Hey, just a heads up: this chapter might be triggering to some of you. It includes depressing thoughts, self esteem issues, and a few mentions of self harm. It's not that bad, in my opinion, but you should know just in case.

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Chapter 3:

Survive The Night

Oikawa sat at the reception desk, clearly bored. He tapped at his phone for a bit, glancing around the waiting room. Still no one. But he supposed that was a good thing, since Kuroo was away for a bit anyway. He had said something about visiting that cutie who didn't know his cat was pregnant.

He snorted. Why would Kuroo even bother with that? It's so much easier to just hook up and have it over with, what's the big deal with romance and stuff? Clearly, Kuroo was crazy. He checked his phone again. Still nothing interesting; his tumblr dash was dead, facebook as well. He could send some snapchats, but he wasn't feeling it then, even if the world deserved to see his beautiful face. The clock said 9:21am, ticking and tocking away.

"Oh my god, I'm so bored," he announced loudly to the lobby he thought was empty.

"That's great. Relieve your boredom and help my damn dog," an annoyed voice came from Oikawa's left. Apparently he had snuck in while looking at his phone.

But why didn't the door ding? And why was that dog so damn silent?

"Uh, did the door do the ding! thing cause I didn't hear you come in," Oikawa half questioned half commented, still slightly confused. The confusion was soon pushed away and his boisterous self came back. "Anyhoo! How can I help you and your dog today?" he said with a laugh as he looked up at the guy.

Damn. Damn damn damn.

The (really really) hot guy strolled up to the desk, yanking lightly on the leash. The huge great dane reluctantly moved forward, but ultimately obeyed his owner. "Uh, yeah. My name is Iwaizumi and Jordan here has been acting weird."

Oh man. Oh man.

Iwaizumi's voice was deep and manly, and the great dane just added to the manly image, yet still adding a cute, respectful aspect because he cared enough to bring Jordan to the vet. Oikawa was screwed the second he had walked in.

And he had told Kuroo he was straight. Ha.

"What's her symptoms? Hopefully she's not pregnant, I already had a guy come in all upset cause he didn't know the cat was pregnant!" Oikawa laughed, trying to go back to his charismatic self. But mostly, he was trying to get over how attractive the guy in front of him was.

Did he only find Iwaizumi attractive? Was is an aesthetic type thing, where there was no attraction, but appreciated the beauty? Oikawa had no clue.

"Well actually it's not so much weird, but she's itching a lot. I'm pretty sure it's just fleas so do you have any of that flea-be-gone or whatever stuff?" Iwaizumi requested.

"Yeah, of course! Thank goodness it's only that, the main vet here is out pining for a cute guy," he replied, laughing again lightly. Ignoring the weird look from the customer, Oikawa got up and got the flea powder and handed it to Iwaizumi.

"Thanks. How much do I owe you?" he asked with a smooth voice, visibly relaxed that the vet's place had the flea stuff.

Before Oikawa could even think, he blurted out, "your phone number!"

Smooth.

He really, really, didn't mean to say that. Like, he's straight. Right?

Iwazumi cocked his head at Oikawa, and his lips quirked into a slight smile - but if you asked him, he would totally say he didn't smile. Nope. "Okay, I guess."

Nope nope nope, Oikawa is definitely not straight. At least when it comes to the handsome man with a gorgeous smile, soft eyes and an adorable dog standing in front of him, holding a piece of paper with his phone number and name written in his handwriting.

How his handwriting made him even more attractive, Oikawa didn't know. The one thing he did know, however, is that he is completely and utterly screwed, not to mention when Kuroo finds out.

Kenma cracked his neck side to side as he waited for the elevator to bring him to the fifth floor. He was eager to sprawl out on the couch and relax for the rest of the night. He didn't have an exhausting day at work, exactly, but he was still tired. Being social is hard. Being social meant having emotions.

Emotions are Kenma's worst nightmare. Despite his cool and indifference aura, he knew he was emotional person, more so than the average person. He could feel extremely sad or angry, for no reason, so he's learned to ignore it and push it away.

Sadness is the worst of all; the giant black hole that sucks everything away from him. Kenma knows there are things to be happy for, and that he is happy for; he realizes this. But that never helps the sadness - it's not something he can just get over. Everything is dark around him, and he feels hopeless. It's worse at night - the darkness is natural, and the bed holds every emotion he has.

