Doctor Who - American Version - Serial

by RevolutionMan

Doctor Who - Presented as a re-imagining of the show Doctor Who for American audiences. It presumes NO connection to the continuity established by the long running British television series, but absolutely WILL borrow heavily from that awesome/amazing show. Some characters will be re-named. Some "laws" will be broken. A serial adaptation, in script form.

57. Chapter 57 - The Monk Who Saved Orphans

EXT. BACK ALLEY - MADAM HOLU'S HOUSE OF EROS

Brick and seven enforcers lead the Doctor and Rat the Mic outside at gunpoint. Brick pushes Rat the Mic towards the far wall, behind a dumpster.

BRICK
Get over there, by the wall. Come on, both of you, move!

RAT THE MIC
(to the Doctor)
Okay, so, now what?

DOCTOR
What do you mean?

RAT THE MIC
You brought us here. You had to know something like this might happen. Didn't you have a plan for getting us out of this?

DOCTOR
No, why? You got something? I'm all ears.

Rat the Mic looks at him in disbelief.

BRICK
Now, turn around.

The Doctor and Rat the Mic turn towards their captors. Brick and the other enforcers take up position like a firing squad.

RAT THE MIC
I can't believe this. I'm with you for a couple of hours and you're going to get me killed.

DOCTOR
I'm sorry. I do feel bad about that.

BRICK
Ready. Aim.

The enforcers point their guns at the Doctor and Rat the Mic.

RAT THE MIC
You're sorry? You're sorry?!

Rat the Mic lunges at the Doctor and grabs him by the throat. At first, Brick watches them fight, not sure of what to do. His men look to him for instructions.

BRICK
Okay, break them up.

The enforcers holster their weapons and break up the fight, separating the Doctor and Rat the Mic.

BRICK
That's enough, you two.

As soon as the enforcers turn their backs, Rat the Mic attacks the Doctor again. They fall over and fight on the ground.

RAT THE MIC
I hate you!

DOCTOR
I said I was sorry. You've really got to get better at accepting apologies.

RAT THE MIC
I'll kill you.

BRICK
I said, that's enough!

The enforcers break up the fighting again and pull Rat the Mic and the Doctor apart.

BRICK
Bind their hands.

One of the enforcers distributes wrist ties. They use them to secure Rat the Mic's wrists behind his back and then also the Doctor's wrists behind his back.

RAT THE MIC
I can't believe I'm going to die in this... this...

DOCTOR
Cesspool?

BRICK
Careful. Some of us live here. This is my home.

RAT THE MIC
Sir, I'm pretty sure that's a puddle of urine behind that dumpster. It actually is a cesspool.

BRICK
Oh yeah, well... it's nicer out front.

RAT THE MIC
I'm sorry I insulted your home.

BRICK
Apology accepted.

RAT THE MIC
Now, please don't kill me.

BRICK
No dice. Ready, aim...

The enforcers aim...

DOCTOR
Excuse me, if you have a minute.

BRICK
(huffs)
What now?

DOCTOR
I hate to be a bother. As far as executioners go, you really have been very nice, so I hate to do this to you, but my friend and I here, it's clear there are some unresolved issues. I hate to die knowing he harbors ill will towards me.

BRICK
That is not my problem. Aim...

DOCTOR
Yes, I know. It's just, he's a very religious man. You see, this man is a monk.

BRICK
He doesn't look like a monk.

DOCTOR
Oh, yes, devout. Very devout. And it's against his supreme being's expressed commandments to die holding a grudge. You're supposed to make peace before you die, you see. "Don't let the sun go down on ill will", I think is the correct verse.

He turns to Rat the Mic.

DOCTOR
You can correct me if I'm wrong, Brother Pious.

RAT THE MIC
I-

The Doctor interrupts.

DOCTOR
(to Brick)
Anyway, this man is my spiritual adviser, but he is also a very dear friend, and I would very much hate it if I were the reason he didn't get into heaven. I mean, that would really stick with me. So, I was just wondering, if it isn't too much of a bother, if I could have just two minutes to make peace.

BRICK
You're stalling.

DOCTOR
I never lie about religious peace. I promise, only two minutes. Please, don't you want to see this man get into heaven? He's helped so many orphans.

BRICK
One minute, then we kill you.

DOCTOR
Thank you, sir, much obliged. You're very kind.

The Doctor turns to Rat the Mic.

DOCTOR
I am very sorry about this.

RAT THE MIC
I don't want to die.

DOCTOR
Of course not.

RAT THE MIC
No one will even know who I am. I'll be an unknown, buried in a mass grave with some foul-smelling hobos. I've accomplished nothing.

DOCTOR
Don't say that.

RAT THE MIC
I never even told Trigette how much I love her.

DOCTOR
Aw.

RAT THE MIC
I was going to do it by candlelight, over the whispering Grey, at night, while a treem band played her favorite songs from Klansoo at the Bridge.

DOCTOR
Sounds lovely.

RAT THE MIC
And then I would prove to her my strength by battling a dark crocodile so she would be convinced of my virility, and we would make love for six days, and declare our undying devotion to each other while I fertilized her eggs.

DOCTOR
That's specific.

BRICK
This man does not sound like a monk.

DOCTOR
It's a very passionate sect.

