Rukia's POV

It was beautiful.

We were inside a galaxy of white, blue, and purple. Everything within was covered in ice and snow. The ground was the purest white. It sparkled so brightly. And the sky, the beautiful colors blended so perfectly.

I looked up to see snow falling. It wasn't like any other snow though. Each snowflake twinkled as bright as a star.

A snowflake, brighter than the rest, caught my attention. I watched it as it fell to the ground. When it was in front of me, my eyes met with Captain Hitsugaya's. He looked at me with his strong, green eyes. In that moment, I knew I was screwed.

My heart skipped a beat. I felt so warm there with him. I felt so at home.

Home.

Is this place-this strange place-home? And Captain Hitsugaya...is he part of this home?

"Rukia, about what happened yesterday-"

"Captain, please don't do this. You've made your decision. You showed Lieutenant Hinamori how much you love her. By 'explaining' to me what happened, you'll be taking all of that back. That would be unforgivable."

"Rukia, just listen. I don't know how I ended up in that room!"

I scoffed. "Is that seriously the best 'explanation' you could come up with?"

He frowned. "Ok, yes, maybe I do have feeling for Momo. But I don't know what these feeling are. I know it's not love but I don't know what else it could be! I'm trying to figure it out, but...it's not as easy as it sounds."

In that moment, I wanted to tell him that I forgave him. I wanted to run into his arms and then live happily ever after. He looked so different. No longer was he my superior. He was an innocent child who was confused. His eyes were a watery blue. They were so sad. He didn't look like someone capable of hurting others.

"Rukia...!"

Kira...

This is wrong! I can't go crawling back to Captain Hitsugaya. Not only would I be hurting myself, but I'd be hurting Kira. He poured his heart out to me, and if I were to run back to Captain Hitsugaya...I wouldn't be able to forgive myself.

I looked away from Captain Hitsugaya. I called out for Kira, but he wasn't anywhere in sight. But then suddenly, the sky began to dissolve. I could see an ugly gray peek through this world. The snow started to melt.

Finally, this world vanished, and I could see Kira. I started towards him.

"Rukia, wait." It was Captain Hitsugaya.

I pretended to not hear him.

"Kira, are you ok? How are the others?"

He smiled. "There's no need to worry about me. Look at yourself!" He chuckled. "As for the others, they're all right. They look pretty banged up, but they're fine."

I felt so relieved to hear some good news. I turned to Captain Hitsugaya. "We should take Ichigo and the others to Urahara's. We can leave them there and head back to figure out what just happened."

He nodded.

We were in the middle of writing out our reports when Matsumoto and Renji walked in. They both walked slowly and they were holding their heads.

I got up and walked to Renji. I hadn't forgotten that his carelessness had put us in a dangerous situation today.

"Renji!" I shouted.

He flinched at the sudden noise and covered his ears. "Geez, don't yell!"

"Don't yell?" I said even louder. "You idiot! I said you two could have a few drinks! Not the whole freaking bar! Because the two of you decided to get drunk last night, we were almost wiped out by those strange hollows! Lieutenant Hinamori had to stay at Urahara's because of how badly she was injured today!"

He he looked down, his face guilty.

"We were at a huge disadvantage because you two wanted to have fun last night!"

They both flinched.

"We're going to turn in our reports later. You two better hope they don't notice that your reports are missing. And if the head-captain calls, we're not going to cover up for you. You'll have to explain yourselves and hope he doesn't suspend the two of you. Understood?"

They nodded.

"Good. Now go upstairs and finish sobering up."

Once they were gone, Kira came up to me. "Don't you think you were a bit too harsh on them?"

I shook my head. "Those two knew they couldn't control themselves around alcohol and sill convinced me they could. And because they weren't in any shape to fight today, a lieutenant was injured. Don't get me wrong. I'm not too fond of Lieutenant Hinamori, but that's no excuse. She's as important to this mission as anyone else. With her out, we have a bigger chance of failing this mission and even being killed."

"I see."

Once our reports were done and delivered, we went to the living room on Captain Hitsugaya's orders.