A fews years ago, in college, he had been diagnosed with depression and anxiety. It had made sense, and there was a little bit of relief that there was a reason he felt that way. Of course, he couldn't help but feel bitter, like, great, I've been diagnosed. Now what?

He had been prescribed medicine, and it took the edge off, but it never fully went away. Even at the beginning, he knew that what he felt wouldn't be cured with the snap of someone's fingers. The least he could do was begin to understand it. He'd live with it his entire life, and emotions were always lurking in the back of his mind, ready to take over on a split second's notice.

There were bad days, and he felt one coming.

He could feel the black hole coming. He doesn't know why he knows, but he knows it was gonna be a bad night. Kenma's prediction starts immediately when he gets off the elevator - Kageyama was there, waiting for him.

Kageyama noticed the elevator opening, Kenma stepping out. He stalked over to Kenma, glaring down at him, obviously upset. "I knew you liked him."

Kenma couldn't do anything or react. He wasn't even sure what was going on except he knew he felt uncomfortable. Looking down, he mumbled, "What?"

"You know exactly what I'm talking about!" Kageyama snarled, looming ever so tall above Kenma. "He's mine! Not yours!"

"Wh..." Kenma trailed off, extremely uneasy. He could feel nausea come up from his stomach, and a black hole spread throughout his body. His mind was screaming at him to get into the safety of his apartment, and he barely registered the sound of a door opening.

"TOBIO! What the hell are you doing?" a light voice screeched, coming towards the pair. Whatever god there is must be watching over Kenma as Hinata stomped over to Kageyama and glared. "Don't yell at Kenma! He wouldn't do anything! JUST LOOK AT HIM! You're scaring the shit out of him!"

Glancing back at Kenma, Kageyama shrunk back and grumbled a quick, "whatever." Hinata gave Kenma and apologetic glance at he pushed Kageyama back into his apartment. Then, he turned around and walked back to Kenma.

"Be safe, okay? If you need me, I'm here," Hinata whispered as he hugged Kenma tightly.

"What?" Kenma was extremely confused. How did he know?

"I don't know. Just a feeling."

Kenma shakily went to his apartment, and opened the door to a hysteria of meows. I guess they can tell, too, huh? he thought to himself. He shut the door and shuffled over to the couch, flopping down on it. Even though it was only 6:30pm, he felt like it was 10.

After a while, he forced himself to get up and be productive. First, he filled up the water and food dish, checking Sugar's separate food and water in his bedroom as well. Though he didn't want to, he cleaned the kitty litter boxes, spraying Febreeze to get rid of the smell. He made sure to give everyone a lot of attention, and they calmed down a little bit, which in turn helped him relax just the slightest amount.

Wiping his hands on his jeans to get rid of the sticky cat hair, he went to the fridge and stared in it. Nothing. Well, nothing he wanted. Whenever he got like this, he was extremely picky about what he wanted to eat. He wasn't even sure he wanted something to eat, either. Kenma didn't want to make anything and there wasn't anything instant. Settling for a small bag of chips, he went back into the living room and sat down. Now it was 7:20pm, and both the natural and the emotional darkness were slowly building.

Kenma tried all the coping skills he learned in therapy over the past years - taking a warm bath, writing, reading, watching tv, working on his games - but none of it worked. It was one of those nights, where he'd just have to suffer through it. He realized this after he finished a huge bowl of ice cream and he didn't feel better. Ice cream usually makes everything better.

Looking at his phone, the time read 10:21. He had two options - try to go to bed and maybe fall asleep, or stay up all night avoiding the bad thoughts. Sighing, Kenma chose to attempt to go to bed. He had a big work meeting tomorrow.

He changed into an oversized t-shirt and some boxers, and climbed under the covers. At least the covers gave him some protection. He glanced at his phone lying on the bed next to him, charging. 10:24pm.

The more Kenma tried to sleep, the harder it became, and thoughts filled his head. He knew the thoughts weren't true, or at least exaggerated, but that doesn't make them any less hurtful. Even if his mind had come up with the insults, wasn't that worse?

"You're boring.

Stop staring at me, it's creepy!

Why do you talk so quietly?

You stutter a lot, are you dumb?

You think you're so cool because you skipped a grade.

You're unwanted.

You're ugly.

Pathetic.

You're useless.

