A/N: Thanks for all the comments and still sticking around. This chapter is rather emotional... for everyone involved.
CHAPTER 36
Hardy stirred a few hours later. His mind was tired, but his body felt more rested. Light filtered in through a gap in the curtains that were shielding him from curious eyes on the other side of the glass door.
"Ed?" he asked insecurely into the dark. He hoped his friend was still around after he had gotten so angry with him.
"Yup, I'm here," came the response from a black corner in the room.
Hardy squinted into the direction, but couldn't make him out. "Why're you hiding over there?" he queried, Scottish accent roughening up his tired voice.
"Because I feel a strong urge to strangle you, so I'm keeping my distance," Baxter growled.
"'M sorry," Hardy sighed, apologizing for all the grief he'd been causing his friend.
"What are you sorry for? That your wife is an irresponsible, cheating –"
"Ed, stop it. Please," Hardy begged. The ache in his heart was a stark reminder of Tess' misdoings, he didn't need to hear it again.
"Fine. I'll shut up," Baxter complied.
"Have you called her yet?" Hardy wanted to know.
"No," came the monosyllabic answer. It was astounding how much defiance Baxter could put into those two letters.
"Are you going to?" Hardy sounded doubtful. He desperately needed Baxter to be on board with this plan.
"Depends on one thing," Baxter allowed quietly.
"And what would that be?" Hardy's anxiety was growing. He had the strong suspicion he wouldn't like what Baxter had to say.
"We will keep the official record in the case file straight." It wasn't a suggestion. Baxter had moved out of the dark into the beam of light that came through the crack in the curtains.
Hardy tried to sit up to catch better sight of Baxter's face. He propped himself on his elbow leaning on the opposite side of the broken ribs. His muscles were twitching with the effort and he despised how weak he was.
"And how are we going to do that?" he wheezed, suppressing a moan.
Baxter took in a deep breath. "Alec, there are four people who know what happened. We can't drag them into this. The best we can do is to ask them to go with our version for the public while we assure them that we won't alter the case file. MacMillan is never going to go for anything but that and you know it. If she can get CPS to continue with the prosecution and it goes to trial, we can't afford to have any discrepancy in the documentation. Do you understand that?"
Baxter had left his hide-out and planted his tall body on the chair by Hardy's bed. His face was serious and underscored the gravity of his words.
Hardy's arm finally gave out from under him and he collapsed back onto his pillow. He yelped in pain, exhaling sharply.
"Alec, do you understand?" Baxter insisted, leaning in and absentmindedly helping Hardy to get more comfortable.
"No, I don't think I do. How is that supposed to work?" Hardy rasped.
"This is what we're going to do. You either agree or I won't go along with your shit plan," Baxter stated, not leaving any room for discussion. "The case file will depict everything as accurately as possible. When and where the pendant was found, and the chain of custody. It will state that Tess and Thompson were entrusted with taking the evidence back to the station, stopped on the way and the evidence was stolen while it was unattended in the car. It will note that the car is registered under your name. That leaves enough ambiguity to have you enter the picture for the public version of events without outright falsifying the record." Baxter paused, watching Hardy's reactions. Hardy kept his face impassive. So far there wasn't too much to argue about.
"The exact circumstances, however, will go into Tess' and Thompson's personnel files," Baxter added. He continued quickly before Hardy could even open his mouth, "Those are sealed and only supervising officers and DPS have access to them. The entry will also include the suspension of both detectives. Your personnel file will include that you were on medical leave at the time the pendant was found, granted by me. Besides the four people who know what happened, everyone else can have access to the same story that the public will have. I will make a statement to CID staff telling them exactly what will be in the case file in order to avoid discrepancies. If you insist, we can drop some targeted comments that will hint at that you were at the hotel as well and that it happened under your watch. We will not disclose any details to the press unless we are forced to," Baxter finished his explanation.
Hardy squinted at his boss. "And how does that reflect in any way that I was the responsible party? That still puts the blame on Tess and Thompson." Hardy spat the name of his DS. "We can't leave any doubt that I was in the possession of the evidence and that it was my fault that it disappeared," Hardy argued.