"Does anyone have anything they want to say or point out or just anything?" he said.

A suffocating silence settled in between the three of us.

Suddenly, Kira cleared his throat. "What was that explosion?"

I flinched. I looked at Captain Hitsugaya out of the corner of my eye. "I-" I started.

"We are not to discuss that until we hear from the Head-Captain," Captain Hitsugaya cut in. "Anything else?"

We both shook our heads. Before he could say anything else, the door opened. Captain Hitsugaya sprang up onto his feet and appeared in front of me. I frowned. He was protecting me.

We waited for whoever it was to walk in. We all sighed when we saw it was just Lieutenant Hinamori. She took a moment to look at us.

"What's going on?" she finally asked.

"Nothing," Captain Hitsugaya replied. "We were just finishing up a few things. You should go rest-"

She suddenly ran to him. "Oh, Shiro-chan, why didn't you pick up your communicator?" she cried. "I was calling you for, like, an hour! I had to walk all the way here."

He tried shoving her off. "It's not that far of a walk. Get off of me!"

She pouted. "Is that any way to treat your girlfriend?"

I look up at them before I could stop myself. Girlfriend?

"Girlfriend?" He was just as surprised as I was. "What are you talking about? Did you hit your head?"

Lieutenant Hinamori looked hurt. "Well, after what happened last night, I just assumed..."

Before I could hear any more, I flash-stepped out of there as fast as I could. I didn't stop until I knew I was somewhere safe.

I almost laughed at myself. I was on the roof of Ichigo's school.

I walked over to the tall fence and sat down. I took a deep breath and sighed. I wanted to think. I wanted to think about all that had happened. I wanted to figure things out and clear my head. But I couldn't. Instead. I found myself looking down at the front of the school. I started to remember all the times I came here with Ichigo and his friends. I smiled at the memories.

I wish things could be as easy as they were in the past. Yes, there were a lot of bumps in the road. But I somehow pulled through. I don't know if I can pull through this time.

"Huh, Kuchiki-san? What are you doing here?"

I turned around. I was surprised to see Orihime. I hadn't recognized her voice. How long have I been gone?

She noticed something was wrong. "Are you all right?"

"Oh, Orihime! Sorry, I wasn't expecting to see anyone up here so late in the afternoon. Why are still here?"

"I'm waiting for Tatsuki! We're gonna shopping! Kuchiki-san, you should come!"

I looked at her. Did she really want to invite me to spend the day with her and Tatsuki? No. She's just being nice. Orihime could never see me as a friend. Not after all I've done to her.

Flashback

Orihime hadn't been at school that day. I assumed that she was sick, and so I wanted to visit her. I mean, after all the times she healed me and Ichigo, it was the least I could do.

"Ichigo, let's go visit Orihime. Should we bring her something?" I had asked.

He looked at me with sad eyes. It caught me off guard.

"Sorry, today's not a good day. I...I have some things to do."

I knew he was lying about having other things to do. I was going to ask him about it, but Tatsuki came up to me. When she started talking, Ichigo snuck away.

"Hey, Rukia, can I talk to you?"

Her tone made it sound more like a command. She was upset.

"Orihime didn't come to school today because of Ichigo."

I tried not to react to her blunt statement, but I still blinked. "What do you mean?"

I heard a small growl come from her. "I'm surprised he didn't tell you." She sighed. "Sorry. I'm a bit mad. Not at you necessarily, but...Anyway, Orihime confessed to Ichigo yesterday."

I felt my heart ache. The first thing that had popped into my head was: I lost him.

"But he rejected her feelings. You've been here long enough to know Orihime has strong feelings for Ichigo. She cried in front of him. That jerk didn't even try to comfort her. He watched her cry. And then, when she was calm, she asked him why he didn't want to return her feelings. He wouldn't answer her. By then, she was so sad that she couldn't think straight. She kissed him. He pushed her away, but she kept trying. He ended up running away from her. I had to go find her in the middle of the night. He broke her heart."

I didn't know what to say.

"That's why she's not here. And that's why Ichigo didn't want to go see her."