Why are you even here?

Those scars look good on you.

Go die."

The thoughts got progressively worse as time went on. Kenma squeezed his eyes shut, willing himself to ignore the thoughts and voices that filled his head. He knew, he knew, he knew they weren't true, he knew, he knew, he knew he shouldn't believe any of it.

He knew.

But it was so hard. They still hurt, all the voices and insults. He can still hear them and see all the sneers. His thighs throbbed randomly, he felt like his cars would start bleeding again, and he could still feel the bruises that had faded long ago.

Eventually, the tears started. They fell down the side of his face, staining the pillow beneath him. It vaguely reminded him of when he wakes up and finds that he had been drooling. Despite everything, he could still feel a smile on his face. It was a weird feeling - smiling, but crying at the same time.

Kenma tried to fight the bad thoughts, with everything good that ever happened to him, the people that he cared about. Especially Nekomata and everything he had done for him.

"Wow, you're so talented.

Come work for me!

I'm here for you.

You're the son I never ever had, you know."

Then, he thought of Hinata, full of smiles and sunshine.

"I'll be here for you.

Woooahh, you work for Kozume Games?!

I'm so jealous!

You're so smart!

You're my best friend."

And then, out of everyone, he found himself thinking about Kuroo. In the few days he had known him, Kuroo had managed to invade his mind and plant little compliments all over. If only Kenma could see himself through Kuroo's eyes.

"Oh man, I really like you.

You're interesting.

You're so cute!

Because I want to know even more."

By then, Kenma's tears had subsided a little bit. His eyes were still wet, but tears weren't falling anymore. When the silence of his apartment (why weren't his cats making noises?), he decided he wanted to hear someone's voice. He couldn't call Nekomata for obvious reasons, and Hinata had Kageyama over…

Doing probably the most spontaneous thing he had ever done in his life, Kenma grabbed his phone and called Kuroo. It's 11:02pm, he should still be up, right?

He answers in two rings.

"Kenma, is everything alright?"

Even though he did call Kuroo, he had no idea what to say. Anxiety overcoming him, he quickly mumbled, "Sorry, it was a bad idea after all."

"Hey! No, wait! What's up?" Kuroo protested before the call could be ended.

Kenma was silent, only small sniffles were heard.

Kuroo tried again. Long ago, he had heard that if someone was in distress, the best thing was to do was to ask what they could do. He figured it would be a better idea, instead of trying to get Kenma to tell him what's wrong. Softly, he asked, "Is there anything I can do?"

"T-talk," came Kenma's voice, a slight crack in it from his throat being dry. Kuroo knew instantly he had been crying.

"Alright. Where should I start? Hmmmm, well, you know I'm a vet, and I have an assistant, Oikawa He says he doesn't like guys, but it's obvious he does. He's bisexual, at the least. I love animals and I used to play volleyball…"

As Kuroo babbled on about nothing in particular, Kenma could feel the darkness dissipate slowly but surely. Drifting off to sleep, he couldn't make out Kuroo's words, but he still listened to his voice, and that's all Kenma could really ask for.

"You look like shit."

Giving Oikawa his best glare, Kuroo unlocked the door to the small vet clinic. It was a gorgeous early morning, the air was crisp and the birds were singing, but Kuroo felt like shit.

"Thanks, I know."

"Seriously though, the bags under your eyes are bigger than the bags my mom carries around. What happened?" Oikawa asked, half out of curiosity and half because he actually did care. He wasn't actually a shitty friend.

Well, he was, but you know, still a friend.

"I didn't sleep very well last night," Kuroo grumbled. He made his way to the counter, putting down his stuff behind the desk. Oikawa followed like a loyal puppy.

"Ahh? Why not? Did you hire a hooker again?" he snickered, lightening the mood.

"Surprisingly, no," Kuroo smiled, but it was more like a grimace. "Hookers aren't my thing, bro."

"Missin' out!" Oikawa sing-songed, twirling around in the clinic lobby.

"Yeah, okay. Do you remember that guy I said was really cute? The pregnant kitty guy?" He paused long enough for Oikawa to nod cautiously. "Well, last night at like midnight or something he called me. I don't know what happened or what was wrong, but he had been crying, I could tell."

Kuroo knew he had hooked Oikawa. His eyes were really wide, curious to know what happened. Oikawa paused, a hand on his cheek as he thought. "AH! You don't think it had anything to do with his kitty, do you?"