"Oh, I don't know, Alec," Baxter exclaimed in exasperation. "And you know why I don't know? Because it wasn't your fault and making this whole bloody fucking story work is quite frankly a waste of my brain power." Baxter's shoulders were heaving, he was so upset.
They stared at each other for what seemed to be an eternity, until Hardy eventually spoke. His voice was soft. "Do you remember that night I took you to the hospital when Emma was ill? How desperate you were?" Baxter paled and nodded. "Do you also remember what Daisy said about her unicorn and keeping the monsters away?" Baxter nodded again. "Unicorns are not good enough any more to protect her, Ed. The ugly truth of the world can't be fended off by a purple stuffed animal. But I can do it. I can protect her from all the heartache that would come if she knew about what her mother did. It would shatter her world, Ed." Hardy had to pause to catch his breath and reign in the tremble in his voice. "You would have done anything that night to take Emma's pain away. Now, I would do anything to take Daisy's pain away. Do you understand that?"
Hardy wasn't shouting or even talking with a raised voice. His plea had been quiet, but nevertheless it reflected his strong belief that what he intended to do was the right thing. Baxter pushed the chair back and started pacing about. If Hardy wasn't so incredibly tired, he would have wanted to join him. Baxter raked his fingers through his hair, shaking his head.
"Alec, we can't jeopardize a conviction more than it already has been." Baxter sounded desperate.
"We don't have to. Just put in the case file that Tess notified me of the find, that they went to the hotel and that it was my car. As you said, that leaves enough room for ambiguity and none of it is a lie in itself. Tess did call me after they found the pendant, remember? She was at the site of the search, so the lads from SOCO and maybe even Swenson can corroborate that. When you tell the CID staff about the loss of the evidence, you'll explain to them that I as the SIO will take full responsibility. There is no need to discuss the why and how." Hardy listened to his weakening voice as he grew increasingly winded. A few measured breaths helped him to be able to finish sharing his thoughts. "They'll hopefully buy it because they know how I run my team. I've never left them hang out to –" He couldn't finish, coughing violently and gasping for air. Baxter's face swam out of focus and was moving away in the tunnel his vision had become.
"Alec! Alec, stay with me. Take some breaths. Come on now, don't do this to me again. I'm getting tired of watching you pass out in front of me." Hardy held onto Baxter's words for dear life while Baxter was holding onto Hardy.
They sat together, Baxter clutching Hardy's hand until the moment had passed and breathing became less of a chore. His mind was sluggish, unable to form any clear thoughts. All he could think about was how distraught his little girl had been that day when her mother had lost her stuffed unicorn, her most precious possession, and how he had ventured out into the cold to retrieve it for her. He'd always been her hero. Now, he could be it for one last time.
"I cannae let 'er down, Ed," he slurred.
"I know. You should rest, Alec," Baxter soothed him, brushing his hair out of his forehead.
"Tess... I need to talk to her, please," Hardy implored his friend. He made an effort to focus on Baxter's face and their gazes locked. The usual steeliness in Baxter's eyes had given way to a soft smile.
"I'll call her. You trust me, right?" Hardy could only nod. "Go to sleep now. I'll take care of things."
Hardy closed his eyes as relief washed away his last reserve and he welcomed the darkness that embraced him.
Tess received the phone call Sunday night. At first, she only stared at the screen realizing who it was from, but then hurried to pick it up. She hadn't heard any news since Friday when Baxter had kicked her out of the office. His threat had been clear and she hadn't even dared to call the hospital out of fear of what Baxter's retaliation might be like. Worry had gnawed on her, leaving her sleepless.
She answered and before he could say something asked, "Ed, how is Alec?" Her voice was trembling more than she would have liked.
"He's alive. Barely. His heart took a bad hit and he's been in and out of the arrhythmia for the past two days. He's awake though and wants to see you." She could tell that Baxter disapproved wholeheartedly, but that he was willing to concede for his friend's sake.
As much as she disliked Baxter, she was relieved that Alec had him there for support. The thought of him going through this alone broke her heart. He had many flaws, but he didn't deserve to be by himself while he was so ill and his life was on the line.
