"Sammy, what were you up to?" Dean wondered aloud… Flipping the notes over, his eyes grazed the page of carefully written notes, it's a spell of some kind, but what really stood out to Dean was how neatly it was written. Sam was the type of person who wrote quickly and in his own font, but his was gingerly written. Every word carefully thought out and written, guaranteeing it was right. Dean didn't really think much of it until he read the small paragraph of footnotes at the bottom of the page.
**Dean's in gone, there I said it. I've tried so hard to deny it, to pretend he was coming back, hell, I've tried to pretend he was angry at me, hated me and just left my sorry ass, he has enough reason to. There's not much I can do, even with all the knowledge Dean and I have acquired, we still never knew much about hell. I wish I could take his place, I should be the one dead. I tried to bargain with the crossroads demon, that didn't work. But I'm not giving up, I think I've found a way to at least communicate with Dean. Maybe there will be a way for us to work together, if there was, Dean would figure it out. Dean's smart, always was better than me. That's why I should be dead, not Dean. Dean's got so much to live for. Dean could have a family, I see now that I could never be anything but a hunter. A demon, tainted forever. But Dean, he deserves a life. I've messed his life up enough. But I've found a spell… So if this doesn't work, or I somehow screw this up (since that always seems to happen to me) and end up dying, at least I'll be with Dean. Bobby, I'm sending this to you, in case I don't get out of this. Don't try to stop it or anything, he's my brother. I have to. I love him. Sam**
Dean's fist closed around the paper, crumpling it into a wad. Sinking heavily to his knees, confused and grieving, his mind turned to the Winchester autopilot…anger. "SAM, how could you even think of doing this," Dean fumed. He wanted to yell at Sam, tell him how stupid it was. The grief started to set in with the realization and remembrance of Sam's fate. "Sammy," Dean flattened the paper and looked at his brother's familiar scrawl.
And in that empty garage, Dean Winchester broke. He cried, for all he had gone through, his entire life full of sorrow, and he had never cried like this. Dean cried for his mom, dad and all their friends dead, the childhood he never had, but Dean mostly cried for Sam. The one person he couldn't live without, was in hell. The only person he loved more than life itself, gone. After it seemed Dean had cried for a lifetime, he quickly rose and wiped his eyes. Wearily he smiled, "you always did bring out the chick in me Sammy," he chuckled, speaking to an empty garage and the impala. His smile withered, "but tears and being a wuss aren't gonna save you from torture, from hell."
In that moment, all Dean wanted to do was hug his brother, talk to him, and see him, if only for a second. He glanced down at the paper, the spell crushed in his hand. In a split second, Dean made a decision. Looking back down at the paper, a bitter smile covering his face, Dean vowed he would see Sam again if it killed him.