"I'll be okay. I promise…" Kimberly overheard Dylan speak into the phone when she went up to the attic, filled of books, to check on her sister. She leaned against the door frame and waited for Dylan's conversation to end with a smile. She was just happy that one of us found true, uncomplicated, happiness. "I'll call you as soon as we get back to the city… I love you too… Night baby." Dylan pushed her phone into her back pocket and turned around with a glowing smile.
"How's Randy doing?" Kimberly asked.
"He worried a lot less when he thought I was a secret agent weirdly enough." Dylan answers with a laugh. She quickly sobered and furrowed her eyebrows when she noticed that Kimberly wouldn't stop smiling at her. "What?" she asked, feeling a bit uneasy.
"Nothing!" Kimberly exclaims. "It's just that you two are really perfect together. He adores you, and he fits in well with the group. He gets our crude sense of humor, and on top of it all, he accepted your biggest, darkest, secret without hesitation!" Dylan's cheeks became crimson from the sudden admiration.
"Well, obviously that means he's crazy." She attempted to joke. Kimberly sighed and shook her head.
"Even so, I mean, look at what Sharnel and I have been through within a year. You're lucky to have found him. And he is ridiculously lucky to have you in his life. I'm so… so happy for you." Dylan's eyes burned with tears threatening to escape, but she swallowed them back and engulfed her sister into a big hug.
"Thanks sis."
"I love you."
"I love you too. And don't you worry…" Dylan trailed off as she pulled back from Kimberly to look her in the eyes. "It'll happen for you too. And Shar. Even if it's not with Sam and Dean. That's their loss! We will all find happiness. You know why? Because we're too pretty not to!" she said causing them both to laugh. "And smart, and funny, and we save the damn world every week." Dylan continued. "So, the elders, fates, God, or whoever, owes it to us!"
"Can't argue with that."
"Exactly, so let's get through this crisis so we can return to living our lives, please." Kimberly giggled with a nod.
"Yeah, okay."
"Well, Cass, not for nothing, but, last time a person looked at me like that… I got laid." Dean said to Cass who gave him a smoldering glare from outside of the safe room. Sam stood between them and sighed, not finding humor in his brother's attitude.
"Uh, why don't you go keep an eye on Adam?" Sam suggested to Castiel. Dean nodded at Cass and winked at him jeeringly. In response, Castiel telekinetically slammed the iron door shut, trapping both Winchesters in the safe room.
"Is this really necessary?" Dean asked.
"Well," Sam said with a scoff. "We've got our hands full Dean; a house full of flight risks."
"I'm not letting him do it."
"Who, Adam? No, I'm not either."
"No, you're not getting me." Dean says with a sigh while taking a seat.
"No, no, no." Sam answers quickly. "I get you. Perfectly. But I'm not letting you do it either." Sam clarifies. There was a brief moment of silence while Dean thought of ways to make Sam understand what he was feeling inside.
"The kids not taking a bullet for me." He finally spoke.
"Dean-"
"I'm serious. You think about how many people we've gotten killed, Sam." Sam stares back vacantly, refusing to open up that emotional can of worms, but his brother continued. "Mom… Dad… Jess, Jo, Ellen… Should I keep going?"
"It's not like we pull the trigger." Sam protested, although it was clear he did not believe his own words.
"We might as well have." Dean said smashing any possible rebuttal Sam could have had. "I'm tired, man. I'm tired of fighting who I'm supposed to be!"
"Yeah, and who's that?"
"Isn't it obvious? A fuck up! A failure! A-A Winchester." Dean stuttered feeling overwhelmed with remorse. "We have literally messed up everything good in our lives! We try and try to make things better but instead we make it worse! Mom tried to save us! To protect us! And she died for it! Dragged our father into a world of hunting just so he could die to save me! And I died anyway to save you! Jessica died just because she loved you! I broke the first seal and you broke the last one! We let Lucifer out and because of that, three wonderful, normal, women got sucked into a supernatural nightmare just so that they can one day die before their time! I'm TIRED of it, Sam! I'm just… done." Sam leaned against the iron wall and let out a shuttered breath. Those words really took it out of him. He was furious and hurt but for the life of him, he had no more fight because deep down he felt the same way.
"You're right, Dean. We have a history of trying to save the world and the ones we love and it never pans out. So I have an idea… why don't we FOR ONCE NOT SACRIFICE OURSELVES TO SAVE OTHERS! Because history proves that it only makes matters worse. That battle is going to kill millions of people. Including Sharnel. Including Dylan. Including Bobby. Kimberly. And me." With his words, Dean's head shot up. "Because you already know that when this battle goes down, we will be fighting on the front line trying to fix the mess that YOU created when you fucking decided to say yes to FUCKING MICHAEL!" Sam huffed out a breath to calm himself. "Do you think, maybe, you could take a half second and stop trying to sacrifice yourself for a change? Maybe we all could actually stick together?" Sam spoke more calmly but with clear sarcasm in his tone. Dean hung his head as he realized that the truth was finally about to come out.
