An undisclosed amount of time passes with myself standing alone in my room watching the sun being its path across the Capitol sky. At one point I hear the door open and close, but whoever entered has not spoken yet. That was a long time ago.
By the time the occupant does speak, the sun is nearly a quarter of the way through the sky, telling me I've seen here for at least an hour or two. It feels like no time has passed at all. My mind is so blank that I simply can't feel anything anymore. I Should feel something at least, anger? Regret? Sadness? Remorse? Thankfulness? Something.
"I'm sorry." Athena says. I'm surprised she came, I would have thought it would have been Cassius or Troy, Athena surprises me.
My mind can't formulate a reply, so i simply continue my gaze out the window.
"I went mad in there. I don't blame you two for leaving, I did at the time, but not anymore. You were right to go." Athena takes a pause to draw a breath and I feel her presence as she stands next to me, joining my gaze out the window.
"That night was horrible. I heard you and Cassius talking about leaving us, but I thought it was a dream. I was so cold that night I couldn't tell reality from confusion. I woke up when the cannon went off and saw Daria was dead. She was so white and cold. Then I saw you and Cassius were gone, and I realized you two had left us for dead." Athena's words finally convince me to look at her. I should feel bad for abandoning the duo that night, but I don't.
"I was so furious," Athena continues, her face growing flushed with old anger. "I spent that day trying to find you both. I don't even remember how I managed to find Cassius, dumb luck I guess. When I found him he was in a panic, saying something about words written in blood. I only found out about you leaving him after I was rescued and watched the highlights. I remember us yelling, me saying horrible things about you. And then everything went out of control. We fought for such a short time but it felt like forever. His sword cut open my chest, and I could taste myself choking on my own blood. As I fell back I shot an arrow and I heard him fall to the ground. I didn't know I killed him. After that, everything just went out." Athena pauses once more.
"I was terrified watching the end of the games. I woke up quickly and I saw the final battle in the morning. Willow… I'm so sorry."
I blink slowly at Athena. Here's someone I loved like a best friend and sister in the arena, and then hated more than anyone ever before. Now I just don't feel anything for her. I'm not grateful, angry or pitying her. Just nothing. My eyes flicker from her face back out the window overlooking the Capitol.
"Why are you telling me this?" I ask her. She takes some time to reply, and she seems just as lost as me.
"I haven't got a clue." She says. In my peripherals I see her step back and sit on the unmade bed I recently awoke from.
We both remain silent for a few minutes until Athena breaks the quiet with a question I'd been expecting.
"Why did you leave when Dew came in? Isn't she your stylist?" She asks. I inhale sharply and let my head hang.
"Something like that." I say quietly, prying my body from the window frame and sitting next to Athena on the bed. My joints are stiff from being still or so long, but I can't seem to dwell on that for long. Athena silently urges me to continue.
"Back in Twelve I was engaged. It all happened so fast, I don't think he even knew what was happening. I shouldn't have volunteered. If I hadn't have volunteered, Rye wouldn't have been picked, I'd never have killed anyone, everything would be fine." The words fall from my mouth in a jumble, and I doubt Athena understood a word of it.
"What about Dew? What does she have to do with this?" She asks me. I inhale deeply and rub my eyes with one hand.
"She was Cliffs mother." I tell her. This gets her to fall silent. I watch her face as she tries to place everything together.
I was engaged to Cliff.
I came here.
I met Dew, Cliffs mother.
I fell in love with Cassius.
I thought I'd never see Cliff or Dew again, but now I'm alive.
Athena's face soon shows understanding and I see her eyes go wide.
"Yeah." I say. "I thought I was going to die, so I didn't hold back. I've known Cassius for less than a month and now I just don't know what to do. I thought Id never see anyone again. I wanted to enjoy my last few days."
"I don't blame you." Athena says, looking back out the window overlooking the Capitol.
"You probably don't want my advice." She says. I ponder this for a moment. I doubt I'm in any condition to think this over myself, but I don't know if I can look at Athena the same way again after I watched her kill Cassius. It couldn't hurt. I nod.
"You need to let Dew talk, if she's mad, I don't blame her. But I don't blame you either. Hell, I did things worse than you in there, and I regret them every day." I nod, but her words make me think. I regret nothing from the arena. That time doesn't seem to bring up any emotion anymore. I feel like I'm remembering it from a third person perspective, like I wasn't really there. Like it was all a dream.
"And as far as Cliff and Cassius are concerned, I don't think I can help you with that. I've never met Cliff and Cassius and I aren't even friends. We just know each other." Athena stands and walks over to the door, she places a pale hand on the knob before she turns around once more.
"I was supposed to tell you we have the transformations later today. You're supposed to be ready soon." With that she slips out of the room and the door clicks shut behind her, leaving me in silence again.