It should have been her though, there at his side. 'To be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health' – her wedding vows had been floating through her mind these past days. Alec always stood by his no matter how detached he ultimately was. She, however, couldn't keep her vows any more, hadn't been able to in a long time. That part of her love was gone. It had withered away together with his closeness and engagement in their relationship. Not for the first time since Friday, she berated herself for how she could have let herself slip this far from him that she hadn't noticed. Looking back now, it was so obvious how much he had been struggling all along, trying to hide his illness from her.
"Are you there, Tess? I don't have the patience for games right now," Baxter barked into the phone.
His sharp tone startled her from her train of thought that had taken her miles away. "Sorry, Ed. Lost in time for a moment," she replied quietly.
"Can you come now? I know you've got Daisy, but maybe she can be home alone for a bit? She's old enough." Baxter's voice conveyed urgency.
"I sent Daisy to be with some friends over the weekend. I... ," she hesitated, not wanting to reveal how she didn't want Daisy to see her worry over her father.
"You don't have to explain yourself to me. I'm not really interested. I'm only doing this for Alec because he can't do it by himself. They don't allow phones in the cardiac ICU," he revealed, not making any effort to hide his disgust.
Tess was hurt and ashamed at the same time. Of course he would assume she was with Dave, using the opportunity of daughter and husband being out of the house. She hadn't seen Dave since the morning they received the phone call from Baxter. She hadn't dared. They had texted and talked a couple of times, but nothing more. She was alone with herself and her guilt over letting Alec down like that, over failing Pippa's and Lisa's families.
"I'll be there in twenty minutes. You said he's in the cardiac ICU?"
"I'll meet you there. Don't think of going in there before talking to me, do you hear me?" he spat at her.
"No, I won't. Don't worry, you made yourself very clear from the start," she answered submissively. He snorted into the phone and hung up without saying anything else.
She slowly gathered her things and briefly contemplated bringing along some of Alec's belongings. Baxter hadn't asked for it, so she refrained from doing so. She locked the dark lonely house and walked down the driveway to her car. She stared at the broken window. Then she turned around and took Alec's car that he'd stopped driving because he'd been too ill. As she rode through the night to face her husband who was nearly killed by her actions, the lights around her blurred with her tears.
Baxter greeted her at the ICU's reception area. He looked pale and worn out, probably having spent most of the past days at Alec's side. He took her to a quiet family room and sat her down.
"You have to understand how fragile he is right now. Since the cardiac arrest on Friday morning, he's had several incidents where they needed to shock his heart back into a steady rhythm. Today has been the first time that it looks like he's starting to recover somewhat." He dragged his hands over his tired face, letting out a long breath.
She stared at the wall and rubbed her hands together, trying to hide her emotional turmoil behind that stoic face her husband was so skilled at. She couldn't show any weakness, not in front of Baxter.
He looked up, his eyes full of so much fear and concern that it made her stomach knot up.
"Tess, please do not upset him. He must not get agitated again. The only reason why I even called you was because he worked himself up so much over his desire to talk to you that he almost needed another shock. Whatever he has to tell you, simply listen to him. Don't argue, don't fight. I don't agree with it either, but it's really what he wants. And he's so stubborn when he's got something in that thick head of his."
Tess nodded, anxiety rising over what Alec wanted to tell her. She cleared her voice. "I won't, Ed. I will try my best. I didn't want this to happen, even if you think I'm a heartless bitch. I wouldn't have left him alone, if I had known how ill he was. He never told me. He lied to me about it, just as much as he lied to you. You know me, I wouldn't have let it come to this," she blurted out, remorse lacing her words. She was crying now, unable to hold back any longer.
Baxter scrutinized her for a long time, his steely blue eyes boring into her soul. When he finally spoke, his voice was softer than before.
"Do you still love him, Tess?"
She dropped her gaze to the floor. That wasn't a fair question. She bit her lip.
"Yes and no." She expected him to make a derisive comment, but he simply listened to her, face displaying genuine interest.
