Chapter 13

My hands shook as I stuffed all of my belongings into my suitcase, haphazardly throwing my heels on top of formal gowns. I couldn't be bothered at the moment to care about scuffs or wrinkles. I hated flying commercial, but I had no other last minute options to get as far away from Chuck as I could. I took one last frantic look around the room, ignoring the toiletries lining the vanity. No time to worry about those.

I quickly yanked off my dress, slipped into a floral skirt and blouse, and pulled the zipper closed on my suitcase. I'd be pushing it to make the flight I'd booked in the town car. I jumped as the door behind me was wrenched open with more force than necessary. In my rush to pack my belongings I hadn't locked it, a decision that I was really starting to regret. My surprise turned to shock when a head of blonde curls appeared in the doorway.

"Serena," I gasped, clutching my hand over my heart. "What are you doing here?"

"Don't think I missed you rushing out of the banquet hall like a bat out of hell." She walked past me and took a seat on the bed, her eyes falling to the suitcase. "Where are you going?"

I felt my eyes fill with tears, but I blinked them away. I hadn't thought much further than escaping my humiliation. "I'm going back to New York." I sighed, glancing at the clock. With each passing minute, the chance of making my flight grew slimmer. "It's your reception. You should be with Nate right now."

"No, my best friend is hurting. I'm exactly where I should be." My heart clenched at the sincerity shining in her blue eyes, and I finally let the tears fall from mine. This whole lie was such a stupid mistake, but I could've never imagined that this would've been the outcome. Serena motioned for me to have a seat beside her, wrapping her arms around me when my head fell to her shoulder. "Tell me what happened."

"I'm so embarrassed," I muttered, choking back a sob.

"There's nothing —"

I cut her off before she could offer sincere yet meaningless comfort. "It's all a giant lie, all of it."

Her brows furrowed in confusion. "What's a lie?"

"My relationship with Chuck," I admitted softly. "We aren't…weren't…he's not…" None of it felt truthful. Things had changed so drastically between us in the last few days that these statements felt like lies. "I made it up. He's not my boyfriend."

Her mouth fell open slightly, and she remained quiet for several beats. When she finally spoke, her voice was soft and understanding. "That may be so," she said gently, "And I hate that you felt like you had to lie to me –"

"It wasn't you really," I responded. "It was so many things. My history with Nate, my own insecurities, the fact that I ran away after –"

"It was me then." She didn't say more. I knew what she meant. It was a realization that she was at the core of each of those problems – that her actions were the catalyst that sent me into hiding in another country. Nothing could change the past, but a small part of me was glad that she was finally starting to open her eyes to her role in it all. She swallowed, and I felt her force herself to relax beside me before continuing with her original thought. "While you may not have been dating Chuck when you got here, something changed between you two in the past few days. Everyone could see it. Last night, neither one of you was faking."

My mind immediately replayed scenes from the club – Chuck's hand on my thigh, the naughty words he whispered in my ear, the way he pulled me down onto his lap and nuzzled his nose into my neck. I shook my head, willing the anger to return and replace the ache spreading through my chest. "It doesn't matter. After what he did, none of it matters."

"You mean the…" She paused, biting her lower lip. "The video of me and Nate?"

My head snapped up. "How did you know?"

"When you ran out of the reception, I caught him on the way out the door, and he gave me the Cliff's Notes version."

I exhaled in frustration. "Those videos are the sole reason that my life has turned into such a dumpster fire."

"Blair," Serena's voice grew firmer as she pushed me from her shoulder and turned her body to face me. "As we established, it wasn't the videos. It was me and Nate. We did that to you, and I can't even begin to express how much I regret hurting you." She hesitated for just a moment before letting out a heavy breath. "But you also have to let it go. It's been six years. If you stop and think about it, has your life really been ruined?"

My mouth fell open, and I jumped from the bed throwing my hands in the air. She was right that it was her fault, so how could she have the audacity to blame me for holding onto the utter humiliation that my best friend brought down on me? "Did you just conveniently forget about the years I spent living in another country?!"

She cautiously raised herself to her feet, holding her hands up in the universal sign of surrender. "I know. That's not what I meant," she tried to explain. "What I mean is that you've held onto it while everyone else has let it go. No one has thought about or mentioned that video in years. And if it hadn't come out, do you really still feel like you and Nate were meant to be together?"

"That's not the point," I refuted. "I should've been able to make that decision for myself."

"I agree," Serena turned, walking toward the door to the suite. "But there's nothing I can do about the reckless choices I made six years ago."

She reached for the door handle, holding it loosely in her hand without opening the door. Confused and irritated, I snapped, "What are you doing?"

"I can't go back and change the past, Blair. We took that choice away from you." Serena pulled on the handle, finally opening it to reveal a disheveled Chuck standing on the other side. "But now the choice is yours and yours alone. You get to decide your future."

"What the hell?" I squealed. Tears of anger sprang to my eyes as I yanked my suitcase from the bed. "If you'll excuse me, I have a flight to catch."

