23

Ianto was mortified to know Tosh had seen him naked, as had Gwen from her position at the bottom of the ladder.

Yeah.

The thud was her falling.

She sat with her ankle elevated and covered with an icepack as she listened to Jack's explanation of Ianto's heritage.

"So he's an alien!" she said with a frown.

"Half. Born and bred in Wales." Jack answered, turning to look at her a second time as he caught her frown.

"Is he safe?"

"Was he half an hour ago?" Jack retorted, "What do you mean?"

"Don't be bloody smart. Are we at risk from him!" she demanded.

"Jesus. Can you hear yourself?" Owen snorted. "This is Ianto we're talking about."

Jack grew extremely still as he finally got that she was asking if they were safe from Ianto, not about his safety.

"How dare you" Jack growled in a low voice. "You knew my secret but found me appealing enough to work for. You think I'm from around these parts, lady?"

"Wait. Big tits knew about this wee circus act of yours?" Owen exploded.

"Circus act. I can tell you stories about …"

"Big tits. You are such a gentleman" Ianto muttered from the bed.

"Well. She does. Fucking gorgeous tits." Owen tried to defend himself and knew as soon as he had opened his mouth that he was just digging himself deeper.

Tosh made a small noise in her throat and then canted her head as he glared at him.

"Aw, come on Tosh. She does. If it's any consolation, you have the best bum by far!" Owen whined as he backed away from the women.

"Actually, I have to disagree there ya cockney git" came a slurred answer from the bed, "Jack has the nice … nicest bum I've ever seen. Especially naked."

Everyone turned to look at him.

"Love them buns in those trousers too."

Tosh giggled as Jack made a little noise of delight.

"Would love to see him in jeans. Nice tight, huggy kind of blue jeans," Ianto sighed softly.

"Aw pet, we all would" Gwen soothed as she hobbled to the bed and took a seat, reaching for the undamaged hand.

"You do have nice boobs Gwen; Owen is right there" Ianto told her seriously with wide eyes.

"How much pain relief does he have onboard?" Jack asked Owen who shrugged.

"Toshi smells the best" Ianto continued his outer monologue for the team, "I love the smell of her hair when I place her cup down. She is so lovely I could just cuddle her like a wee teddy bear."

Tosh placed her hands over her hands as she giggled with delight, "Oh Ianto."

"What about me!" Owen demanded, folding his arms as he waited for his own attributes to be listed.

"Owen?"

"Well?" Owen asked, "What do you like about me!"

"You are the bestest at insults. That one you told that copper the other day about his mother and a hotdog bun was priceless." Ianto snorted, "You make me laugh so much."

"I never hear it" Owen grinned as he recalled the Bobby and his look of horror.

"Owen. I am Welsh. We laugh on the inside" Ianto waved his hand in Gwen's direction and she nodded.

"Yes pet, we laugh at them all the time" she agreed as she patted his arm.

"Tired"

"Of course you are" Jack moved around, settling on the bed as he rubbed at Ianto's chest.

"Hurts"

"Shit" Owen muttered, "He has two broken ribs that side, he hit the floor pretty hard."

"My poor baby" Jack crooned, kissing Ianto's forehead.

"Missed."

"What baby?" Jack frowned, a pout from Ianto appearing.

"Missed."

Jack laughed as he caught on and apologized for his bad aim, kissing the pout gently.

"Better"