Barely audible, she continued, "I'm not in love with him any more. But I do love him as a person and what he stands for - a wonderful father, a brilliant detective and a truly good man. I said goodbye to our relationship a long time ago. I was going to tell him about Dave, but then Daisy got sick and then the case happened and now everything went to shit. I feel like a horrible person for not saying anything earlier. And you know what the worst part in all of this is? Apparently I'm just as bad as he is when it comes to seeing what's going on with the other one." Her tears were back and she blushed with her embarrassment in front of the man who hated her so much and had so much power over her.
Baxter took in what she'd said. She recognized the expression he usually made when he was deep in thought. Eventually, the lines in his face softened and he leaned over and put his hand on her arm. "You both had your share in what happened in your marriage. Today is not the day to talk about that though. He would not be able to handle it, you will understand when you see him. He has something he wants to do and considering everything, I think we should go along with it even if in principle I don't agree."
He stood up and held out his hand to help her up. It was a simple gesture, but one of a truce for the sake of the man they both cared about. She took his hand and followed him. He explained what to expect inside the room and emphasized not to wake him or startle him because that could have dire consequences. Then he left her to herself, letting her know he would be in the family room.
He had repeatedly told her how ill Alec was, but she still wasn't prepared when she entered. She took one look at Alec and knew Baxter was right, he wouldn't be able to withstand anything right now.
His eyes were closed and his face was turned towards her. Deep shadows were encircling his orbits and his skin was of an unnaturally grey color that made Tess feel sick to her stomach. There was an oxygen cannula tucked into his nose which seemed to be the least threatening piece of tubes and wires attached to him. Out of the right side of his neck stuck a frighteningly large IV line from where countless tubing snaked up to what must have been a dozen blinking IV pumps. The green light of the pumps lent the darkened room an eerie atmosphere. Her eyes wandered to the monitor that displayed his heart rate. She wasn't sure, but it seemed slow, even for a sleeping person.
She stifled a sob, took in a few breaths and steadied herself. She then walked closer, quietly sitting down on a chair next to the bed. He looked very frail, not at all like the strong-willed man she had spent the last two decades with. She was about to take his hand but refrained from doing so, not knowing if that might wake him or if he even wanted her to. She brushed her fingers over his arm and realized how much skinnier he had become in the past weeks. Her wandering gaze got stuck on his face again, cheeks gaunt, fine pearls of cold sweat pooling on his forehead. How could she have not noticed the physical change that sure hadn't come over the last two days? Mortified over her own blindness, she buried her face in her hands to hide the tears.
"Don't cry, Tess. Please. I never could see you cry." His voice was weak and his Scottish accent stronger than usual.
Her head snapped up and his hazel eyes were right there. They were what would stick with her as the most jarring memory of her failing marriage. The fire and spark that were always in them, even if he was tired to no end, were gone and all there was, was sorrow and pain. And in that moment, she hated herself for what she had done to this man.
He must have seen something on her face, because he smiled tiredly at her and reached out with his hand. It was trembling slightly and she hurried to take it and hold it tight.
"I'm sorry Alec, so sorry." Her voice was breaking with the sobs that broke through the walls she'd build around her. All the moments she had been snide and disdainful to him, all the times she had been a bitch surfaced and flooded her with guilt.
"It's all right, love." He pulled her closer and reached for her tear stained cheeks. He cupped one with his cold and clammy hand and wiped his thumb over it. Then his hand dropped heavily onto the bed, exhausted with even this small exertion. "We both made mistakes." He gasped and Tess was looking around for a call button.
He slowly shook his head. "Don't, they'll just send you away," he whispered breathlessly. He was silent for a few moments, focusing on getting enough air to continue talking. His eyes were closed.
"We should talk about us some other day. I don't think I can right now." He paused again, face scrunched up ever so slightly in pain. After some more measured breaths, he seemed to gain more strength. He opened his eyes and looked straight into hers. There was some of that fire she had missed.
"I will take full responsibility for the loss of the pendant. You and Dave will not be implicated in public. If you keep it quiet for a while, nobody needs to know. Daisy will never find out and you will keep your job." His words came out labored, interrupted by the continued struggle for air, but nonetheless they were spoken with authority and resolution.
