Scratch

Chapter 11:

Risk Taker

Kuroo leaned backward slowly, closing his eyes, and slumped in the booth. He was careful not to accidently kick Kenma, that would definitely be helping absolutely nothing. Many replies flitted through his mind, but none that he could repeat aloud. At least, not at the very moment. He breathed out, chuckling: it was Kenma's turn, to sit there and be quiet, as the other person composed themselves and figure out something to say.

When he finally opened his eyes, the first thing he noticed was that Kenma seemed incredibly stressed and on the verge of tears. He racked his brain, trying to think how his reaction could make the other act like that, and it hit him. By not answering and instead slumping in the booth, Kenma probably thought that he was irritated by this conversation, or something along those lines. Kuroo smiled bitterly, thinking to himself that the other man would be mad that he'd been figured out, yet again. He decided to stop Kenma's train of thought before it could get any further.

"Whatever bad things you're thinking about," Kuroo announced, leaning forward, "Please stop. I don't think you're weak, or worthless or anything. Also, I'm not going to break up with you, if that's what you're worried about."

He paused, and chuckled.

"We've only been dating for today. Funny, huh? It'd be kind of pointless to break up with you at this point, unless you cheated on me already… but I don't think you did."

Kuroo wasn't entirely surprised at the glare he received. His joke wasn't really in the best of tastes, but at least the glare made the threat of tears lessen. That was always a good thing. Kenma huffed in response, and crossed his arms, looking away.

"You figured me out again," Kenma pointed out, ignoring the grin he was very obviously getting. "Don't smile at me like that, I'm serious about this."

"Well. That should make you feel better, then," Kuroo drawled and smiled when Kenma looked at him suspiciously. He let their conversation linger in silence for a moment before finally explaining, "You figured me out, too. You knew I was grinning at you, even without looking at me."

Kenma opened his mouth, closed it, opened it again, and closed it once more. Kuroo snorted, amused at his reaction: the man sitting across from him looked like a fish. He waited patiently for Kenma to sort his thoughts out, and finally say something. If it was anyone else, he would've been bored of waiting for an answer. But it was Kenma, and his patience could make the entire difference.

"But you can still hurt me," he mumbled in defense. It was a weak argument, but at least it was an argument. He felt like he had to say something, anything at all. He wasn't allowed to go down in an argument so quickly.

"That's true," Kuroo commented, saddened by the expression that Kenma wore. "I could hurt you. But that is the entire point of being with someone, the possibility of love, you know? Love means giving someone a knife, but trusting that they won't hurt you. The same goes for friendships."

He tried not to grimace at how cheesy he had sounded, fearing it would ruin the serious atmosphere. The last thing he needed was Kenma shutting down and shutting him out. He wanted to know what was wrong, so he could fix it.

"What if they hurt me? What if that's all they wanted to do in the first place?"

"Then you try again," Kuroo smiled. He really smiled, not a smirk like usual, but one that was meant to calm things down. "Love is not a privilege, it's an opportunity. You can't be scared to do something, just because it's a risk. Think of the possibilities."

"But what if I don't want to take that risk?" Kenma asked quietly. He wasn't sure he even wanted to hear the answer, but he asked the question anyway. "Kuroo… what if I get hurt?"

"Then you stand back up, brush yourself off, and keep on your merry way," he replied, sounding suspiciously like a philosophy teacher. "You learn from your mistakes, you become stronger. I'm not telling you that you have to take the risk, that's your choice. What I'm saying is, I wouldn't mind if you took the risk with me."

"Must you be so cheesy?" Kenma rolled his eyes, choking back a half-hearted laugh. "But I already told you… I'm not a strong person."

"Don't you ever say that again, do you understand?" Kuroo demanded in a clipped tone. When Kenma nodded, he continued speaking. "You're strong enough to make it this far. I see it in your eyes, that life has been difficult. You're strong, just by living. Strong, for you, could mean getting out of bed even when you don't want to, so don't you ever think otherwise."

Kenma nodded again dumbly, finally looking down at his drink. Though it was long forgotten, and had finally cooled off, he drank it anyway. He fought back a smile when he realized it was delicious. How dare Kuroo know exactly what type of drink he would like? Grabbing his miniature apple pie, he took small bites, relieved when he finally calmed down.

"So… you're saying that in the end, love and happiness is worth the risk?"

"It is for me," Kuroo answered calmly, drinking his coffee as well. "It might not be for you, since everyone's different… but… you won't know until you try. For you, it might be sometimes that it's worth it. Sometimes it's not. It's up to you."

They were quiet once more, taking sips of their respective drinks, taking bites of their food. Neither of them were really hungry, but it gave them an excuse not to say anything Kuroo cocked his head, and flashed Kenma a silly grin, feeling extra philosophical as he said, "After all, you can't know happiness without sadness, and love without hatred. If you were always happy, you wouldn't appreciate it."