"I think you need to hear him out, Blair."

I crossed my arms over my chest, standing toe-to-toe with Chuck as he blocked the doorway. "Get out of my way," I bit out through gritted teeth.

"Please." His voice was soft, but he didn't budge from his position.

I placed my hands against his chest, shoving hard. "I said move!"

He stepped to the side creating a path for me. The suitcase wobbled behind me as I started down the sidewalk without looking back.

A gravelly voice called after me: "Please, just give me five minutes. If you still want to leave, I'll have my pilot take you back to New York, and I won't bother you again. I'll even move out of my apartment."

I paused, the tears that had been threatening to spill since Serena's arrival finally pushing their way down my cheeks. I stood still for far too long, contemplating the repercussions of both choices.

If I left now, I still had the option of never seeing him again. I could block his number and move. But isn't that exactly what I had done when the videos were released, and where had that gotten me? All I would be doing is running from my problems yet again.

I let out a low shuddering breath before turning back to face him, carefully trying to erase all evidence of emotion from my face. "Fine," I agreed, an edge of feigned indifference in my voice. "Five minutes."

I could see the tension leave his body as his shoulders relaxed, and he followed me back into the villa. I sat on the bed, narrowing my eyes at him when he tried to lower himself into the space beside me. I nodded my head toward the chair opposite the bed, and he sighed, taking the seat across from me. My whole body remained rigid and closed off from him. He slumped forward with his elbows resting on his knees, looking far less confident than I'd ever seen him.

"Well, get on with it," I snapped irritably.

He exhaled slowly, ringing his hands together, his eyes trained on the floor as he tried to figure out where to start. Finally, he said, "I never meant for any of it to happen the way it did, Blair. I never meant to cause you any embarrassment or pain. I just wanted -"

Before he could finish, I scoffed, "What the hell did you think would happen, Chuck, when you sent that video to Gossip Girl?!"

"I just wanted you to know."

"Why?" I asked.

"I…I don't know," he explained. "It was the opening night for Victrola, but I wasn't in the mood to celebrate –"

"Opening night?" I wasn't following. Why was he talking about the club when he was supposed to be explaining his reason for releasing the video?

"I own Victrola, but I was in a bad mood because my father had initially rejected my proposal – only later accepting that it was a good business deal."

"So, it wasn't by chance that we ended up there that night? You orchestrated it?"

"Orchestrated it? No," he shook his head. "Blair, my motivations weren't nearly as sinister as you seem to believe. I simply invited some of the guys who attended my Lost Weekend. I'd only seen Nate vaguely a few times before, but we'd never really spoken. I didn't even know his name until Georgina told me. None of it was premeditated."

"Then why did you do it? What was happening in my relationship was none of your concern."

"I saw the two of you when you arrived at Victrola, and I saw the way he looked at Serena." I flinched, and his face softened. "I was enraged by the way he ignored you in favor of her. I couldn't figure out why I wanted to protect you, this girl I didn't even know, but when my bouncer told me what was happening in the coat room, I acted impulsively. I didn't even really think it through."

My heart beat so hard against my chest that I had difficulty controlling my voice. "There are so many other things you could've done."

"I know that," he admitted quietly. "I was overcome with so much guilt when I realized that Gossip Girl had released the whole video. I didn't follow the site, and I thought she would just post what had happened – not share the footage."

"Why didn't you tell me? Or just let it go?"

"I probably would have, but…" He looked up at me, his eyes bright and earnest. "When you were dancing on the stage, I was mesmerized. I couldn't take my eyes off of you, and I was furious that he had missed it so that he could…He took you for granted. All I knew was that he didn't deserve you, but, more importantly, you deserved to know what the two people you trusted the most were doing behind your back. I was disgusted by the fact that your friend and your boyfriend could do that to you. You had such a light about you when you were dancing, and it all just went away when you went back to him." He swiped a sweaty palm across his face, brushing his hair out of his eyes. "Anyway, I was close to talking to you. I was actually making my way over to you when he showed up, and I thought better of it. If I approached you then, I didn't think you would believe me, and Nate would've probably sucker punched me."

I remained silent, trying to process his confession. My anger had started to dissipate, but I couldn't quite figure out how I felt now. "But," I finally spoke, "Why didn't you tell me when I moved into the Palace? You had six months."

"You hated me," he shrugged with a slight smirk. "I can't imagine what you would've done if I told you the truth then."

"Okay, but what about when we started this stupid fake dating plan, or when we got here and you realized that we were coming to their wedding?!" My voice grew shriller as I thought about each of the chances that he had to come clean, but instead he had continued to lie to me at every turn. "You slept with me while holding onto this huge secret that changed the course of my life."

He closed his eyes, and I could see the shame outlining his features. "Bear with me because this might be a rather long explanation," he husked. "After Victrola, I couldn't stop thinking about you. I didn't understand it, but I had never had this kind of reaction to a girl before. I hadn't even spoken to you, and, yet, I would dream about you and look you up on the internet. As time went on, those moments became fewer, but every once in a while, you would flood my mind again. It was…overwhelming."