Tess was dumbfounded. "You can't do that Alec. It wasn't your fault," she objected hoarsely.
He glared at her. "I don't have the energy to argue about this, Tess. This is my decision and this is how it's going to be. You will do as I say," he hissed at her.
"Don't talk to me like that, Alec. Ill or not, you have no right to order me around," she snapped back.
He propped himself up on one arm, making sure he was holding her gaze. "Tess, I'm going to make this painfully obvious so that you can understand where I'm coming from. My heart is shit and there is not much they can do about it. I won't be around for much longer and then what's going to happen to Daisy if the truth comes out? You won't have a job to support her and she will be living with a parent that she most likely will despise for what she has done. I can take this to my grave, I really don't give a fuck. All I want is to know that Daisy will be fine. I can't do anything else for her when I'm dead, but I can do this now."
He fell back on his pillow, desperately trying to catch his breath after delivering his speech. His monitor started alarming and a couple of nurses rushed in. One of them switched out the cannula to an oxygen mask and the other nurse punched some buttons on one of the IV pumps. She then turned to Tess and told her she needed to leave. Alec protested and got even more upset, so the nurses let her stay.
She watched him struggling to settle down. There was nothing she could do to help. Or was there? Slowly his words sank in. Seeing him like that, fighting for his life, she could see his twisted logic. It was still wrong though. On the other hand, it was her way out. She could keep face in front of her colleagues and her daughter. Nobody ever needed to know. Besides Baxter. But he already was on board, judging from his earlier comments. And if it hadn't been for their marital problems to begin with, maybe that fateful day would have gone differently. She didn't want to go down that path, but to a certain extent he carried some responsibility, or at least had a hand in this, however indirect. Deep, deep down inside, she knew it was wrong to think that way and go with his plan, but self-preservation and fear of the future won.
She took his hand. "If this is really what you want Alec, then I will do whatever you need me to."
He turned his head towards her and pulled off the oxygen mask with trembling fingers. "I've thought about it, it's the best for Daisy," he managed to get out. He was gasping for air and Tess pressed the mask back on his face.
"Don't talk. You need to calm down. Just nod or shake your head." He nodded.
"Does Baxter know about all of this?" He nodded again.
"And he agrees to support your version of the story?" His head went up and down.
"Is this going on your personnel file?" This time, he shook his head.
"No. Ed… can... explain," he muttered under the mask. She wasn't happy about that answer. If it didn't go in his file that meant it was going into hers and Dave's because neither one of them would completely sweep it under the rug.
His breathing remained labored and his eyes kept fluttering shut. He fought to stay awake. His face was drawn into a painful mask and she realized it was time for her to let him rest.
"Do you want me to speak to Baxter for further explanation?" One nod only. He was fading quickly now.
"All right then. I will do so. I will let you sleep, you need to rest, Alec." She squeezed his hand one more time and was almost out the door when he asked with what seemed to be his last strength, "What'd ya tell Daisy? Wanna tell'er m'self, heart, case, everything, please." His words were so slurred that she barely understood.
"I told her you were on a trip to investigate something for the case. We'll talk more on how we'll tell her. You have to rest now." She had come back to the bed and gave him a kiss on the forehead. He was already out. She took one last look at him, heart aching for this man who had been her companion for so long, who had lost her and who she had lost somewhere along the way, not even knowing when and where. She wished it had never happened, but it did and now it was too late. She broke his heart and had no way of mending it because she did not love him any more. And for a stuttering heartbeat or two, she wished she did.
Baxter was waiting anxiously in the family room. More than once, he peeked out the door, expecting the code alarm to go off and the team to rush to Hardy's room. But everything stayed quiet. He paced in circles like a caged animal, tapping his legs with his fingers. The uncomfortable feeling he had about leaving Tess alone with Hardy was burning inside and made him nauseated. His mind kept wandering back to the morning when he had found Hardy, stricken by the news his wife had thrown upon him.