"I should go see her then-"

"No!" She looked at me. "I don't think that would be a good idea."

"Why?"

"When Orihime was trying to kiss Ichigo, he got mad. He said a few things that he shouldn't have said..."

"Like what?" I forced myself to ask.

Her frown deepened. She was reluctant to say. "He told her to back off. That he can't kiss someone he's not in love with. Orihime couldn't just let it go. She yelled at him to tell him why he didn't love her. He said it was because he already loved someone else. Rukia, the reason he rejected her confession was because of you. He's in love with you."

End Flashback

After that, we all pretended that none of that ever happened. Ichigo pretended like he hadn't hurt a close friend. Orihime pretended not to be heartbroken. And I pretended like I never heard those words. No one had proposed that we should all play dumb. No one agreed on anything. It was just something we all understood would be the best.

I internally scoffed at myself. I had made myself forget about so many things that it was actually easy. That day had never crossed my mind since. Not until now.

I wonder if she knows that Tatsuki told me what happened between her and Ichigo.

"That sound like a lot of fun! But I don't want to be a bother. We don't know how Tatsuki might feel about it. Maybe she just wants to spend some time with you. Who know? She might want to talk about personal stuff. Like boys."

I felt horrible. I knew exactly how to get Orihime to drop the subject and think of other things. And that was to distract her.

Orihime's eyes lit up, just as I thought they would. "Oh, you're right! Tatsuki has been acting a bit funny lately. I told myself to let it go because, I mean, it's Tatsuki. She's just plain weird. But I guess that's why I love her so much. Speaking of Tatsuki, did you know that she's broken almost every bone in her right arm! That's crazy! I mean there are like 100 bones in your body! And the arm is so important, so it must have like 50 bones in it! She's so crazy sometimes. Geez..."

I smiled and nodded as she went on and on about anything. When Orihime saw how late it was getting, she left.

I sighed. It had taken everything within me not to break down in front of Orihime. Now that I'm alone, I let the feelings that were overwhelming me out. While Orihime had been speaking, I couldn't help but feel like a criminal. I had taken away the most precious thing that that innocent girl had. I had stolen something more valuable than gold. And I hate myself for it.

I didn't want to go back to that house. I didn't want to go back and face more problems. But the Head-Captain was going to call in eventually. And I wouldn't be surprised if Nii-sama wanted to check up on me.

I stopped when I was right outside the door. I told myself that everything was going to be all right. I told myself that it would all work out.

I wanted to scream once I walked in.

Matsumoto and Captain Hitsugaya were yelling at each other in the living room. Kira and Lieutenant Hinamori were sitting on the couch, watching. I didn't know where Renji was.

"What do you want me to do?" Matsumoto yelled. "Sew my lips shut?"

"I'd say yes, but I know that that wouldn't stop you!"

"Shut up! This isn't even about my drinking anymore. You're just upset because I'm pointing out the truth."

"You must be drunk. Who in their right mind would be crazy enough to see that as the truth?" he yelled.

She turned to Kira. "Kira, what do you think?"

He looked terrified. "A-About what?"

She sighed. "Don't you think that he's being a stupid jerk? He obviously likes Rukia-chan, but he wants to play around with Momo!"

"I do not-"

"Stop talking, Captain! You're not the only one who can be right! You like Rukia-chan. It's true and everyone knows. But you and Rukia are two completely different people. She's not ready to just jump into a relationship and screw around! But guess who is." She looked at Lieutenant Hinamori.

"You're insane! I wouldn't-"

"But you did, Captain! You did! Sure, you're new to this falling-in-love-stuff. I get that. You don't exactly know what's going on and you don't really know what you're feeling. But that's no excuse! You supposedly loved Rukia-chan, yet you freaking had sex with Momo! You can't do that. Not to Rukia-chan! If you love Rukia, then that's the only person you should love. You can't love one person and show someone else that you feel something for them!"

By then, Kira noticed I was there. By the look on his face, I knew he was pitying me.

He tried to tell the others that I was there. Not because they had been worried and would be relieved to see that I'm back safe and sound. But because he didn't want me to hear anymore of this.

