn't a piece of toast?" No response. "You look like a hobo and that's the nice way of saying it." Nick tries unsuccessfully to pry the covers back again and sighs when Blaine still won't budge. "Okay, I tried." Blaine hears him walk to the door, thinking he's won, but then Nick is calling to Jeff. "Alright baby, go ahead and call his mom." That has Blaine sitting up so fast he gets dizzy for a moment.
"Wait...what!?" He yells and he's out of bed faster than lightning, heading for the door where he sees Niff sitting on the couch, Jeff with a phone in his hand, dialing. "You can't do that!" He exclaims and makes a grab for the phone, but is rebuffed by Nick's arm.
"Yes, I can." Jeff simply states. "I am done watching you moping around. I've tried everything to get you out of this slump, nothing's worked. This is the last resort. I'm calling Pamela."
"Come on, Jeff...I'm not that ba..." Blaine forgets whatever he was gonna say as he comes face to face with his reflection in the mirror next to the front door - and Oh My God, they weren't kidding. He looks awful. His hair is greasy from week-old gel, his eyes are red and swollen from all the crying - and his beard. Well, let's just say he puts cavemen to shame. He's still wearing the same white tank top he wore under his cardigan on Tuesday - which is covered in stains. And he thinks the pair of black boxers may be days old. He honestly can't recall when he last changed them. Blaine stands there shocked, just watching how far he's fallen, but is brought back to reality by the door slamming and Sebastian entering. He turns to face him and Sebastian stops dead in his tracks.
"Holy shit!" He exclaims as he stares wide-eyed at Blaine. "Why didn't you tell me it was this bad, Jeff!?"
"I did tell you." Jeff defends.
"No, you didn't. You said he was feeling a little depressed and to tell everyone at NYU that he had the flu." Sebastian says and gestures to Blaine. "That is not just a little depressed, that's having a freaking breakdown."
"I know." Jeff says. "He looks gross."
"Um, guys. I'm in the room." Blaine says, but both of them ignore him. Instead Sebastian circles him and starts looking him up and down. He moves closer and Blaine hears him take a whiff, then jumping back quickly.
"Ugggghhhh, he stinks!" Sebastian's face scrunches up in disgust.
"We know." Jeff says and rolls his eyes. "How do you think I felt going into his room these past few days, the stench is even worse in there." Nick nods. "We haven't been able to get him to shower since he got home on Tuesday."
"This is a travesty, I don't think I can ever sleep with him again, after seeing him like this." Sebastian moans. "It's forever etched in my mind."
"Yes." Jeff deadpans. "Make it all about you."
"GUYS! STILL HERE!" Blaine yells and that gets their attention, but Sebastian just dismisses him with a wave of a hand.
"Go take a shower, Blaine." He barks and Blaine raises an eyebrow at that, but doesn't move. "Now! Because at the moment I am seriously regretting ever going near you and I need to have a word with the couplet." Blaine huffs but complies and drags himself to the bathroom. He's about to close the door when Sebastian's yell reaches him. "And shave! It looks like a cat crawled up and died on your face!"
Once under the warm spray, he actually starts to feel alive again. He takes his time washing his hair and then he shaves - relishing in the relief of getting rid of the itch. He goes to clean the sink, but ends up just staring at his reflection for so long the mirror fogs up completely. Then without any conscious thought his right hand moves up to wipe it off, but when he blinks and looks back at it there's a little heart with the letters B+K written in the condensation. Ugh! With a frustrated huff he erases it angrily and leaves the bathroom with just a towel around his waist.
"Well, that's more like it." Sebastian says from where he's sitting on the top of the couch - and wolf whistles as Blaine darts through the living room to his room for clothes. "There's the Blainers I know and love...to fuck." Blaine rolls his eyes and shoves Sebastian as he walks by, making the lanky guy lose his balance, resulting in a less than graceful landing in the laps of Niff, who proceeds to push him further onto the floor. "Hey!" He lands on the carpet on his back, staring up at the ceiling. "Gee, you people really know how to make a guy feel welcome."
"Consider it payback for fucking on our bed, without permission." Jeff says.