"I don't think so, but who knows? Anyway, he asked me to talk. So I talked. A lot. About random shit, for at least two hours," Kuroo explained. He paused, enough to glare at Oikawa again as he giggled. "What's so funny?"

Oikawa waved his hand in the air, his giggles subsiding. "Oh, nothing, it just sounds like you two are in a long distance relationship. How cute!"

"Shut the hell up, it's too early for your squeals. It was weird though man, I just talked for hours without him saying anything, and eventually he fell asleep. So I hung up. And couldn't fall asleep, I kept thinking about what was wrong and stuff."

"Holy shit, you're in deep, dude. You're worrying about a guy you met a couple days ago," Oikawa objected. "You're not in some rom-com."

"At least I have some romance," Kuroo countered. "What's up with your love life?"

Not three seconds after Kuroo said that, did the door open and Iwaizumi walk in. Of course, this time the doorbell jingled. This did not make Oikawa feel any better.

"You're shitting me right now," he wailed, punching Kuroo in the arm for no reason. "You jinx everything, asshole!"

Both Iwaizumi and Kuroo looked confused, before recovering quickly. Kuroo sprang into his professional vet-mode, asking, "Hi there! How can I help you?"

"Uhhhh… I was here yesterday. The guy hiding behind the desk helped me out, he gave me some flea-stuff for my dog," Iwaizumi explained, rubbing his neck embarrassedly. "I kinda, uh, lost it. I don't know how, but I did. So I came back to get more, if that's okay."

"Noooo! It's not okay!" Oikawa squealed from behind the desk. "You didn't call me, you meanie! Go away!"

"Do I even want to know?" Kuroo asked no one in particular. He didn't get an answer, either.

"Here! Take this!" a slightly muffled voice yelled, and flea powder packets came flying from behind the reception desk. They missed Iwaizumi by about a foot.

"Your aim sucks," he commented. "Thanks for the powder. Do I owe you money or should I call you this time instead?"

A head of soft hair popped up from the desk. Iwaizumi smiled. Too easy.

"Promise?"

"Yeah. I'll put your number in my phone right now, okay? See? I'm doing it. So calm down."

"Yay! Call me later!" he called out happily, finally coming out from behind the desk. Apparently, Oikawa springs back really, really quickly.

"Ah… Thanks for, uh, coming..." Kuroo trailed off as Iwaizumi left the vet as quickly as he came. He turned to Oikawa, half irritated, half smug. "Stop smiling so damn big, the sparkles around you are giving me a headache."

"Sorry, not sorry, Kuroo. If you want, I'll watch the lobby and you can sleep on the couch."

"That would actually be nice. Thanks," he mumbled, shuffling over to the couch in the corner. Sprawling out on the couch, quite like a cat, Kuroo pulled out his phone and stared at it. He couldn't decide whether or not to text Kenma.

He should. To make sure he's okay. Right. Yeah. Okay.

[To: Kenma

From: me

Sent at 7:41am

hey, how are you doing?]

There. Now Kuroo is a decent human being, not to mention it was a conversation starter. Unsurprisingly, the reply came immediately.

[To: me

From: Kenma

Received at 7:43am

i'm okay.]

Well… That's helpful. Kuroo furrowed his eyebrows, determined not to let this conversation burn out. He wanted to know what had happened last night. Screw Oikawa, any good person would have been worried, right?

[To: Kenma

From: me

Sent at 7:45am

do you wanna talk about it?]

[To: me

From: Kenma

Received at 7:45am

not right now.]

[To: Kenma

From: me

Sent at 7:47am

let's meet up somewhere tonight. you can tell me about it then, and you can give me all the juicy details on how sugar's doing!]

Kuroo knew there weren't any juicy details, but he needed an excuse for them to get together, besides wanting to know what was wrong. A few minutes went by, and it was obvious Kenma was hesitating. Fortunately, a reply did come.

[To: me

From: Kenma

Received at 7:51am

i don't know why i'm agreeing, but okay. at the sub shop by your clinic at 6.]

Little did they know, both of them were smiling. Kenma, with his cute, shy smile. Kuroo, with his know-it-all obnoxious type grin.

[To: Kenma

From: me

Sent at 7:52am

see u then!]

Kuroo was in deep.