Matsumoto and Captain Hitsugaya yelled over Kira. They continued to fight. I couldn't really process what was being said, but I didn't want to.

"Guys!" Kira shouted. This time, the both of them heard. They looked at him, surprised that he had raised his voice. Kira didn't say anything. He just looked at me. Eventually, they got the message and turned to see me. I saw Matsumoto's eyes gloss over with...Was that worry? Or pity?

Captain Hitsugaya, on the other hand, looked confused. But not in the innocent way like earlier today. It made me lose the rest of my faith in him.

"Rukia-chan, you're back," Matsumoto finally said. "Are you all right?"

I knew that if I spoke, my voice would betray me and I'd burst into tears again. I shrugged my shoulders.

A pause. Then, "How much did you hear?"

Again, I shrugged my shoulders.

Kira got up. He walked over to me then placed a hand on my shoulder. It felt so warm. "I think she's had enough for today. I think she should go to sleep. Do you want me to take you upstairs, Rukia?" His voice was so sweet. His kindness made my heart warm.

Without a word, I nodded.

"Come on," he whispered affectionately. He grabbed my hand and guided me up the stairs.

When we were outside my room, he opened the door. I was about to step in, when the bed came into view. I didn't want to sleep on that bed, so close to Captain Hitsugaya.

I felt Kira's hand tighten around my own. "What's wrong?"

I opened my mouth to speak but nothing came out. I didn't want to cry in front of him.

"Do you want to sleep somewhere else?"

I nodded.

"How about in Matsumoto's room?"

I flinched. That was where Lieutenant Hinamori was staying as well. I never want to see her face again. I feel like if I do, I'll start to think about what happened between her and Captain Hitsugaya. That's something I would rather not think about.

"Oh, sorry."

This time, it was me who squeezed his hand. It's all right.

He smiled. "Well, I'd say come stay with me, but I can see why you wouldn't be comfortable with that."

"...Can I?"

He blinked. I saw him flush a bit. "W-What?"

The need to cry had left me in that moment. "Can I stay with you tonight?"

"I-If you want," he whispered.

I smiled. "Why are you so nervous?"

"I'm not. It's just that..."

"What?"

"Well, I don't wanna make you uncomfortable. We can figure something else out if you want. I don't want to make you sleep with me." He turned red when he processed what he had just said. "I-I mean-"

I laughed. It was a laugh so loud and so strong that it felt weird. I was on the ground soon. I felt like I was going to be stuck laughing on that cold floor forever. And I didn't mind.

"It's not that funny! Rukia, you're so mean!"

I laughed harder.

His room was neater than I expected. He hadn't personalized it at all. There were no posters or other decorations hung up on the wall. There was no extra furniture. There was his bed, a nightstand, and a shelf with books and scrolls scattered on it.

More confident than he was a moment ago, he walked to his closet. He opened it and started looking through it.

"Do you want to change out of those clothes? I mean..."

I smiled. It was a kind and innocent question. There was no need to be alarmed. I walked to him and nodded.

Very shyly, he handed me a dark purple t-shirt and a pair of short. He went to the other end of the room and faced the other way. The t-shirt, no surprise, was huge on me. But it would work for now. The shorts, on the other hand, would not stay on no matter what I tried.

I smirked.

"I'm done."

He turned around, ready to start talking. Then he saw me. His face instantly turned red. He slammed his hands against his eyes and turned around.

"W-Why aren't you wearing any pants?" he cried out.

"Well, the shirt is pretty big. It's almost like a dress. What's wrong, Kira?" I teased.

"Stop that! You know what's wrong with that! Now put on some pants!"

"Hmm, I'd rather not."

"Rukia!" he begged.

"Fine, fine. If it'll make you feel better, I'll put on the shorts."

He sighed in relief. I could barely keep myself from laughing.

Instead of putting on the oversized short, I tiptoed over to behind him.

"I'm done," I said.

He mumbled a thank you and turned around. It was all worth it when I saw the look on his face.

"I told you to put some pants on!" he yelled. Once again, he covered his eyes and turned around.