"Yes, what he said." Nick states and presses a kiss to Jeff's cheek. "Honestly, that was completely unacceptable behavior. You can't just invade people's privacy like that. There's a line and you crossed it. An apology would be nice." Nick finishes his little speech as both he and Jeff looks expectantly at Sebastian. "Well?" Jeff prompts. Of course, down on the floor Sebastian decides to totally miss the point – on purpose.
"Wait. Back up. I can have permission?"
"NO!" Niff exclaims exasperated and Nick sighs heavily. "God, why do I bother? It's like talking to a wall." He drops his head to Jeff's shoulder. "There there, honey, you tried." Jeff soothes him.
A minute later Blaine walks out wearing a pair of grey sweatpants and a black tank top. He enters the kitchen and finds a pack of cookies, just what he needs. Comfort eating. His curls are wet and free of gel, falling onto his forehead and curling around his ears. It's getting long and he makes a mental note of going to the hairdresser sometime next week. He is still drying out his hair with the towel as he walks back into the living area when he notices the silence in the room and when he turns around they are all looking at him. "What? I did what you wanted. I took a shower, I shaved, I'm eating." He lifts the cookies up for effect.
"Blaine." Jeff says. "Have a seat." And Blaine knows that tone. It's the same one he used last time he wanted to talk about Blaine's obsession with Kurt. The eggshell tone.
"Oh no, Jeff. I already know what you wanna talk about and we are not doing this one more time, I don't wanna fight with you again." They had only just gotten back on each others good sides last week. It was too soon to rock the boat. Especially that boat, the MS Kurt. Blaine is about to walk back into his room when Sebastian blocks his way, placing himself in front of him with crossed arms and a piercing glare.
"Sit your ass down or I'll sit it down for you...and not the way you like it." He commands and Blaine swallows a lump in his throat. Sebastian is towering over him and he looks menacing. It's not like he thinks Sebastian would actually hurt him, but the image is scary.
"Don't be so hard on him, Seb." Jeff admonishes when he sees the look on Blaine's face.
"No, Jeff. I am done with this shit." Sebastian counters as he grabs Blaine's arm, not too roughly though, and leads him to the chair opposite the couch. Blaine sits down because he's nervous what will happen if he don't. He's never seen Sebastian this way before. "Both of you are babying him and he is not a baby. He won't break."
"Sebast..." Blaine tries but is cut off. "Shut up, Blaine. It's not your turn to talk, I think we've all heard enough of your pathetic lovelorn bullshit to last us a lifetime." And wow, harsh. Blaine looks down fiddling with his hands in his lap.
"Sorry." He sniffs a little, trying not to cry and hating how he can't control his emotions.
"Look what you did!" Jeff yells as he comes to sit next to Blaine in the chair, hugging him - and okay, that doesn't help with the tears at all. "I told you not to be so hard on him! You okay, Blainey?" Sebastian just rolls his eyes and Blaine stays silent.
"Someone's got to be straight with him and clearly, that job falls to me, because you two..." He points to Jeff and Nick. "Are too soft to say what needs to be said." Two pairs of eyes scowl at him and one pair is still looking down. "We discussed this while he was in the shower, we were all in agreement."
"We didn't agree on you being an asshole to him!" Jeff sneers.
"I consider it tough love." Sebastian sneers back.
"Guys, don't fight because of me." Blaine says in a small voice and Sebastian's eyes soften. He sounds so much like a frightened little boy that even Nick gets up from the couch to join the others around the chair, putting his hands on Blaine shoulders. It's comforting.
"Blaine." Sebastian kneels down next to the chair, taking his hand in a gesture so kind, it seems completely alien coming from him. "We are not fighting because of you, we are fighting for you." Beside him Blaine can feel Jeff nodding. "We want to help you, because we see how much pain you're in. We just have different ways of showing affection, I guess." Jeff sends another glare Sebastian's way, which is ignored. He did not come here today to fight with Jeff.
"I want to talk to you about Kurt." Sebastian says.
"What about him?" Blaine asks, he's given up on fighting this conversation, it's clear his friends won't give in before whatever it is they have to say is out in the open.