"I don't think so." He said.
"Why not? Dean, seriously. Tell me. I want to know."
"I just… I-I don't believe."
"In what?"
"In you." Sam's jaw clenched with hurt and anger. "I mean, I don't… I don't know whether it's going to be demon blood or some other demon chick, or what, but… I do know they're going to find a way to turn you." As the tension built, Sam could barely find the air to speak.
"So, you're saying that I'm not strong enough." He concluded.
"You're angry. You're self righteous. And it's not your fault, Sammy. I mean, you're a Winchester. Fucking up is just in our DNA. I mean, hell, you managed to fall in love with a witch, after the whole Ruby fiasco and somehow you then cheated on her with an undead angel? I mean come on Sammy. Willpower is not your strong suit. It's just a matter of time. Lucifer is going to wear you to the prom."
"Don't you say that to me." Sam whispered, trying to choke back the tears that pierced his eyes. "Not you. Of all people."
"I don't want to but it's the truth… and when Satan takes you over, there's got to be somebody there to fight him. And it isn't going to be that kid." Dean let out a humorless chuckle. "So, it's got to be me." Sam couldn't look at his brother for another minute. He quickly left the room and slammed the door behind him.
Bobby, Adam and I sat down with our beers, enjoying the silence until a loud slam shook through the house. Sam stormed up from the safe room and stalked right past us, out the door. Bobby and I shared a look.
"Maybe you should go talk to him." I suggested. Bobby cocked his head to the side with a raised eyebrow.
"We both know he doesn't want to talk to me." I pursed my lips at him and glanced at Adam. "Don't worry. I'll keep an eye on number 3, here. The eye of my pistol." He said with a fake smile towards Adam. I nodded and quickly rushed out of the house and searched the yard for a giant. I found him kicking in the door of a junked car.
"What's going on?" I asked with my hands in my two back pockets. Sam turned to me with a menacing look on his face, except his eyes showed something different; pain.
"Like you care." He spat out. I refrained from rolling my eyes.
"I asked, didn't I?"
"Why are you out here!? Go inside!"
"You are well aware that aggression is not going to make me do anything. So, talk. What's the matter?"
"You're not my girlfriend, Sharnel. You've made that pretty fucking clear. So, would you just mind your own damn business! Please!"
"Fine. You want to hit something. Go ahead. Hit me." Sam looked at me like I was crazy and scoffed.
"What?"
"You're a lot bigger than me, and yes, it will hurt, but, I've been tossed around by demons twice your size. I figure I can take it. So hit me."
"I'm not going to hit you."
"Whoa, where'd all the rage go? Why won't you hit me? I won't hit you back or anything. You get a free shot. I mean, I broke your nose. You've got to want to hit me back."
"Sharnel, leave me alone."
"Nope." I sat on the hood of the car. "Either hit me or talk to me. Either way, I'm not leaving until you stop trying to huff and puff and blow this mother up!" A slight chuckle escaped Sam's lips and he shook his head.
"Don't ever say that again." He said with a small smile.
"What? You know I'm down with the get down. Woop! Woop!" Sam's eyes bulged out at me filled with judgment.
"Stop it." He said before we both burst out into laughter. Once the atmosphere softened up a bit, I tried again.
"I know I said I needed space and all, but, despite my best efforts, I still care about you. Don't feel like you can't talk to me when you're feeling this overwhelmed. Even if I said you couldn't before, I retract that statement because I love you and I can't see you in pain like this. I just can't. Please talk to me." Sam stared into my eyes for what seemed like a very long time before he sighed.
"My brother is adamant about getting himself killed because he believes that I am going to say yes to Lucifer since I'm too weak to withstand him. He doesn't believe in me. He thinks the world is going to go to shit because of me, therefore, he must be there to save the day as always."
"He said that to you?" I asked in shock. Sam nodded without a word. I took his hand into mine, empathizing with him. I knew how much he looked up to his brother. All Sam wanted was for Dean to believe in him and be proud of him, so I knew that this blow was truly devastating. "I'm so sorry, Sam. You don't deserve that. You messed up and you've paid the price, but, now, you're working just as hard as he is to make sure all ends well for millions of innocent people. And frankly, you're currently doing a way better job at it because it's going to take two to do this dangerous tango and Dean's the idiot who's trying to make the apocalypse now percentage go from 0 to 50."
"But… but what if he's right?"