I swallowed, my chest tightening and my mind swirling with too many thoughts at once.

He stood from the chair, pacing in front of the bed for a moment. He pulled a flask from his jacket pocket and swallowed back whatever liquor it contained before lowering himself back to the seat. His movements only served to amplify my anxiety, so I motioned with my hand impatiently for him to continue.

"My father owns the Palace, Blair," he confessed, pausing to study my reaction. It took me a moment to realize what that meant. My living arrangement was no accident.

"You mean –"

He nodded. "When your apartment became available, Bart put me in charge of vetting applicants. We had hundreds of wealthy and qualified people apply, but…when I saw your name cross my desk, that was it for all of the others. I approved your application before reading it, before checking your references. It was another impulsive choice, but –"

"Why?" I asked a second time, too stunned to formulate any other response.

"I wanted a chance to see you again, to get to know you. I moved into my apartment the week before you arrived."

"Chuck -"

"It's why I didn't tell you, Blair." He pulled his chair closer to me until his knees nearly touched mine. I didn't pull away. "I should have told you a hundred different times, but…" He exhaled, his eyes imploring me to understand. "And when you asked me to come here with you, I felt like maybe I finally had a chance to get to know you – to let you get to know me. Every time that I thought I should tell you, we grew a little closer, you opened yourself up to me a little bit more. I was scared that all of that would go away, that I would lose whatever miniscule chance I had…"

This time, I was the one to stand up and walk away. I had given him five minutes, but I had no idea how much time had actually passed. I felt like I was going to be sick; my heart was racing and my hands were shaking. I walked to the far wall and placed my hand against it to steady myself.

A moment later, I felt him behind me. It seemed like he was surrounding me without even touching me. "Blair," he rasped softly. "Please say something."

"I -" I stuttered, breathing hard when I felt his hand tentatively reach for my shoulder and turn me to face him. "I don't know what to say," I whispered.

"Just don't shut me out." He raised his hand to cup my cheek, and I let him, leaning into his touch and closing my eyes. "You have every right to be angry with me, but I'll do everything I can to make it up to you. You have to know that everything I've told you, everything I feel, it's all real. None of this has been fake to me, Blair. Not one second of it."

"You hurt me," I swallowed back tears.

"I know, baby," He leaned in, pressing his forehead against mine. "I'm so sorry."

"Don't do it again," I pleaded.

"Does that mean I'm forgiven?" He grinned.

I rolled my eyes, but I was tired of holding onto pain that didn't really matter anymore. I was happier during the time that I spent with Chuck over the past few days than I have been in years, and fighting that was a worthless battle. I reached up, wrapping my arms around his shoulders and pulled him down until I could connect my lips with his. He groaned, raising me up to wrap my legs around his waist. He carried me to the bed, never breaking the kiss.

XOXO

"You look beautiful," Chuck murmured against my temple, wrapping his arms around my waist from behind as we prepared for Serena and Nate's wedding the next morning. "It's really unfair that you're going to upstage the bride."

I felt light and free as I sank back into his embrace. Last night had lifted a burden from my shoulders that I didn't realize I was carrying. While Chuck's choices were reckless, I wouldn't change anything – well, except for maybe the fact that I stayed in hiding for so long. His actions caused temporary pain, but, in the end, he'd released me from a lifetime of misery. I wasn't supposed to be with Nate, and despite the fact that coming to terms with it had been a long, hard journey to self-discovery, everything was exactly as it should be. I was always supposed to end up here, in the arms of the only man who has ever truly seen me for who I am and not who he wants me to be.

As I turn to look into his brown eyes, staring at me with so much adoration that it makes me melt a little inside, I come to the realization that I think I love him. I won't tell him yet; it's too soon for that, but I'm certain that he loves me, too.

Life is full of tough choices – decisions that can change everything in a split second. Most of the time, you don't know if you're making the right choice or not until it's too late to do anything about it, but, in my case, he is worth every ounce of pain and doubt that led to this moment. This kind of love is always worth the risk.

A/N: Okay, I know this chapter was pretty short, but this story has been sitting here unfinished for seven months so I decided to at least try to wrap it up in some way. I just kind of ran out of steam with it toward the end, but I hope that this provides some closure to this story. If you want more insight into Chuck's story from this chapter, I wrote a version of the events of Victrola from his perspective called "A Devil Redeemed."

Update on current works: I've recently started a new story called Starstruck, and that one has been my focus lately. I have another story based on Happy Place by Emily Henry that I've also been working on but haven't published yet. I do plan to continue "Nothing But a Memory" and "Decadence"; I just haven't been inspired by those particular stories recently. I have another story that I really want to write that I've mentioned on Twitter (and several of you keep reminding me about LOL), but I am trying to refrain from starting yet another story while I have so many unfinished WIPS.