He wasn't sure if he believed anything that Tess had told him earlier in this room. She'd said she wouldn't have left him alone if she had known, but Baxter was doubtful. She had looked away for weeks while her husband was withering away under her eyes. Granted, he probably could've been more attentive himself, but at least he had noticed that there was something wrong with Hardy. And he had persisted until he found out what was going on. It had almost been too late though. Anger over Hardy's stubborn need to hide and his own guilt mixed and erupted when he kicked a chair so hard that it slid across the room.
"That's how he makes me feel most of the time," Tess commented quietly and with surprisingly little smugness. She had entered the room behind his back. Baxter spun around and glared at her.
"If I were you, I'd refrain from making any snide remarks about your husband," he snarled. She dropped her gaze and sank down onto a seat next to her. Her face was pale and her red-rimmed and puffy eyes gave away that she'd been crying. She cupped her mouth with her palm, elbow resting on her knee. Her body was still besides her heavy breaths. It didn't take long until her tears hit the floor. Baxter stared at the tiny spots on the grey linoleum lining and didn't know what to make of them.
"Why are you crying, Tess?" he demanded to know harshly.
She didn't answer.
He took a step closer.
"Why are you crying, Tess?" he repeated, louder this time. Anger began to boil up.
She still didn't speak.
"Are you that relieved that you've lost all ability to talk? Or are you so sorry for yourself that you can't even utter a word?" His sarcasm was scathing.
Her head snapped up and her watery blue eyes shot him a fiery gaze. "It's none of your business, Ed," she spat back.
Baxter snorted in disgust. Everything she'd told him was a lie. "At least you didn't kill him this time."
She had moved so fast he didn't even see it coming. His cheek ached with the hard slap she'd given him across his mouth. She stood mere inches away from him and her hot breath heated up his already burning face. Her lips quivered and her wild eyes bore into his. With a tremble in her voice she hissed, "Don't you dare say that ever again!"
Towering over her, he replied coldly, "Why not, Tess? Can't hear the truth?"
This time he caught her wrist. He held it tight for a moment longer than needed and then shoved her back down onto the seat. Hunching over, she buried her face behind her palms.
"I didn't want this. I didn't want to hurt him," she cried, slurring her words. "He looks so ill." Her eyes came up and found Baxter's. "Is he really dying, Ed?" she sobbed.
Baxter held her gaze and suddenly his anger dissipated. She was genuinely distraught. Maybe she hadn't lied, maybe she still loved him somewhere deep inside. Maybe she loved him because he was the father of her daughter, maybe she loved him because he was a good man, maybe she loved him for what they once were. It didn't matter because Baxter realized she didn't hate him. She had hurt him more than anything else ever could, but she hadn't meant it. Just as much as she hadn't intended on losing the key evidence with her careless behavior. She was guilty, no doubt. But it wasn't of hate and deliberate acts of malice, no, she was guilty of the act of not caring, of abandonment and looking the other way. She was guilty of being the lesser human, despite whatever accusation of detachment and negligence she made against Hardy. She hadn't cared whereas he had cared too much.
Seeing her like this, almost made him feel sorry for her. But only almost. He sat down, leaving an empty chair in between them.
"He might very well be," Baxter answered his voice rough with emotion.
"I didn't do this to him. Please tell me I didn't," she begged, still crying.
Baxter took in a deep breath. "Tess, he fell ill right in front of your eyes and from day one you decided to take the easy way out. Yes, he lied to you, but if you're honest with yourself you can't deny that you also jumped on the opportunity to ignore the obvious. You let it go. You of all people should have known him better, you should have seen him and his struggle. For God's sake, there are even people at the station who noticed it." He shook his head, his anger coming back.
"You did the same," she accused him weakly.
"No," he retorted firmly. "I didn't."