"Are you kidding?" I asked in shock. I grabbed both sides of Sam's face and looked him in the eyes. "You're the most stubborn person I know, next to me, of course." Sam smiled at my words. "Once you set your mind on doing something, or not doing it, that's it. Don't let Dean pick away at your hard head. Screw him! You don't want to do it? Then don't! And I'll be right here to make sure you keep on the straight and narrow." Sam stood over me as I sat on the hood of the car and we held eye contact in peaceful silence for a few moments. "Just keep in mind that one way to make Dean see you in a new light is to prove him wrong. Talk is cheap. Do what you say you're going to do and he'll be proud. You guys will get back the relationship that you used to have."
"We haven't been that way for a long time."
"You're brothers. It's never too late." Sam smiled down at me gratefully.
"I love you." He said softly. I smiled but it didn't quite reach my eyes. I ducked my head so that he wouldn't be able to read my emotions but he caught my chin with his finger and made me look at him. "I mean it. And I meant it when I said it before." I gave him a skeptical look but remained silent. "I panicked Shar! I knew as soon as the kiss with Jessica ended that it was a mistake. And I knew I couldn't take it back. Then before I could take a second to think, there you were, standing there. It was clear that I couldn't lose you, so I told you that I loved you and I wish I told you in a more romantic setting under different circumstances but it doesn't change the fact. I loved you then, I love you now, and I can't imagine a point in my life when I won't still be loving you!" I couldn't help the tear that escaped. He caught it with his thumb and we stayed in an uncomfortable silence for a moment.
"But you told her you loved her too." I whispered, not being able to let go of the vision that ruined everything. "I saw you."
"A part of me will always love her. But she's not you."
"I'm sorry. I just can't." I said, slipping off of the car. I tried to walk away, but, Sam stepped forward, invading my space and trapping me between him and the car. "You said you could handle it. You said you could handle a platonic relationship." I reminded him, sensing where this was going.
"I was wrong." He said before pressing his lips against mine. He had a hand on my lower back while the other was tangled in my hair and the sensation was so familiar and missed that it became instantly intoxicating. I couldn't help myself. My hands found his face, and his back, and the buttons on his shirt, and the next thing I knew I was being lifted back onto the hood of this random car. I silently cursed Bobby's name for sending me out here to the point of no return before losing myself to the past.
Castiel went down stairs to check on Dean when he heard a crash coming from the safe room.
"Dean?" he called through the door. He opened the peep hole and looked in to see an empty bed and a chair toppled over in a pile of shattered glass. Cass opened the door and went to check that his favorite human was alright.
"Cass." Dean said suddenly before he slammed his blood covered hand onto the Enochian symbol that sent Castiel to God only knows where.
Kimberly had gone downstairs to bring the prisoner a snack. That's when she noticed that Dean was gone. She ran upstairs in panic.
"Guys! We've got a problem!" she yelled. Bobby and Dylan greeted her at the hallway. "Where's Adam?"
"He finally gave up and actually fell asleep." Dylan answered.
"Well, that makes one of them. Dean's gone."
"Balls." Bobby grumbled.
"Somehow he got the jump on Cass because there's an Angel-be-gone symbol on the locker."
"Damn it! I'd really like to kick him in the shins." Dylan said.
"Where's Sam and Shar?"
"Haven't seen them." Bobby replied. "I'll stay here with Adam. You two get the two love birds and find Dean! And make sure you kick him in the ass when you do!"
Our phones continued to ring and we continued to ignore it.
"Maybe we should get that." I moaned.
"Yeah, maybe." Sam said in a gruff voice.
"No, really. Let me just look at my phone." I said. After fighting to free myself, I picked up my phone and saw that Dylan was calling me for the sixth time.
"Don't answer that." Sam whispered in my ear. I playfully shoved him away and answered.
"Hello?"
"Where the hell are you people!? I've been calling nonstop!"
"I'm- I'm in the yard."
"Where in the yard?!"
"Is this an emergency?"
"Um, only if you call Dean fleeing the coop an emergency."
"What!?" I screamed. "Put on your clothes! Put on your clothes!" I yelled at Sam as I put the phone down and fixed my bra.
"What? Uh, Shar, what the hell are you talking about?" Dylan yelled back. Kimberly and Dylan were met with Sam and I running to the front porch in disarray. They glared at us.
"You missed a button." Kimberly deadpanned to Sam.
"So, you guys just get off on people wanting to kill themselves for stupid reasons?" Dylan asked grudgingly.
"Let's just focus on the matter at hand." Sam said, quickly changing the subject. "I'll find Dean. He couldn't have gone far."
"You're not going alone." Kimberly said.
"I'll go with him." I offered.
"No you will not! We need you focused." Dylan clarified. Sam and I rolled our eyes but couldn't help the little smile that crept across our faces.
"I'll go." Kimberly said, leaving little room for objection. "I need to say something to your brother." Everyone could tell that it wasn't anything good.