"I am gonna ask you something, okay." Blaine nods for Sebastian to continue. "Okay, good. When you met Kurt, did you tell him anything about your life?"
"Yes, everything. I told him everything." Blaine eyes light up as he smiles at the memory and Sebastian cringes because that's exactly what he was afraid of, but it's not surprising. Blaine is an open, honest, trusting person. He lets people in easily, too easily. But still Sebastian has to have clarification, before he knows for sure that the suspicions he's harbored for quite some time are correct.
"You told him your full name, where you were gonna study, where you were gonna live in NY?"
"Yeah?" Blaine says, looking puzzled. Beside him, unbeknownst to the boy in the chair...the ball is dropping for everyone around him, except for him. "Where are you going with this?" Sebastian looks to Jeff for help, because he's not sure he can deliver this blow himself. Luckily Jeff understands.
"Blaine..." Jeff starts, carefully. "If you told him all of this, if he's had all of this information on you for 4 years, then..." He leaves it there, hoping Blaine is gonna put it together in his own head and that he won't have to actually say the words. Slowly it dawns on Blaine.
"He's never tried to find me." It's barely a whisper. How did this not occur to him until now? Kurt's had all the information he needed to track Blaine down all along. And he hasn't. Which could only mean one thing. Kurt doesn't want Blaine. The realization is devastating and has him crumbling in on himself as tears starts pouring out. "He doesn't want me." He gasps out between sobs. "He's never wanted me." Around him all of his friends, even Sebastian surrounds him in a group hug and holds him close as he cries.
Months go by since the big revelation as Blaine calls it. After that day his heartbreak had soon turned to anger. He had cried himself out and then he'd gotten really angry. He was pissed at Kurt, but not for long, the anger was mostly directed at himself. After all, how could he have ever thought that he was good enough for a New York big shot like Vogue star fashionista, Kurt Hummel. Of course he never stood a chance. He had been living in a fantasy world of unrealistic dreams of the future with a guy who clearly never spared him a second thought once they went their separate ways. And as a result he had wasted 4 years of his life. He'd been so stupid and naive and oblivious. As usual. It had hurt so bad to realize what a fool he'd been. But he actually felt grateful to Sebastian for pointing out the obvious when he himself couldn't see the forest for the trees. Even if he did it in a less than gentle way. That was just Sebastian being Sebastian after all.
Now he's back at NYU, working his ass off to catch up with all the classes he's missed, which is impossible and he knows he's gonna have to earn some extra credit on the side if he wants to make it up. Luckily he studies musical theater and if he can just land a role in one of the many Off-Broadway plays that are always casting in the area, he'll be back in the good graces of his teachers. Nothing counts more than practical experience after all.
The problem however is that it's not that easy. There's hundreds of aspiring actors fighting for the same few parts and so far he hasn't been able to get a callback. That is until today. Blaine puts the phone down breathlessly. He got it. He got the part! He's playing Julian in a gay version of Romeo and Juliette. It's way off Broadway, but that doesn't matter. His ass is saved. Before he knows what possesses him, his mouth opens of it own accord and a high-pitched scream escapes as he gets up and dances around the room. Five seconds later the door flings open to reveal Niff and Sebastian, who he left playing COD, before he went to take the call.
"What's going on?" Nick asks.
"Yeah. It sounds like someone is being murdered." Sebastian says, lifting an eyebrow as he watches Blaine jumping on his own bed like an excited toddler.
"I thought we agreed that the jumping on the furniture thing was a bad idea after you broke your arm?" Jeff is confused and he knows the two others are too, they haven't seen Blaine this genuinely happy in a very long time, especially not after the whole Kurt thing.
"I GOT IT!" Blaine squeals as he continues to bounce, like that answers all the questions.
"You got what?" Sebastian asks as Blaine finally runs out of steam and lets himself fall down on the bed, rolling on to his stomach with the biggest grin on his face.
"You guys remember the flier that went up a month ago on the bulletin board? The one casting for Romeo and Julian?" Blaine asks and they all vaguely remembers something about it.