"How is it different? You knew and you let him work. You used his stubbornness for –"
"Don't you think I'm aware of that, Tess?" Baxter interrupted her harshly. "And I will always feel guilty about it. I should not have listened to him and taken him off this bloody case as soon as I noticed how much it was getting to him. I should have never let it come this far. At least I was watching him, I was talking to him, and I wasn't buying his shitty excuses. A week ago, after you had that row in the office, I told him he was done and he was willing to comply. I made two mistakes that day – you wanna know what they were? I cared too much about him. He was devastated and it got to me. That was the first. I trusted him to know when to stop. That was the second one. I never should have. I didn't use him, Tess, I meant to help him." Baxter ended tonelessly. His confession hadn't come easily.
He looked up and made sure to find her eyes. "He never told you because he didn't have it in him to make you sad. He tried but he couldn't do it. Finally, the night before the cath procedure he had gathered enough courage. He waited for you to come home to talk to you. You didn't. Where were you that night, Tess?"
She didn't have to say it, the answer was written all over her face.
"I thought so," Baxter stated dully. "How could you not have seen what state he was in when you called him to the office? He could barely walk when I dropped him off at your house. Can you explain to me how you could leave him like that? After you unloaded all of your shit on him? I'm having a really hard time understanding that," Baxter continued, getting more and more agitated.
She stayed mute.
"Seriously, Tess? You're giving me the silent treatment? I get it, you don't love him any more, but you abandoned him in his greatest hour of need. You walked out on him after all those years. Do you really care that little about him?" Baxter spat at her.
"I... he told me to leave," she muttered, staring at him with her wide eyes.
"You're joking, right? His heart was giving out in front of you and you listened to him when he told you to leave?" Baxter cried in disbelief. He jumped up and resumed pacing. He shot her a sideways glance. She was paler than before and her head was hanging down.
"I swear, I didn't realize," she admitted, voice breaking. "I thought he was upset and angry. When I tried to talk to him, he sent me away and shut me out like he always does. I had enough and left. If I had known that he was so ill...," she trailed off, stifling another sob.
"I've said it before and I'm going to say it again. This is on you Tess. Marriages fail and I'm sure you both had your fair share in this. But that night...," Baxter had to pause to reign in his fury. "That night you made a choice to ignore the blatantly obvious. You can try and explain it away as much as you want but it doesn't change anything. You accuse him of shutting you out – and that might be part of the truth – but I don't think you ever made an effort to hear him either. You and Daisy are his Achilles' heel, you always have been, and he's always protected you, no matter what you did. And even now when he's dying, he still is." Baxter's last words were but a whisper, full of sorrow and grief.
He lowered himself onto a chair. It took him a few racing heart beats to calm down and change gear to deal with matters at hand.
"I'm going to tell you what the plan is and what you and Dave will do. There won't be any discussion, you will fully cooperate. If you don't, you're done. If Dave doesn't, he's done. I am only doing this for Alec, I have no – absolutely no – interest whatsoever in protecting either one of you. I will talk to Chief MacMillan tomorrow and once she gives her blessing, we will go ahead. Until then, you and Dave stay away, do you hear me?" Baxter barked.
She nodded submissively. Baxter slowly and carefully explained what he had agreed upon with Hardy. He watched her squirm and twitch when he told her that everything would be documented in their personnel files, but she was smart enough to stay quiet. She flinched when he told her that Dave would be stripped of his rank as detective sergeant and sent back on the beat as police constable. She turned bright red and bit down on her lip when he revealed his plan for her. She'd be demoted and transferred to the drug and fraud squad of South Mercia Police which was known to be the most unrewarding division in their constabulary. Nobody went there voluntarily.
"What's going to happen to Alec?" she finally asked after he had finished. There was just enough defiance in her tone to set him off.
"Why the fuck do you care?" he exploded, jumping up from his seat again. Breathing heavily, he continued shouting, "He's going to die, that's what's happening to him, Tess. And if by a miracle he makes it through this and can ever come back to work, he'll be my DI because he's the only one who actually did his job right."
"And how is that going to work with your story that it was his fault that the pendant was lost?" she sneered back.
"Let that be my worry. I think you should leave now," Baxter ordered sharply, having had enough of her. He'd gladly deal with reinstituting Hardy if he should ever get the chance.
She stood and walked away. When she was at the door, she stopped and without looking at him, she said weakly, "For whatever it's worth, I'm truly sorry."