Rat the Mic begins to cry.

RAT THE MIC
(crying)
I don't want to die a virgin. I don't want to die an un-famous virgin.

Brick holds his head.

BRICK
I hate it when they cry.

DOCTOR
(to Brick)
Excuse me, sir, what did you say there?

BRICK
It's embarrassing.

DOCTOR
This is embarrassing to you, sir? This man is pouring his heart out. This man, this very religious man, who has saved and cared for thousands of orphans, is baring his soul here.

The Doctor walks forward to scold Brick, prompting two of the enforcers to break their line. They intercept him and force the Doctor back towards the wall. At the same time, Rat the Mic falls to his knees and crawls forward.

RAT THE MIC
(crying)
Please don't kill me. Please don't kill me. I don't even know this man. I don't want to die.

DOCTOR
I am appalled, sir. It's bad enough that you're going to kill us, but for you to stand there in judgment of this great and generous man, that is really a slap in the face.

BRICK
Will you stay in line? Your minute is up. Get that man on his feet.

One of the enforcers picks Rat the Mic up and drags him back to the wall. As soon as the enforcer turns back, Rat the Mic falls to his knees and crawls forward again.

BRICK
Stand up, man. Stop crying. Stand up. Be a man!

RAT THE MIC
(crying)
I'll do whatever you want. Just don't let me die an un-famous virgin.

DOCTOR
You, sir, should be ashamed of yourself.

BRICK
Ashamed of myself?

DOCTOR
Yes, sir, ashamed. How do you have the nerve to stand in judgment of this man? Do you even believe in a god?

BRICK
Yes, of course, I do.

DOCTOR
Well, I certainly hope, if you ever find yourself in a position like this, that you've made peace with him before then. Because there is something very dark in your soul.

BRICK
I am doing my job. You are not who you claim to be. You lie to enter the club, then you lie and say you have an appointment to see Madam Holu.

DOCTOR
We've come a very long way.

BRICK
How do I know you're not a cop?

DOCTOR
Do we look like cops?

Brick takes a good look at them. Rat the Mic sniffles.

BRICK
No.

DOCTOR
What do we look like to you? A couple of idiots?

BRICK
Well, yeah.

DOCTOR
Why kill a couple of idiots?

BRICK
Because you're not supposed to be inside. Do you have any idea whose club this is?

DOCTOR
Madam Holu's?

BRICK
Greevo Shanbor's.

DOCTOR
Ooooooooh. Who's Greevo Shanbor?

BRICK
You two really are just a couple of idiots, aren't you?

DOCTOR
Hand to god.

The Doctor raises his hands to god. Rat the Mic sees this and raises his own hands as well.

Brick thinks, clearly annoyed. He shakes his head at them.

BRICK
Let them go.

The enforcers walk over and cut the ties they used to secure Rat the Mic's and the Doctor's hands.

BRICK
Don't ever let me see you trying to get inside again.

RAT THE MIC
Oh, thank you. Thank you, so much.

DOCTOR
No problem. I guarantee you, you will never see us try to get in there again.

BRICK
Now, get out of here.

RAT THE MIC
Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Rat the Mic runs out of the alley. The Doctor follows with a smile on his face. Brick motions to his men.

BRICK
Come on. Back inside.

Brick watches the Doctor leave the alley and turn the corner.

INT. MADAM HOLU'S HOUSE OF EROS

Brick saunters up to the bar and motions to the bartender, Beezaria.

BRICK
Hey, let the Madam know I took care of it.

BEEZARIA
You put 'em down?

BRICK
Nah. They were just a couple of mooks. Scared 'em cold. We'll never see them again. I'm gonna hit the head, then head back outside.

BEEZARIA
Right.

Brick wades through the crowd on his way to the restroom. Over the blasting music, we hear the faint grinding sound of the ethereal gears of the Tardis. Brick looks around, but can't find the source of the noise. He enters...

INT. MEN'S ROOM - MADAM HOLU'S HOUSE OF EROS

Brick bypasses the urinals and heads for the second stall. He tugs on the door, but it's locked.

DOCTOR (V.O.)
Occupied.

BRICK
Sorry.

Brick heads for the first stall, stops, thinks. Was that...? Nah. He enters the first stall.

INT. STALL - MEN'S ROOM - MADAM HOLU'S HOUSE OF EROS

Brick sits and prepares to "relieve himself" when he hears the sound of the second stall's toilet flush. A second later, the sound of the second stall's door opening. Under the door to his own stall, Brick sees one pair of boots leave the second stall, followed by a second pair of boots. He looks confused.

RAT THE MIC (V.O.)
Does this smell like urine to you? I think I kneeled in pee back in the alley.

Brick's eyes widen.

INT. MEN'S ROOM - MADAM HOLU'S HOUSE OF EROS

The Doctor opens the men's room door just a crack to sneak a peak into the main room. Rat the Mic stands behind him.

Meanwhile, we hear some rustling, like the sound of a man pulling up his pants really fast.

DOCTOR
I think it looks clear. No sign of that idiot, Brick.

The door to the first stall explodes open. The Doctor and Rat the Mic both jump, surprised. Brick points his gun at them.

DOCTOR
Nevermind. Found him.

Rat the Mic's shoulders sink.

-To be Continued...-