Kenma shrugged in response, trying to ignore that Kuroo's grin gave him butterflies. He always looks so mischievous and handsome when he did his dumb smirk. How obnoxious. Kenma sat still for a few moments, silencing the outer world, and focused on himself and his thoughts.

Is it really worth the risk?

In some cases, he told himself. He risked being hurt by Kageyama, (and was) in order to be friends with Shouyou. Shouyou makes him very happy, so it outweighs the sadness that can be caused by Kageyama and others. Even though Kenma experienced the pain that could be caused by them, he noted that even though he was hurt, he stuck with Shouyou. Because he loved him, as a friend; because Shouyou made him happy…

With Nekomata, his kindness saved him from the horrible people that Kenma had been surrounded by. He thought about the risk that Nekomata could have ended up hating him, or dumping him off somewhere, worthless to the company. But he never did. The only risk that he ended up losing, was losing Nekomata to death. That had hurt Kenma, piercing his heart and bringing back memories that were fading. The one person he loved with all his heart, died and left him to deal with life alone.

But would he have rather have never met Nekomata? Kenma asked himself, and the answer was immediate.

No.

He would have always wanted to meet and be with Nekomata, even if he died after a little while. Nekomata had protected him from people that could've hurt him, the insults always coming back to haunt him. He raised Kenma to be a great businessman, a great video game designer, and he was. Even if he was hurt by his father figure's passing, Kenma realized, the happiness he was given far outweighed the sadness.

"You can't know happiness without sadness," Kenma murmured to no one in particular, "You can't know love without hatred."

He felt his wrist being grabbed, and he was pulled to a standing position. He refused to open his eyes, Kenma didn't know what would happen if he did. Suddenly, Kuroo was pulling Kenma out of the cafe, and down the street. He randomly noted that it had stopped raining, thank goodness.

The two men stopped, and Kenma recognized Kuroo's presence standing in front of him. Quite close to him, almost like a repeat of the early morning. He was only reminded more of earlier that day when he felt Kuroo's hands gently holding his head. Kenma chuckled when he felt his tears he didn't know he was shedding be wiped away.

"I just had Déjà vu," he commented, laughing though he wasn't sure why. He opened his eyes and took in Kuroo's face looking down at him, confused. He was even more confused when Kenma bopped him on the nose, seeing if that explained it any better.

"Oh!" Kuroo's face lit up in understanding, "From earlier today?"

"Mhm," Kenma hummed, "Although I have to say I prefer this time."

"You're telling me," Kuroo laughed. He took his hands from Kenma's face, and fidgeted slightly. Looking back to Kenma, he blurted, "Can I hug you?"

Kenma nodded, and giggled despite himself, when he was enveloped into a big hug. He patted Kuroo's head, unsure of what the protocols for hugs were. Eventually, after a squeeze or two, Kuroo pulled back and beamed, his face the very image of happiness.

Honestly, Kenma felt like he should be thanking Kuroo, for many things. The most obvious being that he believed in him, that Kenma wasn't weak. Of course, his negative thinking was also starting to change slightly: he realized that indeed, happiness and love is sometimes worth the risk. Kuroo would be worth the risk.

He also felt like he should thank Kuroo for being so understanding with him: he knew to take Kenma out of the public eye when he began to tear up, and he asked to hug him, instead of just doing so. He really appreciated that.

"Thank you," Kenma murmured.

"You're welcome," he replied, not missing a beat. He didn't bother asking what he was being thanked for, and Kuroo really didn't care, he was just glad that Kenma was happy. "Do you want to go back to your apartment? It's kind of getting late."

"Yeah," he nodded, "That would be nice."

"Mmkay," Kuroo announced, "But I have to go back to the cafe to get the picnic basket and volleyball." He paused, looking up at the sky; he just now noticed it stopped raining. "It stopped raining."

The two men started walking, making their way back to the cafe.

"Did it?" Kenma asked sarcastically, "I couldn't tell."

Kuroo rolled his eyes, and shoved him playfully. He didn't know that Kenma could be sarcastic, this young man was just full of surprises. Of course, what happened next was probably one of the best surprises Kuroo had been lucky enough to experience.

Scanning the immediate area for people, Kenma deemed it okay. Without looking, he slid his hand into Kuroo's, and looked away blushing. He knew they both were smiling, and most likely blushing as well. He squeezed Kenma's hand, desperately trying to get his affection across. When Kenma squeezed back, he burst into a bright smile and looked down at his boyfriend.

"Don't look at me like that," Kenma pouted, looking away again.

"Aww, come on! You're so cute when you blush!" he paused, adding, "And pout!"

"I do not pout!" Kenma protested, removing his hand from Kuroo's for punishment. When they kept walking, and Kuroo would not stop whining, he huffed and stopped in his tracks, his partner stopping as well, looking at him curiously. Kenma pulled his collar down, bringing the tall man to his level. He kissed Kuroo on the cheek, and let go, his face bright red. "Now shut up."

"Yeah, okay, yeah I will," Kuroo sputtered, and ran to catch up with Kenma again.