Baxter watched the door close behind her. He fell onto a chair, buried his face in his hands and waited for his breathing to calm down. Then he pulled out his phone and called his wife.
"Everything all right?" Louise answered sleepily.
"It's done. I spoke to Tess," he stated, exhaustion lacing his words.
"You did the right thing, darling," she reassured him.
"I don't know. It doesn't seem right," he argued back.
"It's what he wants and from his perspective it makes sense. You said so yourself," Louise reminded him.
"Still doesn't make it right," he persisted.
"Maybe not. But that's not what this is about. It's about helping your friend. And you're making sure that the responsible people are being held accountable."
Baxter snorted into the phone. "Not enough if you ask me. They're lucky they still have a job. Besides, I still have to sell all of this to MacMillan," he sighed.
"Take her to see Alec. She's got a soft spot for him. He'll convince her," Louise suggested. Then she added tenderly, "Just like he convinced you."
He hummed in agreement and exhaled deeply. He hadn't slept much in three days and the weariness was taking its toll.
"Why don't you come home? I'm sure his doctor can give him something to sleep and you could use a break." There was a longing in her voice that reminded Baxter of a warm bed and an arm tightly wrapped around him.
"I haven't talked to him after Tess saw him," he yawned into the phone.
"Then go check on him and come home after. He won't mind. He wouldn't want you to wear yourself out." She had a point.
"All right. I'll see you soon then," he gave in.
"I'll be waiting for you. Love you."
"I love you too," he said warmly and ended the call.
He walked over to Hardy's room. He hoped he'd be sleeping, but when Baxter poked his head in, he found Hardy staring right at him.
"Was she okay?" he wanted to know, eyes wide.
Baxter stepped up to the bed and sat down. "Alec, you really shouldn't worry about her," he said with more disdain in his voice than he intended.
He pressed his lips to a thin line and turned his head away. "How can I not?" he whispered hoarsely.
Baxter inhaled and let the air out slowly. "Oh Alec."
"I still love her," Hardy said simply, eyes fixed somewhere far away.
"And you will for a while. I don't know what to say. I can't make that pain go away. I wish I could." Baxter stifled an untimely yawn.
"Go home, Ed," Hardy ordered softly. When Baxter lifted his tired head, Hardy was looking at him with those watery puppy dog eyes of his that had never failed to get to Baxter's heart.
"I don't want to leave you alone."
"'M fine. You need to sleep. In your bed. With your wife." His voice only faltered the tiniest bit.
"You're sure?" Baxter asked again, doubting that he should listen to his friend.
Hardy nodded and his eyelids fell shut. "Don't worry about me."
"How can I not?" Baxter echoed Hardy's earlier words. He smiled when Hardy's lips curled up.
"Thank you, Ed," he mumbled drowsily. Baxter tucked the blankets tighter around him, brushed his fringe out of his forehead and turned off the overhead lights.
"Sleep well. I'll see you in the morning," he whispered to an already snoring Hardy. He listened to the deep breaths and the for once regular beats of Hardy's heart, taking comfort in the quiet moment before he left the room for the night.
A/N: I've got my trusty editor back! Now I can blame all mistakes on her – yeah ;-) Thank you, darlin'! I believe this was my favorite comment: "AKJLFDKSLAJFKDLSJAFKLDJSAKFLDJSAKFLJDSKALFJDKSLAJFKDLSAJFKLDJSAKFLJDSAKFJDKSLAJ I'M TEARING UP AND I AM GOING TO HIDE IN A CORNER AND CRY SOON!"
I hope people will not hate me for writing Tess' POV. I wrote that scene months ago, around the same time I wrote her confession and the morning after. I never intended on using her POV, but when it was time to delve into that moment when she sees him for the first time after that fateful day, it seemed the right thing to do. The scene became very dearly to my heart as I've always tried to give Tess more character than just the heartless bitch because very rarely people and human interactions are so black and white. There is a lot of grey, and nobody is perfect. So, I ask for forgiveness of those who might be unhappy with this part of the story. Maybe Baxter's anger is of some consolation.