"The gay Romeo and Juliette play?" Jeff clarifies.
"That's the one."
"Why does that sound so familiar?" Sebastian mumbles, no one is paying any attention to him though. "What about it?" Nick asks.
"I went to the casting and you're looking at the new Julian. That was the director, Artie. He just called to inform me that I got the part and we start rehearsals next week." Blaine beams.
"Wow, that's amazing, congrats." Jeff smiles and so does Nick. "That's really great, Blaine. Good for you."
"Thank you." He hugs them both.
"Blaine?" They break the hug and turn to Sebastian. "It wouldn't happen to be the play down at the 6th Street Playhouse in the East Village, would it?"
"Yeah, actually it is. Why?"
"No reason, really. I just think Elliott mentioned having a friend who auditioned for the same play a while back."
"I'm surprised you'd remember something like that. You must be hanging on his every word." Blaine teases as he pokes Sebastian in the side.
"You better shut up now if you want me to pay for celebratory drinks." They all laugh as they head down to their local gay bar and the mischievous glint in Sebastian eye tells Blaine he's in for a long night. TGIF, he thinks.
Monday arrives all too slowly for Blaine's taste and his classes drag on and on, but soon he is headed down to the theater for his first rehearsal. He's excited, every nerve in his body is buzzing pleasantly, this is his first starring role since he moved to New York, finally he's got his foot in the door. This could lead to great things and he can't wait to start this new journey he is on. He's turned the page, he's moving on from Kurt, exploring other possibilities and the whole weekend - well the part of the weekend that wasn't spent nursing a killer hangover, he was right about Sebastian - has been spent in curious contemplation about who will play the Romeo to his Julian. He hopes it's someone he has great chemistry with – if not the play will most likely be a flop. But he'll find out soon enough, because he's there. He walks inside the big glass doors and follow the directions from the cashier to get back stage, where he's greeted by a guy in a wheelchair.
"Blaine Anderson, nice to see you again." The guy rolls up to him and extends his hand. "Artie Abrams, director. Welcome to the production."
"Likewise." Blaine smiles back and shakes the guy's hand. "Thank you so much for this opportunity, I can't wait to get started."
"You're welcome, Blaine. But your talent speaks for itself, I would have been an idiot not to hire you." Artie smiles big with stars in his eyes or maybe that's just a side-effect of the glasses he's wearing? But suddenly Blaine has a distinct feeling that he is being fanboy'ed over. It's not unpleasant though, quite the opposite. He just hopes his blush isn't too obvious. "Well, let's not waste anymore time, everyone is already here. Come on back and meet the rest of the cast."
He follows Artie around a corner where a group of people are already gathered and the director rolls straight up to a tall guy with his back to them, poking his shoulder. As the guy turns around Artie excitedly makes the announcement.
"Julian, meet your Romeo. Romeo, meet your Julian."
Blaine doesn't really hear it though, instead he sucks in a surprised breath as he comes face to face with the guy who's been occupying his dreams as well as nightmares for the past 4 years.
"Kurt." He breathes out as amber makes eye-contact with cyan.
"Blaine?" Kurt's mouth falls open in surprise and bewilderment.
"I take it you two know each other?" Artie asks. "Excellent." Then he rolls away leaving them to it.
None of them say anything. They just stare at each other, both apparently at a loss for words. The air between them is almost electric and Blaine can't help but notice that Kurt looks even better than he remembers. He let's his eyes trail down to Kurt's chest, hidden behind a tight green sweater, down to his even tighter black jeans and good lord, how does he even get into those? He still looks so beautiful. Just as he did 4 years prior and Blaine falls in love all over again, despite his determination not 5 minutes earlier, that he was moving on from Kurt. He can't help it though, he is completely unable to control the warm fuzzy feeling filling his chest as he gazes upon his long lost love.
That is until one of the spotlights above catches something sparkly on Kurt's left hand and Blaine's eyes automatically follows the glint. There, on Kurt's 4th finger is a ring that can only be interpreted as one thing - and that's the moment when Blaine's world comes to a crashing halt.
Kurt is engaged.