I laughed. "You can't even see anything, Kira! The shirt's so big it goes down to my thighs."

"That's not the point!"

"What? Are you intimidated by the fact that you have a half-naked girl in your room?"

He mumbled something. I could barely hear what it was. He had said, "No. But you should be."

Right then, he turned around and pinned me to the wall. His surprisingly cold hands held my own above my head. His warm body was pressed against mine. I shivered.

I looked up at him. His eyes were so different. They were glossed over with something I was not familiar with.

Suddenly, his eyes softened. They were the same eyes from a minute ago.

He looked sad, ashamed. He wanted to back away. But he couldn't. With his lips still only inches away, he whispered, "Rukia, I'm sorry."

I had no idea what was happening. I didn't know what to do. But at the same time, I did.

"It's ok..."

I could barely hear myself, but Kira managed to hear it. He looked shocked. But when that shock went away, he looked...happy?

One of his hands released mine and went to my cheek. Despite his hands been as cold as ice, my skin burned pleasantly under it. My heart started beating faster when he leaned in closer.

There was a loud crash. We both jumped.

"What the heck was that?" I asked.

He didn't say anything. I looked at him. He was now serious. His brows furrowed and his lips thinned to a small line. He started towards the door.

"Stay here," he commanded.

I didn't argue. I knew what would happen if I did. I wasn't in the mood to argue with anyone. So instead, I put my pants back on, leaving Kira's shirt on, and then followed after him.

When I was downstairs, I saw everyone in the living room. They were all looking at the couch. It had a huge crater burnt into it. Lieutenant Hinamori, who was extremely freaked out, was in front of it.

Captain Hitsugaya went up to her. "Momo, what is the meaning of this?" he shouted.

"I came down stairs to get a glass of water and there was some weirdo sitting there!" she squeaked.

"There is no one there!"

"I think she means me," came an unfamiliar voice. A man poked his head from behind the destroyed couch. He had short, shaggy red hair and green eyes.

Captain Hitsugaya sighed. "You must be Abarai's replacement. Sorry about her. I forgot to tell everyone you were coming."

Renji's replacement?

"What are you talking about, Shiro-chan?" Lieutenant Hinamori asked.

"Abarai resigned from the mission because he thought he was endangering the goal and Rukia. They sent him"-he gestured at the man-"as a temporary stand-in. It's only until they decide what to do."

We all looked to Renji's replacement. There was an awkward silence. He was becoming uncomfortable.

"Um, I'm Haru. Nice to meet you all," he said.

There was another awkward pause. Was everyone feeling the same way I was? Were they feeling a certain dislike towards Haru because he was Renji's replacement.

I cringed. I didn't like that word.

Kira was the first to break the silence. He walked up to Haru and stuck his hand out. "It's nice to meet you, too."

Haru smiled. That smile sent a chill down my spine. It wasn't a real smile. It was a mask. A very good one. It was so good, that I knew it was second nature to him.

Everyone else went to welcome him.

I took one last look. Did they not hear how Captain Hitsugaya used that word? Replacement. That word makes it sound like Renji wasn't good enough...

I left. As I walked back to Kira's room, I started to think.

Why was I acting so...defencive? Is that the word to describe it? I don't know. What I do know is that Haru gives me a bad feeling. Maybe it's just the fact that he's here in Renji's place. But still...

I laughed. Haru even has the same wild, red hair as him.

There was a knock. I looked up to see Kira. He looked serious.

"Why didn't you stay and greet Haru?"

I didn't say anything.

He understood that I wasn't in the mood to discuss the new guy. So instead, he bit his lips and turned even more serious. He said, "So, about what happened earlier...I don't know what I was thinking. We're on a mission. And you're still dealing with whatever this whole thing is. And there's also a bunch of other stuff. Can we be friends? Just friends. Right now, anything serious could be a distraction. Not that you're a bad thing!" He blushed. "You make me really happy. I mean, I like being around you!" He laughed. "Sorry, this is just so strange to me. Can we just agree that we're not gonna do anything like before? For now," he added.

He had a point. Look at me; I'm a mess. That was such a dumb thing to do.

"Yeah, you're right."

"And since we're already discussing uncomfortable subjects, don't you think you should figure out what's going on between you and Captain Hitsugaya?"

I looked over at him. He looked so nonchalant about the subject. But unlike Kira, I wasn't too eager to think about Captain Hitsugaya. I didn't know what to say. I didn't even know what I was going to do to fix this situation. Did I even want to fix this mess?

There was a knock at the door. We both turned to see Matsumoto.

"Am I interrupting something?" she asked. To my surprise, she was completely serious.

"No," I said. "Is something wrong?"

She shook her head. "I just wanted to come check up on you." A pause. "And I wanted to apologize."

"For what?" I asked before I remembered what had happened earlier. "Oh, that..."

"Sorry you had to walk in on that, Rukia-chan."

She bit her lip. It was obvious she wanted to say more. Why didn't she?

"Is there something else you want to say?" I probed.

She blinked. "Actually, yes. But, can we talk somewhere a little more private?"

Her question sent a chill down my spine. I knew that whatever it was that she wanted to discuss, it was serious and bound to give me a bigger mess to deal with.

After a quick smile to Kira, I followed Matsumoto. She led me to the front door and out. After closing it, she sat down with a heavy sigh. She patted the spot next to her, telling me to sit down with her. I did.

After another sigh, she said, "I have a lot of explaining to do, Rukia-chan. Well first, you heard the whole thing, right?"

I nodded.

"Man...I guess I should explain everything. Where do I start? Well, you grew up with Renji, right? So, you know how guys can be a bit weird when they reach a certain age? I guess it's Captain's turn to be weird.

"Captain really likes you, Rukia-chan. But recently, he's discovered these new 'feelings'. And they're centered around you. But he knows that these are just impulses, so he didn't want to act on them. He's done his best to keep them hidden from everyone, especially you. But he's not as perfect as everyone thinks he is. All the stress got to him, and he broke. But he loves you so much, Rukia-chan. He didn't want to scare you, or hurt you. So he used Hinamori as a surrogate. I honestly don't think he had any other reason to use her than the fact that she was there. But it was really dumb of him to think that that was the answer. Sure, he didn't pressure you or anything, but he ended up hurting you.

"That's why I got so mad at him. He didn't want to admit that he was using Hinamori because he couldn't control his impulses. He barely wanted to admit that he did her. He feels really guilty, though. I guess that's why he was so defensive. But"-she groaned-"he made me so mad! He did that stupid thing he always does when he's mad at me! He tells me I'm wrong or something and then he starts completely ignoring me! He thinks he can do this because he has a higher rank than me. I mean, he doesn't do it on purpose. He just does! Like, I was trying to explain to him how he hurt your feelings and how he had to start fixing this mess. But he ignored me!"

She stopped talking and took a deep breath.

"It may sound weird, but I'm glad you're not just letting what he did slide. He needs to see that he made a mistake and he has to fix it. And fast. Kira may be a bit of a pushover sometimes, but not this time. I don't know if you know this, but Kira had it bad for you a while ago. I thought it was just a faze or something like that. I guess not. But be careful, Rukia-chan. Before you go too far down that path, think. Are you going to commit to it, or back out once Captain's figured things out? I love all three of you. And if things were to go bad, I'd be forced to choose a side. And I don't want that to happen."

My stomach twisted as she finished saying these words. I felt so stupid for not thinking of that very scenario. I was making promises that I didn't know if I wanted to keep. How could I have been so narrow minded?

"Yeah, you're right. I don't know what I was thinking. Thank you for telling me this. All of this. And thank you for standing up to your captain for me."

She blinked. I heard her mumble something, but I couldn't make out what it was. After a moment, she said, "No problem, Rukia-chan. No one, not even Captain, will get away with hurting you." She grinned.

I laughed. She's so weird.

"What's so funny?" she cried. "I'm serious!"

I wanted to say something, but I couldn't stop laughing.

"Rukia-chan," she pouted. "You're so mean!"